moving on.
It is quite very difficult spending three + years of your life with someone, sharing your life with him, and no longer having it in that capacity with him. It’s terrifying in many ways. It feels as though you could never move on without him… as though you’ve lost a part of yourself… even though you obviously can move on and obviously will, as people always do. But three years in a relationship you at times enjoy and at times loathe will bring sentiments of nostalgia no matter what, and sadness is completely unavoidable. It’s easy to supress during the daytime, when conversation, sunlight, and the presences of other human beings abound. But late at night, when alone and left only to musical devices, breakups are a whole different world to cope with.
When it was your first taste at love, your first real opening up to another human being… it makes the breakup that much more difficult. In this case, though, it’d become perfectly clear that friendship will be the best route for both parties involved, and that both will move on to better significant others more suitable for themselves.
And while missing the little things is easy… the tender feel of skin, the cherished morning wakeup routine, and the crude inappropriate jokes… when it comes down to it, one can obsess over the beauty in details forever. But if a relationship’s not the best route, one has to let go. For the best of both parties. And hopefully at one moment it will click, and they will both be able to move without incident… with friendship in their hearts and memories of the good times as a reminder of potentially better moments in the future.
But easy as it is to string together philosophical meanderings, coping in reality is not that easy, and time will be the greatest friend and enemy.
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October 8th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
i understand. 100%. every feeling. worry. pain. heartache. wondering if you’ll feel better. actually, knowing you will eventually and desperately wanting that to happen like, um, now, or tomorrow perhaps. feeling like your whole world has been turned upside down. feeling like you don’t want to let go. that you can’t. but you have to. wondering if it was all worth it, because you’re feeling so much pain. hoping that you never feel this way again. etc. i understand. it does get better. just takes time. love you.