inside the wonderful world of vee

Mozilla is working on a new product — an application — called Ubiquity. Watch this video to see what it’s all about.

Ubiquity for Firefox from Aza Raskin on Vimeo.

Perhaps it is just me, but this kind of thing makes me angry. It is one step closer not having net neutrality as far as I’m concerned… maybe not officially, but apps like this contribute to the web becoming a smaller place… and not necessarily in a good way. It becomes a smaller place because it sections people more and more off from the web as a whole, and more into confined cubicles of websites that have already been tried and true. As you can see, all of the examples in the site are things like Craigslist, Twitter, Google Maps… with a lot of those things having commands explicitly for those websites alone. The command for Twitter is Twit. It’s not going to be able to be used anywhere else.

As technology develops, it becomes more and more scary, as far as I’m concerned. People want customize everything. Customize how this website looks. Customize what products you see on Amazon. Customize, customize, customize. Sure, customization might be cool for the general public — for people who don’t give an absolute fuck if they’re spoon-fed materials — but for people who ARE interested in finding out new things and ARE interested in making the web a place with legitimate competition, customization and programs like Ubiquity are a bad thing.

Perhaps it is disturbing to me only because I am a part of the web industry and my life revolves around having a chance “as a little guy” when there are hundreds of exisitng web giants competing in the same space… but it’s BAD!!!

it’s been quite a very long time since i’ve been unable to sleep. i cannot remember the last time. but tonight is one of those nights, and it is one of those nights primarily because i am very frustrated by the fact that my parents wield so much control over me. me, at 24 years old. me, at almost 25 years old. at what point will they leave me the fuck alone and let me do what i want to do with my life?

a lot of the people i have been talking to about this problem just so happens to be white people. or dudes. they can’t much fathom the idea at all. they can’t much fathom the thought. woe is me, fucking asian girl. woe is me, asian girl with asian parents. motherfucking suck ass motherfucker.

so here, i have been lying awake for the past… two hours (which really sucks on this particular evening because usually i have nothing to do the next day but tomorrow i start my part-time job and actually have to go into the office at 9am)… going through in my head what i would potentially say to my parents to convince them that i am not 12 years old anymore, and that they should allow me to travel europe by myself. for 5 days. it’s not going to fucking be that big a fucking deal.

but to them it IS a big fucking deal. and it is SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO irrational. irrational beyond belief. people move to europe all the time. how do they cope? they certainly don’t know the area. people also move to work temporarily in europe all the time. is that a big deal? don’t they do fine? of course they fucking do.

not too long ago, xinlei went to scotland to visit a friend. TO VISIT A FRIEND. SHE ONLY HAD TO TAKE THE PLANE BY HER FUCKING SELF. yet my mom was like, “how could xinlei’s dad possibly let her go by herself?” TO SCOTLAND FOR CHRISTSAKE’S!!! WHERE THEY SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH AND NO OTHER LANGUAGE BUT ENGLISH!!!

i don’t know why they think other countries are sOooOoOoOo much more dangerous than the fucking united states but i’d be way more scared being alone in new york than in say lisbon.

but how would i even convince them?

my only arguments are that… it is not that dangerous. it’s only for a few days. i could call them and email them if they REALLY wanted, practically every day. and on top of it all, OTHER PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME! even people we as a family know. and yet they disapprove every time, with no concern that those people have the times of their lives traveling on their own and the fact that their parents let them go helps with peace of mind. but my parents (or at least my mom, i honestly don’t know my dad’s thoughts on the matter) don’t care for experience gained. they more are just scared of everything. every fucking fear tactic ever would probably work on them.

and the thing people don’t understand is… there probably isn’t any tangible thing they could DO to me. i don’t need their money and they probably wouldn’t do more to me than bitch. so why do i even care what they say? what’s the worst they would even do?

i don’t really even know. nor do i know why i fear my mother so much but let me tell you — the woman is pretty much terrifying. but i reckon now is a time better than any to stand up for myself and let them know that i’m tired of being treated like a 12 year old… that i’m not going to live the rest of my existence thinking about what i’m not allowed to do and where i’m not allowed to go because they find it to be dangerous… that i can’t even seriously entertain the thought of studying tefl abroad in a latin american country because they are ignorant and think every latin american country is waging drug wars… nothing ends. and it’s time it did. i don’t know how to do it 100%, but hopefully it works out. cause this is making me miserable. so miserable i can’t sleep!!!!!!!!! and considering that’s the first time in months, that’s pretty damn miserable.

