september 2004
september 10th, 2004 (rOofl of my own)
i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… …
1:59 am — tonight me, claire, and fontaine went to play pool @ edgie’s… it was not that exciting. i have the attention span for like one game of pool a day now… where i do decent… and then quality steadily declines from there. anyway, then we were going to go to pc room… but then decided to go to union city and watch “resident evil 2″ with sherry, jason [yee], and nelson… except the movie was sold out, so we went to watch “cellular” instead, because sherry really wanted to see it. it’s about some girl who gets kidnapped, stuck in a room, and manages to use a broken phone to call some dude, blahblah. i thought it would suck, but it’s more like HORRIBLY AWESOME. it’s so horrible, it’s awesome (like megalodon 3), and it’s definitely interesting… and very light-hearted and quite amusing. i enjoi much. surprisingly a good pick. definitely better than “resident evil” would have been, i’m sure. so hOorah.
—
septembre 9th, 2004 (dike)
i’m listening to… family guy on tv.
i’m feeling… hO-kay.
11:24 pm — maybe my life really is this boring, but i have to talk about how i saw some crazy accident today. i was on my way to the dentist’s and there were three cars in front of me. the first two stopped at the light, and the third wasn’t really paying attention or something, and kept going (very slow, i’m guessing maybe 30 mph)… and kind of started swerving into the left turn lane, but didn’t make it all the way. so imagine looking down from an aerial view, and seeing the third car hit its upper right hand corner into the lower left hand corner of the second car. at 30 mph. for some freakish reason that i think really does defy physics, the third car freaking hopped up in the air and turned over. it was fucking surreal. good thing i wasn’t tailgating his ass, or my ass would have gotten pummelled too. at least it was going hella slow, though, and the guy crawled out of the car right away (but his car obviously was totaled). fucking crazy ass shit. but not as crazy as the head on-collision i saw where some lady died, @ lollapalOoza. fuck. from now on, i’m wearing my seatbelt! X: always.
anyway, at night, me, jeremy, nelson, brandon, and jason [yee] went to visit sherry in berkeley before jeremy leaves… nelson just bought a motorcycle. fucking, we were eating dinner and talking about how jason has a male stalker who always comments about his nice tan and calls him a model (this male stalker has a girlfriend, however)… and out of nowhere nelson was like… “look at vivian. she could be a dike!” wtf. why the fuck do i hear that so much. it’s so irritating. i almost think that maybe i will turn into a dike just because people keep telling me that i am one. BRAWRR. just because i don’t dress like your typical girly girl or whatever the fsck! just because i like playing games or whatever the fsck! but the point is, no matter what my interests or how i may look or dress, i like boys, and fsck, that’s the difference. -__- mom said that at first auntie jasmine and stuff were all thinking that i was just a little tomboy but now they think i’m awesome and they don’t think that’s true… just flattering to hear i guess. just wish that people weren’t so quick to assume shit. ESPECIALLY asian people. the sheltered, retarded ones who only hang around the typical asian gangster fucks always think i’m so EXTREME and they always say shit like that… say i’m a dike or say, “oh wow, you’re wearing all black again, are you a goth…” give me a fucking break. die. but yeah asides from that berkeley was alright. i don’t know. 
too much car talk and motorcycle talk and shit for my normal blood, but whatevers… at least i got an awesome shirt today for $2.24… that’s just about the highlight of my day.
(anthony’s response:)
you are definately too cute to be a dike. but i dunno, you may have been surpassed as cutest rocker girl i know… by these two girls we were sitting next to and later standing next to at bumbershoot during and before Built to Spill and Pixies. They were dressed like you, but they were both HOT. Well at least I think so. One of them had short dark hair and a nose ring, and wearing this polo shirt. I dunno, she looked really hot, not really sure how to explain it.
(lenny’s response:)
It’s a shame your family would like never approve of girls like that in a billion years huh Anthony 
esp your aunts. Roofle copters.
