taiwan for yo mothafuckin ears. err. something.
Thursday, November 22nd, 2007i’m writing this and it’s january 2008. oh well, need to recap it SOMETIME. even if it is a little late ^__~
sunday, november 18th, 2007
took the fucking AGO-NIZ-FUCK-ING flight to taipei and it was well, agonizing. i stayed a day later and left a day later than i was originally supposed to (which was friday), because i was sponsoring artifakt event the night before and yair was playing a show! well, people really liked his performance, so yay. the show itself was alright, some decent art, some okay. but yeah.
first evening i got there and daddy couldn’t go anywhere cause his leg was injured (from playing the wii), so mom, phil, roxanne, and i went over to the night market. had to take a taxi as it was too far to walk to. ate niu rou mian (beef noodle stew) but it was kinda gross. meh. it wasn’t gross. just okay.
some taiwanese fashion. long shit with leggings is all the rage there right now.
monday, november 19th, 2007
mom and dad had to visit the doctor, so phil, roxanne, and i got up early and just went to walk around. lotta shit was closed. we went to taipei 101 (the current tallest building, although soon to be not… why do people find the need to build as tall as possible anyway? it’s so freaking weird)… but it wasn’t open yet. so we walked around, in search of food. we bought some stuff at the convenience store. pretty much we are lucky i can read a bit of chinese — at least enough to get a basic idea of foods — so i got us picked out some onigiri stuff. that was really hard to open. and ooOoooOooOo green tea milk, you are so yummy. <3 finding food in foreign countries — it’s seriously the funnest part >_> spicy chicken onigiri up there. it was actually really good.
taipei 101. oh yeah, taipei 101?? you think you’re cool because you reach into the clouds? PFFT. inside, it’s pretty much just a mall for rich people. you know, the usual.
common sights in the taiwan, with taxis and all that jazz. women riding mopeds with high heels. okay, so it’s not THAT common but it’s not uncommon either.
slightly more uncommon sights. man with ladder while riding moped. what a pimp. and a naked mannequin.
magazine in bookstore in taipei 101 that’s dedicated to all things “BLANG BLANG” — i would have bought it but it cost ten fucking bucks. no thanks. i guess they figure those who want to bling will be willing to pay money for a guide on how to bling. as lenny pointed out, though, unfortunately they have the wrong idea — sticking rhinestones onto everything does not equal bling. bling = diamonds and jewels and shit. you got the wrong idea, AZNZ.
after we were done with 101 we took a free shuttle to… where? i don’t remember. hahahahahdoaishdads. the train station. oh yeah. the subway. that’s where we went. taipei’s subway system is still small and new, but they copied practically everything from japan. unlike americans, though, taiwanese people listen to signs on the ground and shit.
since we didn’t have much to do, we took the train station to “taipei da che zhang” (main station) and walked around. there was massive shopping there, which is why we went. because the truth pretty much is like this: there ain’t shit to do in taiwan except for shop. it’s pretty much… what’d i just say? the truth. >_> this little cutie was from one of those vending machines where you pay money to operate a claw and then you can win it. thing is… THIS SHIT COSTS $4 PER PLAY. what the fuck? we didn’t want to pay the money, so we haven’t yet decided whether it is “play until you win” or “$4 for one play and if you don’t get it, you’re a chump.” i guess the world may never know. because who plays that shit? there were a lot of those machines, to be sure, but i must say — never saw anyone playing any of them. hahaha. this is also copied from japan, their little arcade places. of course.
at night, we walked to nai nai’s place. lotta construction going on. my grandma is like 95. she’s funny. on a later date when we were at her house, she kept showing me to her little display cabinet where there were pictures of many people — including me!! and there was a photo of me, her, and this other boy who liked me. she said, “that’s you! that boy kept trying to get closer to you but you told him to go away!” then i would sit down, and five minutes later, she would be like, “mei mei ah, your photo is in this cabinet!” this happened three times… haha. >_> within the span of like, fifteen minutes. har har har. oh nai nai. she doesn’t cook for herself anymore since she fell… it’s messed up how falling at an old age (grandma used to always wear high heels) fucks up old people so hardcore. >_> it’s sad. but yeah, now she has a live-in servant who is from singapore. nai nai taught her how to cook for her and she cooks instead. i miss nai nai’s niu rou mian. i don’t think i’ll ever get to eat it again. T__T awww nai nai why are you so old! my mom knows how to make it but it isn’t the same at all. T__T sad.
