november 2004
november 29th, 2004 (when my senses fail)
i’m listening to… senses fail.
i’m feeling… h0kay.
1:31 am
if you pull too hard,
then the string will break.
and if you leave the slack,
then the string won’t hold.
fill the glass to the brim
and it will spill out.
and keep on sharpening the knife,
and it will be so blunt.
so how can we find ourselves
trapped in our own private hells
where we just scream but no one can hear?
‘X’ marks the spot where the dig begins;
the treasure is found within
the broken hearts that are soaked with fear.
SENSES FAIL - SLOW DANCE.
—
november 28th, 2004 (china)
i’m listening to… the ambient noise of teh pOopy ass airport.
i’m feeling… h0kay.
2:51 pm — god fucking damn i’m so tired. 13 hours of airportness and 12 hours of flight time (with more to come)… KILL MEEEEEEEEE… i can’t wait to get back to seattle. apparently i missed a lot =( =) =( the trip to shanghai was EH alright. our apartment there has all sorts of problems lmao, gg shotty ass chinese construction. it’s only shitty really because they don’t get the right tools and stuff to do a good job with. but eh, what’re you gonna do. :L
huk huk huk. i watched “bourne supremacy” and “little black book” and “spiderman 2″ again on the flight… man spiderman 2 is so damn good X__x the other two were decently entertaining. blah. i’m bored of writing. waiting for a standby flight right now and this 00bar lovey dovey couple is sitting next to me! BLEACH!
5:06 pm — wow i hate the airport. die united.
2:08 am — wow head explosion >__< AAH. boys = trouble. shit should just be simple! 1+1=2. >__< i missed so much stuff when i was gone LMAO. weird.
oh yeah i almost forgot. mom was telling us a story… “this lady went to the hospital to get surgery and turned into a vegetarian.” … and we were making fun of her like, “WOW, SURGERY CAN DO THAT?” but she really meant vegetable. lmao.
(nate’s response:)
ok all those entries came outta no where!.but vivian..i think you are adopted. and damn straight quantity or quality!!
—
november 26th, 2004 (china)
i’m listening to… aurora and ayla.
i’m feeling… fatassish.
7:07 am (in washington… like 11:07 pm here) — so it turns out like the doctor who delivered us is this famous chinese painter / calligrapher. we went to his house and he calligraphied stuff for us but… HIS CALLIGRAPHY FUCKING SUCKS. seriously. i don’t get it. he wrote four for us - one for my new godparents and one for my parents, one for me, and one for my brother. my parents and godparents’ looked alright because they just had two big words… the other ones for me and my brother are really just this really long poem… mine is about how you shouldn’t chase after money and fine things, but rather seize opportunities when you can. blahblah. interesting enough, but um, the words looked like shit. his paintings looked rather kool, though. and he gave me a bunch of chinese shit to translate into english, to “get my name out into a book”… but i think it’s more like to get free translations LMAO. maybe not. w/e. interesting enough for my blood, though.
the doctor is hella cocky too… always talking about himself, and bragging about his accomplishments and i think the only reason he went out to dinner with us was because we paid for his meal… and he ordered soo much shit… negative points for that man. i do not enjoi him.
for dinner we ate at this hot pot thing, which was good and all, but the doctor fucking looooves meat and he ordered a whole shitload. the whole meal cost like $250 US too, and MY family paid for it. EFF THAT SHIT. QUANTITY, NOT QUALITY. and $250 US is expensive, yeah, but it’s DECENT for expensive restaurants… but for china, it is seriously absurdly expensive. damn you rich snobs! and fat doctors! never did understand that. -__-
sooo fat i’m going to go back with triple chins. but it’s just so damn godamn good. and omfg my brother has the most annoying philosophies in life evar. how the fuck.
lol, and - there are so many cool textures here - on the walls, peeling paint and rotting wood and stuff… so i’ve been taking a lot of photos so that i can use it later for graphic design work, but people around here just see me taking photos of a random wall and are like WTF MATE?
turns out my godmother bought this book from the airport that is full of photos of scenic china, and 78% of the pics are of textures of walls and shit. lmao.
