december 2003
december 7th, 2003 (lang bor de vale :D)
i’m listening to… staind and justin timberlake’s album “justified” [pop/r&b]. har har har, i love justin’s musak. no shame in it.
i’m feeling… -__-”
10:08 pm — yeah, whatever!
the end part of “senorita” is annoying as hell. meh. this weekend has been, whatever, kind of interesting because it has been just a weird weekend. -__-
friday, went over to visit tony and we watched “how to lose a guy in 10 days” which was eh, kind of funny at some points, but kind of annoying also. :X then we took pics cause his pics are p.i.m.p. ~ but i’ll share those after he finishes editing them >< and then i just went to visit josh, chol, and seung’s cause people were all drunk and shit @ their place. w0rd… word. been a while since i’ve drank. O__x a while being three weeks. and no drugs for a while… a while being like, shit, six months. ^__^ i think that’s right anyway… maybe less. :/
but yeah… eh… people were talking about suicide and how the only reason they haven’t yet committed suicide was because they didn’t want their roommates to come back and find them and be all traumatized because of it… :/ sad…………………………………………..
yesterday = geekiness… me, trask, arlen, brett [ buchholtz], and jeremy lanned in mccarty south’s 5 lounge… rofl… okay, geeky… :/ but whatever, there’s no changing it, i already know i am / have been a geek, and so does everyone else. so w/e. we played as a professional swedish team SK (schroet kommando or some shit) and i picked up such cool swedish phrases as “godmorgon” (good morning), “lang bor de vale” (long live the whale), and “har du sedd min kaslonger?” (have you seen my pants?)… all very useful, and very, very amusing >__< gan ni niang. >__< oh yes and you know what was weird… so… brett killed this guy in cs the second right before the next round started, and the screen kind of lagged and this blood spurt showed up on the screen, and the beginning of the next round, the guy he killed was dead. it was like… he got killed so late in the first round that he died in the second round O__o; hella weird! yeah f u i’m a loser.
today me and eva went to ranch 99 on aurora… it just opened… so fucking nice having a chinese supermarket around… you don’t even know. i wish race weren’t such a big fucking deal… -__- but i don’t feel like elaborating on that, so i shant.
and uh my roommate christine is a fucking hoebag… i guess eva has been taking out the trash the last couple of times, and this time, christine just fucking leaves the trash in the living room, and today she took it outside and left it at the front of the door. fucking hoe… master of the godamn subtle murder.
yay, i hate life! 
a name in your recollection, down among a million same.
difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed and passed over.
when i look right through to see you naked but oblivious.
and you don’t see me.
but i threw you the obvious, just to see if there’s more behind the
eyes of a fallen angel: eyes of a tragedy.
here i am, expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded.
but i see, see through it all,
see through, see you.
well, oh well.
apparently nothing.
apparently nothing at all.
A PERFECT CIRCLE - THREE LIBRAS.
decembre 5th, 2003 (hoobahoo!)
i’m listening to… hOobastank’s new album “the reason” [alternative] and the movielife’s “forty hour train back to penn” album [pop-punk], the get up kid’s album “on a wire” [emo].
i’m feeling… like wasting time, so here comes this stupid crap.
stolen from dear claire.
YOUR NAME
(1) The singular boring question: What is your name? vivian
(2) If you had been born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name have been? probably not, because then i’d probably be gay, which there’s nothing wrong with, but it’s more things than i’d need to deal with.
(3) Would you name a child of yours after you? no, that’s retarded.
(4) If you had to switch first names with a friend of yours, who would you switch with? (claire said she might switch names with me! yay!)… hmm probably some girl named lakisha!
(5) What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? hua –> hOo-ah! it’s hwa you buttholes.
(6) If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name (like Madonna, Cher, Roseanne)? no, because “vivian” would sound um, retarded.
DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
(7) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? no, i don’t think so.
(8) Do you think God has a gender? i don’t know / care.
(9) Do you think science counteracts religion? maybe not always, but i don’t really know / care.