i should also mention that my alcoholic uncle went crazy too. he used to be a REALLY nice guy but was just a fuck up and would get drunk all the time. well his liver is completely shot now but what’s worse is that his mind is shot. T__T he doesn’t even recognize my dad anymore. it’s pretty fucked up. i guess he has pulled out knives and threatened to kill people before. anyway, he lived with my grandma and my brother / mom / dad / roxanne got there before me so they saw him, but yeah, he didn’t recognize any of them. so they committed him to a mental institution. so that’s that. i didn’t see him. it’s a shame, because he’s a nice guy.
around grandma’s place are a lot of really small food stands and stuff — but unlike the night market, these are places people go to on a daily basis just when they’re leaving to and from work and shit. very convenient. this above is zou tou fu (stinky tofu). i don’t like the shit. but my momma does. my momma likes everything. as you will soon find out. it’s actually rather traumatizing. as you will soon find out.
dad, grandma, and phil. we are making our way to a restaurant!! that had EXTREMELY small dishes (i’m talking… mmm… the size of a coffee saucer plate thing) but they were really good, and probably the only real eating of vegetable i had the whole time i was there. so that was definitely a plus.
here’s what is not a plus. around grandma’s house, my mom bought some la mian xian (spicy noodle… thingies) because she didn’t know we were going out to eat dinner. not a fatty to waste foods, she, of course, brought the food into the restaurant like a fucking savage. it was pretty damn savage as she was scarfin gthe shit down in front of the waitresses. >_> in the latter pic is grandma with my auntie and uncle. the uncle came to america to live with us a while, and he still now insists on speaking english to us whenever he gets the chance to. his english isn’t bad but he does have an accent, and he’s just kind of goofy in general (we compare him to droopy), so him speaking english like droopy = funny.
apparently, when i was younger, this mall used to have a top floor that was all rides and arcades for little kids. i used to come here with my dad every day after he went to work or something. ahhh, good memories in taiwan. good memories indeed. i only lived there for a year around preschool age, but it doesn’t matter!
tuesday, november 20th, 2007
subway station. lots of boring time to spare, so yeah.
my timeline is actually kinda screwy so i don’t know if this is right, but whatever. the general gist is enough — a day by day play isn’t THAT important, is it?!!!!!!OIJ!OIJI!JOIAJSDOIAS! so, my mom booked us a trip via some tour train or something to go to hualian, which is in like, southeast taiwan. which is somewhat exciting because this was our first time outside of taipei in taiwan!!! porko rosssssso!
when we got there, some pony driver guy picked us up for the ride. not a tour guide — just a driver. but he kinda was weird and had a bad attitude. but err. doesn’t that sky look fake?!!!
first stop — a wonton place. supposedly famous — they had pictures of a former president eating there. i mean, it was okay. nothing to write home about though. or maybe it is. i don’t know. i never was much for wontons. but compared to most wontons they were pretty good. so okay, i change my mind, i guess they were good.
drive-by photo of a funeral. woooooo!
for the unacquainted, welcome to the world of the squatter.
so this guy dropped us off at all of these random, not particularly exciting places the first day because we didn’t have an itinerary for him and it was already the early afternoon. dad and brother and roxanne didn’t enjoy it at all but i didn’t really care — i think anything is pretty much a lot more interesting when you have a camera… even the most ‘boring’ of places. anyway, this place was a place that was formerly occupied by the japanese and they cut trees down there… blahblahblah. evidently the former logging caused all of the current rivers to dry out really easily, because when it rains, there aren’t as many old trees to soak up the water… instead, all the little, newly planted trees barely soak up any water, causing rivers to rage big, but for a short time… as opposed to being around year-round.
this was another random-ass place, but while we were there, some professor was there with his elementary school class. kids in taiwan pretty much take field trips all fucking day. no matter what day of the week it was or where we were, there were kids out on field trips. the other alternative is that even during weekdays people in business outfits are playing hooky or taking their work breaks to go SHOPPING. it’s ridiculous. apparently it hasn’t changed since my parents were growing up there, either. taiwan has a lot of streetside vendors which sell cheap wares, and apparently since the beginning of time people would pass by and say, “oh no, it’s so cheap! i have to have it!” even though they didn’t. this hasn’t changed. all taiwanese people do is fucking buy shit. it’s ridonkulous. i mean… do they really waste more than americans? i actually find that hard to believe. i’d say they probably are up there also. except they don’t have the big houses. but as far as buying trash goes — i think they are pretty high up there. also, none of their streetside restaurants use rewashable silverware or plates or bowls. they all fucking use disposable shit. it’s atrocious.