yet, i don’t know if anything i can say can convince them that it is okay, and i’m terrified of their thoughts and bitching. TERRIFIED.

or maybe it’s not so big a problem… but i think it is one.

the way my mind works is… if i have an idea, a notion of the faintest significance… i want to pursue it immediately or it will greatly bother me. it doesn’t even matter what it is, really.

new website idea? need to make it. immediately.
new crush? need to pursue him. immediately.
new phone? need to program every number in it. immediately.
new food desire? need to eat it. immediately.

IMMEDIATELY!!!!
IMMEDIATELY!

it’s like, i don’t know — like i never feel there’s enough time or that things are always bound to change for the worst. if i don’t do it, it will never get done, or it’ll disappear, or it’ll go away and i will have missed my chance to do whatever i wanted to do with it.

but the real problem is that i obsess over things. if i have the most meager idea, i will think it to death — until it becomes something of relative worth for my time. but then… even though i have this thought-out idea in my head, it will still never be accomplished because it all comes back to the lack of time. there is only so much that can be done in such a short period of time.

it’d be easy to say that it didn’t matter but things have happened which HAVE caused me to miss seizing an opportunity, and on rare occasions, i have regretted said things. as a result, the sense of urgency now comes into play regularly.

i don’t know. it’s pretty frustrating. i could never really pinpoint the problem until now but here it is, in written form.

for virginia’s project or some shit. might as well post it somewhere…

people are all too willing to swallow up whatever is spoon-fed to them via major media. i’ve found that some people are tired of being told what to think or what to listen to, but don’t know where else to turn. magazines in particular often seem to be such corporate guinea pigs that you can practically match up every advertisement with every
featured item. it’s almost as though, if you have money, you can be met with success… which is unfair and often cuts out the truly talented only to promote the mediocre.

i was tired of being told by the media that britney spears and matchbox twenty were what i should’ve been listening to, so i decided to start a media outlet of my own. after many incarnations of magazine — all slightly varying in content and design — i finally settled on what seemed like a comfortable fit to me. redefine magazine is now a magazine dedicated to small-time musicians and artists who do not otherwise get the chance to be seen and heard. it has been difficult and frustrating because doing it yourself is simply
quite difficult.

ultimately, what it comes down to is figuring out what is meaningful to you and realizing there are people who think what you’re doing is important, even though they may not be swimming in buckets of money or fame (and maybe you never will either).

no one who is doing something creative wants to give up control over their work. no one wants to be owned by someone else. being truly creative is never easy; i am reminded of this every time i meet a talented local band who no one has heard of or an artist who works numerous odd jobs just to be able to paint in his or her spare time. but these creative outlets are worthwhile, and it is very necessary that creative folk continue to do what they do, and that they make themselves heard.

there’s actually a crapload of junk that i would like to update but i don’t really have the willpower for it lately. there’s just soOoOooooOooOOooOOooOOOooOO much to do. i’m not even joking around. +__+ i just want to kind of curl up into a ball and die YAY DEATH BALL.

anyway, i had a reason for writing this… what was it again?! oh yeah.

i think so far i’ve done pretty well at straying away from the whole, hello, i am asian girl, i can do nothing but become whatever my parents want me to be, but as i was discussing with jeanette the other day, no matter what, with every decision i make, there is this nagging feeling of incredible dread that something will result in my being bitched out by my parents. not my parents, so much, actually, but more like my mom. my dad doesn’t give a flying fuck anymore… at least not so much. he just wants us to be happy. mom… is another story.

the other day my mom was like, “you better not bring home a hippie as a boyfriend.” along with shit like, “marry someone rich.” or “marry chinese.” like i give a fuck about any of those things. like jesus christ. i feel like an eternal kid. i find it to be extremely selfish to say that kind of shit to your kid. maybe, like, find someone that treats you right is good. maybe. but why does everything have to be so negative lol. as if it’s not enough pressure to begin with to even find someone who you are completely happy with. now i have to worry about what she thinks too? no thanks. like, i’m sorry if you’re racist and care too much about money, but i’m not. and i know money was hard growing up and all, but really, i don’t find money to be that hard to come by. i don’t spend money so therefore money is easy to save up. i don’t need to marry rich. i just need to marry someone who will make me happy. that’s it.