(10) Do you believe in organized religion? i think it can be a good thing and a bad thing… it definitely makes some people better people, whereas it makes no impact on other people, and just makes the rest of the people THINK they’re better people when in fact they are worse people.
(11) Where do you think we go when we die? into the ground? heh.
(12) Do you feel a little funny thinking about the questions in this section? lol, no… … … who would?
HUMOR
(13) How easy is it to make you laugh? depends who it is, or what kind of humor, but generally, yes.
(14) What person you know makes you laugh the most? hmmm… phil nho, sherry, lewis, and probably a lot more people i can’t remember… a lot of people make me laugh.
(15) Do you laugh at jokes you know you shouldn’t? yeah.
(16) Do you tell jokes you know you shouldn’t? not too often.
(17) What words instantly make you laugh or at least smile? halitosis… lol. zimboc. stuff.
(18) What do you think is the funniest thing you’ve ever said or written? heh…!?
MUSIC
(19) Do you ever dance to music when nobody’s watching? yeah… hahaha… but only to hip-hop / r&b / pop O__o… i think. oh, drum’n'bass and trance sometimes too lol… wow, sad.
(20) What is/are the worst song(s) you have ever heard? oh man, i used to have a list, but it slips from my mind now…
(21) What song(s) do you wish you could understand a little better? korean songs… japanese songs… french songs… everything, dammit.
(22) What song(s) are constantly in your head? it’s always different, but right now, a lot of death cab for cutie.
(23) What song(s) do you think describe your personality best? uhm… :/ woe is me songs. HAH.
(24) If you were to serenade the object of your affections, which song(s) would you use? “the closest thing” by the juliana theory.
(25) If the object of your affections were to serenade you, what song(s) would you hope he or she used? “the closest thing” by the juliana theory or “echo” by incubus!!! mothafucka! take notes!
MOVIES
(26) What movie(s) do you love that nobody else seems to? i don’t actually think there are any… most of the movies i like people generally like. well, “pi” for one, i guess… but i only like that one because the director is genius. and “white oleander”, but that’s just because no one has seen it.
(27) Do you agree with the idea that sequels are always worse than the original? usually, but there are some where the sequels are better… the ones that i can think of @ the moment are “x2″, “scary movie 2″, and uh… yeah, that’s it.
(28) Who’s your favorite Star Wars character? bobafett all the fukkin way.
(29) What kind of movie do you think there should be more of? old school badass action movies like “the rock”… and movies that are trippy, like “fight club”… but perhaps the rarer those are, the better they are, because otherwise they get too cliche.
(30) What movie(s) do you simply not understand the appeal of? really really really stupid humor… for example: i don’t like chris farley movies. :/
FOOD
(31) When eating, are you more concerned with taste or healthiness? both… heh… i try to balance it out.
(32) What’s your favorite kind of cheese? monterey jack, mozarella.
(33) What do you think your answer to the previous question reveals about your personality? … nothing? does it reveal anything? iono?
(34) If you knew exactly what went into Chinese food, hamburger meat, etc., would you still eat it? i do… some things are nasty, but what the hell, i still eat it. ^^
(35) Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? no, but i feel disgusted eating eggs sometimes… why eggs and nothing else, i dunno.
COMPUTERS
(36) Mac or PC? pc @ home and mac @ work… both have their dis/advantages.
(37) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer, as long as it works? i care…
(38) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversation? actually, i kind of think IM is the bane of all existence, because i miss talking on the phone sometimes.
(39) Do you find you’re different talking through IMs than face-to-face or on the telephone? on the telephone i’m around the same, but face-to-face i’m uber different.
(40) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? yeah this one camera i got sux0red because i have shaky hands and that is just a no-no with that camera.
THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES
(41) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? i have before.
(42) What do you love most about the other gender? they’re generally more laid-back and less emotional… and less dramatical.
(43) What do you dislike most about the other gender? sometimes way too competitive… generally more conceited.
(44) What do you understand least about the other gender? why they like certain girls… but everyone is different i guess, but… i dunno… just doesn’t make sense sometimes.