anyway, i went off on a tangent. that picture above is some weird bug larvae or mold — we couldn’t figure out what it was. :/
at another random place we stopped off at to eat “famous ice cream” (which was disgusting), you could feed koi. i don’t really care much for koi, but you must admit — their mouths are pretty dope there.
this is our bombass last stop of the day, which we probably should have spent MORE time at. it was a farm / zoo. i really wanted to ride a bike but i was not aware that they rented bikes until later. so i was a little bitter. instead, we rented this car which my dad drove around since he was injured. at first i had no idea what that place was but it soon revealed itself to be a crazy ass haven for birds of all types… and it made me very happy to see a MANDARIN DUCK IN PERSON!!!! i’d been waiting for that moment, for all my life! well not really. but yeah… my dad was also driving in the wrong lane in the wrong direction for a very long time. lol.
monkey island excited me on paper, but it was actually pretty weak sauce. sigh!!!!
there was a dairy farm. we were allowed to walk inside. erm, scary?! poor poor cow cows :[ here you are, a more intimate look at a cow being milked than you probably wanted!
this place was really fucking weird. pretty much this rich guy didn’t know what he wanted to do with his money, so he bought a bunch of shit. at least it’s cool shit, though. but still. there are a lot more pics i have of the bird collection that i didn’t upload to picasa, but he had soooooo many birds. it was insane. didn’t get a good chance to view any of them enough because we were in a rush and shit, so that kinda sucked. but it is what it is!
that night we stayed at this hotel. phil kept bitching about how ghetto it was going to be because it was in the city and not this super expensive one that was up on a hill (i told mom to get the city one because what’s the point? a view only lasts so long). anyway. he was bitching and moaning and when we finally got there, the place was fine. maybe even nice. a little bit unconventional, but i liked it. anyway, they had these windows that pulled open and were really high off the ground so you had to climb on bed to climb out of it, but all of the patios were connected. so i tried to scare my mom by going over to their window and being like, “BOO!” but she wasn’t scared at all. she was just like… “what are you doing there?”
took a series of long-exposure shots from outside that window on that balcony. this is maybe? the best of them.
that night we went to yet another night market. this place supposedly had famous… xiao long bao (small dragon buns HAHHAAAHHAHAAUSD)… seems like everything is famous. bizarro. they were pretty good but not as good as crab xiao long bao i’ve had — and other things. they were just okay. again, i don’t like xiao long bao, though, so yeah.
a thing full of intestines and shit. i asked the lady for permission. haha.
quantity of heat — 60c
fattiness — 25g
power — 86k
fibrin — 16n
DOGIPEE HOT DOG STORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i mean really, wtf?
wednesday, november 21st, 2007
the next day, we went to taroko national park. yeah. apparently chinese people don’t like to hike, because there weren’t really any trails at all. haha. all there was was this paved (like, for cars to drive on, only cars weren’t allowed to drive on it) road for people to walk on. which is kinda weaksauce. all the campsites (all one of them, i think) were also closed because of the time of year. the weather in taiwan at this time of year is so bizarre. it’s like… hot but cold at the same time. it’s a sticky cold that brings heat in its humidity. never knew how to dress because if i wore a jacket i’d get hot in a few seconds and if not, i’d be cold. blech.
there was a lot of construction going on, which nearly resulted in a crisis. generally they would only let one side of the traffic on the construction road at a time, but they messed up once and let both go at the same time. and there was a bus involved. so therefore, it was messy. so ghetto. they would only let a certain amount of people every hour, so if you missed the cut off point, you had to wait another hour. lol.
apparently, falling rocks are a huge problem here 
this area is known for these white, marble rocks. lots of quarrying and such >_>
this thing was on a long set of stairs. no one squished it… yay? i don’t know if it was dead or alive. i reckon dead, because roxanne got the same exact picture almost (which i thought was really interesting, because that means she’s looking around on the ground, like i do too!), and she went up those stairs way ahead of me. so… it was probably sitting there dead (or alive) for a while. i reckon dead.