fucking asian parents man. like jeanette was saying… they honestly have no idea as to the degree of negative effect they have on their kids. everyone ranks asian kids as all “successful” but it’s interesting because a lot of them might be rather successful in studying but just suck at life other than that. because they’ve lived their whole lives for other people.

in december i will be going to munich with sherry because her parents are there, and you know, free housing and shit. i want to have a layover in amsterdam for like, 7 hours or something, so that i can explore the city by myself a little. i’ve never been to a foreign country by myself. frankly, i’ve never been allowed to. wish i had studied abroad, but it’s a little too late for that (unless i go get my TEFL in peru… ah, a girl can dream… and possibly do in the near future). and i mean, if i’m going to have a layover anyway, might as well make it an interesting one. the amsterdam red light district is only 15-30 minutes away, and is well worth it since i’d have a 9 hour layover with probably about 6 hours of exploration time. this is something really simple. go to amsterdam during the daytime. explore by yourself. shouldn’t be a fucking big deal. but it would be a big deal. and i can’t even say something this simple to these parents. i’d never hear an end to the bitching. i’m a girl. i’m too young. i’m a girl. i’m a girl? i’m a girl. etc. etc. and that’s just not cool.

life decisions are hard enough but these days, as i’m wondering and double-guessing what i want to do with the rest of my life, having to put up with so many other people’s emotions is freaking unbearable. i would be content to live my life working part-time, and doing freelance or contract work on the side, and honestly, although living like that can be erratic, i’ve never been short of money doing that. in fact, i’ve had major amounts of money saved up from those jobs which have allowed me to fund my magazine and all that, which is no cheap enterprise. yet if i do that, i never hear the end of it. even working 32 hours rather than 40, i never hear the end of the bitching. it’s so exhausting. i’m tired of pleasing other people. i ignore a lot of it. i just say yeah, whatever. but in the back of my head, things really do effect the way you think. you begin to wonder, maybe i should do this. maybe other people are right. maybe, maybe… i’m the only one doing this… why am i the only one doing this? well, the answer is, everyone else wished they could only work contract or freelance but they can’t… and that’s why they don’t. that’s the nitty gritty truth of it all. so why do i feel so bad for doing these things?

and it would be so simple to write off these unfounded opinions, but you know, obligation, they’ve done so much for you, blahblahblah, makes it difficult. so instead, i’m trapped in this eternal battle between what i want to to do and what i’m told i want to do. and here i am, trying to please both sides. and really, that doesn’t work. instead, these days, i think i’m the one who is thoroughly unpleased. and i mean thoroughly. THOROUGHLY.

listening to… sechskies’ first and 3.5 albums. i don’t know why koreans have 3.5 or 2.5 albums — what the hell does that even mean? cause they’re like, full-lengths… not even lke eps. i don’t get it.

i’ve got a lot to say and the desire to say it, but not the will or patience to say it. and by say it, i mean write it. sigh. i don’t know.

i officially live in greenwood now. it’s a little lonely. it’s strange to go from living with someone every day, night in night out, and having someone to come home to… and then coming home to nothing and not having something to look forward to. and having the feeling that you’re the only one who cares about that. it’s very strange also, moving out from somewhere where you’ve shared so much stuff. so much stuff had to be thrown out because we’re not sharing it anymore or are moving into places that already have those things… it was really quite depressing, actually.

