november 2003
november 19th, 2003 (how to fix?!)
i’m listening to… “stay the night” by imx [r&b], “change” by baby vox [korean], “pyramid song” by radiohead [rock].
i’m feeling… -__-;;
11:41 pm — rawr.
i’m skered.
so yeah… i have a lot of stuff on my mind. 
i’ve come to conclude that one of the sexiest things about people is confidence… not over-bearing confidence, because that is bad news… but some degree of confidence where you can do the things you want and get the things you want is quite important :/ and i want that…!! need to work on it. i used to have some amount of confidence in myself and my abilities, but through the years… i don’t really know… it disappeared somehow… and now i am just this fidgety, weird-ass, always-nervous weirdass. oh, i already said weirdass. :/ it’s weird, because no matter how comfortable i am with people and how comfortable i am telling them shit and whatever, i still am all fidgety and nervous… and i guess a lot of the stuff i do makes people think that i’m not interested in what they’re saying when that may not likely be the case. :\ needs fixing. how to fix?! needs fixing. i hate my life.
you so skandalouz.
(eva’s response:)
Hey roomie V, i noticed your journal entries changed a lot lately, it’s really reflective. =) mm, k, back to hot indian men!
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november 18th, 2003 (bruised & broken)
i’m listening to… “hi-fi killer” by american hi-fi [pop-punk], “fucking in the bushes” by oasis [elektronic-rock?!], “punk” by ferry corsten (icey rmx) [breaks]… omfg, i forgot how good of a song ” punk” was X__x”’ tis the song i got my cs name from, yep indeedy X__x”’
i’m feeling… mmm i dont’ know.
link of the day — http://www.gaypimp.com/media/video/soccer_practice/ soccer_practice_300.wmv ~ oh my god. lol… lol.
11:49 pm — seriously, dude… it’s quite the phenomenon… i get more bruises and cuts everyday and existing ones get bigger and shit… WTF IS WRONG WITH ME X__x”’ i think i’m beating myself up in my sleep or something X__x”’ FIGHT-CLUB STYLE!!! ^__^
soooo busy these days… just now was the first time i’ve studied in like two weeks bleh!!! have been working everyday and NOT going to class because i am a deadbeat and i keep accidentally ( ‘accidentally’) sleeping through classes… mer.
yay josh and chol picked me up from work today AND fed me good fooooood… w00t. >__< and man, i’m sorry, but “tony hawk underground” is a retarded game.
shit to do:
- STUDY GODAMMIT.
- GO TO CLASS GODAMMIT.
- write back letters to jeanette, xinlei, dahye, and diana.
- turn in time sheet and get PAID.
- christmas presents / cards. X__x”’
- do singing / guitar thing with lewis for “duvet” by boa and “tornado” by jay zhou!
- play tennis!!!
- mail e-bay packages X__x”’ and track down e-bay whores who haven’t paid me my money!!!
- finish this month’s o2 magazine X__x”’
- get my mind back.
… and stuff!!!
my brother is moving to seattle…
… … … … … is all i have to say.
kill me now.
—
november 17th, 2003 (soco amaretto lime)
i’m listening to… “i dream” by tilt [trance], “glow” by alien ant farm [alternative], “into the sun” by lock [trance], “for you i will” by monica [r&b].
i’m feeling… k k k.
12:05 am — omfg, seriously, you need to listen to “glow” by alien ant farm… i have no idea if it’s really a good song or what, but i just find it soooo catchy… bouncy, happy, stuff!!! i’ve listened to it at least 15 times today ><
so i went to work today for the first time in a while… accidentally slept through all my classes though… oOpS… :/ >__< went to brand new concert @ night time with jessica, anthony, adam, and kevin… and saw a bunch of other fOols there… i’m freaking happy cause they played “the no seatbelt song” and “soco amaretto lime”… both of which i didn’t think they would play. unfortunately, i’m too old for these concerts and moshing and crap now, and it sucks. -__-” there were three openers… hot rod circuit (who were okay), eisly (who had two girls for lead vocals… their music was terrific, but too sleep-inducing… and the vocals were a little too screechy), and the first band was a local band called acceptance (they were actually pretty damn good… probably my favorite of all the opening bands). but damn, brand new is such a good band to see live… they actually give good breaks from moshing and build-ups and stuff… w0rd. whatever. kill me.
