the airport at 10:30
small town girl
regular friends
i'm ok


1. doxology

"even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the house of the lord forever." - psalm 23

2. rain

last night i had a dream
i walked into the sahara desert
by myself standing under the sun
it was 66.6 degrees
almost melted my eyeballs
suddenly a large rainfall came pouring down

murky water washed away by rain water
it ended forty days of drought
in a flash a desert turned into a green land
under the rainbow there was a big tree
on the tree there was an apple
after taking a bite i understood it all

can you let me
let me return again to the beautiful world
to find myself
wa la la la la the sky is raining
wa la la la la the clouds are misty
wa la la la la touching my heart
don't say i can only think messy thoughts
don't say i can only think of what could be
wa la la la la let me go into the rain
i can only just
can only just return to the beautiful light
[to] find myself

in the bus like a sardine
to work, off of work; everyday a routine
so many people... where are they going?
every face looking so helpless
father and mother usually lack mutual love
and this is the real meaning of life

i'm under my shadows, oh...
sleeping under my blankets, oh...
all i hear is the rain - di di da da di di da da...


3. small town girl

i remember many years ago just holding hands with you
you were so shy you were afraid to lift your head
you could only foolishly watch the stars in the sky
you were always that pure
when i knew what led to your lonelinesss
my whole heart became a mess
didn't know whether to be happy for you or sorry for myself
it is best just to let you go

i don't understand
i don't understand
why i can't let it go
can't give up this love
you are your whole life, unchanging
i understand
i understand
in my heart you will always remain
maybe one day you will regret it
but i will no longer be here

i remember at first you couldn't adapt to it
that busy and noisy environment
a little girl going to the huge city
you must have heard the story
when you were in your mostly lonely times i accompanied you
gave you my comfort and my encouragement
my own contradictory heart made me regret it daily
it's best to let you go

i remember a year ago at the train station
i saw my own tragedy coming to an end
i walked over to see through a glass window
and saw tears covering your whole face
the front of the car was spitting out steam
i heard that the "now" you are a big manager
your future is bright like shining stars
i hope that all this will allow you to celebrate
so then i can leave relieved...


5. regular friends

anytime, all the time, i will be waiting
to see a change in your feelings
i don't have any complaints
this is love
i guess...
you have long ago wanted to say you understood
i feel so defeated
fallen from heaven to earth
how helpless
i'm willing to change (what can i do?)
try it all over again (just give me a chance)
i can't be just a regular kind of friend
with such deep emotions
how can i let go?

but you say
i only want to be your friend
be a friend
me... in your heart am nothing but just a friend
not a lover
i feel the typical way you are to me
but the love i have for you i cannot set aside
so i can't just be your friend
i can't just be your friend
i can't just be regular friends...


6. i'm ok

(sorry, the phone number you have dialed has no response right now, so connecting is impossible...)

sorry, i'm not here
please leave a message at the beep
right now i'm at the lonely supermarket shopping for ramen
you'll never call
my memory has become blank
hopefully one day i'll be okay
hopefully one day i'll be okay

don't forget to leav your last name
your phone number and anything else
don't say it too fast because then i won't be able to write it down
i don't think you'll call again
i'll wait until my hair turns white
if one day you will call
on that day the phone will be okay

you call in
but the line is busy
can't say it aloud
it's trapped inside
the heart is waiting
but the line is still busy
there's no signal
it's unreachable
the love you're giving me right now i cannot recieve

i see on the answering machine
there's ten messages saved
but i found every one has nothing but a static sound
i don't have a chance to respond
i bet you are waiting, exhausted
because there are so many people not returning your phone calls
because there are so many people not returning your phone calls

there's still a lot of things i wish to say to you
what method should i contact you with?
please leave a number for me to dial
hearing your sound i'll be okay
(lately my mood is not very okay!)


8. leave

just yesterday when i was in your room
i foundd a letter hidden under the head of your bed

every page, every word was so sweet
but when i saw the reciever of the letter
that's when i knew your heart had already changed

if this love to you is a burden
you don't need to force your heart
because i don't want to see you like this
my heart would rather give you freedom

if you say you're going to leave, just leave
don't turn back
don't let me see you crying
don't wave
there's no need to nod your head
promise you won't cry because of me

stuck to it
this is the last page
it will end this loving letter
this is the last time

just one more look
your crying eyes
i want to put my heart next to your bed
this is our last time

i can barely hold it in (i cant' let go)
i want to cry (but it's not coming down)
this is the fear i've had daily
no need to nod your head
promise you won't cry for me...


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