(anthony’s response:)
WTF? How do you know my family? … let’s see… 3 of my cousins married “white guys” which i think are all cool. well one is okay, but the other two are great guys. 2 married a cool non-vietnamese guy (both indian)… also both are cool… and umm most all of my cousins are dating non-vietnamese whatever… and usually, yes, most families probably would not approve of such, but obviously, it doesnt really matter, ESPECIALLY MY AUNTS. > It’s a shame your family would like never approve of girls like that in a billion years huh Anthony esp your aunts. Roofle copters.
(chol’s response:)
Aww poor Vivian >__< Of course, I hope you know that Josh and I were always kidding ^__^;
—
september 3rd to 7th, 2004 (shakka shakka)
i’m listening to… the vines.
i’m feeling… hO-kay.
link of the day — http://www.localnews8.com/home/941067.html?video=YHI… oh my fucking god, two-legged walking dog.
went to havaii with sherry’s family, jeff’s family, fontaine’s family, james and nancy’s parents (auntie [gloria] and uh uncle [yeah…]), auntie [jasmine]… uhhh yeah. whatever. only the kids are important. september 3rd — arrived in honolululululululu and it was the longest fucking flight ever. cramps + plane + death = death. it makes perfect sense. anyway, the first night we didn’t do much of anything. just walked around a little, went to our hotel (which my parents said was really dirty and ghetto, but i guess i’m just ghetto, cause i didn’t think it was really all that bad). and then yeah.
september 4th — woke up. went hella fucking early to the godamn pearl harbor, which, i feel bad saying, but is fucking boring as shit. and omg, the godamn sunken boat is still leaking oil, and why wouldn’t you just clean that shit out. BRAWRRR. but yeah. we watched a documentary that was 23 minutes long on the bombing of pearl harbor, and it was sad, and war sucks… yeah. but really, there isn’t much to look at at the pearl harbor site. 
after that, we took the city tour and just drove around in the van a little, and it was broing, and i don’t remember shit. you know, i don’t really even remember, cause obviously it was nothing exciting… :X in the daytime we DID go to this place to get free macadamia nuts and coffee though, and i will talk more about it later. oh yeah, we also stopped by this jewelry place where the tour guides get commission, you know, so they take everyone there. there was this gold-digger-looking asian girl with this rather large white man on our bus this day and so we were placing bets and concluding that the asian girl would try to get the guy to buy her a ring, and i think she really was… but the guy was smart and kept walking away and pulled her out of the store, i guess. GOOD GOING, GUY. my mom is a sucker, though, and she ended up buying something which was initially marked as $130… they sold it to her for $35. how ridiculously overpriced?!we went to the beach for a little bit and sat there and “tanned” but fuck, i hate the sun. try as i may, it’s fucking hot, and i hate it, and i don’t really care for being tan.
september 5th — some fools went to went to freaking polynesian cultural center for the day, and saw some interesting things. saw a guy climb a tree to get coconuts (and that was awesome), saw how you make fire to survive on an island, saw some freaks who suck at playing drums, threw spears, ate some breadfruit (which is fruit that tastes like bread, and i don’t know if i’d call it good or disgusting), got bitten by mosquitos, sat on some canoe (although i wanted to watch the imax, but no one wanted to)… and shitt0x. also ate at this nasty buffet they had… well, it wasn’t nasty, but it wasn’t good. sherry made this freaking volcano out of creme and fontaine’s hawaiian punch, and it actually looked pretty awesome. and at night went to see a dancing and music show of all the different polynesian islands, and it was interesting enough. :] some guys lit themselves on fire almost, and blahblah, really awesome steel drums. some awesome ass-shaking. like word.
september 6th — some people went snorkeling… but me and sherry didn’t get to go because TIME OF THE MONTH, damnit. fucking lame ass timing. apparently it was really fun though, and there were turtles out in further areas, and fish in the shallower areas. bitches were STANDING on coral reefs and stuff, and that kind of pissed me off. stupid assholes. i didn’t even go to the beach… we just drove by later that day for the “island tour” where we just passed by a few random places. we went to this other commission store, you know, and me and sherry decided to wear a bunch of their beads and walk around… and it was good! yeah… the tour guide this time was fucking awesome though, and funny as hell. he looked like a combination of tin-win’s dad and alex [duan], which is just weird shit in itself.
