inside the wonderful world of vee

i’m writing this and it’s january 2008. oh well, need to recap it SOMETIME. even if it is a little late ^__~

sunday, november 18th, 2007
took the fucking AGO-NIZ-FUCK-ING flight to taipei and it was well, agonizing. i stayed a day later and left a day later than i was originally supposed to (which was friday), because i was sponsoring artifakt event the night before and yair was playing a show! well, people really liked his performance, so yay. the show itself was alright, some decent art, some okay. but yeah.

first evening i got there and daddy couldn’t go anywhere cause his leg was injured (from playing the wii), so mom, phil, roxanne, and i went over to the night market. had to take a taxi as it was too far to walk to. ate niu rou mian (beef noodle stew) but it was kinda gross. meh. it wasn’t gross. just okay.

some taiwanese fashion. long shit with leggings is all the rage there right now.

monday, november 19th, 2007


mom and dad had to visit the doctor, so phil, roxanne, and i got up early and just went to walk around. lotta shit was closed. we went to taipei 101 (the current tallest building, although soon to be not… why do people find the need to build as tall as possible anyway? it’s so freaking weird)… but it wasn’t open yet. so we walked around, in search of food. we bought some stuff at the convenience store. pretty much we are lucky i can read a bit of chinese — at least enough to get a basic idea of foods — so i got us picked out some onigiri stuff. that was really hard to open. and ooOoooOooOo green tea milk, you are so yummy. <3 finding food in foreign countries — it’s seriously the funnest part >_> spicy chicken onigiri up there. it was actually really good.

taipei 101. oh yeah, taipei 101?? you think you’re cool because you reach into the clouds? PFFT. inside, it’s pretty much just a mall for rich people. you know, the usual.

common sights in the taiwan, with taxis and all that jazz. women riding mopeds with high heels. okay, so it’s not THAT common but it’s not uncommon either.

slightly more uncommon sights. man with ladder while riding moped. what a pimp. and a naked mannequin.

magazine in bookstore in taipei 101 that’s dedicated to all things “BLANG BLANG” — i would have bought it but it cost ten fucking bucks. no thanks. i guess they figure those who want to bling will be willing to pay money for a guide on how to bling. as lenny pointed out, though, unfortunately they have the wrong idea — sticking rhinestones onto everything does not equal bling. bling = diamonds and jewels and shit. you got the wrong idea, AZNZ.

after we were done with 101 we took a free shuttle to… where? i don’t remember. hahahahahdoaishdads. the train station. oh yeah. the subway. that’s where we went. taipei’s subway system is still small and new, but they copied practically everything from japan. unlike americans, though, taiwanese people listen to signs on the ground and shit.

since we didn’t have much to do, we took the train station to “taipei da che zhang” (main station) and walked around. there was massive shopping there, which is why we went. because the truth pretty much is like this: there ain’t shit to do in taiwan except for shop. it’s pretty much… what’d i just say? the truth. >_> this little cutie was from one of those vending machines where you pay money to operate a claw and then you can win it. thing is… THIS SHIT COSTS $4 PER PLAY. what the fuck? we didn’t want to pay the money, so we haven’t yet decided whether it is “play until you win” or “$4 for one play and if you don’t get it, you’re a chump.” i guess the world may never know. because who plays that shit? there were a lot of those machines, to be sure, but i must say — never saw anyone playing any of them. hahaha. this is also copied from japan, their little arcade places. of course.

at night, we walked to nai nai’s place. lotta construction going on. my grandma is like 95. she’s funny. on a later date when we were at her house, she kept showing me to her little display cabinet where there were pictures of many people — including me!! and there was a photo of me, her, and this other boy who liked me. she said, “that’s you! that boy kept trying to get closer to you but you told him to go away!” then i would sit down, and five minutes later, she would be like, “mei mei ah, your photo is in this cabinet!” this happened three times… haha. >_> within the span of like, fifteen minutes. har har har. oh nai nai. she doesn’t cook for herself anymore since she fell… it’s messed up how falling at an old age (grandma used to always wear high heels) fucks up old people so hardcore. >_> it’s sad. but yeah, now she has a live-in servant who is from singapore. nai nai taught her how to cook for her and she cooks instead. i miss nai nai’s niu rou mian. i don’t think i’ll ever get to eat it again. T__T awww nai nai why are you so old! my mom knows how to make it but it isn’t the same at all. T__T sad.

i should also mention that my alcoholic uncle went crazy too. he used to be a REALLY nice guy but was just a fuck up and would get drunk all the time. well his liver is completely shot now but what’s worse is that his mind is shot. T__T he doesn’t even recognize my dad anymore. it’s pretty fucked up. i guess he has pulled out knives and threatened to kill people before. anyway, he lived with my grandma and my brother / mom / dad / roxanne got there before me so they saw him, but yeah, he didn’t recognize any of them. so they committed him to a mental institution. so that’s that. i didn’t see him. it’s a shame, because he’s a nice guy.

around grandma’s place are a lot of really small food stands and stuff — but unlike the night market, these are places people go to on a daily basis just when they’re leaving to and from work and shit. very convenient. this above is zou tou fu (stinky tofu). i don’t like the shit. but my momma does. my momma likes everything. as you will soon find out. it’s actually rather traumatizing. as you will soon find out.

dad, grandma, and phil. we are making our way to a restaurant!! that had EXTREMELY small dishes (i’m talking… mmm… the size of a coffee saucer plate thing) but they were really good, and probably the only real eating of vegetable i had the whole time i was there. so that was definitely a plus.

here’s what is not a plus. around grandma’s house, my mom bought some la mian xian (spicy noodle… thingies) because she didn’t know we were going out to eat dinner. not a fatty to waste foods, she, of course, brought the food into the restaurant like a fucking savage. it was pretty damn savage as she was scarfin gthe shit down in front of the waitresses. >_> in the latter pic is grandma with my auntie and uncle. the uncle came to america to live with us a while, and he still now insists on speaking english to us whenever he gets the chance to. his english isn’t bad but he does have an accent, and he’s just kind of goofy in general (we compare him to droopy), so him speaking english like droopy = funny.