CELEBRITIES
(45) Do you sometimes see a movie or watch a show just because a good-looking celebrity is in it? umm… well i tend to watch movies any of my favorite actors / actresses are in, regardless of whether they’re good-looking or not, but a lot of my favorite actors are good-looking!?
(46) What celebrity’s autograph do you want most? brandon boyd.
(47) Have people ever said you looked like a celebrity, and if so, who? yeah… this one time i went to taiwan, these girls thought i was this actress that was in a movie with jackie chan, and they started like fondling my hair and saying how cute i was and stuff… it was kind of scary.
(48) If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)? there aren’t that many uh, asian actresses that i know of, but i like that chick in white oleander / that recent movie with nicholas cage that i forgot the name of. HELP, ANYONE?!
(49) Does it ever annoy you when you know someone is a celebrity but you can’t remember why? lol… uh. i dooon’t knooow. but it probably WOULD annoy me.
(50) If you could enter any celebrity’s mind like in “Being John Malkovich”, whose would you enter? marilyn manson’s… yeah, i think that’s my final answer.
(51) Do you want to be John Malkovich? hmm, he’s rich and famous… sure, why not?
NUMBERS
(52) Do you laugh when you hear or read the number 69? no, more like roll my eyes. that is soooo middle school (not even exaggerating, really).
(53) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? no ma’am.
(54) Do you actually know your Social Security Number? yeah.
(55) Do you actually know your IP address? the first 6 numbers.
(56) Do you know what an IP address is? yes, you douchebag.
(57) Do you know the four-character extension on your ZIP code? i do, actually.
(58) Ever thought there were too many numbers floating around in our lives? eh, not really.
(59) Does your head begin to hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers? i don’t even know what irrational numbers are… and i hate math, so… no, it doesn’t hurt, but i’d rather not think about it.
(60) What do you think of pi? all i know is 3.14, and why do i even need to know that?! i have no idea!
LOVE, SEX AND ALL THAT
(61) Did you get a little frightened or uncomfortable seeing this as a section title? yes, i was shaking in my socks.
(62) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? hot and bothered… er, no, just bothered. and then i’d feel mean for saying no thx homie g.
(63) Do you prefer getting to know someone first before dating them or going in “blind”? getting to know.
(64) Could you carry on a relationship with someone with the same first name as a family member? ummm yeah.
(65) Have you ever wished it was more “socially acceptable” for a girl to ask a guy out? umm… yes and no, because even if it were more socially acceptable, i probably wouldn’t change .
(66) What’s your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? if it works for some people, sure, go for it and shit, but i think girls generally get more emotionally attached than guys, and then it ends up being a problem.
(67) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? no =( but i don’t really think that many people are unattractive… they may not be ATTRACTIVE, but unlikely to be unattractive.
(68) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good-looking? some.
(69) Would you be willing to give up sex in exchange for an emotional commitment you knew would last? yes.
(70) Do you think the number of the last question was a coincidence? dun dun dun… the world may never know.
POSSESSIONS
(71) What is your favorite possession? my music.
(72) What physical, tangible possession do you want most? a boyfriend? haha.
(73) How badly do you want it? decently bad.
(74) Have you ever seen ‘The Exorcist’? i haven’t actually.
(75) How long did it take you to understand why the last question is in this section? lol… i didn’t notice until this question came up, but CLEVER! CLEVER INDEED!
HOLIDAYS
(76) Does Christmas music too far away from Christmas annoy you? yes… haha. like - during thanksgiving break was already too early.
(77) How old do you think you will be before you stop liking getting older? when i hit 21.
(78) What was the best Halloween costume you ever had? bunny costume when i was little… my mommy made it! gangsta gangsta!
(79) What was the worst Halloween costume you ever had? a “baby”… which equaled pajamas because i was too lazy to get a real costume but i wanted candy.
(80) What holiday do you think has still managed to retain its original meaning? … i don’t know. certainly not thanksgiving or christmas!
(81) There are currently no federal holidays during August- what should be put there? end of summer holiday… woot. national vivian loving day?!
MEMORIES
(82) How good is your short-term memory? it was really bad, but it’s getting better since i stopped doing drugs.
(83) How good is your long-term memory? it’s pretty good… for the most part.
