october 2004
october 30th, 2004 (drunken karaokes)
i’m listening to… kmfdm.
i’m feeling… okay.
ah life. craziness.
Br> soo uh woke up pretty late, and sat around… and went to watch “primer” with trask @ the metro, which is basically a movie that was filmed, edited, blahblah, with just $7,000 at the university of texas or something. it was pretty interesting, but i’m not sure how much sense it made. but that’s okay.
every weekend this year has been parti stylee - which is pretty fsckin awesome, minus the fact that my liver is crying. T__T
went to this microsoft parti in bellevue with gildas, eva, hsu-han, and jennifer [yee]. it was alright. played many a drunken ping pong beer drinking game and eva made all these guys give me their phone numbers -__- huk huk huk. i had an apron for people to sign stuff on - as part of my gothic alice in wonderland costume - and eva was like, “give her your phone number! she’s a nerd! give her your aim!” gildas was crazy too, and eva made me take pictures with “ethnic people.” lmao.
afterwards, came back and trask came over, and joe picked up me, trask, eva, and liz and we went to koreana to drink and sing drunken karaoke songs. trask really loves karaoke, although he pretends otherwise. drank, drank, drank, and then i don’t know, somehow it was quite fun indeed. when we went to the outside, me and trask were sitting on the floor, and eva was like, “get up, you look like you’re rolling,” and then, “stop that, that’s digusting.” >__<
then we went to this other restaurant that wouldn’t sell us alcohol because it was past 2 - but they let us take alcohol TO GO. isn’t that faukin weird. and these random ass koreans were singing random ass korean songs. and that was also weird. and then that’s that. X: and also trask was giving eva all of this advice for boy mackage, and she followed it HAW HAW HAW the only thing is that she doesn’t really remember…
we came back to our place so everyone else could drink some more, and liz kept trying to go to sleep, so joe jumped into her bed and eva jumped on top of her and trask shone the light in her face and rubbed his hands all over her face basically until she woke up. PWN THE NOOB, YOU THINK YOU CAN OUTSMART US! and liz was playing mario kart by herself for the longest time lol, until someone finally decided to join in again. :X yeah i don’t know, a lot of funny shit happened, but i need a memory refresher. refresh?
—
october 29th, 2004 (freaknightizz0)
i’m listening to… radford [r0×0r].
i’m feeling… okay.
a day of shitty feeling all day long - had stomach cramps like death all morning, and so i didn’t go to classes. stomach cramps why? no fucking clue. had eva drive me to hall health - got blood test - thought maybe appendicitis - it was not. no clue what it was. but every couple months or so i do get that painful death cramp things - and i always think it’s period, but it never is… so… yeah.
went to freak night with chol, jennie, grace, david, seungbum, derek, matt, and chet. it was alright. music was okay… me and seung were like the only sober people… i don’t know. not so fun. music wasn’t that great. bt was alright - he’s a great dj. he didn’t play “flaming june”, though. he did however, play “dreaming”, and ferry corsten ended up playing “flaming june”, but… i was too busy tending to e-tards and i missed it T__T met some weird people… this one guy was like, “hey, wanna dance?” and i was like uhh okay… and then he didn’t even talk to me lol. so weird. saw a few rolling kids that i haven’t seen rolling before. yes. interesting. okay. ho-kay. some cool costumes and shit… but nothing particularly memorable. just another day, just another rave, and upon thinking back, maybe i should have dropped because it is the last freak night ever… oh well :/ met some people who drove all the freaking way from montana just to come to freak night. crzy hardcore.
—
october 22nd to 24th, 2004 (oh canadia)
i’m watching… the movie “pay it forward”.
i’m feeling… okay.
friday, oktobur 22nd — a bunch of paphi bitches came over for liz‘ potluck… good shite. 
i had to go early, though, cause i went to go watch “the grudge” with josh, chol, jennie, cynthia, and derek. it was well, not very scary at all. only one part was really scary. after that we sat around chol and them’s playing cranium and watching “invader zim”… ^_x then i came home and a bunch of people were outside nordheim so tony, lingo (who was high as fsck), and yuki came over to our place and just played mario kart ands hittizle. and that’s that.
saturday, oktobur 23rd — left really early for canada with liz, eva farm, and yuki… stopped by birch bay on the way there, which is up by bellingham. took some pictures… it was part beach and part woods. the whole way there, me, eva, and liz devised this *DING* thing… which i can’t really explain, but it involved holding the two fingers in a curvy motion to make a heart KAKAKA.
example of when the *ding! would come up:
“it’s hot in here.”