apparently, when i was younger, this mall used to have a top floor that was all rides and arcades for little kids. i used to come here with my dad every day after he went to work or something. ahhh, good memories in taiwan. good memories indeed. i only lived there for a year around preschool age, but it doesn’t matter!

tuesday, november 20th, 2007

subway station. lots of boring time to spare, so yeah.

my timeline is actually kinda screwy so i don’t know if this is right, but whatever. the general gist is enough — a day by day play isn’t THAT important, is it?!!!!!!OIJ!OIJI!JOIAJSDOIAS! so, my mom booked us a trip via some tour train or something to go to hualian, which is in like, southeast taiwan. which is somewhat exciting because this was our first time outside of taipei in taiwan!!! porko rosssssso!

when we got there, some pony driver guy picked us up for the ride. not a tour guide — just a driver. but he kinda was weird and had a bad attitude. but err. doesn’t that sky look fake?!!!

first stop — a wonton place. supposedly famous — they had pictures of a former president eating there. i mean, it was okay. nothing to write home about though. or maybe it is. i don’t know. i never was much for wontons. but compared to most wontons they were pretty good. so okay, i change my mind, i guess they were good.

drive-by photo of a funeral. woooooo!

for the unacquainted, welcome to the world of the squatter.

so this guy dropped us off at all of these random, not particularly exciting places the first day because we didn’t have an itinerary for him and it was already the early afternoon. dad and brother and roxanne didn’t enjoy it at all but i didn’t really care — i think anything is pretty much a lot more interesting when you have a camera… even the most ‘boring’ of places. anyway, this place was a place that was formerly occupied by the japanese and they cut trees down there… blahblahblah. evidently the former logging caused all of the current rivers to dry out really easily, because when it rains, there aren’t as many old trees to soak up the water… instead, all the little, newly planted trees barely soak up any water, causing rivers to rage big, but for a short time… as opposed to being around year-round.

this was another random-ass place, but while we were there, some professor was there with his elementary school class. kids in taiwan pretty much take field trips all fucking day. no matter what day of the week it was or where we were, there were kids out on field trips. the other alternative is that even during weekdays people in business outfits are playing hooky or taking their work breaks to go SHOPPING. it’s ridiculous. apparently it hasn’t changed since my parents were growing up there, either. taiwan has a lot of streetside vendors which sell cheap wares, and apparently since the beginning of time people would pass by and say, “oh no, it’s so cheap! i have to have it!” even though they didn’t. this hasn’t changed. all taiwanese people do is fucking buy shit. it’s ridonkulous. i mean… do they really waste more than americans? i actually find that hard to believe. i’d say they probably are up there also. except they don’t have the big houses. but as far as buying trash goes — i think they are pretty high up there. also, none of their streetside restaurants use rewashable silverware or plates or bowls. they all fucking use disposable shit. it’s atrocious.

anyway, i went off on a tangent. that picture above is some weird bug larvae or mold — we couldn’t figure out what it was. :/

at another random place we stopped off at to eat “famous ice cream” (which was disgusting), you could feed koi. i don’t really care much for koi, but you must admit — their mouths are pretty dope there.

this is our bombass last stop of the day, which we probably should have spent MORE time at. it was a farm / zoo. i really wanted to ride a bike but i was not aware that they rented bikes until later. so i was a little bitter. instead, we rented this car which my dad drove around since he was injured. at first i had no idea what that place was but it soon revealed itself to be a crazy ass haven for birds of all types… and it made me very happy to see a MANDARIN DUCK IN PERSON!!!! i’d been waiting for that moment, for all my life! well not really. but yeah… my dad was also driving in the wrong lane in the wrong direction for a very long time. lol.

monkey island excited me on paper, but it was actually pretty weak sauce. sigh!!!!

there was a dairy farm. we were allowed to walk inside. erm, scary?! poor poor cow cows :[ here you are, a more intimate look at a cow being milked than you probably wanted!

this place was really fucking weird. pretty much this rich guy didn’t know what he wanted to do with his money, so he bought a bunch of shit. at least it’s cool shit, though. but still. there are a lot more pics i have of the bird collection that i didn’t upload to picasa, but he had soooooo many birds. it was insane. didn’t get a good chance to view any of them enough because we were in a rush and shit, so that kinda sucked. but it is what it is!

that night we stayed at this hotel. phil kept bitching about how ghetto it was going to be because it was in the city and not this super expensive one that was up on a hill (i told mom to get the city one because what’s the point? a view only lasts so long). anyway. he was bitching and moaning and when we finally got there, the place was fine. maybe even nice. a little bit unconventional, but i liked it. anyway, they had these windows that pulled open and were really high off the ground so you had to climb on bed to climb out of it, but all of the patios were connected. so i tried to scare my mom by going over to their window and being like, “BOO!” but she wasn’t scared at all. she was just like… “what are you doing there?”

took a series of long-exposure shots from outside that window on that balcony. this is maybe? the best of them.

that night we went to yet another night market. this place supposedly had famous… xiao long bao (small dragon buns HAHHAAAHHAHAAUSD)… seems like everything is famous. bizarro. they were pretty good but not as good as crab xiao long bao i’ve had — and other things. they were just okay. again, i don’t like xiao long bao, though, so yeah.

a thing full of intestines and shit. i asked the lady for permission. haha.

quantity of heat — 60c
fattiness — 25g
power — 86k
fibrin — 16n
DOGIPEE HOT DOG STORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i mean really, wtf?

wednesday, november 21st, 2007



the next day, we went to taroko national park. yeah. apparently chinese people don’t like to hike, because there weren’t really any trails at all. haha. all there was was this paved (like, for cars to drive on, only cars weren’t allowed to drive on it) road for people to walk on. which is kinda weaksauce. all the campsites (all one of them, i think) were also closed because of the time of year. the weather in taiwan at this time of year is so bizarre. it’s like… hot but cold at the same time. it’s a sticky cold that brings heat in its humidity. never knew how to dress because if i wore a jacket i’d get hot in a few seconds and if not, i’d be cold. blech.