and man, the front and center of the crowd = death. i seriously thought i was going to break something. and now i have like a 6 inch long gash on my neck from my necklace WOOT decapitation. -__- and a four inch long gash on my arm which appeared out of nowhere… ehhh.
haha oh yeah and i brought my disposable camera to use up my film and i ended up wasting it all in the alley because they said we weren’t allowed to bring cameras in… AND THEN THEY ENDED UP NOT CHECKING!! fucking hoes.
sign up for this please… whoever’s group gets the most people to sign up for it get to split the monies… ^__^ our group is in 16th place right now. 
ah yes, the test for who are bigger internet geeks >__<
wow and eva bought a $350 acoustic guitar… tis niiiice.
hmmm yeah. and these past couple of days have been UH interesting. on sat hsu-ken took me to alderwood in exchange for ice cream, lol. good trade if you ask me… then there was a parti @ brett [pwn]’s neato six-bedroom house… yes, and it equaled much drunkeness… no need to elaborate here…!!!! X_x” and jinnie’s shoes owned my feet hardcore… bleh.
and me fresh out of rope…
please ignore the lisp;
i never meant to sound like this.
so take me and break me,
and make me strong like you.
i’ll be forever grateful to
this and you.
fix me to a chain around your neck;
wear me like a nickel.
even new wine served in old skins
will cheapen the taste.
i shot the pilot;
i’m begging you to fly this for me.
i’m here for you to use,
broken and bruised…
do you understand?
it’s only you - beautiful…
or i don’t want anyone else.
if i can choose, it’s only you.
BRAND NEW - THE NO SEATBELT SONG.
november 14th, 2003 (har)
i’m listening to… “i don’t wanna kiss you goodnight” by lfo [r&b], “lips like warm coffee” by s#arp [korean r&b], and more motherfucking something corporate… i don’t know… i just can’t get enough of this sap crap lately. and by lately i mean always… eh… now it’s sr-71.
i’m feeling… alright.
11:59 am — mMm r&b is money!! money i tell you!!
heh i remember during like sophomore year of high school i wanted more guys to be my best friends, and now i think i should never have wished that. i miss having girl friends in washington, lol… guys are cool, yeah, and they’re so much more laid-back and less dramatical… but there are just some things you need girl friends for!!!!! and i think there’s almost always SOME amount of harrassment when you’re with 90% of guys, lol. you kick my dog! you try to confrOoze! i’mma make the damnest coolest christmas presents this year, you hoes. betta recognize.
anyway i applied for another web / graphic design job for some science department @ uw today… only because my current job only gives me like 30 hours a month, which is not nearly enough money
2:12 am –bought a bunch of crap at joann’s fabric / craft store today for christmas presents that im gonna make… i think this shit is going to be cool and i like the idea a lot, but i don’t really know what other people will think of it… cause it’s cheap, and dinky, but iono, i think it’ll be neat :/
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noevmber 13th, 2003 (n00bs)
i’m listening to… something corporate’s “north” album [emoy-punk… which isn’t even a genre].
i’m feeling… alright… kinda sleepy.