“i like the heater.”
“i like it too.”
*ding!
anyway, birch bay was not much of a beach, but that’s okay. we looked around for “the perfect rock” and everyone found one… mine were two rocks that looked exactly the same, except they were direct opposites. one had black background with red stripe, and the other had red background with black stripe. i’m going to give it to my soulmate KAKAKA (rOight). we also got a whole shitload of “emphysema rocks” to fill up a jar for liz with… hahaha. all the nastiest looking rocks ever. X:
then we drove up to vancouver and went to this mall in richmond to just buy some stuff… and then we drove around and got this cheap ass hotel… well, it actually wasn’t that cheap… but as cheap as we could get, anyway. :/ $100 per night canadian for all five of us… the others were closer to $120.
then we went to shabu-san… at first we went to the one in richmond, but that one was a two-hour wait, so we went to the one in vancouver, and the wait was 20 minutes. it’s an all-you-can-eat sushi, korean bbq, and other random korean and japanese foods place. it was AWESOME. we ordered so much and ate until we were going to explode. <3
after that we went to the liquor store and bought some alcohol and the bitches drank, and i popped some 2ci pill, and then we sat around watching cartoons for a while in our hotel room, and then we went out to explore. we had no idea where we were going, so we just walked hella fucking far. what was funny was we passed this hotel where these two black girls were fighting on the doorstep and then this one guy was just watching them like this: O__o and farm was like, “good thing we didn’t stay there.” and we were all laughing and saying, for real, for real, and liz was like, “we’re a little too close to be making fun of them.” and it was true. :0
so we walked and walked and walked, and yuki was looking for weed, so he just walked by people and yelled, “CHRONIC? CHRONIC?!” HAHA it was so stupidly funny. and cops were all over the godamn place, cause in canada smoking weed is decriminalized, but selling is not. :X and yuki got smoked out by some fools, but what they asked him was, “do those girls like weed?” and he was like, “yeah,” and they’re like, “do they suck dick?” WTF. bitches.
and these two ugly guys came up to us and asked if we know what was “crackin”, and they asked us where we were from, and we said seattle. and they were like, no way, we’re from seattle too. and farm was like, “eww we hate washies,” and hella dissed them so they left. thx the lord. they were ugly.
but basically we were dressed too ghetto to really go anywhere, so we just kept walking around in circles, but it was kind of interesting, i think. didn’t really meet anyone new, but canadia has some hot men, man.
farm wanted to go to the bathroom but the one in subway was broken, and so was the one in mcdonald’s, so she had to like break into the bathroom or something. ghetto canada.
around 1:30, we finally decided to walk back to the hotel and shit. we stopped by the cactus club and it was closed, and then we went to shananigan’s because it was the only place that was open until 2. so… everyone got some drinks (liz was sober for the whole time up until then), and on the way in, they asked for everyone’s id’s to copy, and i accidentally pulled out the other freaking 2ci pill HAHAHA… and i was trying to act all sly and put it back in without them noticing, which was quite hard considering i was high as hell. :X
the dance floor was funny. there were like 4 people on it, and they were dancing like all-out. very interesting. very interesting indeed X:
X: shit i have so much to study for.
anyway, i was drawing on this piece of paper on this green wooden table, and it was cool, cause it felt like i wrote thru the paper onto the green table. :0 like the pencil was a knife or something. and then yuki thought that eva was a lesbian with the hots for me or something. so weird. crazi yuki.
and then we walked home some more, and liz saw this starbucks sign that she wanted… and she was like, “let’s take it.” and so, we took it. and it r0×0r.
and then we got home, and we watched cartoons for a little bit and laughed about how our sleeping arrangement worked out perfectly. *ding. and then we were talking about how we’d make it so that yuki had a bed to himself and all of us were in one bed, and then when yuki came back from the shower we’d be like, “so you thought there was just ONE (lesbian).” lol.
and liz told a GOOD story LOL while farm told a liz story. and liz was proud forever. 
and then everyone went to sleep while i was still trippin out, and it was soo boring. well it was fun, but then it was boring. i wrote, i drew, i stared at the bathroom wall which was tripping out in layers and layers of color (and just when you thought the pattern could not do anything newer, it did), and dragons emerged from the wallpaper, and you could pull out a piece of it like gum.