there was a lot of construction going on, which nearly resulted in a crisis. generally they would only let one side of the traffic on the construction road at a time, but they messed up once and let both go at the same time. and there was a bus involved. so therefore, it was messy. so ghetto. they would only let a certain amount of people every hour, so if you missed the cut off point, you had to wait another hour. lol.

apparently, falling rocks are a huge problem here this area is known for these white, marble rocks. lots of quarrying and such >_>

this thing was on a long set of stairs. no one squished it… yay? i don’t know if it was dead or alive. i reckon dead, because roxanne got the same exact picture almost (which i thought was really interesting, because that means she’s looking around on the ground, like i do too!), and she went up those stairs way ahead of me. so… it was probably sitting there dead (or alive) for a while. i reckon dead.

this guy is definitely dead. i actually rather like taking pics of dead things. they just look so… interesting.

one stream is gray and the other is blue! together they make gray!!!! YAY!

low-hanging clouds.

we then went to this beach. this xiang chang (sausage) vendor had a cool sign. i thought his xiang chang tasted like charcoal, though, so i gave it to mcdoggy. then i tried to take a photo of myself with mcdoggy, and failed miserably.

almost as great as YAHO– wait, they probably got sued. same font and everything.

at the subway station, they featured some artwork made by fourth to seventh graders which warned about the dangers of the subway / train. ahhahahahraohrahrar. this is fucking great.

thursday, november 22nd, 2007



went to this… place. that was an old city… yeah. this was after taking the quick train (2 hours instead of 3 hours) back to taipei. the train was very rickety, and in it, they had a squatter bathroom. it was the first time using a squatter actually MADE SENSE. had it been a regular toilet, it would have been gross and i would have probably touched the communal nasty toilet seat. but since it was a squatter — and a clean one at that — it was perfect for the bumpy ride! insanity. anyway, this is the next day. we got the guy who picked my parents up from the airport to drive us around. mostly just little shops in this area — nothing too exciting to me but whatever. i got to sit in the middle of the road and be scary and stalk people with my camera

some kids i stalked.

then we moved onto the next place. yet again, i have no idea what this place is. eh, i’ll find out and add it in later. lots of antiques and junk. yeahhh.

garden, in honor of a former chinese president. errr. yeah. errr taiwanese president. i have no idea. it was pretty boring.

then we went to another street market. this one had awesome foods. unfortunately, i did not get to eat as much of it as i would have liked T__T

what we did eat though was this. i don’t even know. it was like, strawberry mian xian in a tofu pocket. pretty interesting tasting. not good, but not really disgusting either. but definitely everyone just ate a bite and was done with it. lol. i think this area of taipei was where my dad went to college. i can’t be sure, though.

i bought one of these for lenny and one of these for sherry >_> they’re so cute haha.

then we went to this harbor place. i don’t know where any of these places are, lol. they’re all within taipei, though.

then we went to another market. and my parents went INSANE and bought a fuckload of this black sesame and peanut candy. i mean, the shit is really good but not THAT good. they went insane. two big bags. and now i still have a bunch (and it’s two months later)… and probably will never finish it!!!!

friday, november 23rd, 2007

went to ximending, the top freaking shopping center in taipei, that’s for sure. some breakdancers — who i later talked to and found out were from MATHAR RUSSIA — were there… breakdancing. cameraman got me on camera!!

one girl, three guys. the girl sucked. she did this butt shaking mood every time. she couldn’t even breakdance. couldn’t pop… eh. she just seemed out of place and repetitive. i was not the only one who thought this. as far as the breakers go — one guy was really good… the other two guys were pretty mediocre. guy pictured above in the pose is *not* the good one.

phil had wanted to go to this restaurant but we didn’t know where it was. it’s a chain store, but we just happened to stumble upon it. the seats in the restaurant are toilets. the table are sheets of glass over old sinks. showers hang from the walls. your food comes to you in toilet-shaped thingies. yeap. the food? it was just okay. my crappy chinese failed us here, because i misread some things for other things, unfortunately.

candies shaped in pad-like packaging. i think they are marshmellows. i’m not sure. haven’t opened. queer aid, phil bought for aberoo.

i didn’t expect to find much graffiti in taipei but there was a lot around ximending… and a lot of it was really quality stuff. here’s one.

masturbation bear in the two story stationary store that i used to go to every time i went back to taipei. i even had a birthday discount card which worked around your birthday, but my mom forgot to bring it T__T

roxanne and her face mask! those things make it very hard to breathe — as cool as they look. >_>

you might know what a buddhist monk looks like… this is what taoist monks look like!

this toothpaste was in our hotel. larry king is a whitemen. i started using this toothpaste when we first got there but then i saw that it was made in china and got scared and no longer used it, cause that’s scary. i wanted abe lincoln instead of larry king (he was in this book at the hotel), but roxanne said that was inappropriate. she said using bush would be inappropriate too, but larry king is somehow okay. i don’t really understand.

home!

this past weekend (friday the 26th) was supposed to be freak night 11 with infected mushroom, mstrkrft, dieselboy, and dj bailey, amongst others. IT GOT CANCELLED ON THE DAY OF. how does some shit like that even happen? i’m not sure. some people said the venue cancelled. some people say the city of seattle caused the venue to cancel. who knows what really happened. if you know, tell me.

but that sucks because this is the third time i’ve wanted to see infected mushroom and could not. BLARGH. did i already mention this? i feel deja vu-ish… i feel bad for the people who drove all the way up from portland, though, assuming that something must happen… massives don’t get cancelled! some shit did happen at element with headliners like dieselboy and rank one and mstrkrft, but element is tiny…

my octopus pumpkin i carved last week was starting to mold. the mold was light green and coming out and looked like soap sude ^_^ at least it wasn’t too squishy to pick up. that would have been gross! uber gross!

i need to get my new website domain up but there are other things that need to be done first. arggh! blarghh! so much to do *brain explode*.

by the way, dick’s is this fast food joint in washington and it is gross. in-n-out pwns its fucking bones through the roof.

