november 2004
november 13th, 2004 (T___T)
i’m listening to… zero 7 [trip-hop].
i’m feeling… kkk.
1:57 pm — just got back from the monroe correctional facility a little bit ago…
wait wait rewind. yesterday night i really did nothing except went over to see chol and jennie and we went to tower records and got lost for like 40 minutes trying to find it. we finally got there though, and chol bought some records, and i bought the “nightmare before christmas” special edition dvd… gonna watch it tonight, wewt… if you haven’t seen it before, you need to watch it, because it’s fucking amazing. chol and jennie bought turntables, so i played around with that a bit, but holy fucking shit that shit is hard. especially when you don’t like the music. i want to play around with drum’n'bass tracks *COUGH COUGH NATHAN*, and i want to borrow anthony’s rock musax, just to see how it can mix together. because it can. for sure. esp with the high-low-mids shit, which i didn’t even know existed.
and then when we were leaving tower, we saw these two old couples (probably like 50 ish) and out of nowhere i guess one of the guys just does a cartwheel and falls over, and what’s funny is that his pants fell down and his ass was hanging out. well, funny, but traumatizing.
anyway, the prison or whatever was interesting, but not as interesting as i would have imagined. everything is automated. you go in in different groups, and there are kind of like holding cells in between the main entrances… so basically you step into the main entrance to the prison, and then the door closes behind you so that you’re trapped in this little room, and THEN another door opens. and they check you at every check point for a name tag and a stamp, and metal detectors and what not.
most inmates have a lot of free time and get to do pretty much whatever they want, but the crazi ones basically stay in the cell the whole day and get one hour per day to come out and shower and do whatevers… it’s just like you’d see in the movies. monroe is where they filmed “butterfly effect”… i haven’t seen it, but the prison is old, so basically everything looks old - old style like “shawshank redemption” and shit.
there were two security calls when we were there. once when we were coming back from the outside yard all the guards ran up and were like, “get out of the way!” and shit, but apparently they have one of those a day on average. haha and then the automated doors closed, and two of the guards would stuck there and couldn’t get the door open. lmao.
outside there’s two giant towers with armed guards on either side of this yard that has razor wire fences that are like 23 ft high… there’s a track and some benches for inmates. main unit has a full-scale hospital, churches, libraries, law libraries (required by law), gardens for religious ceremonies. once a year you’re allowed a religious ceremony for a particular religion. generally there are six major religions - judaism, muslim, christianity, one i didn’t hear, another one i forgot, and WICCAN. which i thought was really weird. when you first come into the prison though, you have to specify a religion, and then you have to give three months’ notice if you want to change (this is in case you want to attend the one “religious event” per year once for every religion).
the mental health facilities there are the only ones in all of the state of washington - so needless to say, they are fauking NICE. soo nice. we went to two of the units… the first had like four different hallways and a main conjoining spot where there’s a tower. automated doors for each of the entrances, with about 7 or 8 cells down every corridor. showers and shit for the mental health patients… regular inmates don’t get those in their cell. cells for regular inmates are fucking small as shit. the entrance area is about… as far as if i stretched my arms apart, and the length is just a little longer than would fit a twin bed. most of the prison is actually single-bunked, though, which was surprising. the newbies get double-bunked. back to the mental health areaaaaa… the second mental health unit we checked out was way communal. 96 people in there, with only 1 of which took NO drugs. everyone else splits about 400 pills a morning. lmao. basically though, they are locked down about twice a day, and for the rest of the day they’re free to roam around the whole unit and go outside whenever they feel like it. a lot of freedom for those (those are the ones who are of tolerable level though, there are also the ones who are out for only an hour a day in the mental health unit area). there’s a communal tv area like you’d see in “12 monkeys” or something… but i think they’re all so drugged up everyone gets along right well.
the infirmary… is where they keep the mental health patients who are hurt or have suicidal tendencies and shit. most people are allowed to do whatever, but there was one guy who was strapped down on the bed, and he gets out once every two hours, and can walk around for 10 minutes a day. if he weren’t strapped down, he would literally just kill himself.
when we were in the first unit of the mental health area, there was the second security call, and all of the guards went in this guys’ place. apparently they all are given razors and shit so they can cut their own hair or shave if they want. the guy shaves his own head and shaved a little too close so he was bleeding and shit. end story.