there were eight other people on our tour bus who instead of eating at the all-you-can-eat-sushi place we went to that night, went to board this cruise. it was funny, cause we drove through the docking areas, passed by all these nice ass cruises, and then ended up going to the most ghetto cruise of all. it was such a piece of shit, whereas the other ones were all beautiful and crap. HAHAHA, i pity da fOo. so funny, though. anyway, we went to machiko chaya (or something like that)… it was about thirty bucks a person almost but OH MY FUCKING GOD IT WAS AWESOME. they have so much godamn food. you just have this giant menu and you pick two items at a time, and there is also a small, typical buffet line. FUCK IT’S AWESOME. and almost all of the waiters were like really hot, but there was one in particular that everyone agreed to be hotz0r. so i told sherry, i’ll give you $30 if you put your arms around him and say, “i’ve missed you.” and then carol added two cents, lol. and finally we decided on $35 if she put his arms around him, said, “i’ve missed you,” and then let us take a photo of it. she didn’t do it. but we did test out how long it took for people to come to you if you just sat their with your hands raised (like a football field goal referee stylee), and i don’t know, i think it worked pretty well. finally, i got stung by a mosquito the night before and apparently i’m really allergic to the shit and my hand swelled up like 2x the size. it was fucking huge and red and ugly. seriously, my knuckles were gone. so i asked the hot waiter if he could get me a bag of ice, and we were thinking, oh, ziploc bag, with a few pieces of ice. he came back with this HUGE ass bag of ice, and hahaha i guess he got it out of the cooler where they had their buffet line, because there were chunks of crab shell in it HAHAHAHAHA… and some of the crab egg part. fucking awesome. lol. and m0g, it was probably the only time in my life where i’ll be able to say to a waiter, “can i have one of every dessert on the menu?”, have him respond with, “one of each?” and say, “yes,” and have him say, “okay,” like it’s perfectly normal. GOD THAT PLACE WAS FUCKING AWESOME. and without a doubt the best godamn part of the trip. not sure if that’s pathetic or great, but i know that it is so. on the way back, hawaiian people are fucking weird, and i guess since everything is so godamn compact, they have a different sense of distance than us stupid californians do. we were asking them how far it was to get back to waikiki beach, which our hotel was near. they told us it would be like a half an hour walk or something, and it was acutally pretty damn close. just a couple of streets… maybe it really WAS that far. who knows.
september 7th — woke up early in the morning to check out the hilton hotel, because they have flamingos and penguins and turtles and cranes and koi fish and all sorts of goodies. BUT THE PENGUINS WERE THE BEST. one of the penguins looked like it was diseased because its skin was falling off and shit, but apparently, it was just “MOLTING”. anyway, me and sherry went to the beach for a little bit and went swimming because the time of the month had subsided (i have no qualms about writing about the time of the month crap)… and it was cool, although the rocks hella hurt, because waikiki beach is a fake ass piece of shit and the government imports the sand every six or seven years, so that the loose sand washes away and what’s left is hard ass big ass rocks that cut your feet. GOOD SHIT. got sunburned too. we came back, checked out of the hotel, and stumbled upon this wholesale bead and jewelry shop on the bottom floor of the hotel. for some reason we hadn’t seen it until it was almost time to check out, but we bought a shitload of beads for mad cheap… and it was good.
we rented two vans and went to the dole plantation, where we saw pineapples. and more pineapples, and lychee trees, and guava, and kumquat, and all sorts of shitt0x in the garden and on the train ride… which featured songs with lyrics like, “i’ll be your pineapple princess” or some crap. who needs a punk rock princess when you have a pineapple princess?! everyone was eating the fucking soft-serve dole pineapple ice cream too, but i thought the shit was nasty as fuck… so fucking gross, ugh. i hate sherbert crap. we also snuck into the maze by going through the trees, and apparently you’re supposed to pay five bucks for that shit, but why the hell would you do that! it wasn’t that exciting because people broke holes through the bushes and crap to make it easier for themselves, and so it wasn’t that hard for us.
we continued onwards and me and sherry were adamant about stopping to eat some hawaiian food, since all we had eaten on the trip was japanese food. so we stopped by this shrimp truck that sold shrimp scampi for $11 a plate. it was good and all, but a little bit expensive. but at least it was something different, and a little more unique than japanese food (although the sushi was motherfucking love).