hmm, watched “ricki-oh” yesterday because i think that movie is right up lenny’s alley. and it was, for he was amused. that movie is so fucking absurd. if you like gore, you should watch it. funny gore, that is. but very, very gory. LOL. god.

on friday night, instead of freak night, lenny and i bummed around and hung out and went to go see david sedaris. $40 tickets (per person). it was entertaining, somewhat, but some parts of his reading were boring. and it’s fucking highway robbery, charging that much for a READING. it’s not like he’s a stand-up comedian coming up with new ideas. he’s just reading. not worth the money, even though it was my first time at benaroya hall (not really as impressive on the inside as it looks on the outside). so in conclusion… sorry, david sedaris — i love your books, but i’m never going to pay $40 to see you read some shit to me ever again. not even $30. not even $20. maybe $15. you shouldn’t be allowed to charge that much anyway. that shit was sold out. give me a break. damn you david!

er anyway, afterwards we went to scarecrow and got some movies, including “tekkonkinkreet” which was well, amazing. AMAZING. amazing. i couldn’t shut up about it the whole time i was watching it, which was probably pretty annoying, but what can i say? it was some good shit. the animation style and use of cg were amazing. the director was a first-time director, but i must say, he had a really good vision of what he wanted the movie to be like. i have no complaints. it was a great movie.

on saturday, posa, linh, lenny, and i went to nw trek in tacoma, which is this outdoor err… safari type thing only their animals are kind of lame. only animals like bison (the most exciting), two types of deer, moose, elk, mountain goats, etc. (aka non-threatening animals) were present. other animals were present in the park, but not in the “observe them in their natural habitat!” type fashion. did get to see a wolverine for the first time, though, and those things are pretty damn weird. not what i thought they’d be like at all. foxes are so cute. so are wolves. i want a wolf! or a dog that looks like a wolf more like. cuuuute. point defiance was more exciting than this one, though. but, i’m saving up all my film of all these animals and i will soon be able to put together some kind of uber animal video or SOMETHING. i dunno. but i sure to go to a lot of zoos. might as well make something of it!?

cynthia was up here from portland, so me, lenny, cynthia, alex, jennifer [villaruz], and robin dressed up half-assedly (only jenn and robin had real costumes) and went to en restaurant in belltown. i hate belltown, by the way. anyway, alex was dressed as a ninja so i decided to half-assedly join him as well. i had a hoodie on and i put one of jenn’s shirts (black) over it, and then took alex’s weird orange striped handkerchief and put it over my face to be a “no face ninja”… when asked, we were going to say we were from an unknown manga called “kuma no _____” (i forget the last word)… which, translated in english, would mean “bear’s penis.” however, the restaurant was pretty empty and once there i immediately did not care for any kind of dressing up, so i stopped wearing the no-face.

there was this guy outside named rodney who was a beggar but sang for the seattle men’s chorus as well. anyway, he kept singing songs to different groups of people and initially he was singing to randoms, then cynthia and lenny, and then i heard about it and decided to go outside and listen to him. he dedicated some song to me. and sang it. he was a preetty good singer. not the best but definitely had a lot of control over his voice. evidently he asked me for a dollar, and later alex when he came out to join me, but didn’t ask cynthia and lenny. weird. i asked him a few questions, though, and i asked him how long he’d been doing it — he said he was 47? and had been doing it for 30 years? and i asked if it’s something he’d always wanted to do and he said he had no choice — his grandmother was the head of some choir of a church and required them (him and his 12 siblings) to participate… so all of them sung and played instruments (rodney played piano). if they didn’t do it, grandma would beat them. LOL. oh so christian-like you are, grandmama! later he was singing, “all the world needs now… is love, sweet love,” and gave us a hug and i totally like kissed his bald head because it was perfect height to my mouth lol >_<

later that night alex, lenny, and i went to taqueria del riconsito and got food to go, and found out that reading the spanish newspaper isn’t difficult at all! the question, now, was whether it wasn’t difficult because they use simple vocab, or because our spanish was so good. i think the former is probably the reason, although i’d prefer the latter! we got back to lenny’s place, though, and he proceeded to puke a few times (in addition to the times at the restaurant) and went to go pass out. then he woke up and made me make sure he had flushed. which, of course, he hadn’t, and it was gross?!!

alex and i watched “cable guy” though, cause it was free on comcast on-demand “free movies” (my new best friend when i go over). i’d never seen that movie before but there were some really very funny parts. WOOOO.

tonight is a night of p’s i suppose. ryan had a few homies over for pumpkin carving tonight! i played hookie on german class (i’m awful) and joined in on the pumpkin carving action. ryan did john cusack with a radio over his head, dana and britta did cats, and tamarind[?] did three bats on a HUGE pumpkin. some guy was there too but i didn’t catch his name :0 :0 :0 i did an octopus and it looks okay but the arms are really skinny so it doesn’t let enough light through unfortunately. +__+ but other than that it looks okay, shape-wise and all that. i like octopusses. they are so clevar.

anyway, it’s 11:36pm in i guess what i will now call the hood but not really since i’m talking to nate and nate is from the real hood known as lakewood (featured on “cops”!) and anyway, some cops were outside some guy’s door earlier saying, “OPEN UP! WE HAVE A WARRANT!” and then banged a couple times and then waited a while. and then resumed (this was like 20 minutes later) and was like, “OPEN UP!” and started to kick the door, and eventually someone opened the door halfway and they kept screaming to open it all the way unless they wanted to get tazed. i dunno. more screaming. then the door was open and they were telling him to, “GET DOWN ON THE GROUND OR GET TAZED!” and then there was some quiet so i decided to go to the bathroom for literally two seconds but when i came back the door was closed. i opened the window in time to hear some gagging sound. not sure what that meant but then the two cop cars left pretty quickly. wtfs?!