the mental health facilities were fucking nice. they had a gym with a basketball court and shit, and a hobby shop where you can do whatever crafts and shit - provided you pay for your own materials. they have equipment provided, but no materials. they get money thru either working - they get about 47 cents an HOUR for their work, and there are way more people who want jobs than there are jobs. the maximum anyone can earn thru full-time work is $55 a month. i also believe they have to pay taxes on that amount. they can also get money from relatives, but a lot of relatives refuse to give money because any money they give 35% is automatically deducted out of to go to the state, the penitentiary, victims funds, etc. then, inmates can also sell their items that they make in the hobby shop, but 35% of profits are taken out of that as well. a 13″ television costs $300, so with $55 maximum a month, that’d take a whole lot of time to save up for. you can also only listen to tv and radio via headphones, which makes sense, i guess.
there was a lot of awesome artwork made by the prisoners all over the place. one huge ass mural - it was like the length of a football field, i swear, was painted by this heroine addict, who was put in jail for life because of the 3x-you’re-out law and committing robberies 3x to feed his heroine addiction. meh.
the group of students we went with (with the exception of the 4 of us from uw) went there thru central washington university, and they were fucking stupid. or at least a large amount of the girls were stupid. first of all, if you are in a criminal justice program, you should be ready to see this stuff, and you should be smart enough to know that people in here aren’t about sunshines and shit, they are in here for real reasons. despite that, we didn’t even see anything weird at all or excessively scary. but they were freaked out by the fact that every room has a video camera with someone monitoring it, and that people were strapped down, and that people were waving at them. BIG FUCKING DEAL. so stupid. X: sooo not in the right major if you can’t even stand looking at an inmate who looks normal but looks scary because he has a bushy beard. neegro plz.
and they were just like, “omg, people volunteer here? i’d NEVER volunteer here,” and like, “omg, are they speaking spanish? i don’t know if that’s spanish, but i think it is, like wow, they’re speaking spanish to us,” and “it’s so scary there’s cameras in every room can you believe that,” and “omg look at that scary bearded guy,”… wow, stfu, plz.
free cd release show for this providence tonight @ 5… with daphne loves derby and gatsby’s american dream as well. holla.
WOW OKAY I HATE MY LIFE. SECOND CONCERT THIS WEEK I’VE WANTED TO ATTEND BUT COULD NOT. G-FUCKING-G. FUCKING SOLD OUT (EVEN THOUGH IT WAS FREE, SO I GUESS PACKED OUT) AND WE WERE LIKE 8 PEOPLE FROM THE DOOR. MOTHERFUCKING LIFE, DIE, I FUCKING HATE YOU.
11:52 pm — man, i have the hugest freaking crush on this guy… you have NO freaking idea -__- i’m actually kind of freaking myself out -__- seriously, if i were to picture my ideal-looking guy, that’d be it. down to the… pretty much EVERYTHING. i know it sounds shallow and shit, but w/e, he’s like, awesome too. and girls don’t like him cause he’s a geek, but i don’t care, i’m all for the geeks. -__- too bad that beyond that, i have nothing to do with that information… T__T
you’re cynical and beautiful -
you always make a scene.
you’re monochrome, delirious,
you’re never what you seem.
i’m drowning in your vanity;
your laugh is your disease.
you’re dirty and you’re sweet;
you’re everything to me.
everything you are
falls from the sky like a star.
everything you are,
whatever you are.
GOO GOO DOLLS - DIZZY.
lenny’s response:
like oh em gee! I used to bake cookies for inmates at monroe in 7th 8th and 9th grade. We always went there at night but it was fscking awesome.
Sorry to hear bout your concert, that is massive “blue balls”. Did you press your ear to the door and make sweet love to it???
anthony’s response:
she tried to on many occasions lenny, but luckily i was there to stop her each time. man, think of how many germs you’d get from doing that sorta thing at the Graceland? The place is next to a freakin dumpster or three…
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november 11th, 2004 (life pwnz me)
i’m listening to… lamb.
i’m feeling… kkk.
11:47 pm — trip-hop is so fucking very sexy. mmm why is it so hard to be happy! fuck being a human - always wanting more.
me and eva were talking about boyfriends. we both want… but only sometimes. it seems college relationships just end up getting repetitive and shit… it seems next to near impossible to find someone that you’d never get tired of. i cannot even imagine. and i cannot wait X: but as for now, i’d be happy with just someone i’d see a couple times a week. but everyday, man, i think i’d go crazi. unless he was really like… just wow. i’ve said it before and i still say it, but AMAZING is teh best word to call someone evar.
but sometimes you want it, and sometimes you don’t. we were saying, that seeing people who are crazy get boyfriends and girlfriends makes you wonder, “why can that person have that and not me?” but then you realize that they just settle for anyone, and have no regard for anything… but maybe taking chances with shit you know won’t work may even be a good idea because it may develop into something? i don’t know wtf i’m talking about, but… X: there are probably 400 ways why that is stupid, and cowardly, but no one ever said i was brave, and confrontations are a gg, no thx.