(84) What is your earliest memory? living in taiwan with my grandma and dad and eating yummy noodles everyday and having my dad bring me back my favorite candy every day after work heh. oOh and a talking maya bird that spoke chinese.
(85) What is your happiest memory (other than recieving this survey)? christmas with uber family around…
(86) What is your strangest memory? the first time i dropped e… aka, i don’t remember a thing except for bits and pieces here and there and what people tell me.
(87) What song, movie, etc. do you wish you could memorize? see, i don’t know why people would memorize movies… josh and fil’s cousin memorized the entire script of lord of the rings… i mean, good god, use your brain for something better. but w/e… i can remember most of the song lyrics i want to remember.
TEARS
(88) What movie makes/made you cry? i haven’t seen this movie in a long time, but for some reason, “anastasia” used to make me cry. i don’t even think it’s sad!! so i dunno wtf is going on there. hmm… what else… “my sassy girl” has…
(89) What book makes/made you cry? i don’t think that has happened.
(90) What song makes/made you cry? i think only one song has ever done that… “pet” by coco lee. oh shit, no, and “miss you” by westlife.
(91) What makes/made you laugh so hard you cried? i don’t think that has happened.
THREE TRULY RANDOM QUESTIONS
(92) Would you like to be cloned? good god no… one miserable life is enough! actually, yes, i would, because then she wouldn’t have to go thru any of the shit i’ve been thru, and maybe she’d be more normal. or maybe not. okay, i change my mind, no, no cloning of me.
(93) Do you wish you could be alive when the world was ending, just to experience it? actually, yes. yes, i do.
(94) Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango? yes i will.
THIS SURVEY
(95) Do you think that one hundred and one questions is too long? no, i like doing these things, because i enjoy wasting time.
(96) Do you think the one hundred interesting questions actually were interesting? could have been more interesting, fo sho.
(97) Are you sorry you began filling it out? no.
(98) What question do you wish it had asked? random shit.
(99) How would you have answered it? beautifully, just like all the rest.
THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
(100) When was the last time you let the people you love know you love them? it’s been a while. i don’t know. i rarely ever say the word love. not that i don’t mean it, but i just don’t like saying it at all.
(101) What do you want the people who are reading this survey to know? i <3 you… and i’m pretty sure i do <3 everyone that reads my journal… unless there are some random fauks who read it who i don’t know of who i don’t <3 =)
anyway, i don’t even care what i end up doing tonight, because it’s time to study. BAH. gonna get ownt. :/
—
december 4th, 2003 (epiphanies)
i’m listening to… “we’re not making love no more” by dru hill [r&b], “april showers” by dru hill [r&b], “if it makes you happy” by sheryl crow [alternative].
i’m feeling… ok.
6:02 pm — i always get these random epiphanies, and then i think of all these ways to do things better, but it never lasts for long.
epiphany time. i just called my grandpa on the way back from work (he lives in new jersey), because hell, i dont’ know… and i feel hella bad for him… my grandma is so sick… she just lies in bed all day… can’t poop, can’t wash, can’t even talk… :/ she still recognizes people and can kind of mumble stuff, and can nod her head and smile, i guess. it’s sad. i’m really glad we went to go see them last thanksgiving… and even though that was so fucking long ago, there’s not that much opportunity / money to go out there, and it’s scary because i’ve never had anyone i personally knew die and i don’t even know how i would react… it’s such an intangible idea but then it really is getting more and more tangible… and that’s fucking scary, and sad as hell. but yeah… grandma probably won’t last long, and grandpa works so hard to take care of her, and it just fucking sucks… :/ everything is just so fleeting!
which leads me to my next tangent… sherry was telling me today how i should figure out what i want and work to get it, because carpe diem, and all that fucking shit. and i agree, but it’s so hard and seems so godamn impractical… but you never know what might happen and you’d never know unless you tried… and there’s nothing worse than regret… right? so they say. :/ i guess i have been wanting and hoping so hard to make a dent anywhere, but perhaps one needs to take more risks to do such a thing… so epiphany of epiphanies, yet another need to change. meh.