december 23rd — first day.
i headed from seattle to las vegas to meet up with my family. got there and went to bellagio hotel to eat a meal with my brother and his girlfriend roxanne while my parents went to this meeting that tried to sell them a timeshare — cause that’s how we got the room in the first place. let me tell you that vegas is a shithole. i am not at all a fan of the place.bellagio cafe meal was subpar and unexciting. i was not impressed. it was expensive, too. afterwards, lord knows what we did, since it was all a blur of walking around on the strip not accomplishing much.

that night we went to go see “mamma mia!” at one of the hotels. it was good. abba. upbeat. very many sexual references. it was goot. not much else to say.

vegas is such a shithole, as i will say again. nothing much to do there but spend money. deja vu. hmm. anyway, its routine goes something like this: gamble, spend money, shop, spend money, rent expensive hotel, spend money, watch shows, spend money, eat expensive and gross meals, spend money, plane tickets, spend money. that sounds about right. the only thing that is kind of worth it is the shows, but even those felt not so exciting this time…

it must be the nature of family vacations that sucks all the joy out of vacationing.
december 24th — second day.
we woke up around noonish and drove half an hour to outlets. spent two hours there. i bought some underpants cause they were cheap and cheap boyshorts are kinda hard to find. also got a skinny tie for lenny (totally cheapo), a pair of crappy nikes so that i can walk around (but they’re so fscking ugly), dippin dots (banana of course), and a t-shirt (which is totally a homage to shrooms!!).

soo… then we left and drove back and waited in line for buffet, but halfway through that line, dad decides he doesn’t want to wait. we’d waited an hour. probably another hour to go. so we leave and go to another restaurant and wait for a half hour, and that line doesn’t move at ALL. so we leave and then go to cafe bellagio (which we went to the previous day), and the line moves faster, except by the time we finished waiting there we’d probably have been in the buffet already. so i was pissed. especially since cafe bellagio or bellagio cafe or whatever the fuck is expensive and NOT GOOD. i got this alaskan salmon burger and it was sick. blahblah.

went to m&m store after that and gameworks a bit to kill time. i pwnz0red in tekken 5. wewt.

then we went back to bellagio to watch “o”. it was good. but not as good as “varekai” which lenny and i saw last year. “o”’s primary thing is that it revolves around water, but there wasn’t really a discernable storyline, and on top of that, the acrobatics were poorer and many times were off sync. the music and costumes were worse too. they also dragged “staged” audience members on stage, which made the whole event livelier, but also cheapened the overall feeling. as with “varekai,” they had clowns do intermissions, but these clowns were not funny. AT ALL. it was pathetic. varekai was sOoOoo much better. i really don’t understand at all why “o” is so famous. on the flipside, though, the stage for “o” was really really fscking cool, but in all honesty, that was all it really had going for it.

after that we went to circus circus for a bit and gambled minimally (slot machines). gambling is lame. money goes away so fast. whatever.

when we got back, i gave parentals my present to them. i painted them some abstract concoction on a wooden block. granted, i’m not the best painter, but if your kid makes something — or if anyone makes something for you — you should appreciate it. at least a little. last year i made the a collage of family photographs and they feigned interest, but i came back a year later and it was just sitting in its frame on the floor, collecting dust. no time to display it — not even to put it on a bookshelf or something. this is the shit my family is like. i am such a black sheep.

but anyway, this year, i handed them their present and i jokingly said, “here’s my crappy present,” and my dad was like (also jokingly i think), “what kind of crappy thing did you make us now?” and i just kind of nudged it forward. they picked it up, brought it in their room, and didn’t say a fucking thing. i told them they sucked. they didn’t seem to notice and/or care.

moving on, though… cause it gets worse.

december 25th — day three.
the day to head back. airport, airport, airport. not much else. after coming back from the airport, we went to fremont to eat at ophelia. beef stew noodles. good, decent, whatever. here’s where it gets bad. conversation:

assholes. seriously, i have no real qualms about saying, “worst parents ever,” cause that’s so fucking fucked up. what the fuck is wrong with us.

the one funny thing about this trip is that my mom would not fucking stop bitching about fucking EVERYTHING. and my dad kept saying in this weird accent and making sure to only use english: “yes, commander!” and “thank you!” dad can be pretty funny. blahr. SO MUCH BITCHING FROM MOM. that must be where i get it from. fucking suck.

KILL ME NOW.

i’m watching… some weird video about reviving dead animal organs, i don’t know, blame lenny.
i’m feeling… alright. farm’s making good-smelling foods :0

thursday, july 14th — went with erin to drop off some magazines. went around pioneer square and decided to eat around the area — ran into some homeless guy who we bought some soup and bread for. anyways i asked him how long he had been on the streets, and he said… “you know what? in a six month period, my dad died, then my wife’s mom died, then my mom died, then my wife died… and my doctor knew that i was an alcoholic at the time and he put me on xanex and that spun me around.” and i asked him, “was the xanex worse than the alcohol?” and he said, “oh yeah. definitely.” he had graduated from uw and then graduated from law school, and then all that happened and he somehow ended up and stayed on the streets. he described how he worked for this black guy who got his face horribly burned when he was young, and now he’s the deputy mayor or something, which is crazy… it’s weird how fast life can spiral out of control i guess? anyways… he claimed he was looking for a shelter on 2nd and lenora but when i told him he could follow us there cause we were parked near there, he started talking about how he needed $4 to get home to puyallup instead — we didn’t give him money, though, just the food… (my original bread bowl i got for free because the guy who worked there said they were going to throw it out anyway). there was another homeless guy who came along who didn’t want bread when i offered it to him, then came back and said he wanted it, then when the homeless guy we had given the bread to ripped his bread in half, the guy who came back said nevermind rofls… crackhead.

oh yeah, that old guy — he was about 55 now, and very unhappy, clearly — at some point, he said, “you want to hear what’s really ridiculous?” and i said, “go for it!” and he laughed and said, “that’s cute. if i were only forty years younger…” lol. he kept saying, “i’m sorry. i know i must smell terrible.” “i know i must smell like a pig.” etc… :/ poor guy. he brought up how he had eaten a bag of cheetos two days previous TWO TIMES. of all the things to bring up… he must have been really hungry.