and i got the idea that i know why people do stuff like break mirrors and destroy stuff when they’re trippin out, because i really wanted to destroy the mirror cause it looked so trippy and surreal. just to test if it was real.
and the roof was pulsing like waves of water and shit. but then everything got boring cause i wanted sleep and couldn’t, and i wanted to make phone calls, but i couldn’t, and i wanted to eat, but there was no food…
so finally i decided to jump into bed, eva had sprawled out and decided to fill up the whole bed, and i was sleeping on this little corner, and eva kept kicking liz when sleeping. lol.
and music was interesting. and the something corporate song below for some reason described it well because it said, “she moves the science with her hands.”
i also saw the weirdest art patterns in my head… things that i’d make into art and shit. one design with a cop head and a woman’s leg - kind of like something drahomira would do - and other things that are just like clothing fashion spreads and shit. :0 for a while too, i saw images in my head that were just like old school video games with huge pixels and shit… because it was like color override in my head and that my eyes were going to explode or somehting. seriously when you sit there with both eyes open and you just look at stuff, your eyes are rolling around in your head and rolling backwards and it is just strange… overdrive.
for a while too, i could only blink my right eye and my left eye stayed open. weird. :/
sunday, oktobur 24th — tripped out big time because i barely slept the night before and my eyes were just sooo tired… it was really tiring and i was just walking around like a zombie. :0 eh, and yeah, nothing else was supar entertaining this day, because eveyrone was so tired.
[edit] omg, how did i forget? on the way back thru the border, we were driving, and lady decided to check our trunk, and:
lady: where do you guys work?
farm: i don’t work.
lady: then why do you have a starbucks sign?
farm: uh…
liz: (with little kid puppy-dog eyes) i found it.
lady: some people get in trouble for that kind of stuff. have a nice day.
with reruns on the screen:
old books and movies,
but she can’t stop thinking.
i’m torn between myself,
my radio, my friends.
i want to write this one off over and over and over again.
she waits all day;
she stands a stranger in her skin.
she moves the science with her hands.
she lines her walls
with every paper she can see.
these words consume her,
but they never set her free.
and then she looked at me to scream:
“my castles are falling.”
but i can’t look into the street
without everything changing
i want to read good news.
i want to be innocent again.
i want to read good news,
but nothing good is happening.
SOMETHING CORPORATE - GOOD NEWS.
ohhhh fsck the *ding! lame, not cool…LAME. all saturday, i was like, why are they saying *ding! so often? then i realized and i wanted to cry b/c we were so much alike.(lenny’s response:)
holy shit your weekend was fscking awesome
my friends and i used to do something like your *ding thing cept he and i said “yeah!” and people were like ” the fuck? ”
—
octobre 16th, 2004 (rawr)
i’m listening to… “let it bleed” by the used.
i’m feeling… fine.
3:37 am — i hate fake everyday chit chat. i hate when bitches ask me shit like, “why do you paint your nails black? it’s sOo goth.” stfu. it’s not necessarily goth, and goth people are hot anyway, and why the fuck does it matter to you what color i paint my nails? i don’t even know who the fuck you are. i don’t need you to make conversation with me. i hate small talk. die.
josh came back from boot camp yesterday. fucking crazy hard shit man. he has definitely changed, although i can’t pinpoint how… gotta hang out with him like crazy before he leaves on the 20th again. :/ he got hella skinneh whoa. and… i don’t know, i just can’t imagine what it’d be like - the shit they go through.
tonight was also sebastian’s birthday parti shiat, and that was quite interesting… seabass dressed up like black mambaaa from kill bill, so wewt. uma thurman. wewt. and some other crap. and then i want to sleep, so maybe later i will write more, but likely not.
(lenny’s response:)
I totally forgot to say bye to you, my bestest internet buddy. I think eva and liz think im weird as shit. Awesome.
“and goth people are hot anyway”
ªYES
(eva’s response:)
negative!! i think len wants eva and liz to think he’s weird as shit. sorry cholo! no one is weirder than two girls making one.. one who i always thought was closet lezbo, and the other who just wants a resume.
(my response:)
yea liz was like, “how did lenny know i was half filipino, that’s kinda weird” but i don’t think eva really thought about it.