we continued onwards and decided to stop by the free macadamia nut and coffee place again… and again there was this hella hot worker there… but anyway, while we were getting coffee, this other worker came up to me and sherry and were like, “haven’t you guys been here before? i’ve seen you…” and my dad and mom immediately answered, “no…” when me and sherry were kinda like, “ehhhhh…” and the kid was like, “you’re not lying to me, are you?” and my dad was like, “why would we lie to you?” when of course we were, cause we sux0r and we’re cheap ass chinese bitches! but wow, he recognized us, freaky. we are like movie stars!!!
we stopped by some park to take pics at these two different islands. one looks like a turtle. one looks like a chinaman’s hat, and there’s this other island which they claim looks like a dinosaur, but i think looks like a alligator more. whatever. the rest of the day we waited around and shit, ate, and bought a few things. the place we went shopping at in the nighttime charged $15 for a hemp necklace. fucking absurd. i could go to pacific sunwear and buy it for cheaper, and better. wtf. i was also looking for this awesome black necklace my brother bought me last time, and i finally found it but it cost fucking $12 too. fucking RAWR.
oh yes and i nearly forgot. in the airport these ladies sat down near us, and when they were starting to board all of our fobby parents got up and i jokingly said, “we always board when it’s not our turn!” and they gave me this look like WTF… and then when we were leaving they were like, “some people are so rude. no culture, no class.” i wanted to fucking beat them with a stick. then when they were boarding the airplane i was going to say to them, “excuse me, i’m taking a poll. do you think it’s ruder to talk about people in front of their faces or behind their backs?” but when they finally showed up i wasn’t sure it was them, so i didn’t want to like, poke some random person… :/
speaking of rudeness… we were in this restaurant and we were in a rush because we had to get to the airport, so my mom said to the waitress, “hurry up.” and she was like… “whaaaa” since it’s so rude, and my mom was like… “just… hurry up!” it was so rude lol… -__- and it would have made sense if my mom admitted her mistake but she claimed that she did nothing wrong even though clearly she did. -__-
yeah i think my timing was a little messed, but that’s the extent of the vacation. and my hand is still herpes-ized and puffy and disgusting.
HAHAHAHA OMG jeanette just read me one of her old journal entries, and it said, “we played this game. we sat in a circle with a cup in our hands filled with a little bit of water. and the person with the cup picked a color. then we go around in a circle guessing the color, and the person who picks the color gets water poured on them. it was fun!” and in parentheses: “it’s by honor system!” HAHAHAHAHAH FUCKING OMIGAT FUNNY.
—
september 3rd, 2004 (iusedtohavesomuchfaithwhenistarted)
i’m listening to… straylight run and aimee mann.
i’m feeling… fine.
8:58 am — hawaii today.
people are funny. they do the search engine run for www.redefinemag.com or redefinemag.com ~ why wouldn’t you just type it in? but i don’t care, because that means at least people are looking? :/
OKAY… so now that i’m not crazy emotional anymore. yesterday we went to dinner with phil [nho], phil [hsieh], sherry, and jeanette… there was a whole shitload of miscommunication and blahblahblah, but dinner was good and shitt0x. afterwards, went back to sherry’s place and everyone else drank, but i didn’t, cause i don’t want to die just yet… and hah… jeanette puked like a motherfucker. and i had this genius idea to get her a paper bag because she didn’t want to puke on the street… because, you know, barf bags, except it was a poor idea, since… well, she just DRANK, and it’s all liquid, not like the usual fluffy cloud-of-death barf. so yeah. exploding bag of watery puke right in front of someone’s apartment building MMMMM. and there were these two friends of sherry’s who were kinda ditzy-whiny-bitchy, but either way… so fucking funny. sooo funny. so they told some awesome stories about getting their apartment complex’s trash can set on fire. gotta love berkeley, man. well, actually, no… because i hate partying in berkeley. i’ve only “gone out” in berkeley like three times, and the first time was years and years ago… and a couple of breaks ago i went to a house party with sherry and jeanette.. ONLY they both met up with guys there, and so i was like the fifth wheel… and we even went to a romantic overpass and shit… I EVEN DROVE THEM THERE BRAWRRR. sherry’s dude actually talked to me a lot cause he felt bad or whatever maybe… but yeah… -__-’ still was no fun. and then the third time was last night, which was zero fun for pretty much everyone. well, not zero, just not… a lot.
