inside the wonderful world of vee

not to generalize or be racialist (lol) but… to generalize and be racialist… asian women drivers suck. i say this as an asian woman driver. why would i say this? stories such as this.

***

vee: we still on for tonite?
tony: neg, no can do.
vee: i see flakesauce
tony: mom just broke my garage
tony: and her car
vee: JAJAJAJA
vee: how did she break garage
tony: so gotta fix
vee: …
tony: left door open in car
tony: back out
tony: bye bye car door
tony: bye bye garage

***

lingo: omg
lingo: that is unreal
vee: indeed
lingo: too unreal
vee: haha
vee: ive heard of similar
vee: such as
vee: backing car into garage door while garage door still closed
lingo: oh i’ve got one
lingo: this lady was driving me home from church when i was little
lingo: and instead of breaking when she crept up the driveway
lingo: she accelerated
lingo: and ran through the garage door and into my brother’s brand new car
vee: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
vee: .. asian ..?
lingo: very old asian
lingo: so at that point it didn’t matter what ethnicity she was
lingo: she’s just old as hell
vee: hahaha
vee: did she stop driving
vee: probably not
lingo: hell no

there’s something interesting about working at trendi.com, and it is the fact that we somehow always manage to get into conversations about things that people are traditionally “not supposed to talk about.” and i mean, that’d be fine and normal if it were just once in a while, but it seems that EVERY time we get into a conversation as a group, it is always about something “uncomfortable,” be it racism, politics, religion, etc.

so, it seemed only apt that on the return of summer’s month-long vacation to chile, that we would get into a loud and largely unfettered conversation about racism in the local cherry street cafe (which, by the way, has the best fucking feta sandwich ever… maybe a feta sandwich doesn’t SOUND great, but it is GLORIOUS).

also in conjunction with normalcy in the world of trendi.com was the fact that summer and i largely agreed whereas kristoph didn’t quite understand or agree with our sentiments. jenny was not here today, but i reckon she would have been holding the middle ground of opinions, as she often does.

so what was our discussion about today? summer had never been too much into united states’ politics. she largely does not vote because she considers them to all be puppets being waved around by the same hands. i can see that to a degree, but i still vote myself (this topic was the root of a former in-office debate as well). upon returning from chile, however, she became a little more interested in american politics simply because she had been away for so long and had no grasp of the political climate in chile. i guess it made politics of any sort seem important in some way? i’m not sure.

anyway, barack obama has been getting flamed for going to a church that has a mission statement somewhere along the lines of aiming to help the “black community.” we got in a discussion about that, and kristoph’s take was that, in order to counteract racism, we need to get rid of labels like “black” or “white” that further divide the groups into their own little niches. he also thought that, dammit, they’re a church. they should be helping everyone, not just the black community. i can absolutely see that argument, but summer and i’s take on it was that what the “black community” is fighting in the short run is not racism, but socioeconomic inequalities. it’s difficult to fight racism since it is engrained into minds and opinions, but it is easier to fight something more concrete, like inadequate schooling, broken families, gang problems, etc. we thought that since people obviously already live in a community surrounded by blacks, they are comfortable with the term “blacks” and identify with it, and therefore, it is a necessary evil in order to get them onto the next step. after all, the largest divider between people is wealth, not race. take care of wealth first, and then take care of race.

summer brought up an example that, had it not been for people who had identified themselves in these groups during the civil rights movement, less would have been accomplished in terms of bringing about “equality.” kristoph brought up that it was these self-labeled identifiers of black and white that brought about the problem in the first place. both arguments make sense. it is unfortunate that such an arbitrary label makes such a big difference.

summer grew up in california and i guess her mother had always brought her to churches or meetings where people spoke of empowering the “black community,” so it was normal to her, and it seemed weird to her that people would make such a huge deal out of it. kristoph, on the other hand, had grown up primarily in canada and europe, and those places don’t place as huge of an impact on race as the united states does, so the whole idea of people being so caught up over obama going to this church just seems to be out of his understanding and grasp.