(eva’s response:)
yes, indeeeeed. sorry, bwoac = bitch without a cause… aka miss e. sometimes i wonder about those people who would say stuff like “why do you paint your nails black” esp. if it has a condencending connotation.. just snap back with “why are you so socially inept”. but u know, sometimes i ask too! but i’m just curious.. as in why pink and not orange.. or why blue and not green! it’s like eternal sunshine from the spotless mind ~ 
clemintine says it reflects her personality at the time !
(my response:)
hmm interesting… someone asked me before, “why pink?” and it wasn’t offensive, because i thought he was such an awesome person - and it was even flattering that someone would be so brutally honest…
but the black was… i just think different people ask with different thoughts in mind, and the fact that the person who asked was annoying / associated with burn book buddy #1 (of 2) makes it automatically condescending… maybe i am being base myself with assuming so quickly that this person meant harm when in fact he may have just been curious and should have been respected for brutal honestly as well.
guess i’ll have to think about that one.
(lenny’s response:)
the kid probably was hoping to innitiate a conversation with you but had nothing really to talk about other than your nails.
Did you go ragemaster 2000 on his ass?
This is him later that night > (T__T)
(anthony’s response:)
goth people ARE awesome. I didnt get to say BYE to my fan club president slash dirka-dirkastan terrrorist!!
Vivian, why do you gotta be so GOTH man? 
Im going to like make my hair black and ill be goth with you… ah crap too late. Im goth already.
(nate-menappi-’s response:)
yea dood ima dye my hair back to black..not to be goth or nething…it skool though..like old times!!! alrite baby bye
—
october 14th, 2004 (theEPITOMEofGOODshit)
i’m listening to… normal like you.
i’m feeling… great.
9:57 am — too much happy.
[1] tutoring rocks… fucking high school kids are sOoOo godamn funny. X:
[2] magazine is going so well - put a classified ad in the daily, got a lot of responses… and they don’t care that i’m not paying them for now X: and they all have writing experience, and they all have writing experience with regards to music… also found some people who can help me out with design… FUCK YES…
[3] met some girl who apparently lived above me last year - but i never met her - who has uber band hOokups…
[4] THE - not a - hot guy thinks i’m really cute.
[5] camping with THE - not some - bitches in a week.
fuck yeah. life is good. can’t stop, won’t stop, BAD BOIEEEEE.
actually, i’ll probably just crash and burn soon, but as for now, i feel like i’m stuck in the twilight zone for real.
—
october 13th, 2004 (rawr)
i’m listening to… underoath.
i’m feeling… OK.
9:26 pm — shit is going well. minus on the homework and whole school front, but that’s not important, i guess. X: but as far as the magazine is going… very well, very well.
vote kerry.
uhhh i went to alex’s house yesterday… his mom is like a nu-age witch… SO INTERESTING. all these candles and soaps and weird ass trinkets, wooden robots, wooden dragons, giant giraffes, giant spiders (except those are real, not wooden), tons of shit i say. awwwsuuuum.
camping in oregon in two weeks. wewwwwt.
—
october 11th, 2004 (OH SAD DAY)
i’m listening to… this providence.
i’m feeling… RAWR.
11:42 pm — SAD DAY. THERE IS THE HOTTEST PUNK ROCK BOY WHO LIKES VIDEO GAMES AND HAS PIERCINGS AND TATTOOS AND OMG - GIRLS DON’T LIKE HIM!!!!! GIRLS DON’T LIKE HIM!!!! GIRLS DON’T LIKE HIM!!!! IT DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER — (nevermind that he was too drunk to remember meeeeeeee… FSCK!)
(lenny’s response:)
Excelent. More punk rock boy for me ~_________~
Er wait…. I mean for you.
—
october 10th, 2004 (crazy wknd part 2)
i’m listening to… utada hikaru’s “distance” album [japanese].
i’m feeling… ho-kay.
4:38 pm — copied and pasted straight out of my IRL journal, since i have like, 3… since my brain fucking sucks now, and i don’t remember didly squat. so this is more blunt than usual, fo sho.
yes. indeed. this past weekend has been another interesting one.