we were sleeping in,
sunk into our blankets,
spread across the bed,
and we were dreaming.
there were moments when i know it and
the world revolves around us
and we’re keeping it
keeping it all going
this delicate balance:
vulnerable, all-knowing.
sing like you think no one’s listening.
you would kill for this;
just a little bit,
just a little bit,
you would kill for this.
sing me something soft,
sad, and delicate,
or loud and out of key;
sing me anything.
STRAYLIGHT RUN - EXISTENTIALISM ON A PROM NIGHT.
september 2nd, 2004 (deathcabforme)
i’m listening to… death cab for cutie.
i’m feeling… -__-
2:33 am — a non-fun night in berkeley. it started off okay, we drank (well, everyone but i drank) @ sherry’s apartment, and then a whole shitload of random people went to blake’s, this bar / club… waited an hour and a half to get in, and when we finally got in, we stayed for like ten minutes. fuck. i hate life. so much. it’s just so unfair. i would like to just give up everything and just not have to fucking wory about a godamn thing… i feel like i try so fucking hard and i don’t get shit in return… fuck, life really is so unfair… what does it take to be a good person, and what does it take to be happy… do you really have to compromise yourself to make other people happy and therefore make yourself happy? it SEEMS to work for other people, but it’s something that i just can’t do… maybe i should get my head out of my ass and stop wallowing and just take up life like some other people do… but just because they seem happy doesn’t mean they are… i just want someone to understand and try to learn… not do everything for me, but take it one step at a time and learn about each other the way things are meant to be… not one-sided and not hurried… just real.
i hate it when i bitch at people though because of my own frustrations… not good to take it out on other people in such a bitchy manner… i just don’t know.
you know what else pisses me off. we have a godamn SUV. god. it’s worse than an SUV. the honda CR-V is a motherfucking piece of shit that guzzles gas and has horrible handling. godamn, i hate fucking driving that piece of shit.
sorry gildas, the “fuck” will not subside.
i need someone to fucking save my life. and i know it’s not anyone i know right now… so when the fuck will he she it show the fuck up? i’m so godamn dead i just need to see something real again.
“feels like i’m due for a miracle… i’m waiting for a sign. i’ll stare straight into the sun, and i won’t close my eyes.”
—
septembre 1st, 2004 (hopeless)
i’m listening to… normal like you.
i’m feeling… -__-
8:23 pm — normal like you are my fucking heroes right now. how the fuck are they not signed… seriously. fuck, such good lyrics… i piss myself off lately. it’s really fucking sad… writing is probably the main thing i do, and i can’t even do that right… hah.
love…
so, i guess i have to quit drinking… cause i might have hepetitis c… not for sure, but just in case… it’d make sense, cause i have ridiculous reactions.
the worst of many flaws.
and i was beckoned by an angel,
or what i presumed to be…
her touch concluded me.
my stomach turns as i embrace
dishonest deception.
your lies become you.
no, it wasn’t worth it;
i will never trust again.
a part of what i thought was me has died;
there’s not a place to run to.
there’s not a face to turn to.
remains of hope have buried us alive.
how could i let it take me?
love is a calamity.
angel, please don’t end me.
a time for desperation;
you’ve chained yourself to me.
but i’m still… fighting your resistance:
the shackles broken free.
now watch me walk away.
my stomach turns as i embrace:
dishonest deception.
your lies become you.
no, it wasn’t worth it;
i won’t let this be the end.
a part of what i thought was me has died;
there’s not a place to run to.
there’s not a face to turn to.
remains of hope have buried us alive.
how could i let it take me?
love is a calamity.
never could i have predicted;
i made the mistake:
i walked into your arms.
i instantly became addicted to faith…
angel, please don’t end me.
NORMAL LIKE YOU - ADDICTED TO FAITH.