10:17 pm — n00btacular.
so i had to register this morning at 6 o’clock, and i pretty much didn’t finish arbitrarily picking out classes until like 3… so i decided to stay up and just register… and then stay up some more until my 9:30 class… heh. and trask had to stay up and do his polisci readings, so we decided to stay up… ah, n00bs… so he came over at like 3:30 and we watched “bruce almighty” (which is like, so funny) and “naruto”… har! and it was all good… and i registered… and i’ve changed my classes since then, but i’m pretty sure that for sure my classes are now:
| Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10:30 | ENGL 198 T MEB 251 |
SOC 212 AH MLR 301 |
ENGL 198 T MEB 251 |
SOC 212 AH MLR 301 |
SOC 212 AH CHL 021 |
| 11:00 | |||||
| 11:30 | |||||
| 12:00 | |||||
| 12:30 | POL S 204 AF KNE 110 |
POL S 204 AF MLR 302B |
POL S 204 AF KNE 110 |
POL S 204 AF MLR 302B |
POL S 204 AF KNE 110 |
| 1:00 |
yeah, isn’t it gorgeous? fuck yeah, you know it is. take a class with me. if you go to uw, that is.
so yeah me and trask stayed up some more being delirious and he left at like… 8:40 cause i had to get ready for class… and he was supposed to go home and read but he ended up falling asleep and missing his class for his quiz!!!! and i ended up not going to my environmental science lab cause i was too tired, so… um! bad… so i have to make it up saturday morning. damn, we’re ” fucking n00bs”.
bah i have an environmental science paper due tomorrow too… and i just want to sleep :d
dude so we went to sakura’s for dinner tonight and that like… thirteen people or something… and we sat upstairs (wtf, sakura has an upstairs?!) and they gave us free chicken katsu and crap. good freaking deal.
so yeah!!! me and eva shalt going to go buy stuff for christmas presents tomorrow ^__^ i’m excited, provided things turn out even remotely close to how i want them to… *crossing fingers. meh yeah i think i’m going to go to sleep and wake up early to do my paper lol. sleeping @ 10:30… SWEET!!!
i’m in the way.
got no resolutions,
no clever anecdotes to say.
and still, if i yell at the top of my lungs,
will it be the same?
i’d fly you a flag;
i’d bury this pen into my veins.
i wanna feel for you tonight,
but i won’t make you.
* SOMETHING CORPORATE - I WON’T MAKE YOU *
november 11th, 2003 (00:00)
i’m listening to… finch’s “what it is to burn” album [punky-metal… which is not even a genre].
i’m feeling… –’ okay?
11:59 pm — jeanette’s buddy profile from a conversation we had earlier today:
“dontSQUASHthebug: im retarded
veeeeeveeeee: i know but what this time
what are best buddies for”
rgr that.
*gargle… i’ve been drinking way too much lately… i drank monday night because tuesday (today) was veteran’s day, and hence, no school. went to chol, josh, and seungbum’s apartment… they were there and so were marcela, cynthia, grace, sam, derek, andrea, and sung and tony came by for a little while… oh, and grace and sam’s friend who i once again forgot the name of -__-”
took like 7-8 shots of this weird ass blue raspberry-mixed vodka shit… oh my fucking nasty… garg… nasty just thinking about it. and uhhh coronas with limes actually aren’t too bad. when it comes to beer that is. but it might have been because i was drunk. so yeah…
- puked like 3-4 times in a row…
- made a lot of phone calls (sorry if i phoned you and it was not to your liking, but TOO FUCKING BAD YOU SHOULD FEEL SPECIAL! ^^)
- got harrassed by drunken josh (o… m… g…!)
- and kicked everyone’s asses in puzzlefighter and soul calibur 3 because for some reason i’m mad good @ videogames when i’m drunk…
- ate good ass korean food that grace and co made…
- made derek draw a monkey for me cause he is uber artist and transferred to seattle art institute (lucky ass)… yay…!!
so this year i really want to make something cool for everyone for christmas… it’s going to be handmade… i’m not 100% sure what i want to do yet, but i have some ideas in mind… i just don’t know if they are PLAUSIBLE.
today me, mike [cheung], dan and janine went to play tennis on uw campus… damn, i’m a lot crappier now… but oh well… it’s okay.. still fun -__-” then went out to eat dinner @ hosoonyi’s with sebastian, wingo, judy, and rotana (???)… hella freaking random… not sure why i was even invited, but whatever, that is another story.