anyway, then we walked back to my car and my car had been towed. god. $180 including towing and ticket, then i had to come home and pay my vehicle registration for almost $90. hella lame. T__T at least i bought a sweatshirt for $20? at nordstrom rack? :/

anyways, since i haven’t written in here in so long… a lot has happened, i guess. for one, the most recent thing, the sushimonsters.com website is uppppp, hoorah.

tuesday, july 4th, 2006 — on fourth of july, i went to pomy’s bosses’ house with lenny and co. — the house was in puyallup and was right on the ocean — he pretty much had a fucking beach in his backyard. and he had a jet plane and a helicopter and this cool plane garage that, when you flipped the wall down, it looked like part of the house, so that was pretty cool. they had this giant ass weird-looking doggie, too. it was like you could ride it like a horse, but it wasn’t as monster as alex’s freaking horse doggie. THAT’S A HORSE. of course, of course. ANYWAY. the first night we had a buttload of crab lol. i felt out of place at first, but yeah… the younger cousins were the only ones who actually talked to me, but they were funny… lenny wasn’t helping either, though, because he wouldn’t even notice. i asked him if he wanted to play pool and he said ok, and we started playing, and then someone called him to go do something, so he left, and i thought he would come back, but he didn’t, and i was stuck with a bunch of little kids. and then everyone was made noodles in the morning and we (linh and i) weren’t, which is fine, but no one even asked… umm!!? that was just a little weird… linh and i were complaining also because all the guys got to do was fuck around and the girls had to be called into the kitchen to arrange dishes and shit… linh hates kitchen work i guess. i don’t particularly mind it, but i do mind the fact that guys don’t have to do anything. if guys had to do it too, then awesome. fun for everyone. but the fact that the guys just played with fireworks while the girls were slaving away in the kitchen and taking care of babies is not mybag of chips, no no. but the worst was the kayla (is that her name?) started bossing me around. oh man. she would tell me to pick things up for her, and hold shit for her, and follow her around because “she was the leader”. nega-fucking-tive. she was telling me to follow her, so i walked into a fuckload of shitty mud, and got my shoes all dirty, and then we went back and she said sorry, and then immediately said, well, i told you not to walk in it, but you didn’t listen. i was just like WTF. that’s gotta be some kind of… something. anyway, the first night, we had crab, and it was wooonderffulll. all you can eat crab, basically. i enjoyed. the second day was lots of time on the beach, watching people light fireworks and stuff. it was cool. that beach is crazy — you can just walk down and pick up oysters and more oysters! and that shit is expensive, but these people have it right in their backyards, omg~! we went on a canoe for a little while, but i only wore a t-shirt and was freezing my ass off. omg what’s gross — there’s this part of mud with just tons and tons of freaking sea snails GAG with these cony shells and the mud had super suction, and i didn’t know it at first, so i’d be walking walking walking and then get my shoe stuck and not know it and end up falling on some barnacles and trying to retrieve my shoe that was stuck in snail, OR stepping completely in muddy snail and trying desperately to get back over to barnacle. rofls. not funnnnn. so siiick. i talked to some other lady, and it turned out she had the same problem too ROFLS. so grossssssssss. anyways, i’ve never seen so many fireworks being lit off — all around the body of water, really. and just with the little kids constantly wanting to light fireworks… they were just all over the freaking place. i’m not going to lie — i don’t really see the appeal, but hey, whatever floats your boat. that day a bunch more people came (the previous day was essentially just lenny’s family) and lots of foooooood. and lots of fun conversation, INCLUDING QUOTING MITCH HEDBERGGGG! talk about making a person’s day. the one people seemed to like most (not quoted by me, but by paul) was “dogs are forever in the push-up position.” rofls. ahhh <3 mitch hedberg. anyway. fireworks that night were swell… they were actually the best i’ve seen, i think, even though the wiring got fucked up and well there were a lot of pauses, but it turned out beautiful and i’d say they were the most entertaining i’ve seen, cause they were more arranged in patterns, as opposed to just your regular boom here boom there boom everywhere, sky is filled, but no exciting patterns. if that makes sense. lenny took some nice photos, too. win to setting off your own fireworks. i think they bought like $500? worth of them, at least. that guy who lives there was like a fireworks freak and went to conventions and stuff. interesting.

sunday, july 2nd, 2006 — went with linh, lenny, and posa to some place in marysville where they sell fireworks. i couldn’t figure it out for the longest time cause on the way there, there were all of these wooden signs advertising shit. but they were just a name and a lot number, like #79. i didn’t get that at all, because when they said we were going to an indian reservation to buy fireworks, i thought… okay, it’s going to be one little booth on an indian reservation. NEGATIVE. it was a whole freaking area with like a hundred little shops, all selling slightly different selections of fireworks out of little wooden shacks. WTF?!!! lenny also got to eat taco truck for the first time, and i made him a fan!! well, the taco truck made him a fan, but my telling him to eat from a taco truck gave the taco truck the opportunity to make him a fan. THAT’S RIGHT!!!!! WEEEE. with all of the fireworks we bought, everyone was cheering as the four of us were walking by holding fireworks. lol. when we got back to lenny’s, we lit some off. I LIKE COLORED SMOKE BOMBS. those are way fucking cool. there were also these black snakes where you light a little small dot, smaller than a penny, and it grows into this snake-like thing. odd. i don’t see how it works. but yes. SMOKE BOMBSSSS!!!!

i’m listening to… the coral’s “nightfreak and the sons of becker,” muse, the fall of troy.
i’m feeling… k.