it’s hard cause i have a short attention span when it comes to guys… hence why i never really want to really do anything with most people. don’t want to end up well… doing something mean. i gotta be damned sure i like someone to commit to anything, that’s for sure. count it a lesson learned from experience.
in other news, i can’t stand people who hate for no fucking godamn legit reason. TAKE A CHILL PILL. stop being so godamn bitter towards everyone else because your own fucking life isn’t as perfect as you want it to be. just because you’re not happy doesn’t mean you should make everyone else unhappy too… and you wonder why we’re not friends. IT’S CAUSE FRIENDS SHOULDN’T BE SHIT-TALKERS. word.
and this is why you break down those superficial relationships, because everyone deserves better than this. right, eva?
i can fly,
but i want his wings.
i can shine even in the darkness,
but i crave the light that he brings.
LAMB - GABRIEL.
nate’s response:
u are amazIN, you dont get the G yet..in time..foreals tho
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november 10th, 2004 (die pride, die!)
i’m listening to… the “underworld” soudntrack.
i’m feeling… ACGH.
1:45 am — rawr… X: i think the way i sit really does cause my back problems or whatever… or maybe it’s all mental, but that’s definitely what it feels like, like the muscles on the left side of my body (on back) are bigger than the right, and bones feel different, but it might be mental…
sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh =(
hello,
it’s mercy medical -
we’re sorry to inform you of,
this situation critical,
hello.
it’s mercy medical;
we’ve done everything we can do.
there’s nothing left,
it’s up to her,
and so…
welcome to your funeral,
where they talk about the girl they knew -
a tragedy, a shame to lose her.
little girl so beautiful,
a life so new and meaningful,
that little girl so beautiful.
BRANDTSON - MERCY MEDICAL.
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november 9th, 2004 (omfg)
i’m listening to… “forty six and 2″ by tool.
i’m feeling… crazi.
2:43 am — fuck, i like need some hormone suppression or something LOL. too much shit, too much shit, i’m too boy crazy. :X dieee.
failed another midterm today, i think. so what else is new. lol, watch me not pass this quarter, lmao, wouldn’t that be funny - oh wait, it wouldn’t.
lenny’s response:
play it coooooooooooooool
btw, take pictures of the hotness ~__~
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november 8th, 2004 (confr00ze)
i’m listening to… a perfect circle’s “emotive” album.
i’m feeling… okay.
3:11 am — man, what the fuck. first of all, i fucking hate studying, cause after stomach pains and shit, i’m convinced it’s cause i haven’t been sitting right or something… but there’s like no position of studying that “feels good” -__- i was a made to lay on the ground and sit on the floor kind of kid, but that has been killing me back lately… so what to do!?
shit - life is fucking confusing right now. i don’t even know if it’s confusing so much as bothersome lol. why does everything come at one time! maybe i have ulcers! too much stress. i can’t decide about anything… MEH… and i have a short attention span… WHAT TO DO… taking chances is not my forte. :X but whatever… i’ve learned that sugar coating things is no good. honesty really is the best policy. I AM TEH CHEEZE. but there’s nothing better than having people tell you straight out, no matter how blunt it is. helps you decide, helps you move on, helps you think clearer.
we’ve had good times as of late. lots of partying this whole quarter. what, am i really in school?!
this is what they call college life. partying, drinking, and living. X: wish that our living arrangements last year hadn’t stifled our rolls… but at least things are going decently this time around. 
i went to south park today. that’s right, south park. apparently it’s a city in washington. i applied for some design job for this start-up company (cheftools.com) - i don’t think i’m going to get the job because i suck at interviews (although it wasn’t really an interview), but i just realized, that even if i DID get the job uhhhh… i’m not even going to be here around the busy season. WTF am i thinking… pwn the n00by.
on sunday, me, eva, karen, and lenny went to iheartrummage.com - it was downtown in capitol hill @ the crocodile cafe. good shiat. some of the stuff was not so interesting but got this really cool belt and bag, and that was neat0. by the february or march ones - i want to participate. >< and i will. SO YOU JUST WAIT. VEE DESIGNS. holla.
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november 7th, 2004 (rawr)
i'm listening to... the faint.
i'm feeling... okay.
9:12 pm -- you know what's bad? procrastination. procrastination is bad. don't do it. it'll eat your ass off. that's right.
these past couple of days have just been a lot of sobriety and watching other people get drunk at our house... and it's all good and fun. and then yes. we staged this pic of nathan and daniel [kim] together... and it totally looks like they're making out... and it's fauking great. liz just needs to share the godamn wealth. those kids are funny, and perverted, but it's all for good times. ;L
got a job interview or some shit tomorrow. we'll see how that flies.
nate's response:
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november 5th, 2004 (get out of)
i’m feeling… okay.