—
november 25th, 2004 (china)
i’m listening to… a perfect circle.
i’m feeling… okay.
7:26 am (in washington… like 11:26 pm here) — meh so tired. waiting to go to bed, though. so i’m drawing christmas cards. cause i’m crazy.
went to suzhou and yangzhou today. saw how silk is made (pretty interesting), and visited some old historic sites, which is nothing that new cause i’ve been to a bunch already. rawr. while we were at one of the places, this lady kept following us around being our impromptu tour guide because she wanted us to eat lunch @ her place. but we said no. living is fsckin hard here man. this other restaurant lady wanted us to eat there, and my mom ignored her, and she was just like, “ni bu lai wo men dou kuei shi le.” heh.
food is oObar. went to get a massage @ night - back and feet. my feet didn’t really hurt but my left ankle did (and they said it had something to do with knee problems)… and my calves hurt a shitload, which is weird, cause other people’s don’t hurt @ all :/ the lady said it was because i have a lot of allergies… but i’m not THAT allergic to stuff… just that cherries make my tongue swell and i have allergies during allergy season… -__-’
all we do here pretty much is eat, cause food is so cheap. so i’m going to go back like 10 lbs heavier or something. but i mean, shit, it’s good ass food. only a few people know what a fat ass binge eater i am, though. ^__x buy me a huge ass bag of chips, and it’s guaranteed to be gone in like a day / day and a half. same with a box of oreos. this is why i try not to buy junk food anymore, cause it doesn’t usually last until morning X__x
and the conclusion on this vacation is that - with the except of me - my family is hella scary man. my mom, dad, brother - all very business-minded and super agressive about everything and super paranoid. i am the complete opposite of all of those. and i am a liberal hippie whereas my brother is a super i-am-business-man-all-i-want-is-money-and-it’s-okay-to-crush-people-while-doing-it… kind of person. parents somewhere in between. brother is the kind of guy who - from a story he told yesterday - would tell a person to jump off a bridge to commit suicide because he was holding up traffic in sf. i guess they were in traffic for four hours, so a shitload of the cars behind were just chanting for the guy to “jump!” so that they could get out of traffic. pretty fucked up to me… and things like that, about how a country in power should have the right to crush every other country in the world, even if it means killing your own kids because they’re living in the “wrong” country. and my parents are just like ubar shit-talkerish… hateful lol. i’m not really hateful - just bitter @ life… which is more of a self-destructive thing than outwardly (which isn’t necessarily good, but at least it’s not as shitty). they talk sooo much shit about people here - about how living conditions aren’t good enough - about how people aren’t paid as much - about how everything is too dirty… etc. in CHINESE. SO THE PEOPLE CAN UNDERSTAND THEM. RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR FACES. it’s so absurdly rude, but there’s no getting through to them :/ lol, they’re also paranoid about eating anything cold because it’s “dirty”… i could not give less of a fuckshit! bring it on, until i get sick, but that won’t happen, biatch!
i’m living in a foreign land, i tell you. i should have been born a modern hippie (like in alex’s family or something, although a brother like alex would probably give me a headache too). X__x
mmm, i smell like smoke. i loves it. =( =) =( OH INDECISION. it’s kind of nice getting away from everything, but it kind of sucks, because the week i left is the week of the magazine deadline for the next issue, so… when i get back i am literally going to be pummeled with work - both schoolwork and magazine work T__T i’m trying to find internet access so i can download shit and then work on it on my laptop but uh… finding internet access has been amazingly hard. we’ve only seen one internet cafe, and there wasn’t really any time… especially since we’re here with another auntie and uncle, and not just my family. :/
5:52 pm (in washington… like 9:52 am here) — haha. have you ever met someone whose feet smelled so bad they were like sulfur? that smelled so strong that it makes your eyes water? that smell just so wretched you feel like puking? I HAVE NOW. IT’S FUCKING AMAZING, seriously. these people are at our house fixing stuff on our balcony have to take off their shoes and walk thru the house to get to the balcony… AND OMFG I SWEAR THEY’RE GOING TO BURN HOLES INTO THE WOOD WITH THEIR FEET m0g. NEVER HAVE I IMAGINED SUCH STINK WAS POSSIBLE X: not to be mean. but OMFG.