anyway, it was all extremely interesting, but it also got extremely loud. i counted a couple looks from people… one from a guy who was on the phone near us, looking over because we were so loud i assume he had a hard time hearing the telephone… and another from this group of three people — two white-haired elderly people, and one younger, tattooed dude. we saw them, mid-hooting-and-hollering, looking at us, and decided we needed to go because we were probably “offending people.” this was two hours into our long, long lunch debate. when i looked up at the elderly couple, both the man and woman were smiling at me, in a nice but still strange way. i would have liked to loop them into the conversation.

by the end of the conversation, none of us had changed our opinions on the matter at all, but we agreed that if obama’s speech (that he gave about the issue of him going to that church) was meant to spark debate and conversation about the topic of race, it had succeeded. i guess he wrote the speech himself, too, which was cool. unfortunately, i haven’t read it. i guess i should. but what’s cool is that the members of trendi.com are quite the melting pot. we have the general white bread girl from new jersey (lul), a half-black, half-white girl from compton, myself the asian from something something, and a polish-russian immigrant from canada who has lived all around the world. so i guess since we come from such different places, conversations are always interesting and sometimes enlightening.

other than when kristoph and jenny talk about the housing market and stocks. that bores the shit out of me. it’s like eating dinner at my house all over again.

listening to… ministry of sound’s clubber’s guide for 2007.

i’m soooooo tired. can barely stay awake. i was fine until i ate some pasta and some trail mix type things… and now i’m like dying of tiredness. what’s the deal? +_+ i thought trail mix type shit is supposed to give you energies. that’s what i get for watching “indiana jones and the temple of doom” til 3am i guess. indy movies are totally racist and make a mockery of people of different cultures everywhere, but they are still so damn good. must, watch, the third one now. lenny has only seen #1 (”raiders of the lost ark”). whata newb……… linh has seen none. what a newbs………………… i don’t have the brain to remember many movies very well but i remember indy movies pretty well!!!!! was harrison considered a hot commodity back in the day? i don’t remember for i was too young, but i’m assuming he was.

there’s actually a crapload of junk that i would like to update but i don’t really have the willpower for it lately. there’s just soOoOooooOooOOooOOooOOOooOO much to do. i’m not even joking around. +__+ i just want to kind of curl up into a ball and die YAY DEATH BALL.

anyway, i had a reason for writing this… what was it again?! oh yeah.

i think so far i’ve done pretty well at straying away from the whole, hello, i am asian girl, i can do nothing but become whatever my parents want me to be, but as i was discussing with jeanette the other day, no matter what, with every decision i make, there is this nagging feeling of incredible dread that something will result in my being bitched out by my parents. not my parents, so much, actually, but more like my mom. my dad doesn’t give a flying fuck anymore… at least not so much. he just wants us to be happy. mom… is another story.

the other day my mom was like, “you better not bring home a hippie as a boyfriend.” along with shit like, “marry someone rich.” or “marry chinese.” like i give a fuck about any of those things. like jesus christ. i feel like an eternal kid. i find it to be extremely selfish to say that kind of shit to your kid. maybe, like, find someone that treats you right is good. maybe. but why does everything have to be so negative lol. as if it’s not enough pressure to begin with to even find someone who you are completely happy with. now i have to worry about what she thinks too? no thanks. like, i’m sorry if you’re racist and care too much about money, but i’m not. and i know money was hard growing up and all, but really, i don’t find money to be that hard to come by. i don’t spend money so therefore money is easy to save up. i don’t need to marry rich. i just need to marry someone who will make me happy. that’s it.

fucking asian parents man. like jeanette was saying… they honestly have no idea as to the degree of negative effect they have on their kids. everyone ranks asian kids as all “successful” but it’s interesting because a lot of them might be rather successful in studying but just suck at life other than that. because they’ve lived their whole lives for other people.