3:05 pm — last night there was supposed to be a microsoft party, but those people are FUCKING lame. it was this guy’s birthday, and the week before, they told us to invite whomever… and then we told them the ratio of guys:girls would be 1:1 and they were like ehh nevermind, parti’s off. LOL. wow. fucking losers. are you so insecure that a few extra guys would blow your game. i mean, fucking seriously.
the new jimmy eat world is faucking awesome. last night me and arlen were talking, and we were talking about how we both write down a “what-if” thing… just in case something happens. you know, sometimes you get the feeling that you’re going to die - and i think people are more psychic than than they know they are… so better safe than sorry X: in high school my friend wrote one of those, and her parents found it and sent her to a mental hospital even though she wasn’t really suicidal… it was a what-if-just-in-case also. or maybe she was just in denial. lord knows. speaking of suicide… come january, we’re working with ruthless records for their takeactiontour… should be fucking, uh great. good promotion… and a good cause. basically it’s just a double cd release with some big name bands like coheed and cambria, nofx, the early november, blahblah, and a portion of the profits goes towards suicide prevention. we’re going to hold like a writing contest or something… and winners can get tickets and cd’s and shit. *shrug. :/
so last night instead of parti, a bunch of bitches came over… and it was good. and i was one of the only sober people. and then stuff. and then confrooze. and then blah.
that’s just how it goes.
don’t it feel like sunshine after all?
the world we love forever, gone…
we’re only just as happy
as everyone else seems to think we are.
i’m in love with the ordinary.
i need a simple space
to rest my head,
and everything gets clear.
well, i’m a little ashamed for asking,
but just a little helps.
it gets me straight again -
helps me get over it.
it might seem like a dream,
but it’s real to me.
don’t it feel like sunshine after all?
the world we love forever, gone…
we’re only just as happy,
as everyone else seems to think we are.
JIMMY EAT WORLD - THE WORLD YOU LOVE.
i’m feeling… okay.
12:10 am — this shalt be quick cause i need to sleep.
[1] bush is president for another 4 years without chance of reelection… prepare for death: me, you, world.
[2] spent the day in the e.r. today and it was teh sux, and pap smears are the most godamn painful things ever… never have i had more pain in my life! had oobar stomach pains, but who teh fuck knows what it is - the doctors sure don’t. blood tests, pee tests, rectal exam, pelvic exam - all inconclusive. fsck me. i owe nathan [davisz0r] big time for staying with me and waiting for my sorry ass.
[3] painkillers don’t work on me… codeine = no effect. vicodin = no effect. wtf. morphine me up, damnit.
[4] die.
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november 1st, 2004 (halloweenie)
i’m feeling… okay.
went trick-or-treating in factoria (READ: RICH PEOPLE) last night with arlen (who dressed up as a kkk member), liz (who dressed up like a “cowgirl” which was so not cowgirl-like that this indian guy said, “you’re not dressed up!” to which she responded, “i’m poor!”), jennie (it was her first time, but a poor one @ that), and anthony (who was terrance from south park - actually a rather awesome home-made costume). so… we went all the way out there and have now concluded that RICH PEOPLE SUCK. at least around here. i always heard that in blackhawk they give out king-sized candy bars, but not the rich people here. and we were like the ONLY trick-or-treaters, WTF. don’t people go trick-or-treating anymore?! BITCHES. next time it’s to a poor neighborhood near elementary schools.
and as for today - i feel like i live in the twilight zone, and for some reason, i can’t open my jaw…
so, i really am obsessed with white guys with black hair. it’s been for a couple of years now, but i just realized it this year :0 no wonder i find goth guys hot even though they’re not really… a white guy with black hair, no matter how ugly, is instantly 4x hotter if he has black hair. and if he’s hot anyway, it’s like insta-love. what’s wrong with me?
so eva, you asked for my fetish, so there we go >< in the: “an abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.”-sense, not the “something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.”-sense necessarily :0
but obviously this doesn’t apply to asian guys, cause then they’d all be beautiful. and that’s a neg.
lenny’s response:
How appalling! The thought of a Bellevue child going door to door begging for candy! I wont stand for it! I’m buying you a candy store!
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Next time you should go to this neiborhood called Amber Ridge in kenmore. Its the shiz for riz for trick or treating. Or you can go to English Hill in Woodinville where the people are still rich, but less stuck up than those Bellevue mofos.