inside the wonderful world of vee

ohhhhhhhhh so friday night becky and ryan wanted to go see a show (cause becky has not gone to see one in like, three years), so i offered to babysit emme for the night. i conned lenny into “helping” although at some points he was more hurtful than helpful.

the whole thing was slightly hellish. initially it was okay since all we did was watch tv and eat some fruit snacks, but the pre-bed ritual was pretty painful. pretty painful indeed. anyway, it took becky like an hour to decide whether she wanted to go or not because she’s a mommy and had to work the next day, wanted to make sure emme went to sleep, etc… but after much convincing by ryan, emme, and i, she finally decided to go. she did miss the band she actually wanted to see, though, which was metrostation… so lol. ryan wanted badly to see saves the day and ended up only seeing 1/3 of their set since they were the last act to go on.

[oh yes speaking of, the previous night i had dropped ryan off at the car dealership and then stopped by his new apt on the way back home… when i came out of his apartment — i had been there for like five minutes — some lady’s car was steaming and busted in in the front end, and i heard her like hyperventilating really loud. i thought she was like dying! i started walking towards her car, and then the other guy involved in the accident — who was parked on the other side of the street, and was standing outside his dented up car — saw me walking towards her and asked me, “is she stuck or something?” and i’m like, “yeah,” and he reached in the window and pulled her out. her airbag had gone out. people were already calling the cops — at least two — so i left. but yeah, the lady got out and some old guy was trying to console her, and she was freaking out and crying and hyperventilating but eventually calmed down… oh yes so exciting. but really, had i not gone up to see ryan’s apartment, i may just have been involved in that shit!]

BABYSITTING REGIMEN, AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN:
08:00pm - watch dvd of handy manny
08:30pm - snack
09:00pm - brush teeth, wash face, put on pajamas
09:30pm - pick out stuffed animal, read her book, go to bed
(something like that… i don’t remember exactly!)

BABYSITTING REGIMEN, AS IT WAS:
08:00pm - watch dvd of handy manny (kid cartoon with random insertions of spanish)
08:40pm - snack
09:00pm - emme decides she wants to draw, not brush teeth and wash face
09:15pm - lenny finally gets her to brush teeth
09:30pm - read her book about bees
09:45pm - emme decides she wants to sleep with a BALLOON instead of a stuffed animal
09:50pm - balloon keeps flying to the ceiling, and as a result, she will not sleep
09:55pm - lenny tries reading her another book to get her to sleep… /fail
10:05pm - emme says that she is hungry and if i feed her, she promises to go to sleep
10:10pm - emme finishes eating cheezits, and i try and get her to sleep
10:15pm - she doesn’t keep her promise, of course…
10:30pm - i agree to lie in bed with emme to help her sleep
10:45pm - i nearly fall asleep but she keeps talking to her dolls and telling me “good night”
10:50pm - i give up and get out of the room
10:55pm - emme screams my name for like, 5 minutes: “VIVIAN! VIVIAN! VIVIAAAAAAAN!”
11:00pm - i finally agree to lie in bed with her for a little more until she goes to bed
11:30pm - i doze off and when i wake up, she is FINALLY asleep, so i sneak the fuck out

my first babysitting experience in like, five years? and it was aoijdosadihafoaasdfapfoiajhgs! that being said, living in this apartment has been interesting, as i have gotten to witness the interesting family dynamic of becky, ryan, and emme. quite interesting indeed.

i’m listening to… “holla front” bai jin [rap].
i’m feeling… whatevers.

2:29 pm — hmmm some songs by jin… i don’t know what i think about them… can’t say i like them that much but i DO like his voice. =) it does sort of sound like eminem, though. http://www.peterjun.com/downloads_jin.html. first song is the best i think. last one is kind of whack.

i’m listening to… “it’s been awhile” bai staind [rock], “little black backpack” bai stroke 9 [rock], “sundown” bai nostrum + frank kunne [trance], “justify my love” bai vita + ashanti [breaks], “schism” by tool [rock].
i’m feeling… weird and melancholy. if you don’t know what that means for some reason, go look at my best friend, who is here. -__-

1:04 am — so i was cleaning my room… and i am weird and i always go through the little nitpicky things and clean the bigrelstuff later. actually… i usually make the little pointless things that no one sees perfect and tidy but the whole thing is usually still a mess… basically, i’m anal, but messy. odd. anyways. man… i found all this old stuff and it makes me so damn sappy going through old things… it’s strange how i changed friends so much when i was growing up… i had like a new “best friend” every year… literally. and weird that when i was looking through all my stuff i found remnants of each of those best friends… gah… makes me so sad… i really wonder where a lot of those people are now but i don’t feel comfortable just calling them up or anything… ugh… it’s so sad… everything i found reminds me of someone and most of those people are just essentially gone from my existence. all these little things just remind me. memories are a wonderful thing, but it’s quite saddening also. god… blah… i don’t even know where to start… so i won’t, since most of the people who read my journal don’t know my old friends anyways. but it’s really sad to me… that as you grow up you lose so much and so much of it you can never get back. but life goes on, i guess. i’m just uber sappy right now.

and more from looking through old things… god… i am so freaking godamn spoiled it’s not even funny. you know, i always thought i was spoiled… yeah… like… all the kids who live around here are ’spoiled’ but it never occurred to me the extent of how spoiled i am… i was looking through all this stuff that my parents gave me when i was little… pierre cardin earrings, mini perfumes, expensive pens, blahblahblah… all of which i have never even really used… god… that also makes me so sad… my whole family… my aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents… have all been so good to me i sort of can’t imagine life without any of them. just thinking about it at the moment makes me so freaking teary-eyed because life is so godamn fleeting and so of these things can be taken away from you at any moment. right now i really want to go to new jersey and see my grandma because she is so freaking out of it… she has like alzheimer’s and hip problems and all sorts of problems and i just think that if i take too long to see her it would just be depressing? -__- i mean it’s already depressing because she is already so incoherent… blah… and my poor grandfather has to take care of her everyday by himself… i just could not imagine living like that. man… that’s so sad. life is so freaking godamn sad. i don’t know man… just thinking… reflecting on everything makes me sort of want to value life and make something of it even though i am miss life-is-hopeless. blah.

i guess i just feel like with everything that i am given by my family… my friends… i should just stop complaining so much and take it and make something of it i guess. so i will try. it’s ridiculous how good people have been to me, really. i am so spoiled and i take it all for granted, really. i guess this kind of is a slap upside the head… that maybe i should learn to appreciate people more… for real. blah. so basically, honestly, anyone and everyone that i make any effort to talk to at all is someone important to me… for some reasons i am really bad at showing emotion for things now but really, really. out of anyone that actually reads this shit, i probably care about you too. >__< and sorry for being such a difficult person… at least, i think i am. *slapping self upside the head. and also some people whom i don’t talk to that often are important to me as well… blah… i don’t even know where to start. i guess since i’ve never really lost anyone i take a lot of people for granted… and i guess i should learn from this and think about it more. i guess i will try to change… try to work harder, try to spend less money, try to help out the family more… blahblah. try to keep on track. maybe this will give my utterly pointless life some meaning. all day long i was wallowing in how i find my life completely and utterly pointless… i think that is one of the reasons i want school to start. so that i will have some meaning in my life. hopefully i’ll learn. >__<

peace outside… =( take care, be happy, etc. you only live once… i guess.