in december i will be going to munich with sherry because her parents are there, and you know, free housing and shit. i want to have a layover in amsterdam for like, 7 hours or something, so that i can explore the city by myself a little. i’ve never been to a foreign country by myself. frankly, i’ve never been allowed to. wish i had studied abroad, but it’s a little too late for that (unless i go get my TEFL in peru… ah, a girl can dream… and possibly do in the near future). and i mean, if i’m going to have a layover anyway, might as well make it an interesting one. the amsterdam red light district is only 15-30 minutes away, and is well worth it since i’d have a 9 hour layover with probably about 6 hours of exploration time. this is something really simple. go to amsterdam during the daytime. explore by yourself. shouldn’t be a fucking big deal. but it would be a big deal. and i can’t even say something this simple to these parents. i’d never hear an end to the bitching. i’m a girl. i’m too young. i’m a girl. i’m a girl? i’m a girl. etc. etc. and that’s just not cool.

life decisions are hard enough but these days, as i’m wondering and double-guessing what i want to do with the rest of my life, having to put up with so many other people’s emotions is freaking unbearable. i would be content to live my life working part-time, and doing freelance or contract work on the side, and honestly, although living like that can be erratic, i’ve never been short of money doing that. in fact, i’ve had major amounts of money saved up from those jobs which have allowed me to fund my magazine and all that, which is no cheap enterprise. yet if i do that, i never hear the end of it. even working 32 hours rather than 40, i never hear the end of the bitching. it’s so exhausting. i’m tired of pleasing other people. i ignore a lot of it. i just say yeah, whatever. but in the back of my head, things really do effect the way you think. you begin to wonder, maybe i should do this. maybe other people are right. maybe, maybe… i’m the only one doing this… why am i the only one doing this? well, the answer is, everyone else wished they could only work contract or freelance but they can’t… and that’s why they don’t. that’s the nitty gritty truth of it all. so why do i feel so bad for doing these things?

and it would be so simple to write off these unfounded opinions, but you know, obligation, they’ve done so much for you, blahblahblah, makes it difficult. so instead, i’m trapped in this eternal battle between what i want to to do and what i’m told i want to do. and here i am, trying to please both sides. and really, that doesn’t work. instead, these days, i think i’m the one who is thoroughly unpleased. and i mean thoroughly. THOROUGHLY.

so a couple weeks ago i employed some wordpress blog stat plugins. woo!

now i can see what people are searching for to get to my website. last week, i wrote a post about how i hate japanese girl porno which fetishizes asian women. LO AND BEHOLD. that entry, because it is titled “japanese girls make asian girls look bad” has gotten me more hits than most of my other posts. hmm, interesting. or is it!!!

which is why i run this experiment by labeling this post “bad japanese girls fetish asian sexy perverts porn!!” nonsensical bullshit riddled with porno keywords. but it will probably get me more hits than any other post, because, you know, that’s how people roll. me asian girl. me chinese.

i’m not really one to bitch and moan about how asians don’t get enough roles in movies or aren’t treated with respect or all of that shit, because i don’t believe it’s true. still, i do know for a fact that pornos make people think of asian women as these ridiculous whiny sex objects, so i guess what i’m really trying to say is…

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BLOG, PERVERT.

here are what search terms people have searched for to get to my site:
* japanese girls asians
* fucking japanese girl
* japanese girls fucking
* asian girl japan
* fetish japan girl
* fuck a japanese girl
* asian bad girls
* asian girls

NEW SEARCH TERMS SINCE I’VE POSTED THIS POST:
* looking for japanese girls fucking
* japanese girls
* i like to fuck japanese girls (who the fuck searches for a term like this?)
* fucking japanese girls
* fucking to the japan girls
* japanese girls fucking

so lately i’ve been contacting a bunch of magazine printers to try and get a decent quote for my magazine printing. why? because i’m poor and not funded by a huge corporation or anything. therefore, how much my magazine costs to print DOES matter. i’m doing it out of my own pocket, so obviously i shop by price.

