giant ball of time waste.
i’m listening to… fear factor on tv.
3:30 am - you know, i really really hate liking people. i hate it. i feel so weak and pathetic. jeanette mentioned something like that before, and i really have to concur. i hate missing people. i hate not knowing shit. i hate this fucking shit. i have absolutely no courage or faith at all. i’ve never been so paranoid about anything. i don’t feel like lenny likes me beyond the concept of me, or that he’s even with me for any particular worthwhile reason, or that he’s even going to stay with me and not make out with cynthia or something. seriously, it’s like he spends time with me and shit, but i don’t feel like there’s any substance. i don’t think it’s going anywhere. i just feel needy but only half worthwhile. i feel like a giant waste of time - the giant waste of time that i squander away daily. he only listens to like half of what i have to say, and the other bullshit is just… bullshit. god, i hate myself so much. fuck sex. why the fuck did i get myself into that boat? GOD. i can’t stand this fucking shit. i can’t. fuck this shit. fuck.