this shouldn’t be a revelation… but somehow, it is.
Somehow, it just dawned on me that I am thoroughly unhappy at the moment. Since the break-up, I’ve been occupying myself with… things… and it hasn’t seemed all that bad. Particularly in the daytime. But it is pretty godamn bad! And I feel bad. ~__~ The first sign would be my sudden heavy reliance on music, which generally goes hand in hand with my WORST moods. And then there is the amount of time spent in front of the computer, doing pretty much absolutely nothing at all but anything possible to just waste a little bit of time (this entry right here would fall under that distinction). Blah. And then I’m thinking, “Oh goody, I’ll be gone for a month, and I’ll get over all this…” but then it feels like I’m just running away, and like it’s a cowardly way out, and like I’m not really solving anything at all. And that feeling, coupled with so many unknowns about money, and jobs, and futures… just makes things feel so, so blah. And despite all the company, I feel alone. Yet at the same time, I kind of WANT to be alone, to sulk. Waddahell. It is completely draining. And this sleep at 4AM, wake up at 2PM schedule is NO GOOD!!!