las vegas for christmas? we’re chinese.
december 23rd — first day.
i headed from seattle to las vegas to meet up with my family. got there and went to bellagio hotel to eat a meal with my brother and his girlfriend roxanne while my parents went to this meeting that tried to sell them a timeshare — cause that’s how we got the room in the first place. let me tell you that vegas is a shithole. i am not at all a fan of the place.bellagio cafe meal was subpar and unexciting. i was not impressed. it was expensive, too. afterwards, lord knows what we did, since it was all a blur of walking around on the strip not accomplishing much.
that night we went to go see “mamma mia!” at one of the hotels. it was good. abba. upbeat. very many sexual references. it was goot. not much else to say.
vegas is such a shithole, as i will say again. nothing much to do there but spend money. deja vu. hmm. anyway, its routine goes something like this: gamble, spend money, shop, spend money, rent expensive hotel, spend money, watch shows, spend money, eat expensive and gross meals, spend money, plane tickets, spend money. that sounds about right. the only thing that is kind of worth it is the shows, but even those felt not so exciting this time…
it must be the nature of family vacations that sucks all the joy out of vacationing.
december 24th — second day.
we woke up around noonish and drove half an hour to outlets. spent two hours there. i bought some underpants cause they were cheap and cheap boyshorts are kinda hard to find. also got a skinny tie for lenny (totally cheapo), a pair of crappy nikes so that i can walk around (but they’re so fscking ugly), dippin dots (banana of course), and a t-shirt (which is totally a homage to shrooms!!).
soo… then we left and drove back and waited in line for buffet, but halfway through that line, dad decides he doesn’t want to wait. we’d waited an hour. probably another hour to go. so we leave and go to another restaurant and wait for a half hour, and that line doesn’t move at ALL. so we leave and then go to cafe bellagio (which we went to the previous day), and the line moves faster, except by the time we finished waiting there we’d probably have been in the buffet already. so i was pissed. especially since cafe bellagio or bellagio cafe or whatever the fuck is expensive and NOT GOOD. i got this alaskan salmon burger and it was sick. blahblah.
went to m&m store after that and gameworks a bit to kill time. i pwnz0red in tekken 5. wewt.
then we went back to bellagio to watch “o”. it was good. but not as good as “varekai” which lenny and i saw last year. “o”’s primary thing is that it revolves around water, but there wasn’t really a discernable storyline, and on top of that, the acrobatics were poorer and many times were off sync. the music and costumes were worse too. they also dragged “staged” audience members on stage, which made the whole event livelier, but also cheapened the overall feeling. as with “varekai,” they had clowns do intermissions, but these clowns were not funny. AT ALL. it was pathetic. varekai was sOoOoo much better. i really don’t understand at all why “o” is so famous. on the flipside, though, the stage for “o” was really really fscking cool, but in all honesty, that was all it really had going for it.
after that we went to circus circus for a bit and gambled minimally (slot machines). gambling is lame. money goes away so fast. whatever.
when we got back, i gave parentals my present to them. i painted them some abstract concoction on a wooden block. granted, i’m not the best painter, but if your kid makes something — or if anyone makes something for you — you should appreciate it. at least a little. last year i made the a collage of family photographs and they feigned interest, but i came back a year later and it was just sitting in its frame on the floor, collecting dust. no time to display it — not even to put it on a bookshelf or something. this is the shit my family is like. i am such a black sheep.
but anyway, this year, i handed them their present and i jokingly said, “here’s my crappy present,” and my dad was like (also jokingly i think), “what kind of crappy thing did you make us now?” and i just kind of nudged it forward. they picked it up, brought it in their room, and didn’t say a fucking thing. i told them they sucked. they didn’t seem to notice and/or care.
moving on, though… cause it gets worse.
december 25th — day three.
the day to head back. airport, airport, airport. not much else. after coming back from the airport, we went to fremont to eat at ophelia. beef stew noodles. good, decent, whatever. here’s where it gets bad. conversation:
mom: so, your godparents will call and invite us over. i bought them a gift basket you can give to them. do you want to give them the wooden plank you gave us?”
me: no?!
mom: oh, you want to keep it?
me: you are the worst parents.
mom: *half-laugh
me: that’s mean (x3).
mom: i just thought if you give them something you made, it’ll mean more.
me: yeah, that’s why i made it for YOU GUYS. i don’t care what the hell i look like to them. that’s mean.
mom: i was just thinking for you.
me: whatever.
assholes. seriously, i have no real qualms about saying, “worst parents ever,” cause that’s so fucking fucked up. what the fuck is wrong with us.
the one funny thing about this trip is that my mom would not fucking stop bitching about fucking EVERYTHING. and my dad kept saying in this weird accent and making sure to only use english: “yes, commander!” and “thank you!” dad can be pretty funny. blahr. SO MUCH BITCHING FROM MOM. that must be where i get it from. fucking suck.
KILL ME NOW.