and i have godparents now, apparently… the auntie and uncle we came with. wewtar. th3yret3hrich&00bargenerous. X: ^__x
my brother said i’m a dork for talking in 1337 speak, and then i showed him how applicable “pwn teh noob” is, and i pwned him teh noob good!
btw, “backwards” as china may seem, at least they recycle… big time! regular recycling and organic / inorganic matter. word.
—
november 24th, 2004 (china)
i’m listening to… brandtson.
i’m feeling… okay.
5:48 am (in washington… like 9:48 pm here) — omfg my health is pissing me off, for reals.
today was slightly more eventful than usual. interesting things… got this steamed crab bun stuff (xiao long bao, except with crab meat and shit)… FUCKING HELLA GOOD. ^__^ it’s like $15 if you buy 10 and eat it on the streets like local style, and $40 if you eat on the first floor, $65 if you eat on the second floor, etc. way to steal people’s money. i would have been ok with eating it on the street, but my mom wanted to eat on the second floor… and the line was humongous for the cheapo section so. :/
bought some cool socks. ^__^
went to this fabric area, and i felt something hit my leg, and it was this kid’s head… this kid just all of a sudden passed out for no reason… no convulsions or anything - just straight passing out with his eyes rolling to the back of his head and shit. FUCKING WEIRD ASS SHIT. X:
i also got some cheap mesh fabric… w00tar.
we also freakishly ran into the doctor from new york who freaking delivered me and my brother. if that’s not weird, i don’t know what is! and there was this other doctor we met who gave my brother his business card, and then later was like, “let me give you my son’s number too (for business networking purposes). maybe you can introduce your sister to him.” which was odd, because he wasn’t joking.
also at this other store this lady told my brother, “your mom, dad, and sister look like they’re from hong kong, but you look like you’re from here.” lmao - diss (cause hk people dress “well” and people from shanghai dress pretty ghetto)…!! word. =(
—
november 23rd, 2004 (china)
i’m watching… “kill bill 2″ (cause i never finished it).
i’m feeling… okay.
5:33 pm (in washington… like 9:30 am here) — never underestimate the power of teh poopage. i will tell you that. -__-
we eat so much here - it’s absurd. but i guess that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re abroad in a foreign country that’s cheap. -__- there really isn’t much to say. we take subway. we do bank stuff. we eat food. we walk around. i get haircut while people get massages. we search hopelessly for internet access. we eat food. we search hopelessly for internet access and finally get some 14.4k modem shit. we eat food. we sleep. end day.
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november 22nd, 2004 (china)
i’m watching… “kill bill 2″.
i’m feeling… disgusting.
6:05 am (in washington… like 10 pm here) — i’m watching “kill bill 2″ right now on my laptop… it was 8 rmb, aka $1 u.s. - dvd! good quality stylee w00t. 
well, not that i can really tell the difference between dvd’s and like vhs and shit even… but anyway, this movie r0×0000r. and that is all.
my brother bought me four packs of this freaking melon candi from hawaii. and it’s good and all, but omfg, 4 packs. X__x’ let me tell you this - on the airplane, and the first day when we got here, all we ate was shit with a lotta carbs and meat… IT’S A FUCKING GROSS COMBINATION I TELL YOU. NOT CONDUCIVE TO POOPING, I TELL YOU. i’m basically a vegetarian when i cook @ school, so not eating vegetables in 80,000 years makes me feel damned fucking disgustiiiiing!! X:
btw, kill bill r0x. again.