god, finch is so good. i remember when they first came out with “what it is to burn” album i liked them hella hella hella… actually… i think they were one of the first punk / emo albums i ever bought since i am still relatively n0oby to the whole scene… anyway, and then i saw them at warped tour and the lead singer just really turned me off… but they’re still good -__-” i just can’t stand lead singers when they scream way too much … he wasn’t even singing… just screaming… wonder if that has changed. i’d still go see them, though.
today’s on fire.
the sky is bleeding above me, and i am blistered.
i walk these lines of blasphemy every day,
and still…
like a bad star, i’m falling faster down to her.
she’s the only one who knows what it is to burn.
today is fire, and she burns.
FINCH - WHAT IT IS TO BURN.
noevmber 9th, 2003 (bittar!)
i’m listening to… “only ashes” by something corporate [emo].
i’m feeling… sick.
1:28 pm — i find it ridiculous that once someone in the art or music or whatever world establishes a fan base, they can do whatever the fuck they want and even if it’s ridiculous, there will still be a decent amount of people who look to it in awe. actually… i’m mostly talking about the art world. but perhaps i am just bittar because i’m not there. well… no ‘perhaps’, it’s more like ‘certainly’.
6:08 pm –watching the news always depresses the fuck out of me. people are sooooo fucked up iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii think we should just all die.
so yesterday i wanted to drink - and well, i did… and now i’m never drinking wine coolers or mike’s hard lemonade or whatever bitch drinks ever again… i’m convinced something about fruit + hard alcohol = bad, because i got like rashes and shit… and i didn’t even finish one wine cooler and i felt hella freaking sick… odd. has been a while since i’ve gotten that kind of shit… but yeah… no more… only hard a from now on, lol… which is the way i like it anyway… so it’s all good.
—
november 8th, 2003 (>__<)
i’m listening to… drum’n'bass, fo shizzo nizzo.
i’m feeling… shabbeh.
10:05 pm — hmmmm. whatever.
today was an odd day… woke up, went to qfc with lewis, came home, made some milkshakes (mmm bananas), and shit, and played guitar for like three hours… learned… a little… but i am weak-sauce and i just pretty much need to practice that shit more. janno? -__-; janno? janno. it’s so fun singing along to songs when people play… damn, yo… i want to be a rockstar. rofl. but don’t we all.
bah. crushes… crushes suck! people think they’re fun and shit, but i think they suck… just get down to the nitty gritty, man.
i want to get drunk. -__-; this has been two weekends in a row of non-drinking (although i might tonight… but only like wine coolers and stuff, which is OK)… and i don’t know… seems different from the pattern of this whole school year, you know.
:/ yesterday ummm eva had a sorority family line potluck and i guess alex cooked some spaghetti for everyone (we made waaaay too much -__-;) and lewis, eric, jun, hsu-han, hsu-ken, farm, and eva’s two other sorority sis that i forgot the name of came over… i dunno it was okay… way too much food and crap. -__-; and omg, hsu-ken knows how to skateboard… that’s… weird… lol. he ollied in my room and got pretty high actually o_O and i guess he used to know how to kick-flip and stuff… just kind of weird.
—
november 7th, 2003 (move, btich, get out the way!)
i’m listening to… “in my bed (rmx)” by dru hill [r&b].
i’m feeling… okay.
12:41 am — wOot first roommate confrontation… only it wasn’t a confrontation because she wrote us a letter instead of TALKING to us. ah… the bold and direct non-directness of girls is stifling… -__-;
her note said something along the lines of, “the kitchen was THOROUGHLY cleaned last friday… please take out the trash, wash your dishes, wipe down counters, and clean up crumbs” and shit. GG, and then we went to the kitchen and GG it was either her or the other girl’s dishes in the sink. F U. -__-; and fuck you, i took out the trash the last two times. move, bitch, get out the way!
emo is sounding more and more good… the new something corporate was SO good and omg, death cab for cutie’s new album OWNS…
and triumph the insult comic dog = so funny ^__^
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november 6th, 2003 (^__^)
i’m listening to… something corporate’s “north” album [pop-punk / emo].
i’m feeling… fantabulous.
