the world might’ve imploded.
i’m listening to… solar stone, fly to the sky, okc, armor for sleep.
i’m feeling… …
1:45 am — umm, i hate drama.
ummm man, i dunno… shit is weird lately. i’ve been doing things, and stuff, but i just feel so… blah. at this point, the amount of uncertainty is nuts… it’s just a whole shitload of blah… i don’t know what i’m doing, really… on so many levels. how can i be doing so much without feeling anything lol… it’s fucking ridiculous.
alive while feeling so dead lol fucking awesome… how the hell? and maybe this is what it is… it certainly sounds about right…
vee: man alex i feel so fucking dead lately :/
alex: why babe
alex: you are certainly different
alex: what is it
vee: i have no idea
alex: define dead
alex: things not feel real
alex: dislike your circumstance
alex: i know what it is
vee: i dunno, i just dont feel much of anything…!
alex: you have lost purpose
vee: doing things is just doing things.
alex: and subtance
vee: mayhaps
alex: i kno y
alex: its because you are right
alex: _____________
vee: ?
alex: you dont have schoollll
alex: and your magazine is largely internal
vee: yeah
alex: you lack that external reminder that you are alive
vee: sounds about right.
alex: you have mastered your circumstance to the point that it may was well be a hypothetical playing out in your mind
alex: w00t
alex: k i can slap the shit out of u if you want
vee: shit, that’s fucked up.:/
vee: umm it’s alright.
alex: yea that wouldnt help anyways
alex: vee do not fear
alex: adversity will find you
alex: lmao
vee: lol
vee: -_–
so many relationships with different people have been changing in so many ways, and it’s just such a dramatic shift all at once… and i can’t stand it… it’s driving me nuts. some are positive and some are negative, but all i can focus on is the negative, i guess…
heh right now i can understand why the fuck people get addicted to drugs… why they’d rather just wallow in another world than in the present… rather than dealing with shit… heh.
i like how you can try and try to be a good person but you can still hurt people… you still do hurt people. it’s impossible to forget yourself, obviously… there’s such a fine line between satisfying people’s wants and keeping yourself happy… why do you have to give up friendships and things just so other people are happy? lol… why do you have to make exceptions of your own nature just so you don’t step over the bounds of other people… and they never even fucking will know your effort… they’ll only see what they see (and they only notice the bad) and they’ll never see the reality of what it is, and how much you are fucking trying…
everyone is fucking crazy tonight. there are so many coincidences.
lenard: are you still crying ?
lenard: were you crying before or after i told you that i felt like crying and didnt know why
vee: no im not
vee: uhh
vee: before and during
lenard: wow
lenard: wtf thats hella weird
lenard: i somehow sensed you were crying…
vee: =(
lenard: dont you think thats weird?
vee: yes…
lenard: like i was fine then suddenly i wanted to cry
lenard: and i was like whyyyy
vee: =(
lenard: and i did for a lil and i didnt know why
vee: tonight is strange…
lenard: yea vee…
lenard: this night doesnt seem real
vee: yeah it doesnt…
vee: fuck
alex: whats that sound?
alex: do you hear it……
alex: something is gonna happen. :X
alex: dude
alex: its time
alex: for this bullshit to end
alex: did you tell lenny
vee: tell him what
alex: that i was feeling weird?
vee: umm i dont think i did
vee: or i might have said
vee: everyone is crazy tonight
vee: i think i said that
alex: cause
alex: with what lenny is telling me now..
alex: the coincidence is……..
alex: strong.
vee: of what
alex: how he feels
vee: rgr!
alex: do you think maybe….
alex: something is about to happen?
alex: and we can feel it
vee: aaah that would be fucking freaky
alex: if only arlen was around..
lenard: dude
lenard: he senses it too
lenard: as if something is going to happen
well if something happens, you know, we’re all feeling fucking weird. and humans are fucking psychic. and life is temporary. so let’s just hope nothing does… and today is just another day with a miserable feeling between interconnected souls. sounds crazy, but who the fuck knows, right.
hmm the world did not implode. so maybe humans aren’t psychic - and what we really are is good at freaking ourselves out. this is perhaps the weirdest entry in a while. gg.
i love feeling like the shittiest person on the face of the planet although i don’t feel like i’ve done anything wrong…
and again i am reminded of the volatile nature of humanity… how in some moments you can need no one and not care for anything, and the next moment you’re someone else’s savior… and in the moment after that, you’re looking for a savior yourself.
and that’s all it should really be anyway… mutual help when the others are down, and paying attention to the little things… making good in the ways in which you know best. do with it what you will… you can’t satisfy everyone, i guess…
time to eradicate the demons and sleep @ 6 am… and hope that in 3 hours i’ll wake to find that the world is not so fucking shitty after all, and that human beings are beautiful, and full of depth, and that our petty natures can be cured with some understanding and some words exchanged.