when i had made this decision it had seemed like a good idea, although this first week it does not seem like such a good idea. although it does at times as well. it’s all been a bit hard for me. but it seems it’s ONLY hard for me. i’m kind of lost, looking for some sort of communication breakdown. but it’s so very confusing… and hard…

yesterday lenny and i went to the petco and cold stone’s. as we were walking there, one of the crossing signals changed, so i said we should cross and lenny wanted to wait… even though in the time we were waiting we could have already crossed the street and saved ourselves some time. i was a little annoyed because it made no sense but it wasn’t a big deal. on the way back, he wanted to cross the parking lot so that we could be on the other side of the street to ’save time’ so i pointed out that he had not wanted to save time when i suggested it earlier even though it was essentially the same thing. i was just like, joking, and pointing it out initially but then he began to make a big deal out of it… and as i was explaining what had happened earlier, he suddenly was like, “no! no! don’t talk about right now… talk about before!” and i was like… “i was talking about before right now”… and that confused him cause it was an awkwardly worded sentence and i tried to place the pauses like… “i was talking about before… right now” and he just didn’t get it and as i was trying to explain it, he was like, “shutup! listen!” and then i explained it again, with the pauses, and he was like “ohhh…” and then seemed very unsure of himself after. but it was just the rudest thing he has ever done and he literally screamed it. i asked for an apology later before we were going to bed and he gave one but it was half-assed. it was like, “sorry…” immediately followed by, “you always raise your voice.” maybe i do, but not in this case. i had dulely noted that he had raised his voice first and then after that i made a split-second conscious decision to raise my voice because he had raised it so suddenly. and suddenly i felt the need to compete or something to get my point across. my point which wasn’t even serious to begin with until it was being contested… i asked him afterwards and evidently he WAS sorry and felt bad… just not good at conveying it i suppose.

i just wonder where i am on the totem pole. because it feels like i am very low on it. it’s mostly just frustrating because i am a very apathetic person, yet i feel like i have been very far from apathetic when it comes to this relationship. in fact, it feels like i’m always thinking of him or trying to. it’s frustrating that the one thing i’ve tried to put effort into returns so little effort. but this is always the case, i guess. it’s always the people who you want to care the most who care the least.

when i was growing up i was very non-apathetic about people and actually invested a lot of energy into them. i don’t know why, though, but somewhere along the way i just stopped caring. but occasionally bouts of my old self would resurface and i would spend time on people… and try to be non-apathetic the best i could. first few years of college i would write down everyone’s birthday dates and try to make a present or draw a card for them or SOMETHING. one chrstmas i spent hours and hours and hours, and lord knows how many days making everyone a card and a clay present… but i found that most of my efforts were largely in vain, with a few exceptions. but really, the unreceptiveness of people only bolsters the apathy… but it seems like the people who you want to care the most care the least. did i already say this? [sidenote: yeah, hell yeah i did… oOps]

last year i spent some time crafting a christmas present for my parents which was some mini-painting i painted on a piece of wood. honestly, it was one of the few things i have done that i actually liked, and it was good wood! GOOD WOOD DAMMIT. i gave it to my parents and they literally… quite literally… laughed in my face. it was fucking awesome. and by fucking awesome i mean sucked ass and made me feel like shit. then my mom suggested i give it to my godmother because i needed to give her a present. it was seriously a fucking emotionally scarring moment lol. i don’t think i will forget it.

it’s these types of things that just make you want to not care. fuck people. i mean, it’s a self-centered thought in a way i suppose but………… what can you do… .. .

certainly i’m not that bad. why do i feel like i am…

ah, people… they are inexplicable. who can understand them.

i’m listening to… fischerspooner, led zeppelin, the decemberists, wongmo, tangerine dream.
i’m feeling… alright.

1:58 am - throw me on the backburner cause it’s easier for you that way! yay!

well said, mr. brandon boyd (in his book, fluffy white clouds, yay, lenny bought it for me) — and this here is why i idolized him as a writer. cause he… understands? i’m sure plenty of people have these thoughts and plenty of people write them down… but the main difference here is that he vocalizes them… because he can? what drew me to incubus in the first place wasn’t even their music. sure, it was great. it was good. but what drew me in were the lyrics, and how honest and open they were. stating personal flaws and struggles on a new level, rather than a, “oh no, some girl broke my heart” level every time.

i think in our society, people write as a form of therapy, sure, but it’s always hidden away in some diary or locked away in some chest. writing is therapeutic. i definitely think so. but people are so afraid to write beyond the obvious. not everyone, mind you… but most people are afraid of saying things like, i’m lonely, or i hate that i am so judgmental, or blahblahblah. mostly it is limited to simple things, like, boys are such dickheads, or this is what i read today, and it reminds me of how i am feeling, hoorah. it’s refreshing when people write down what they’re really feeling, what their shortcomings are, what their insecurities are… because it’s so rare.