12:43 am — my eyeballs are in pain, but other than that, hey, life is good.
hmmm what has been happening… nothing much… half-assed going to class… took a midterm yesterday and the day before and i think i did pretty damn well on both of them, so i am pleased enough to slack for the rest of the week. har har. arr!
tony came over yesterday (for the first time!) and we watched “harry potter 2: chamber of secrets” is one of the worst movies i’ve seen in a long time… it was seriously pain to sit through. -__-; and yay, we picked out clotheseseses, cause he’s gonna take pics for me, cause he is fauking good… xenologics.deviantart.com ^__^ *jealous.
and today… arlen, matt [nomura] and andy came over to have a “study-scrim” since i hate going to odegaard (SO FAR!!) ~ actually got some studying done… it was like a heirarchy… arlen got a lot done, i got some, matt and andy got little. :/ X__x; but WE ORDERED NEW CHINA YAY… so i am happy -__-; and they fixed my counterstrike microphone and i am therefore very pleased. ^__^ yay, now i can maybe die less in CS because i am trying to type where people are all the time! not that that will help with my non-skill, but that is another story ^__~ PEACE TO YO MOMMAS.
and oh yes “white flag” by dido… QUALITY MUSAK. DOWNLOAD PLZ. and i don’t even like dido!!! and fauk, the new something corporate is surprisingly good ^__~ and i don’t like them all that much either.
—
november 2nd, 2003 (x__X)
i’m listening to… “gravity gets things done” by the pale [alternative], “suburbiac” by dolour [alternative], “just friends” by musiq [r&b].
i’m feeling… like… alright!
2:09 pm — rawr. man, gross… i just ate a chicken sandwich and a mcflurry @ mcdonald’s… i feel nasty. -__-;
bleh. so like yesterday was interesting… most of it kind of blurred by, but basically i woke up… and then gareth and lewis and i went to qfc to buy some food to make quesadillas with… and they bought from fried chicken… but then the two of them went to g’s and alex ended up coming over and making quesadillas which we ate with eva and farm. yeah, i don’t really know. weird.
and then a second after alex left kha, hsu-ken, hsu-han, gareth, and lewis showed up at our door, like WTF? we knew kha was coming up from portland this weekend but he never said anything so it was kind of like a… ‘is he really coming?’ sort of deal. but they decided to eat more mexican food at “la puerta” which is on a part of the ave that i didn’t even know existed… past the tattoo / piercing place we always go to and past teriyaki 1st and past pochi’s and stuff… weird. :X i guess it was good, but whatever, i didn’t eat anything. and we also concluded alex is very predictable when it comes to girl-harrassing… lol.
:/ and bleh. blah. lalala. we went to pochi’s after that and i ownt all the boys in poker (texas holdem) again… rofl. in high-card too… lol. on one hand lewis had a flush right off the bat so he kept raising… and i had a j and a k… and i ended up getting a full house on the river (last card)… hahaha. ^__^ and he was bittar. but it was funny ^__^
then kha bought some alcohol since he was the only one over 21 (his birthday was a couple of days ago)… and we went back to g and alex’s place to drink… i didn’t drink anything though because it was all beer and well - nasty. :/ T__T; we sat around watching tv and playing games and stuff for hella days and finally everyone was convinced to go karaoke (although there was some squabble about whether or not people wanted to go and stuff T__T)… but it ended up being fun and i think everyone had fun, so i’m glad it all worked out… ohhhh how i love karaoke ^__^
ohh yes and kha ended up paying for all the karaoke… he’s so nice 
it was like sixty bucks!
but yeah… yesterday was an interesting experience. we learned a LOT about different people’s personalities and stuff… VERY interesting. ^__^ but most of the stuff i can’t write here buahahaha… so into my REAL journal it’s going to go ^__^
and that is all.
getting high on
someone else’s drugs.
DOLOUR - SUBURBIAC.