friday night — eva and liz bought nikkie a cock cake from the erotic bakery because well — she’s leaving to go to virginia. then i went over to lewis’ place to play some poker — lost a good $6, but that’s not the point. the point is after that, eva called me, so that we could go over to kelvin’s party… TURNS OUT KELVIN’S FRIENDS ARE ALL FUCKING HOT WHITE ROCKER BOYS WTF IS THAT ABOUT. anyway, so eva and them brought the cock cake over to lewis‘ earlier and just left it there, so we brought it over to kelvin’s since they wanted to see it. X: (btw, that cake tasted like shit) AND AAAH there was this guy there matt, who was fucking hella hot… i really just like the black dyed hair with piercings and tattoos motherfucking look, it’s so damn sexy… and kelvin was like, “this is matt, he’s probably the hottest guy here,” and i was like, “hell yeah he is.” lol, and i was sober then X: -__-’ too bad, fuck, he’s yet another guy who lives hella fucking far away, so it will really do me no godamn good to even think he’s hot… he lives in bellingham, and hour and a half in the other direction of portland, lol! i love it! it’s fucking awesome!!!!! so kelvin said something and i made fun of him, and kelvin was like, “i’m not going to talk to her anymore,” and matt was like, “you’d be really stupid if you did that.” awww. X__x must mack on when he returns, i swear. must… X: and he’s like all into asian shit… wtf, why can’t you live in seattle -__-’ anyway. uh. yes. hot guys make me stupid. i can’t help it. :X oh yeah and then lewis was yelling something at me from out of his window, and matt started yelling up to him (cause lewis was on the computer), “how many GB are on your hard drive? how many MB of ram?” and i threw my keys at him (HIM IS MATT IN THIS CASE) and told him to stfu, and he was like, “omg, i just got yelled at 3 times in the last 15 seconds.” and lewis got all mad, and i apologized for matt later, but why the fuck did i do that - i don’t get it… cause when we went to get the cock cake, i was like, “oh yeah there’s hot guys @ kelvin’s” and lewis was like, “yeah? go fuck them!” and then slammed the door on us. how fucked up was that. i’m so sick and tired of these bitches. ugh. fuck. now i am reminded of why i kept a distance in the first place.
last night, me, jennie, and yuki went to gothique 4, a gothic fashion show… we got in for free because of the mag… yuki was supposed to take pics but his camera flash battery ran out wtf. tony was supposed to take pics originally but he couldn’t come. none of us were 21, so we all had to borrow id’s. -__- i ended up borrowing eva’s, and when we met justin, the party promoter, i said, “hi, i’m eva, vivian’s roommate.” it felt quite strange. the fashion show was actually pretty awesome though - awesome ass fucking music. and… yeah. some rather large folk clad in clothes much too small, but that’s okay lol. then we left and went to j-majik show @ aristocrat’s, and j-majik’s set was actually kind of disappointing. good tracks - but not such good spinning :/ there were a lot of little bitches there - lots of couples who were rolling and just making out and shit, and there was this one guy and girl who just kept pop-battling for like hella fucking long, like a half hour i swear, right in front of me, taking up sOo much god damn fucking space, i just wanted to punch them. and it was cool for the first 5 seconds, and then it was just annoying, cause they weren’t really THAT good, and they kept doing the same fucking thing over and over again, and the only reason they got attention in the first place was cause there was a hot girl dancing. pFfT (maybe i’m jealous :P). we saw ian there though, and he let us cut in front of all these people, which was pretty godamn dope ass. wasn’t really expecting him to help us cut so i didn’t ask, but he offered, so fucking dope ass man. i had to dance in my freaking 5 in platforms though — it was really quite the workout, think i gained like 10 lbs of leg muscle or some bullshit.
two crazy ass weekends in a row. gotta fucking love it. LOVE IT. FIRST TWO WEEKENDS OF SCHOOL. LOVE IT.
(eva’s response:)
yah i believe the reason why we have such crazy weekends is cuz we’re not living with biotches anymore they were stifiling our roll. i love our new roomies, cuz chill=cool. cept that i think i’m the bitch of the apt now. dammitmuthafugga, i apologize.. but anyway, i think crazy is good… crazy is definitely better than boring. and it calls for more funny late night rantings.
(my response:)
oh its betta fo shizzzooooo
(anthony’s response:)
Ok so i dont get this… Lewis was saying something to you…
this guy makes fun of lewis TWICE, you defend him.. basically making fun of Lewis…
Lewis gets mad at you… and you’re sick and tired of him?
That doesnt make sense since, maybe im reading the context wrong, you and your friend invoked this and you sided with his ranting, and i think i’d be upset to if something like that happened. clue me in if im wrong.
kinda wanted to go to Aristos… decided to sit and study til 3 in the morn’ and wake up early to work for 8 hours instead. totally great.