that being said, however, i think xanga and internet mediums such as that have led to people popularizing their diaries and writing them in a forum where everyone can read. this leads some people to concluding, “shit, kids are so emo nowadays… they’re fucking pussy… all they write about is how bad things are,” etc. i’ve heard it. but i don’t think that’s it. i just think that the internet has given people a chance to say things that they were scared to say. sure, people like attention, but i think the fact that people are reading and the fact that other people post things about their lives just makes people braver. granted, these things are still highly limited to the things i mentioned earlier, and still… very few are reflections of the true self.

and the communication only improves on the digital front, really… i think most people are still too afraid to say any of those things in person — even the watered-down internet half-assed versions — which sucks. the digital age has stifled our abilities to communicate like real people. the phone is becoming a foreigner. real people aren’t even necessary for some to feel sane. it’s not right.

anyway, as mentioned previously… most people tend to write when their moods are at extremes. and perhaps when you are happy, you’re busy, or something else is occupying your mind. happy posts don’t have as much of an impact as sad posts do anyways. happy posts are like… okay… rather than sad posts, which are like… OMG… hence they are more well-remembered and more paid attention to, since most people find the need to say something when someone else is sad, rather than when someone else is happy. it’s like waiting in traffic… you only notice that your lane is going slower when it’s going slower, not when it’s going faster. people love to focus on the negative.

not to say that i am any different. my best work stems from being negative. it is negativity that gives me the ability to create — be it in a written or visual way. it’s pathetic… but that’s the way it is, and that’s the way it always has been. from the first poem i wrote in 6th grade or something, sitting in the computer room crying and thinking about dying and why i was lonely and shit… i admit it, i have been motherfucking emo from day one. and i don’t really care. that’s just the way it is and always will be.

i don’t know where this rant came from. and i’m not really sure that it really went anywhere, but oh well!

on another note… i’ve realized to me that when i find someone with potential, and the potential it not being used, it… bothers me. it bothers me because it seems like so many people could be so much more, but they’re just not trying. they just don’t care and are content to be content. and that, i have found, is evil. now the problem lies here: … at what point should i start caring? is it any of my business that these people are squandering their time?… why does it bother me so much? if they are content in the here and now, should that be enough? i don’t know. i think through the years i have had enough people say, “hey, this thing you did changed my life,” or “hey, this thing you did made me think twice about blah,” where i somehow get the idea that maybe all some people really do need is a push here or there… but not everyone wants that, and is it in my right to even try?

i think i have tmj. lockjaw. but i’m not sure. i probably should get it checked out, but when?

ambient music is… awesome.

i’ve been listening to the radio a lot just because i happened to take my cd’s out of my car. meh. it’s whatevers for the most part. really late at night, though, it’s sometimes cool to see the random shit that comes up… i especially like when they play older stuff that you like that you usually would never hear on the radio. it’s like… refreshing. i really like the… whatever, rockabilly, dancehall, swing type stuff… i don’t even know what it is really, but i like the fat bass licks and the voices… and it’s just good. the “stray cat strut” by the stray cats or whatever came on the other night, and i have to say, it was the only time in a long time that the radio has sounded so good.

adam brought over “guitar hero” today and played some of that. it is actually rather fun, but i think i may just get sick of it sometime.

had a meeting with a bunch of randomz yesterday to talk about advertising. so far, there are about… seven people on the advertising ‘team’. seriously, if ads aren’t sold this time, i just don’t know wtf. there is sooo much shit to do. i don’t know what i’m doing. i think all of my health problems are caused by stress. how to fix?

i might take a job @ little nickel… if i get it. it’s not a lot of money… $12.50, which is better than my current job, @ $12… but it’s full benefits for 34 hours/week, and benefits are really what i want. the shift is from 5PM to 5AM monday thru wednesday. graveyard. X: hopefully, the job could go somewhere else, cause i happen to know the chick who is doing the interviewing and shit (although someone else will be doing my interview), and she started out working the job i’m hoping to take, and she now runs a lot of shit there… and she has a literary publication that she prints there for COST. so… hopefully it works out. 12 hours a day is a lot, but i like that it’s only on three days. so, we’ll see how it goes. hopefully i don’t die or something… from stress and lack of sleep, that is. SHIT MAN. I HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING WORK TO DO THIS FUCKING WEEKEND, MOTHERFUCKER. X: this past week all i have been doing really is working… working and playing games. wait, that’s just like usual…?

