uselessage.
2:45 am — i swear to god for everything good that seems to happen to mee, something that i do has to fuck it up. -__- godammit, so tonight i come back from an amazingly fun time of karaoking with tha three phil’s, dave, and dahye and then guess wat? mie stupid, dumb, careless ass discovers that i lost mie keys. fauk. and to make it worse, they’re not even MIE keys… their mie MOMS keys. godammit… grrr… aaaach… fuqin i’m so fuqin stupid i need to grow a brain man. i have no brain, or at least not one that i use for anything good. godammit. godammit. agh. yoo knoe, and it’s daylight savings tym i guess? lose an hour of sleep? is that right… fauk… man i jes ate two ice cream bars and it’s so early in the morning. wat am i doing. fuqin fatty. -__- life fuqin sucks. it’s easter today… and yoo knoe wat i dun give a fuk. i’m glad i dun go to church anymore. it’s a waste of mie tym and energy. there is no fuqin point. i dun believe in god. at all. fate… nope. i think life is utterly and totally, pointless. eh this was on tony’s aa page (euphoricsoul01): “What exactly is [the point of life]? To reach some sort ofnirvana, absolute bliss? To achieve financial superiority over others? I see no purpose in life other than to feed my/our curiosity. If we break it down, that is how everyone else feels in this world.” fuk hell yea… that’s how i feel. POINTLESS i tell yoo. i’m so fuqin stupid. such a disappointment, man. for mie parents and shit. i need to start workin hard. give them and mieself somethin to be proud of. because i’m not good at anything. not an exaggeration, not a joke. i’m not good at ANYTHING. i never have been. sports, nope. music, nope. grades, nope. relationships, nope. nothing, nothing, nothing. nothing is going for mee. perhaps i should work harder to make a purpose for living on this hell-hole. gaaaah… need to concentrate… need to be someone. yoo knoe i never wanted to be someone til now. fuk… actually i still dun wanna be someone. i just wanna be good at something. i want mie parents to be able to look at mee and say, yea, she’s really good at this. but i’m not. i’m not good at anything. i wanna be able to look at mieself and not be as disappointed as i am. everyone knoes how easy-going i am. nothing really lets mee down or pisses mee off… except for mie stupidass self. i piss mieself off so much. i have no willpower, no… drive. just this hopeless, useless shell of a girl who mopes around all day and gets by doing as little as possible. fuqin… i don’t have anything. or maybe i do. i probably have a lot more than a lot of people but i guess i’m just never satisfied. ugh. sucks. life… sucks. sucks. sucks. sucks. i don’t see why i do so many of the things that i do… actually… i don’t see point in anything really. i was talking to sky the other day and he was saying how he finds purpose in every single thing that he does. i find purpose in NOTHING that i do. probably… i’m a hedonist (how ironic that hedonist masquerade is tonight). the only reason i do things is to make mieself happy, and in the long run, i really get happiness out of nothing. sorry, bie definition i think happiness is fleeting, so yes, i do get happiness… but i never get joy. ehhh… don’t think it’s anything yoo can really find either. hedonist is the way to go. fuqin shiet. fuqin… ack. man, this is a pretty psycho entry. deal with it. fuk life man, i do wat i do to just get by. fuk everything.
(c — who is this — response:)
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are one of the most outgoing and personable people I have met. You enjoy your life and should not let external measures of sucesses impact your happiness.
I know a lot of people who devote their lives to grades, school, accomplishments, whatever, but they’re not happy. They don’t have fun. They don’t enjoy life.
Strike a balance and find your goals. Do them because you want to and not because you are told that you should.