12:46 am - of all the new year’s resolutions i made, i really probably should’ve made one along the lines of um… WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL. yeah.

valentine’s day was dull… surprisingly, it was more exciting last year. i was really hoping for just about ANYTHING. i could really scarcely believe it. but what’s a girl to do? i’m pretty sure i am probably the only girl on the planet who can stand this. i don’t know if some people just need training or what! i’m confused.

columbia reccords sent some CDs… there was a lashes album and i was kind of excited because i thought it was the whole CD. it has packaging and an insert and a printed disc and everything… turns out it is a single with ONE SONG. fuck, what a waste of space and money. -__- might as well just send me the whole promo, fucker.

i did game testing the other day for the xbox 360. 8 hours of playing video games and getting paid. hell yeah. but i do have to say: the xbox 360 is not that good of a product. they really should have done their best to work out problems BEFOREHAND, not after. seems weird that they would be doing testing AFTER the fact, no?

i went in for a job interview for madison park greetings today. hope i get it. REALLY hope i get it. i need a new job real bad. SO BAD. AAAAH…

god i hate these cds that are half quite good / tolerable and half crap. it’s so hard to listen to. and herein lies the benefits of mp3’s. i remember first having mp3’s and that 24 hour rule rofls. so funny. i wonder how many people actually adhered by the sample and delete policy? i think my first mp3’s were mostly korean songs. not sure why, really. i think they were the most easy to access or something, ironically.

yeah, i don’t know. fuck, i have a lot of stuff to do. no kidding. but whenever there is loads of unresolved shit, i ironically want to do nothing in return. i don’t think it makes much sense. i gotta set some goals. get a calendar again (maybe i’ll steal another one from ubookstore for this year). budget my time. :[ i think i’ll be happy to get a job elsewhere… i need some structure in my life.

today i went to chinatown with lenny and didn’t end up going to chinatown until 3. erin was quite mad. she said that yoga was the only thing she had going in her life that was right, and she was pissed off that she had to miss it. in all honesty, though, even if i had gotten there at 2, she would have missed yoga. we worked from 3-7:30. her yoga class was at 5:30. if i had gotten there at 2, she still would have not been able to leave @ 5:30 oh wellz.

i think i need to drink some water. i’ve dranken (drunken?) one glass of water all day, i believe. that can’t be too good, can it.

i’m going to make this my theme song. or at least try to…

don’t hold back. you gotta believe. you got it. you got it. you need it.
don’t be afraid of anything. you got it. you got it. believe it.
come on now. don’t say, “maybe.” hold your breath. you got it. you need it.
hold on tight now for the ride of your life. you gotta’ believe it.
words hurt. truth heals. sometimes both kill.
we can wish that everything was easy, counting all the ways that life’s not fair.
or say, “I’m not going down that easy. I’m not gonna’ fall cause you’re not here.”

we have seen it all. we’ve been through it all together.
we’ve been through the fire, and you gain your strength from me.
we have seen it fall. we painted the town red together.
we’re still standing tall as i gain my strength from you.

there’s beauty everywhere. there’s beauty everywhere.

THE JULIANA THEORY - WE MAKE THE ROAD BY WALKING.

i’m listening to… the mars volta.
i’m feeling… :/1:58 am - in the past year, i have written less than two pages of content in this journal. i’m not sure what’s going on… i think it’s just being busy with everything that makes it difficult to write.

i’m having a really difficult time with things. everything FEELS right, more or less, but just isn’t working out the way i’d like it to. ha.

all these years i’ve thought that “doing things you want to do” would be easy. trying hard enough would put you there. believing enough would get you there. but it doesn’t necessarily. luck and strategic thinking are huge parts… and not everyone has it. i’m beginning to think my abilities are lacking. why did i try in the first place? i don’t know where i am going with anything and everything seems to end up in faillure. the negative things outweigh the positive things by far. i’m just about ready to give up. exhausted. people may admire that i am doing what i want to do and shit. but a lot of people do that… and a lot of people succeed in doing it. i’m not sure that i will, and i have no one to blame but myself. i am incapable and i can do nothing correctly… i’ve always known myself to be mediocre. a jack of all trades… master of none. but i always thought, “hey, i’m good enough to pull this off. because i believe in it…” i’m not good enough. i’m so tired and i’m having a hard time finding the will to keep up. i know i would detest the 9-5 lives so many people live, but i am unable to facilitate my dreams. that leaves me with nothing. just a failure and a wreck. it sounds dramatical, but the amount of sacrifice i have put into all this and continue to put into all this is something that no one who has not gone through the same thing would even begin to understand. i always think, “hey, i have something better here than other people do,” but in the end, maybe i’m just delusional. i see people without opinions, and i think, “they’re weak.” maybe in the end, i’m just as weak. my opinions exist but get me nowhere. at least those who don’t think are happy. i’m not.

valentine’s day is tomorrow… and with this, i am having a bit of a difficult time as well. i’ve always been one to express my feelings through actions and not so much words. i like holidays and i like birthdays, because i like to give people things. i don’t know how else to show people that i appreciate them. i’m awkward and lack the ability to say things that i might think. from day one, i’ve shown people i care from doing things and making things. folding stars. making newspapers. cooking meals with my limited ability. making making making. planning planning planning. letters recapping memories. it’s been my motto that, if you care about someone, take the time to show it rather than say it.

of course, everyone agrees, but few people act upon this philosophy.

i’ve never been like typical girls in the sense that i need expensive things or flowers or diamonds. i don’t care. you don’t need to buy me shit for me to be happy. just give me a card. just give me some time. plan something. anything. even if it’s watching a movie. even if it’s cooking a meal. i don’t give a fuck… it is so hard for me to have a boyfriend who does not plan. anything. not for a birthday. not for an anniversary. not even when i ask. sighhhhhhhhhhhh. i don’t care. i just want to know that you thought of me at least once without me forcing you to by saying hi or by visiting. if even asking can’t get the message across, then i don’t know what’s left to do. it’s really not hard. i’m easy. all i’ve ever wanted was to be loved. from the day one. in a tangible way. words don’t mean shit if they’re not backed up.

no one has ever shown love in a tangible way. no one ever shows that kind of forethought. there are no surprises here. no one cares… and i hate to say it, but the lack of being on the receiving end is making me cynical. i don’t want to try anymore. all of my efforts seem to go in vain.

i give picture frames with family collages that sit around the house unused. i get packages with bills from parents without so much as a word saying hi. birthdays equate to near nothing. i think i got one card this year. they take two seconds to write. i forget how old i am sometimes because nothing ever reminds me. presents are hidden away unremembered. important dates go by without being remembered. those who i consider my good friends (not all of them, mind you, but a good % in the years past) don’t so much as give me a nod for my birthday. no one remembers.