i’m so tired of the poor communication lenny and i have. it’s not right. and it’s not at all calming. it puts me on edge, if anything. like a one-person, three-ring, circus sideshow [tool - aenima] — that’s what i am. it all goes back to being too comfortable… comfortable to the point where you don’t care to try. i don’t think i’m there, though. if anything i have gotten the point of discomfort. but he might be.

i need to read up on taoism or something. just fucking… go back to my ways of not fucking giving a fuck. taoism, where everything just is, and essentially, none of your fucking business. what matters is only in your immediate realm of self. i like that. maybe believing that will help the stress will go away. maybe learning to breathe will help the stress go away (i find that often times, i forget to breathe).

maybe i should just become a pothead. jokes, of course.

for 27 years, i’ve been trying to believe and confide in
different people i’ve found.
some of them got closer than others -
some wouldn’t even bother
and then you came around.
i didn’t really know what to call you;
you didn’t know me at all,
but i was happy to explain.
i never really knew how to move you,
so i tried to intrude through
the little holes in your veins.
and then i saw you…
but that’s not an invitation;
that’s all i get.
if this is communication,
i disconnect.
THE CARDIGANS - COMMUNICATION.

i was @ soompi.com today and people were talking about how asians get stereotyped in hollywood. they complain when the asians are portrayed as the geeks, they complain when asians are portrayed as kung-fOo masters, and they complain when asians are portrayed as gangsters. WHAT THE HELL DO YOO EXPECT? it’s like that even in asian movies godammit… asians are either hardcore killers, kung-fOo masters, or geeks. so…??and then these people are complaining about how they hate these racist stereotypes and shit… and then they go around saying, “oh i hate these redneck muthafuckaz”… uhhh that’s not racist i swear.

and then this one girl got pissed off because she read a history book and asian people got their stores bombed… i think that was probably during the l.a. riots when all that shiet between the koreans and the blacks were goin down… i’m not sure because that girl didn’t even kno what the hell she was talking about, but she said, “i was reading this umm.. social studies book in grade 9.. and there we were doing the law unit..and there was this story about this person walkin into a azn store and bombing their store cuz the azn pplz stopped them from stealing or sumthing.. and it pissed me off cuz why are azn pplz always the one getting killed or bombed or wutever in storys or book”. godammit, it’s a HISTORY BOOK. that means it fuking happened. and yoo can get pissed off cuz an asian got killed in a mofo history book? sheesh…

and then the same person that started that stupid post saying that asians are the ONLY ethnicity to be really portrayed poorly in hollywood dared to say that “its like all the asian women are running off with the white boys while the asian men are portrayed to be “less” of a man”. uhhh… okay… so when the asian guys are gun-toting gangster fOoz in movies that portrays them as less of a man? define a man, then… they don’t like the smart people because they’re not considered men, they don’t like the gun-toting fOoz cuz they’re not considered men… then what the hell is considered a man? what the hell do yoo WANT?? i mean it’s not like white people aren’t stereotyped in asian movies too… and yeah… black people don’t get stereotyped in hollywood? PLEASE… they’re often considered gangbangers and players. and hispanics get stereotyped too. i hate these dumbass asians. always thinkin that just because asians are the most ‘different’ from caucasians, they’re the ones that get picked on the most. please. -_-
(random guy’s response:)
i’m copying and pasting this from something else

“follow your dreams” is a very american sentiment… like only an american would pack up all their shit and leave Iowa to come to california for no other reason than to become famous.

you see AZNs packing shit up and moving to america but that’s cuz they are looking for money or a better life, nothing as trivial as fame. AZNs culturally i think are a lot more utilitarian.

American’s think “money can’t buy happiness” but AZNs think the exact opposite.

so part of the reason why you see so few AZNs in the media, yes, it is because “the man” is keeping us down, but it is also ourselves keeping ourselves down.

15 year old Asian American kid says to dad “i wanna be an actor” dad says “wtf, how are you going to support yourself? How are you going to feed yourself? How will you take care of your kids? you should become a doctor or engineer or something else instead”.

