tan triste.
i’m listening to… “nasty ways” bai dillinja [drum’n'bass], “disco fans 2000″ bai m-pire project [trance], “amber” bai 311 [rock], “geudaereul…” bai fly to the sky [korean] <~ on repeat, repeat, repeat… repeat.
i feel… tan triste.
i’m hella diggin… “geudaereul…” bai fly to the sky [korean]
1:32 pm — i seriously hate how i get jealous about the stupidest things over which i have no jurisdiction. i’m such a… nerd. god. i used to not get jealous… or at least i think i didn’t anyway. god… it’s so retarded. and bad. and retarded. and i wish i can help it and i do try, but i can’t. -__-; i’m such a poo dude. anyway. i really want to take an art class but i hear they’re hard to get into during fall / winter / spring quarters… huk. it’s been forever since i’ve actually had the time and motivation to sit down and draw. dude… i’m probably going to lose weight this quarter because i have classes from 8:30 am - 12:40 pm everyday so i don’t really have time to eat breakfast or lunch… not that i ever ate breakfast anyway. whatevers… yo. sigh. korean is not so hard yet. it’s easy and repetitive for me so the native speakers must surely be bored out of their minds. -__-; man, i’ve been thinking about the things i’ve done in the past… i have done some stupid shit. not… embarrassing stupid (although i’ve done that too), but more like stupid, inconsiderate, STUPID shit. ugh. i’ve been so fucked up to some people. horrible. blah. i’m such a non-bitchy bitch. only a couple of things i actually regret… other times i was bitchy i don’t regret at all. so i have thought of things i regret. the first being… godammit, why did i miss that staind, stone temple pilots, and linkin park concert in the beginning of the year? what the FUCK was i thinking? i didn’t want to go because i didn’t want to be sitting alone, but fuck, half the time at concerts you’re alone anyways. what a waste of a good chance to see two bands in my rock top-5… -__- freaking stupid girl. other things i regret are how i was unable to handle certain relationship situations and man… i was shady as fuck. ugh. senior ball… man… when i think about it, that was so freaking fucked up of me… i knew it was then, but it wasn’t something that really bothered me. but now my actions that night, and everything that came out of that too… i think were fucked up as… fuck. i am lucky certain people still talk to me. ah yes… i also regret fucking up some friendships with the old monte vista people… like greg… i fucked things up big time. i read his old letters a while ago and he was such a freaking awesome friend… i miss him, even though he’s probably totally different now. a while back i tried reestablishing the friendship but things don’t turn out that way. i think my pride screwed up a lot of my decisions… huk. i don’t know why i’m thinking about this… just… i’m such a foo. man… the view is so pretty from my window… =T aht… tan triste, tan triste… todas las cosas en mi vida… no se que debo pensar porque todos son inutiles. solamente puedo creer en un excusa que no puedo decir para mis culpas. tan triste. aht… na neun pabo ya.
5:28 pm — i give up on talking to my roommate. i don’t even give a shit anymore. at least when i said hi to my old roommate she responded. this one… well… doesn’t even do that. unless i missed it. who knows. whatever. and yet again a conversation with sherry reminds me that i am completely against the idea of a god. shit. sherry got this from a CHRISTIAN book. i agree. but i don’t agree wtih christianity. “the point of life is therefore to create - who and what you are, and then to experience that.” i don’t know what i believe in, really. i think if god were the explanation, he is just a motherfucking prick. and if not… well… i don’t know if i agree with the science or whatever… so i just don’t care anymore. heh. i’ve spent way too much of my life wondering if there was a god and if so why he fucked with my life and everyone else’s lives so much. the easiest solution is to just not believe in a prick-i mean god. there are very few people who agree with me and my non-godliness, but i don’t really give a rat’s ass. it’s unimportant to me. anyways. there is a hot guy on my floor. he’s white. hot. doesn’t dress too well, but he’s hot. but oh well. whatever. huk. boys are problems. -__-;;
12:43 am — i find it utterly pointless to keep a journal… maybe i’ll just keep a journal for myself and then i can write what i REALLY think…? bet i won’t do that though. i spent so much time today drawing… it’s been forever. glad to know i can still draw… somewhat… yeah. =T just got back from work… man, time goes by SO SLOWLY when i’m at work. and dammit, all these freaking bugs are appearing again. dammit. they’re pretty big fuckers too. oh well. right now i’m just trying to control my retarded instincts. damn me. can we say overreact? that is me. even if i have reason to… it’s no good. is that what people call a drama queen? i certainly don’t think myself as one. well… maybe i am if it’s something i care about but at least i don’t care about too much stuff and i keep it to myself when i do. uhhhh… riiiiight. well. i have class tomorrow… it seems like i have so much times these days that i don’t know what the fuck to do with it. but then… i don’t want to do anything productive. seems like i work better under pressure… sort of? i don’t know. whatever. not like anyone really cares anyway. peace.