this guy is definitely dead. i actually rather like taking pics of dead things. they just look so… interesting.
one stream is gray and the other is blue! together they make gray!!!! YAY!
low-hanging clouds.
we then went to this beach. this xiang chang (sausage) vendor had a cool sign. i thought his xiang chang tasted like charcoal, though, so i gave it to mcdoggy. then i tried to take a photo of myself with mcdoggy, and failed miserably.
almost as great as YAHO– wait, they probably got sued. same font and everything.
at the subway station, they featured some artwork made by fourth to seventh graders which warned about the dangers of the subway / train. ahhahahahraohrahrar. this is fucking great.
thursday, november 22nd, 2007
went to this… place. that was an old city… yeah. this was after taking the quick train (2 hours instead of 3 hours) back to taipei. the train was very rickety, and in it, they had a squatter bathroom. it was the first time using a squatter actually MADE SENSE. had it been a regular toilet, it would have been gross and i would have probably touched the communal nasty toilet seat. but since it was a squatter — and a clean one at that — it was perfect for the bumpy ride! insanity. anyway, this is the next day. we got the guy who picked my parents up from the airport to drive us around. mostly just little shops in this area — nothing too exciting to me but whatever. i got to sit in the middle of the road and be scary and stalk people with my camera 
some kids i stalked.
then we moved onto the next place. yet again, i have no idea what this place is. eh, i’ll find out and add it in later. lots of antiques and junk. yeahhh.
garden, in honor of a former chinese president. errr. yeah. errr taiwanese president. i have no idea. it was pretty boring.
then we went to another street market. this one had awesome foods. unfortunately, i did not get to eat as much of it as i would have liked T__T
what we did eat though was this. i don’t even know. it was like, strawberry mian xian in a tofu pocket. pretty interesting tasting. not good, but not really disgusting either. but definitely everyone just ate a bite and was done with it. lol. i think this area of taipei was where my dad went to college. i can’t be sure, though.
i bought one of these for lenny and one of these for sherry >_> they’re so cute haha.
then we went to this harbor place. i don’t know where any of these places are, lol. they’re all within taipei, though.
then we went to another market. and my parents went INSANE and bought a fuckload of this black sesame and peanut candy. i mean, the shit is really good but not THAT good. they went insane. two big bags. and now i still have a bunch (and it’s two months later)… and probably will never finish it!!!!
friday, november 23rd, 2007
went to ximending, the top freaking shopping center in taipei, that’s for sure. some breakdancers — who i later talked to and found out were from MATHAR RUSSIA — were there… breakdancing. cameraman got me on camera!!
one girl, three guys. the girl sucked. she did this butt shaking mood every time. she couldn’t even breakdance. couldn’t pop… eh. she just seemed out of place and repetitive. i was not the only one who thought this. as far as the breakers go — one guy was really good… the other two guys were pretty mediocre. guy pictured above in the pose is *not* the good one.
phil had wanted to go to this restaurant but we didn’t know where it was. it’s a chain store, but we just happened to stumble upon it. the seats in the restaurant are toilets. the table are sheets of glass over old sinks. showers hang from the walls. your food comes to you in toilet-shaped thingies. yeap. the food? it was just okay. my crappy chinese failed us here, because i misread some things for other things, unfortunately.
candies shaped in pad-like packaging. i think they are marshmellows. i’m not sure. haven’t opened. queer aid, phil bought for aberoo.
i didn’t expect to find much graffiti in taipei but there was a lot around ximending… and a lot of it was really quality stuff. here’s one.
masturbation bear in the two story stationary store that i used to go to every time i went back to taipei. i even had a birthday discount card which worked around your birthday, but my mom forgot to bring it T__T
roxanne and her face mask! those things make it very hard to breathe — as cool as they look. >_>
you might know what a buddhist monk looks like… this is what taoist monks look like!
this toothpaste was in our hotel. larry king is a whitemen. i started using this toothpaste when we first got there but then i saw that it was made in china and got scared and no longer used it, cause that’s scary. i wanted abe lincoln instead of larry king (he was in this book at the hotel), but roxanne said that was inappropriate. she said using bush would be inappropriate too, but larry king is somehow okay. i don’t really understand.
home!
