happy fun time explosion!
i’m listening to… “flying high” by jem, “cambodia” by team sleep, “from the vapor of gasoline” by the mercury program, “medicated lungs” by hot rod circuit, “king diamond” by team sleep, “fastest way through the south” by the mercury program…
i’m feeling… alright
12:47 am — all day today i’ve been working on a bunch of art projects i have… i’m going to try to turn them in before the due date so that i can get surgified and be happy and shit (happy? what?)
i guess a lot of shit has been happening. off and on. on and off. friday night a bunch of people came over, and we watched “poltergeist” and this other movie we randomly picked called “final examination”. we were looking for scary movies as far as final examination goes, but yeaaah. the cover line for the movie was, “you fail, you die!” so we thought, it’s gotta be cheezy bad! and it was, more towards the second half of the movie, but the first half of the movie was like a giant softcore pron. :[ should have gone with the vampire movie i wanted originally. it WAS my decision after all, cause i paid for it. but nOo i had to go for the doubtful one. X: oh well!! fauk! and it was like $8.50 fucking movies are expensive man, WTFz0r.
and bitches who come over to our apartment omg. jeff spilled some soju shit on the ground and he didn’t even wipe it up. fucking piss me off. no respect at all. :[ lenny ended up cleaning it up >__< he’s too good >__< so yeah we talked yesterday and ummm i just asked him if he likes me. and he does.and he asked me if i liked him. and i said i don’t… i did for a little bit… i don’t know why, it just always comes and goes so fast… it’s just how i am… i’m just some broken down person who finds it impossible to be with anyone. :/ i want a boyfriend so bad but it’s so hard to find anyone that i can actually like and be interested in… i’m so broken. alex said it and it’s a line that has just stuck in my head forever… :/ i don’t know that i’ll ever heal. someday maybe i’ll meet someone who can help save me. even though i’m the one that claims people always need to save themselves… but still… i just need someone strong, not like the people who end up liking me, who bend to be like me, or bend to impress me. i want someone who has his own opinions and we can compromise. :/ i’m not that strong! i really think it is because of what phil did to me. how can someone i know so well hurt me so bad? that’s probably why i’m so drawn to strangers and people i don’t know… so much more so than people i do know. fuck. i’m so stressed out. i just want to fall in love. like really. and understand it. and be accepted. and love. like normal people can. i just need to fix myself. and fix my mind.
anyway. so that night. fucking nate [davis] got drunk and decides it’s a good idea to pull the pin for the fire extinguisher although i guess people told him not to. and he set off the fire extinguisher alarm shit. doomass to the fucking max dood. so now there’s signs up all over nordheim saying, “IF YOU KNOW WHO THIS PERSON IS, TELL US!” and shit like, “if you fuck with the elevator signs and vandalize and steal fire extinguishers, you can be evicted and possibly suspended from uw permanently”… fucking shit man. so hopefully we don’t get in trouble. this shit is so fucked up.
anyway yesterday i went to odg with liz and scanned some shit for my assignment, and tony [cordova] was there, so i managed to talk to him for a while. it’s always nice to see him and talk to him. i really think that up til now he is just one of two people i’ve really liked… him and josh… everyone else i’ve liked is just kind of whatevers - i thought i really liked them, but it was all superficial… that or i never got the chance to really find out. but i guess in these cases… the obsession or whatever was so long-lasting that… i don’t even know. but then i get turned off of people so easily… after i find out who some people i know “truly” are (as in tony’s case, after he got with the crazy girl), i don’t even know that i really knew who they were in the first place. :/
yeah i almost left liz @ the library, though, cause i couldn’t find her since she was wearing red before she got there and she put on a white sweatshirt since she was cold. and then yeah.
afterwards, we went to safeway to buy some groceries and shit for hojo’s bbq, and there were no shopping carts, so i was like, “donde estan los cartos!” and some lady actually responded with, “no estan!” and i was like X:
@ hojo’s bbq, i played a ton of “katamari damacy,” this playstation2 game… what you do is have this giant ball, and you can roll into whatever you run into… cept what you can roll up gets bigger and bigger as your ball gets bigger and bigger. at first you roll up insects and flowers and stuff, but later, you roll up shopping carts, people, cows, and then buildings, cars, skyscrapers, bridges, godzillas, giant power rangers… then clouds, volcanoes… and then one cloud has a god on top of it 
can you say awesome!!! i can!!! and in the end, during the credits, you try to roll up as many countries as possible by going around a globe… you of course have to roll up the little ones first and then the bigger ones, but it’s hard because you don’t quite know which continent is where, and as you play, the globe starts moving further and further away so soon you cant really see crap and stuff. and yeah. it’s grand.