to some printers, though, this is an unthinkable crime or something. i’ve gotten a couple phone calls from printers that just tried to make me feel bad for looking for a cheap price. or they say, go to china and get it printed. no, smart ass, i can’t wait 4 weeks to get the issue back.

the other day some guy called me and was like, “i’m calling from blahblahblah about a quote i sent you,” and i honestly replied, “i’m not sure which quote was yours, since i’ve gotten so many.”

he continued with, “yeah, you shop by price, right? going to go with the shop with spanish americans running the printers because it’s only whatever’s cheapest that matters, right?”

first, this sentence was screwed up because he was trying to be politically correct while being completely politically incorrect. why not just say: “going to go with the cheapest shop of beaners, eh?”

second, i messed up. what i really should have replied with was something about that racist line cause racism is not cool. but i was so thrown off guard by that line that i didn’t even know how to respond. it was so out there. that and he ended with the part about being cheap, as opposed to ending at the spanish americans line (during which i opened my mouth but he continued, so i changed what i was going to say). instead, i replied to the “cheap” aspect of it. and i feel bad that i did. i said, “well, it’s not like i’m made of money. i’m doing this out of my own pocket.” really what i should have said is, “well, i was going to consider you guys but since you are a racist asshole, i’ll probably take my business elsewhere.”

the interesting thing is that after i said what i said to him, he instantly seemed to be less of an asshole. his voice got a lot softer, and he was like, “yeah, we all have to survive.” i wonder if it is because his business is failing that he is such a turd or what. either way, though, that’s no way to treat a customer. and the thing is, some other companies that run the same presses as their company does still does it cheaper. so like, if it were the exact same magazine practically, why wouldn’t i go with the cheapest one? of COURSE price matters.

but yeah, i screwed up. now i let him get away as a bigot. and that sucks.

i hate how everyone goes to japan to “teach english” aka to get poon. what is that about? i hate the concept of “asian fetish”… and japanese porns… and how the girls in them are like, unreal, and are practically crying and whiny as fuck. it’s so annoying that this is the concept people have of asian women, and therefore being with an asian woman is like this weird sexual experience or something. like, shit, i’m an asian woman, but i think i’m a pretty decent catch. but i hate having to double-check myself or whatever, thinking, it must be because you’re an asian girl that people are curious — not because you’re cool. it sucks that race should even be a factor that is considered, since it really doesn’t fucking matter. but to other people, it does. and subsequently, i wonder if it does to me. if that makes sense.

the concept of asian fetish is just so irritating.

anyway, i know a lot of people who have gone to japan to teach english, and maybe it’s cause they are guys that they talk about this stuff so much, but whatever, all everyone talks about when they talk about going to japan to teach english is about getting pussy. that’s so fucking annoying. i can’t stand it. and the worst part is, japanese girls, and married japanese women really DO give it up like non other. because they’re lonely, or whatever. and it doesn’t even seem to matter who you are, or if you’re good-looking, or whatever. so the fetishism of asian women continues due to these things. it’s so annoying. i can’t stand it. -__-

it seriously disturbs me greatly because it actually makes an impact on my life since i’m an asian woman and some people really will get the idea that this is what asian women are like. and that is unbelievably annoying.

this entry was terribly ineloquent, but you get the idea.

i’m listening to… — dj dara’s cd “a full circle” [drum’n'bass].
i’m feeling… full. sleepy. etc.
i’m hella diggin… dj dara.

5:36 pm — i don’t care if you say you’re not racist but in my book the second someone says, “you motherfucking niggers” or “those fucking beaners” seriously, you’re motherfucking racist in my book. it may be mild, but don’t deny it, you’re racist. blah. that’s so retarded. i am do not approve of that shit. blah. anyway, i can’t decide if i should go home right after school gets out of after summerlove. i would like to go home but i think i’ll just go home as according to my current plane ticket… after summerlove. dude… if that rave is gay i’m going to be so pissy. -__- anyways, sick of this shit… i can’t wait to go home and / or for fall quarter to start. i want to move out of this freaking dorm… well, i don’t want to do the physical act of moving, but yeah. i want to be somewhere else. i would be so much more productive if i had my own room because i can play music as loud as i want and no one to bother… and then i wouldn’t be on the computer constantly because i have somewhere else to play music (sorta). it’s hard to explain. the reason i am on the computer so much is because i want the music… but if i’m sorting around the playlist and stuff i can’t help from being on AiM. and headphones are just no good for extended periods of time. blah. in circles.

