i <3 to write.
i’m listening to… “when a man does wrong” bai ashanti [r&b], “love and ecstasy” bai baby vox [korean], aaron simpson’s “volume 4″ cd [trance + breaks].
i’m feeling… alright.
quote of the day — “a little encouragement goes a long way.” so cliche, but it’s so true…? -__-; definitely.
11:20 pm — so i went to berkeley today with xinlei to visit sherry, tin-win, phil [nho], and would have been jason [yu] but i ran out of time and he was free too late. hukalicious. my mom wanted me to fill out forms for washington residency so i had to come home pretty early. xinlei needed to come home early to pack anyways, since she is going back to irvine tomorrow. just a last mingle with the cali kids before i leave on friday, since i am planning on just straight vegetating tomorrow. =) and i think we are going out to dinner for my leaving and my daddy’s birthday tomorrow night too. it’s so horrible… usually i am really good at remembering people’s birthdays… but then i guess my dad never really knew what his birthday was a while ago so he just said that it was sometime in august… and i remembered that date but then apparently he found out when his REAL birthday was and it’s in september sometime and now i just seriously can never remember it. guess i’ve become older and stupider or something. that or i just don’t listen as much now. i think that’s it. anyways, we just ate a lot all day… actually, we didn’t really eat that much, but that’s all we seemed to have done. went to this mondo gelato place for ice cream… very exciting, it was! ^__^ well, time to go watch “a sassy girl (yupgi chuhgeen geunyuh)” that phil burned for me ~ ^__^ we’ll see how goot this is! =) peace outside la.
3:12 am — so i watched the movie. it was good… although i still do not quite understand phil’s obsession with jun jihyun, but other than that, it was pretty good. it was sad >__<;; i’ve discovered i become more sappy as time goes on hehe. -__-; anyways. so i don’t know… i’ve been listening to music and i finally sorted out just why i like drum’n'bass, rock, and trance so much. when i was little i used to have an ideal beat… it’s kinda weird to say unless i show a sample (which i currently cannot do)… but when i was little and i was thinking of how i would make a song, the drums (i guess you could say), or the beat or whatever… is exactly like the drum’n'bassness… huk… okay, that really makes little sense i think, but it makes sense to me. i was a weird little kid. definitely very odd. but then again that is redundant i guess because it’s not like i’m all that normal now, eh? oh wait wait i thought of an example for the beat… the intro part to “seperated” by offspring is exactly how it is… >__<; anyways, as for trance… i only really like trance that’s really melodic… and it’s just like… moving?? not so much as in… i want to get up and dance, yiggity yo yo, but more like it’s so emotional it’s emotionally moving…? god, i’m the queen of redundance. and as for my beloved rock music… most certainly it is the lyrics… and my strange liking for skinny white rocker boys. -__-;
some more thinking i did earlier… after watching “my sassy girl” or whatever. i’m sorry, i really don’t enjoy using the english title, because who on earth uses the ridiculous word SASSY! -__-;; i didn’t even know what it meant until earlier tonight, haha. either way… call this outrageous if you don’t agree, wonderful if you do agree, and pointless if you just don’t give a shit (that rhymes). in my thoughts, in my mind, in my world, i’ve discovered some sort of justification for humanity’s ideas of religion and what we call fate…? perhaps it is just my naturally cynical nature (or maybe it wasn’t even naturally cynical but merely shaped to be this way) but i think that human beings created these things so that they can make mistakes, not face the consequences, and blame it on something else. if i do something that i regret, or if i do something with an outcome that is not favorable to me and i believed in ‘god’, i would just say, “this is god’s will”, even if god’s will fucked up my life insanely… because lord knows that happens (pun intended). if i lack the motivation to gain something that i want and my actions come too late, i can always blame it on fate… that it was never meant to be and something better will come along. not necessarily true, but things like fate and god can’t be argued with because they are thought to be absolute. i pretty much just think they’re bullshit.
it’s weird, coming from being christian, to super christian at a point, to not caring, to being pretty much anti-christian. or anti-religion for that matter. my theory just makes sense to me in every way… (wo)man creates religion, fate, destiny so that they don’t have to face the consequences for their mistakes and also so that there can be some point to their lives. but who knows… maybe that’s where i’ve gone wrong. maybe my cynicism is what is keeping me from being truly happy… enlightened even perhaps. maybe that’s why things are so pointless for me. but we can only wait and see (that rhymes again… sorry… wOo! as does that). anyways, i don’t know where this thoughtful spurt came from… guess there’s nothing else much to do and writing calms me down so much you don’t even know. all the things i would love to say but that my unarticulate self cannot say i can write… and it’s great. =T
(xinlei’s response:)
hey my phone kind of died on me last night i dunno what i did but it had these funky ass lines running down and across the screen and i couldn’t get a hold of you because i dont have your number memorized. and now i just ran into a door, which is not so amusing but anyway. but if you are free tomorrowday can you call me at home or leave me your cell number again on aim or soomething? i left a message for you on my aim but my dad likes to turn off my computer when i am not if i’m not sitting in front of it, ergo the message might not have been received. 
anyway i am leaving thursday morning so twould be super chow fun beans if we can kick it at the post office or whatever is of your liking. =)
*achoo* and the sneezing fit ensues.