everyone knows me and everyone thinks i’m great, blahblahblah. fuck it. in the end, it all just equates to mediocrity. like everything. when given the chance, people just get in their negative comments anyways.

four years ago i would have written down everyone’s birthday and tried to contact everyone accordingly. i would have cared enough to handdraw cards and custom-make sculptures for everyone. but i find that year after year, i care less. no one cares, so why should i? right? :/

i know that certainly not everyone can react in such a way. i know. not everyone thinks in terms of giving presents or making time out of their days. but the irritation comes from the fact that no one does. never.

it’s not right… but oh, the futility. the humanity. i don’t think i have felt this fragile ever. the epitome of all things combined makes it a very difficult time for me. a time of lack of reason to continue.

i try to move on;
nothin’ left to hurt me now.
i hope it’s all in the past to stay.
just tryin’ to see through
all the fucked up shit we do,
and hope that we all don’t drift away.
so now i stand here
to sing another song for you
about the pain i felt before;
now there’s nothing i can do.
so now i stand here,
with nothing left to say to you.
and if you all could sing along,
it might help me make it through.

STAIND - LET IT OUT.

* song of the moment * — “silence” bai delirium / sarah mclaughlin [iono wat genre of music this is]
* mood * — fine

this is like the best valentine’s day i’ve had! yoo kno why?? first of all, this morning, i woke up, opened mai door, and there was a wonderful valentine’s day card attached to the door signed from a guy named ricky… oh! and i got chocolates. and i got to eat dinner with a hot guy! yes yes yes… all true! wonderful valentine’s day… ^__^

only… the card is from ra’s on our floor… i think. and it was signed from ricky martin -__- to mai roomate AND i… *sigh. i knew it was too good to be true! and the chocolates were really two hershey kisses from suejung and josh because they pitied mai sad lonely existence. hahaha. and i got to eat dinner with a hot guy (seungbum), only it was dorm food, he’s just a friend, and there were three other people (met more people… ahhhh i can’t take this… so good but so confusive). but still it was okay. i didn’t feel lonely like i do some other years. i’m content.

i went to mai classes this morning… had a quiz in chinese, watched some presentations, and then went to archaeology. boring as fuk. i didn’t have the willpower to pay attention today so i was writing xinlei a note the whole time. -__-; afterwards i went on the ave and bought some clothes, some girl things (keekee), and came home. lalala. slept for a bit. went to dinner with a buncha people. went to ian’s domain to visit a few people. sigh. yeah. that’s about it. i must do a chinese project now… pzz… =T
(xinlei’s response:)
you wrote xinlei a note instead of listening to lecture?!?! weeeee!!! =) > i went to mai classes this morning… had a quiz in chinese, watched some presentations, and then went to archaeology. boring as fuk. i didn’t have the willpower to pay attention today so i was writing xinlei a note the whole time. -__-; afterwards i went on the ave and bought some clothes, some girl things (keekee), and came home. lalala. slept for a bit. went to dinner with a buncha people. went to ian’s domain to visit a few people. sigh. yeah. that’s about it. i must do a chinese project now… pzz… =T

(diana’s response:)
they’re usually in the ambient category. =P but you know who’s good? THEATRE OF TRAGEDY!!! i’ve been trying to convert people to their music. there isn’t a song of theirs that i don’t like. *dreamy sigh* ^_^ …*on whom the moon doth shine* is such a romantic song. XD but you must at least give the remix of *black as the devil painteth* a try. it’s great. =D

* song of the moment * - “quasimodo” bai lifehouse [english]
* mood * - alright… kinda feel kinda weird.

it’s 2002… whoopie… eh… i don’t really feel any different. my new year’s day was quite uneventful. just woke up early and dropped eva and jeanette off at home since they slept over yesterday and then came home, desiring sleep, to find out that we had to go to james‘ house to eat lunch. so we ate lunch, and then i came back and slept some more. all i do these days is eat, sleep, and go online. what a pathetic existence.

* song of the moment * - “what would u do” bai city high [english]. this song actually has good lyriks, wow.
* mood * - undefined…

been writing in here everyday… damn.

i don’t actually want to write in here but i figured since it is july 4th, i’d might as well. well in the morning i drove over to sherry’s house and mee, her, and tin-win took bart from lafayette to san francisco… we ended up just shopping and it wasn’t that exciting… i’m so sick of shopping. went in seattle, went on sunday, and went today. so it’s alllll bad. i’ve friggin memorized everything they have @ gap, banana republic, express, and old navy now, i swear. those are stores people never seem to miss. oh well… bought a pair of flip-flops @ macy’s that are sooo wonderful… they’re squishy so it feels like yur walking on marshmellows or something ^_^ they’re called floaties. get yurself a pair. oh, and i also bought blue lipstick from sephora. hella splurged man. cost mee nine bucks… can’t believe i actually paid for it but i like it ;P i had other blue lipstick before but i doesn’t show up well. this one is kinda like purplish and bluish. purdie. ^_^

then we took bart back to sherry’s house and sat around watching chris rock on tv for a while. chris rock has the most annoying laugh. but the way he acts kind of reminds mee of a mixture between pastor johnson and yujin o.O hella weird dude. @ like 5-ish we went to safeway and bought hella food to tide us over for later that night… i think we spent like an hour in safeway deciding what kind of food to buy. we bought popsicles, chicken tenders, sushi, chips, more sushi… heh ~ hella fattening. oh well >P

then we went to central park where the fireworks were and staked out and area… got bored for a while. actually it was weird cuz mai journalism teacher was sitting right next to us =O yeah kinda talked to him i guess. hum and then phil [wu], phil [nho], phil [hsieh… ppin-ppin haha], dave [lee], kevin, jason, and some other random people that i dunno came. i guess that was kewl. the fireworks were alright… who actually cares about july 4th tho? i just go and watch the fireworks cuz it’s an excuse to hang out >P

yeah and then i came home and had a miserable day from that on. but that’s okay -_-