and i am officially one broke biatch, because i have $2.37 in my bank account. wow, sad! i thought tomorrow was pay-day and i was all thrilled, but no, pay-day is the 10th… = death.
school is so fucking unimportant to me. derek transferred from uw to seattle art institute, and the more i think about it, the more i do want to go to art school myself. i have no idea why i am a fucking soc major… i should really try to be an art major, but my parents want me to graduate in 4 and uw art courses are just about impossible to get into… no joke. and competitive. what the hell is a girl to do? should i graduate and then go to art school?! should i just transfer?! i’m confused. what the hell would i end up doing with a soc major? do i even need to be an art major? cause i have experience! oOoh, rhetorical questions galore. BAH. getting so much closer to graduation, and THAT FUCKING SUCKS. :X
so of course my TA’s wouldn’t let me make up my biological anthro quiz, so now i need to fucking OWN the test… yeah fucking right. science kicks my godamn ass.
although esterday me and alex went on our environmental science 101 field trip to the imax theatre downtown to watch a 40-minute film on volcanoes… it was surprisingly very very interesting O__o;;
woot, my birthday is soon. ^^
—
december 2nd, 2003 (l-o-v-e, g-l-o-v-e)
i’m listening to… “away from the sun” by three doors down [alternative], “at your funeral” by saves the day [alternative], “disposition” by tool [metal].
i’m feeling… like… alright!
12:37 am — just came back from the vagrant tour show with anthony and we met up with ze 2 bretts and trask there… opening band was locomotive? or were they called no motive? anyway, i have all idea… all i know is that they were alright… they had one really good song called “independence day” but no one really wanted to listen to them anyway, and they didn’t get much respect heh. so off they go.
next was from autumn to ashes… i thought they were really good instrumentally and their first song was really really good… but then after that it just went downhill… and the lead singer screamed too much… but it was cool because their drummer sang too heh… that was neato speedo. =) the drummer also sang a full song when someone else played the drums for him but uh, i think h e was uberly high on drugs. yeah… not too great… they just need a new singer. -__- but they seemed to have a lot of fans, so eh.
and then reggie and the full effect… definitely the best act… quite funny indeed! they came out with hoaky santa costumes… and then did some songs… a lot of which i didn’t actually know :/ i wish they had played “from me 2 u” but w/e ~ and then we thought their set was over but then they came back on stage and performed “gloves” in like really tight gayish clothing… one was supposed to be prince and was dancing flamboyantly… and it was great ^^ but yeah i don’t think anyone knew reggie at first but then after they started performing everyone liked them a lot better and they actually got a lot of support when alkaline trio mentioned them later on.
alkaline trio was last and they were really good for like… the first four songs… and then i got really bored, and tired, and bored, and bored some more. and they didn’t play “blue carolina” cause they suck. -__- and no one crowd-surfed really til the last alkaline trio song and then it was just crazy… but no one fell (for once) and everyone got hella far… it was weird.
twas an okay show… really cool because the crowd was older than USUAL and it was generally happier, i think… lol cept when we moved up front for reggie trask was jumping around and this girl just kept trying to push him up as hard as she could… for like half of a whole song… and it was just the funniest thing haha i was laughing for like five minutes… so funneh. ^^
missed my quiz today cause i stayed up til 5 last night half-studying it and half-doing-other-stuffing-it… what an idgit. gonna try to make it up… hopefully the other TA lets me =(
allister is finally coming again on december 13th… with homegrown… but i’ll probably miss them again BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES THEM… GODAMMIT… this is like the third time lol. -__-
(anthony’s response:)
That show was OKAY. Reggie saved the day from being really unlikable. I cant wait to see Get Up Kids in March! You have to go with me! Well, I know you’ll go, so why do I even bother saying that. =) Let’s go see Vendetta Red, they are cool. =) Alright, hope you’re test/quiz situation goes well. I’ll see you later bub.
(allen’s response:)
Wow, this reply thing is psychodelic. I feel like I’m writing on MS Word 1 for Windows 3.1. Reggie is really good. I like I like. And you listen to too much other music that I have no idear, my dear.