And thus, before the seeds of the dream even get a chance to sprout, they are already cut down. So combine “the Man” with the lack of support from family, and it’s no wonder no AZNs make it in show biz.

Of course, then there is the racial typecasting. You see AZNs in very few roles, and they are often either bad guys in movies (you can never trust those azn’s, they ride around on motorcycles with uzis), or they are the old dude that trains the white hero how to fight. Or if they are lucky enough to be the hero, they never get to kiss the white or black female lead role, because for whatever reason, even though the AZN male is allowed to kick some ass, he’s still not man enough to get the girl.

And why do you always see the same 5 asian guys in movies, playing the same 5 karate masters and kung fu bad guys? Well that goes back to the first thing… so few asians ever make it in show biz anyway. so if you wanna cast some kung fu bad guys, well, you gotta get the same 5 guys cuz they are the only ones around.

(diana’s response:)
i disagree with what’s written there. that’s just a bunch of “i’m the victim” bs.

it’s not only asian parents who discourage their children from getting into show biz. most parents would disapprove. not necessarily because they just want to be difficult, but because of genuine concern. the world of entertainment is a risky place with no guarantees.

a lot of great actors/musicians/models had absolutely NO support from their families, but they ran off to pursue their dreams anyway. that’s called drive. that’s called desire. so if you’re going to say, “yeah, well, i wanted to be an actor but my dad wouldn’t let me” obviously, you do not posess those qualities so it’s a good thing your dad didn’t approve, for you would’ve been a TERRIBLE actor with no passion. if you’re not willing to put everything on the line for you dream, you don’t deserve to achieve it. so stay at home and become an engineer, because there’s already enough talentless actors in hollywood.

as for lack of diverse roles, that’s expected. in the old american b&w movies, where were the black people? they were the servants & the laborers is all. back then, that’s all the majority of people knew them as, so that’s the only roles they were casted in. but times have changed and now there are black characters of all kinds: businessmen, heroes, villains, gangsters, nerds, etc. in current american movies, the question isn’t “where are they” but “where AREN’T they”?

so on one hand, people complain that asians get no roles. then in the very same breath, they complain that the only roles are as kung-fu-fighting heroes or kung-fu-fighting villains. stupid me actually thought that those were called roles..! and as for the asians + martial arts typecasting, what’s wrong with that? we have to get started somewhere, now don’t we? and haven’t you noticed the popularity of these movies? the vast majority display mediocre acting skills, but people still go to see it! it sells!! so if it ain’t broke, why should hollywood try to fix it?

and yes, there is a lack of asian actors. GOOD asian actors. that’s not hollywood’s fault. you think you’ve got talent, but you give up because “the MAN” & your parents are against you? well then, go crawl under a rock because you are of no use to this world and you’d never make it in this cutthroat business. yes, culture is a factor, and white americans would have a much “easier” time to pursue their dreams of acting glory. but guess what? it’s not only in the entertainment world where minorities have to work twice as hard as the whites to get the same amount of recognition. you better get used to it and get stronger or you’ll never last.

oh, and wtf is up with all this “not man enough” macho bullshit? ooh~ not man enough because you don’t get to kiss the girl?? news flash: you’ll never be man enough. if you think getting the girl = proving your masculinity, then go ahead and move to an all-male planet where all the guys can pat you on the back and cheer you for fucking a lot of girls. no wonder you’re not man enough; that way of thinking — however widespread & accepted as it may be — is immature. boys need to get the girl to feel like a man. a man knows he’s a man regardless of what other people think, and he doesn’t need to go around “proving” it.

okay, wannabe ravers’re driving mee farcking psycho. i dun even kno whassup with this… jes because raves are the “in” thing right now, all these people won’t stop talking about raves and the light shows people give and the music (even tho they may not kno anything about any of this stuff)… it’s lyke goddamm, please, shutup!

i’m not gonna name names but everyone knows wannabe ravers exist… caucasian people do it too — bust out their little lights and stuff @ skool dances — but from what i seen, it’s mostly asian people that think going to raves and liking the music and twirling the lights automatically makes them pimps and playaz and angels and playettes and bebes and babes and sexy gurls or whateva (something else asians do too much of, eh? i mean jes look @ everyone’s screenames) >P it’s hella irritating. i wonder if they kno how STOOPID they look.