in addition, i bought a 12-pack of teddy grahams, let people eat them, and concluded i have not eaten a single honey one myself. bOoOoOo! *take the cinnamon ones, i say! -___-; cinnoman = funny word.

anyways, been looking for a job… we’ll see how this works out. i want a REAL job. =T not this bubble tea bullshit.

i’m listening to… — “what if” bai babyface [r&b], “fibonacci sequence” bai bt [breaks]
i feel… — okay.

6:58 pm — you know, i think asian-washed white people are really cool. for the most part. i’ve known a couple and been friends with a couple, and for the most part, i think they’re really cool people. but i don’t like the asian-washed white people who NEED to prove that they’re asian-washed. they have to have clothes with entirely asian print on it and make it known to everyone that they have a whole crapload of asian friends and like shun off white people or something. blehhhhh blehhhh i say. oh well. =P no big deal. if it floats their boat, i guess.

well, whatever, i don’t do anything anymore these days… just kind of loaf around and do homework and study. fun? no… necessary? yes… necessary even-more-so-than-i-am-doing? yes. -__-;

more lyrics fo yo hizazz =)

i was @ soompi.com today and people were talking about how asians get stereotyped in hollywood. they complain when the asians are portrayed as the geeks, they complain when asians are portrayed as kung-fOo masters, and they complain when asians are portrayed as gangsters. WHAT THE HELL DO YOO EXPECT? it’s like that even in asian movies godammit… asians are either hardcore killers, kung-fOo masters, or geeks. so…??and then these people are complaining about how they hate these racist stereotypes and shit… and then they go around saying, “oh i hate these redneck muthafuckaz”… uhhh that’s not racist i swear.

and then this one girl got pissed off because she read a history book and asian people got their stores bombed… i think that was probably during the l.a. riots when all that shiet between the koreans and the blacks were goin down… i’m not sure because that girl didn’t even kno what the hell she was talking about, but she said, “i was reading this umm.. social studies book in grade 9.. and there we were doing the law unit..and there was this story about this person walkin into a azn store and bombing their store cuz the azn pplz stopped them from stealing or sumthing.. and it pissed me off cuz why are azn pplz always the one getting killed or bombed or wutever in storys or book”. godammit, it’s a HISTORY BOOK. that means it fuking happened. and yoo can get pissed off cuz an asian got killed in a mofo history book? sheesh…

and then the same person that started that stupid post saying that asians are the ONLY ethnicity to be really portrayed poorly in hollywood dared to say that “its like all the asian women are running off with the white boys while the asian men are portrayed to be “less” of a man”. uhhh… okay… so when the asian guys are gun-toting gangster fOoz in movies that portrays them as less of a man? define a man, then… they don’t like the smart people because they’re not considered men, they don’t like the gun-toting fOoz cuz they’re not considered men… then what the hell is considered a man? what the hell do yoo WANT?? i mean it’s not like white people aren’t stereotyped in asian movies too… and yeah… black people don’t get stereotyped in hollywood? PLEASE… they’re often considered gangbangers and players. and hispanics get stereotyped too. i hate these dumbass asians. always thinkin that just because asians are the most ‘different’ from caucasians, they’re the ones that get picked on the most. please. -_-
(random guy’s response:)
i’m copying and pasting this from something else

“follow your dreams” is a very american sentiment… like only an american would pack up all their shit and leave Iowa to come to california for no other reason than to become famous.

you see AZNs packing shit up and moving to america but that’s cuz they are looking for money or a better life, nothing as trivial as fame. AZNs culturally i think are a lot more utilitarian.