so uh, the flight over here the other day was like 10,000 hours, but i slept mostly the whole time, and we had a layover in korea, and that was whatevers… blahblah. yesterday was teh most boring day ever because we went to this area that custom-makes clothes for people… only people here always wear godamn suits all over the place, and long cashmere jackets, crap like that. lots of overcoats. basically - nothing i wear. and my parents and their friends bought a whole shitload, and it was so FUCKING boring cause it was just this place with like 800 of these stores - all the same, just a little teeny bit different maybe. X__x and it was well, the most boring place ever.
today we went shopping @ some other place which was a little more exciting, but we better be going back, cause i want this godamn commie hat… but we had to go home before i could buy it. biaatch. i need a haircut too. and then for lunch we went to this one restaurant which is pretty normal-priced for the US, but fucking hella expensive for standards here… and basically… i have come to discover that i am not made for fine things. alex said so before - that i’m better suited for like, urban life rather than suburban monstrosities. i am not cut out for fine things. i don’t fit into my family, lmao. my parents are like the happy medium. my brother is like, buyer of all things, and violent man to the max. X__x talking to him is like fucking painful. he’s just like war, war, war, vengeance, vengeance, vengeance, revenge, revenge, revenge. and i’m the complete opposite. wtf happened here. anyway, the restaurant… expensive food is not for me. i am not impressed. and my lifestyle motto is, QUANTITY, NOT QUALITY. fuck lv bags and gucci and prada and shit (speaking of, people harass you on the streets and are like, “watches? bags? we have name brands! lv! gucci! prada!” and i’ve found that the best way to get em off your back is to say, “i don’t wear name brands,” which in my case is true. i’ve also come to say this for everything else. to “do you want a watch?” you answer, “i don’t wear watches. or purses.”)… 1/2 my clothes are from thrift stores and like under 15 bucks and crap. X__x i’m just a big cheapo that likes a lot of things. hurrahhh.
and that is all. my teeth are too sharp and they need filing down. and crackhead. and china is alright, and smoggy, and weird. kill bill time!
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november 17th, 2004 (anadivine, wewt wewt)
i’m watching… brandtson.
i’m feeling… kkk.
10:36 am — went to the anadivine show with farm really early… like 3:30 ish… cause they told us to meet them there @ 4 / 4:30. so we were looking for a grungy area to take pics of the band, and we were thinking, damnit, where could we go… and turned out that the place where the venue (studio seven) was, was grunge-CITY. seriously, it was like a hole in a rotting wall. we drove by, and i was joking around, saying, “watch it be this,” and farm was like, “wait, actually, it is.” lol.
so we got out, scouted the area, went to burger king, saw that burger king has SPONGEBOB CUPS and toys, wewt. damnit, i was supposed to watch spongebob with eva tomorrow, but i didn’t know i was leaving for china tomorrow - which i am - hence… no spongebob T__T T__T yeah i made sOo many appointments too - i have to cancel them all, since i’m such a n00by. damnit.
anyway, the band got there around 4:45? and they set up shit for a little while, then we went around to take pics, and then came back and did the interview… good shit.
it’s funny, cause apparently bands who go on tour with one another don’t necessarily really even like each other lmao. they were telling us about this band that they toured with in cali called still life projector, and the guys straightened their hair literally four times a night, with straight irons. we were saying, “god, liz’ll be friends with them!” and they were also talking about how the guys from that band kept hooking up with random groupies and bragging about it - and how one of the guys had herpes on his lips, and he just had this sore that got bigger and bigger… and he’d ask to get a drag of people’s cigarettes and they’d give it to him, but afterwards they’d be like, “dude, don’t smoke that,” lol. and when amber pacific was practicing, a guy from dead poetic was like, “you’re missing the best band,” and we’re like, “they suck,” and he’s like, “yeah, they’re the worst EVER.” lmao. amuse.
yeah the only guy that talked to us a LOT was mike from anadivine… lucky biatch… he’s 20 too, and he’s busy touring the country while we’re busy being slaves to the system =( apparently it’s quite boring though, because they get there like 5 hours early everyday to set up, and then after that, they just kind of sit there with the same people everyday. mike was like, “good thing you guys came to do the interview, because that took up at least an hour out of the four that i usually sit here and do nothing.”