in physics today we were playing with lasers. mai teacher hooked lasers up (lyke laser pointers) and reflected them offa mirrors so that the laser showed up on the white board. and then he put the laser pointers on speakers so that when the speakers vibrated, the laser pointer would jolt and make various patterns. actually, it was really kewl. yes and here’s a sample of a conversation that took place:

person - omg, what does this remind yoo of
mee - uhhh… i dunno…
person - duh, think about it
mee - (*thinking - i bet yur gonna talk about raves*) i dunno…
person - yoo kno?? the light shows??
mee - oh. yeah.
person - duh.
mee - heh.
person - were yoo the one who said that people are really amused bai flashing lights?
mee - hmm… i dun think so. (*thinking - yeah, cuz i dun find those light shows amusing… i think they’re stOopid*)
person - oh well someone said that.
mee - oh.
(five minutes later)
mee - hee hee. this is kewl. i want one in mai room or something.
person - yeah! that’s what i’m sayin!! were yoo the one who said that people are really amused bai flashing lights?
mee - uhhh no. (*thinking - yes, that’s what i said last tym!*)

yoo think i’m enthusiastic, eh? haha. that’s how i talk when i’m really uninterested >P

anyways, these same people start actin lyke they kno everything about techno music when it comes on. but then they don’t. example… today someone called every kind of techno HOUSE. even tho we were listening to trance. but that’s okay. honest mistake. then this other person couldn’t think of a RAVE song (as if rave is a genre) and was tryin to think of it… couldn’t think of it… but he kinda described it. said it was played on the radio, had a little mello part in the middle, and was mostly instrumental… immediately another person piped up sayin “ohhhh yeah! i kno what yur talking about!!” rooooooight… no trance songs are ever mello. no sir. and this exact person who ‘knew what she was talkin about’ wanted a cd burned that was techno even tho she only heard ten seconds of ONE song. wassup with that???

i dunno what the big deal is with raves. i bet they’re fun, sure. i bet people enjoy it, yeah. but do they REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY have to go everywhere and talk about it constantly? especially if they’ve never even BEEN to one?? it’s annoying! goddamm, please shutup! =P

one of mai new biggest pet peeves - fake people! not people who get plastic surgery and boob jobs (even tho i think that’s stupid too)… i mean people who ACT really fake. it’s like… they expect yoo not to be able to tell, but yoo can… easily. very easily.

mai first example? people who ask yoo if yoo wanna go places when yoo KNO they don’t really care if yoo go or not (yoo kno that cuz after yoo say, “oh, i don’t kno”, they immediately answer with “okay!” and like run-off or something). it’s stupid. if they didn’t want yoo to go in the first place, then why ask yoo anyways?? they try too hard to have everyone like them. if yoo want people to like yoo, yoo jes be nice… that’s kinda a bitchy thing to do if yoo ask mee.

second example… people @ church. well, there are people like this normally too, but i can’t think of another example right now. there’s this guy @ our church (no names). he always somehow coincidentally sits bai mee during worship, and he sings so loud that i can’t help but to stare @ him occasionally. what pisses mee off? not cuz he… doesn’t sing that great. it’s that he tries to act sOopah christian-like when he’s singing… it’s jes stupid. like when he’s singing a song that’s supposed to be “very deep” and “intimate” with the lord, he closes his eyes. okay, fine, whuteva… people do that all the tym. why? i don’t kno. i think that’s fake too, but that’s not even nearly as bad as this guy. he doesn’t kno the words, so he opens his eyes, reads a line, closes them, sings like two words of the line, opens his eyes again, reads a line, closes his eyes, sings like two more words. it’s ridiculous to watch, and even more ridiculous that other people can even believe that he is genuinely enraptured bai the love of god. bullshiet.

that’s why i like people who — keep it real. it sounds like a stupid term, but i really think it’s important (isn’t it stupid that a lot of rappers are the stupidest, fakest people out there, yet they were the ones who came up with the term “keepin it real”?). that’s why i try to be as real as possible with people… most of mai close frendz kno that i’ll tell people a lot of stuff that is on mai mind. of course, no one can always tell people what’s on their mind, cuz then no one would have frendz, but yoo kno =P