American’s think “money can’t buy happiness” but AZNs think the exact opposite.

so part of the reason why you see so few AZNs in the media, yes, it is because “the man” is keeping us down, but it is also ourselves keeping ourselves down.

15 year old Asian American kid says to dad “i wanna be an actor” dad says “wtf, how are you going to support yourself? How are you going to feed yourself? How will you take care of your kids? you should become a doctor or engineer or something else instead”.

And thus, before the seeds of the dream even get a chance to sprout, they are already cut down. So combine “the Man” with the lack of support from family, and it’s no wonder no AZNs make it in show biz.

Of course, then there is the racial typecasting. You see AZNs in very few roles, and they are often either bad guys in movies (you can never trust those azn’s, they ride around on motorcycles with uzis), or they are the old dude that trains the white hero how to fight. Or if they are lucky enough to be the hero, they never get to kiss the white or black female lead role, because for whatever reason, even though the AZN male is allowed to kick some ass, he’s still not man enough to get the girl.

And why do you always see the same 5 asian guys in movies, playing the same 5 karate masters and kung fu bad guys? Well that goes back to the first thing… so few asians ever make it in show biz anyway. so if you wanna cast some kung fu bad guys, well, you gotta get the same 5 guys cuz they are the only ones around.

(diana’s response:)
i disagree with what’s written there. that’s just a bunch of “i’m the victim” bs.

it’s not only asian parents who discourage their children from getting into show biz. most parents would disapprove. not necessarily because they just want to be difficult, but because of genuine concern. the world of entertainment is a risky place with no guarantees.

a lot of great actors/musicians/models had absolutely NO support from their families, but they ran off to pursue their dreams anyway. that’s called drive. that’s called desire. so if you’re going to say, “yeah, well, i wanted to be an actor but my dad wouldn’t let me” obviously, you do not posess those qualities so it’s a good thing your dad didn’t approve, for you would’ve been a TERRIBLE actor with no passion. if you’re not willing to put everything on the line for you dream, you don’t deserve to achieve it. so stay at home and become an engineer, because there’s already enough talentless actors in hollywood.

as for lack of diverse roles, that’s expected. in the old american b&w movies, where were the black people? they were the servants & the laborers is all. back then, that’s all the majority of people knew them as, so that’s the only roles they were casted in. but times have changed and now there are black characters of all kinds: businessmen, heroes, villains, gangsters, nerds, etc. in current american movies, the question isn’t “where are they” but “where AREN’T they”?

so on one hand, people complain that asians get no roles. then in the very same breath, they complain that the only roles are as kung-fu-fighting heroes or kung-fu-fighting villains. stupid me actually thought that those were called roles..! and as for the asians + martial arts typecasting, what’s wrong with that? we have to get started somewhere, now don’t we? and haven’t you noticed the popularity of these movies? the vast majority display mediocre acting skills, but people still go to see it! it sells!! so if it ain’t broke, why should hollywood try to fix it?

and yes, there is a lack of asian actors. GOOD asian actors. that’s not hollywood’s fault. you think you’ve got talent, but you give up because “the MAN” & your parents are against you? well then, go crawl under a rock because you are of no use to this world and you’d never make it in this cutthroat business. yes, culture is a factor, and white americans would have a much “easier” time to pursue their dreams of acting glory. but guess what? it’s not only in the entertainment world where minorities have to work twice as hard as the whites to get the same amount of recognition. you better get used to it and get stronger or you’ll never last.

oh, and wtf is up with all this “not man enough” macho bullshit? ooh~ not man enough because you don’t get to kiss the girl?? news flash: you’ll never be man enough. if you think getting the girl = proving your masculinity, then go ahead and move to an all-male planet where all the guys can pat you on the back and cheer you for fucking a lot of girls. no wonder you’re not man enough; that way of thinking — however widespread & accepted as it may be — is immature. boys need to get the girl to feel like a man. a man knows he’s a man regardless of what other people think, and he doesn’t need to go around “proving” it.