we drove sean paul from anadivine and some drummer from dead poetic around to get cigarettes (only to discover later that there were cigarettes right down the street from where we were) and ended up in chinatown… and we went to this one random market, and sean paul is like 24, but he had an new york id, so the guy was like “HMMM… chicken!” and wasn’t really sure if it was real… then the dead poetic guy was from kansas… and then he asked farm, “where are you from?” and farm was like, “uhh i’m mein” (or however you spell it), and then he asked me what i was, and i said chinese, and he was like, “ha ha ha, from all different world!” lol. so fahnie.
we managed to get anthony into the concert somewhere in between… so yep. yeah… anadivine was great, though. they’re a greeat band. literally, me and farm were the only people in the crowd who were cheering to them before they went up, because we were the only people that knew them. afterwards, though, they got some new fans, i think. 
the whole night they were just walking around mingling with the crowd, but it’s not like it mattered, because no one knew who they were, lol. amber pacific sucked, as expected. dead poetic was no good either. acceptance was good and dandy, but anadivine was best. ^__x
good times. shit, mike is a cutieee. and he kept talking to us (and especially to farm), so he is ubar coolio. and his smile literally looked like - which is just damn cute. like honestly, i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone smile that big ever.
so uh, i’m going to china tomorrow! wewt. i didn’t know until like yesterday, so now i have a shitload of appointments i have to cancel. and i’m missing 3 days of school X_x good thing it’s the worthless days anyways (aka lecture days). ^__x
a toast
to the one who poured out my regrets.
a call to air i’ll intake one last…
i’ll follow you home.
don’t hold me up if your arms are breaking.
can’t tell you enough -
it’s discouraging when you say
please hear me out with a curse to accents,
sentences you make.
sentences that make me ask…
everything you ever wanted
died in the bottom of a bottle.
you will never stomach but
will never throw it up.
a version of a virgin
purified by a bleeding heart.
ANADIVINE - ALCOHOL AND OXYGEN.
—
november 16th, 2004 (rar)
i’m watching… malcolm in the middle.
i’m feeling… kkk.
7:50 pm — rar.
lol, “malcolm in the middle” is the best fucking show ever. HAHAHAHA i FUCKING love IT. ^__^
BRAWRRR. so i might not graduate this quarter after all. i am taking this 2 credit education seminar in which i tutor kids… and then go to class every other week and do interviews and write papers and shit… WELL IT FUCKING SUCKS. i’m not learning shit, i don’t think the kids give a fsck whether i’m there or not, etc. so… basically… yeah. no graduation.
hrm, must reformat computer… X: i’m currently on the laptop sending everything over. INDEED.
but yeah… i had to give a presentation in the sociology of black america class today with al black - and it turned out a lot easier and a lot better than i would have thought.
photo shoot and interview with anadivine tomorrow. fsck yeah. if you haven’t heard them yet, check them out, because they’re a fabulous band. FABULOUS. i am so stressed out. lol.
i know your life is empty,
and you hate to face this world alone.
so you’re searching for an angel -
someone who can make you whole.
i cannot save you;
i can’t even save myself.
so just save yourself.
STABBING WESTWARD - SAVE YOURSELF.
lenny’s response:
wtf you have a photoshoot with anadivine tomorrow??????!?! T____T Omigat luckyyyy
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november 14th, 2004 (brah)
i’m listening to… j-majik [drum’n'bass].
i’m feeling… kkk.
2:47 am — sometimes i think how easy it’d be to just go with the flow, to do everything that feels good - hedonistic in every sense. it’d be great, but it’s hard to find that balance between being a good person and indulging in your hedonistic pleasures, lol. :0
i really need to get a job next quarter… another one. this one isn’t giving me enough money at allllll… so hopefully i can get morning classes @ art institute, even though it’s like impossible, so fuck me. either way though, i don’t want to go back to live in cali… i like it here. but wtf am i doing, i don’t feel right anywhere. FIND THAT BALANCE. indeed.
oh, by the way, FUCK ELITISTS. that is all.