inside the wonderful world of vee

june 30th, 2004 (gwar)

i’m listening to… j-majik live @ the baltic room.
i’m feeling… shitty.

8:48 am — BLEHHHHH no rest even in dreams. -__-

watched “spiderman 2″ this morning with hsu-ken, jun, hojo, and eric… or last night, however you want to call it. opening show on the 30th @ midnight. AWESOME movie. i watched it with zero expectations, and wow, it was really good. i didn’t think the acting was very good, but the action was amazing… and it was pretty funny as well. although… no venom in #3? :X but i guess you coulda seen it coming. i heart watching movies at the cinerama… always very rowdy and people are always very into it. makes for fun times!

before that went to listen to chuck palahniuk’s reading with eva and anthony at kane hall… he actually filled kane 130 and people had to sit on the top balcony part. he said during his first reading of fight club @ seattle there were only 4 people, and three of them were his friends. lmao. the reading was alright; “guts” was better. there is going to be a fight club broadway show, with trent reznor doing the show. can we say… FUCKING AWESOME?!?!?! i sure can!

and that is all.

DAMNIT I DID IT AGAIN, I EDITED OVER MY OLD ENTRY… BLAHHADOAHDIOSHIOADH!.

(lenny’s response:)
Bye bye high five. I predict venom WILL ve in 3rd.

(anthony’s response:)
I predict Hobgoblin will be in 3rd movie, but you know.. that’s just me.

(random response:)
Toby hinted that both will be.

(nate’s response:)
yo man what is this shit? vivian we will be stars in the future with our horrow movie ya hurd! watch out peoples.

—

june 23rd, 2004 (boring days)

i’m listening to… “kireigoto no blues” by gaku mc, “bright eyes” by jason mraz, “liquid courage” by pretty girls make graves, “magenta rain” by m-flo.
i’m feeling… okay.

10:46 pm — boring days. all i do is eat, sleep, work, and go to school. what can you do, though. dude, so right now i’m reading “lullaby” by chuck palahniuk, and shiet… on the cover there’s this dead bird, and as i was reading it and leaving work this afternoon, there was a dead bird outside of the building in the same position as on the cover. icky.

also, like last week or something, i was at this meeting for work, and we were doing a video shoot outside and i was standing on this balcony thing taking pictures, and i saw this big brown blob fall out of a tree onto a floor… and it made this big ass sound, like floppy loud ass sound, and i was like, “WHAT THE FUCK?” and then i was like, oops, cause we were with a bunch of high school kids (although high school isn’t that young)… and it turns out this godamn SQUIRREL fell out of the tree… and my boss ran over there after i said it fell out of the tree, and she’s like, “COME OVER HERE!” so i had to go over there and watch it as it spazzed and twitched to death. it was weird, cause like 20 minutes later, it was gone… X:

hmm i guess that is the extent of my non-exciting life. gotta clean up my fucking room before the parentals come on july 4th-ish. ;O

—

june 20th, 2004 (crack da fsck out)

i’m listening to… nothing, cause my sound card is a fuck up.
i’m feeling… like shit.

12:53 pm — oh my fucking god kill me please… last night was usc8, so i took a white unicorn for the first time in more than a year, and FUCK, dude, this is like the worst crackouttedness i’ve ever fucking had. KILL ME. serious. it took me sOoOo fsckin long to sleep last night too… AAAAAHHHHHH SO ANNOYING.

fsck. well, usc8 was pretty damn fun… fuck, i can’t even think. okay, so me, jennie, chol, and josh drove there after much convincaging of josh to go, and there were like three rooms… all pretty empty (lots of room for dancing, which was cool)… and it was in this new warehouse over by… 4th… and airport way or some crap. iono. in the sticks.

anyway, got there, sat around a bit, chol hippie-flipped… blahhhh… other two rooms were boring… only the drum’n'bass room was pretty dope, and deepsky was pretty dope, but i don’t know how to dance to anything but dnb anymore… not even tech breaks, which sucks ass… :/ bleehehhhhhhh… hung out with chol during the beginning and he was being his mushy i love vivian self as usual, and he says i helped him define what love is (whatever that means), and i now have to buy him a girly journal that says “vivian’s my lava” on the cover. yeah, don’t ask.

hmmm what else happened, later nathan and i got these massages that they had there… $1 a minute, so he paid $5 for the two of us, and we started talking to that lady and ended up getting like 5 minutes each instead of like 2 and 1/2… lol, so funny, there was this girl that came up behind us and was wearing nothing but her bra and in between her boobies was written “1st rave” and the massager chick was like, “ohhh shit, first rave and they already got her top off.” and then nathan was like, “where?! where?!” and he looked up from the massage chair and then he immediately looked back down cause she was kinda porky, and the massager lady was like, “yeaaa he’s telling her to put it back on…” lmao, so funny… and that shirtless girl heard the massager chick too 8( and she kinda turned around but didn’t say anything. lmao, so funny. so many shirtless people. :/ that chick was cool man! we were just talking shit about skanky girls X_X lol. yeah, and she was looking for nitsuj (my favorite!)’s set because she used to go to school with him or something. man, he’s hawt.

and then i went outside with sujung and talked to her for a while… i always talk to her a lot when i’m rolling… and wtf, some people i didn’t think roll rolled, and that was weird too. X__X

towards the end me and yuki just stayed in the dnb room to watch the 360bpm crew (nitsuj <3, zacharia, demo) and danced our hearts out, although damnit, he forgot to bring my usb port thing T__T i neeeed it T___T i was kinda mostly sober then, although like… the whole roll felt the same, nothing very intense, all very clear-headed and body high-ish… so lame though, because today i am cracked out like a mothafucka.

danced a lot… so out of shape, got tired so easily ;0 although man, that pill, made it really hard to breathe or something… like when i was first coming up it felt like horrendous… :/ but thankfully it turned out alright. my mission to find a hot guy failed, though, but oh well i guess.

afterwards just went over to sujung’s place (nice ass apartment in lake city man) and tried to sleep but to no avail, and then she drove me home. DEATH.

oh yeah and one of sue’s friends was hella havin a bad trip and he licked his lips so much that they got all chapped and he couldn’t close them… and sue said they looked like angelina jolie’s lips, and they did X:

june 14th, 2004 (crack me the fsck out)

i’m listening to… an episode of x-men.
i’m feeling… .

12:03 am — somehow i think change will make it all right side up… but then, i fear change. i pity da foo (aka me).

went paintballing today with some people… in one of the rounds it was me and april vs. janine, and it was kinda a stalemate, so i ran up by janine and was like “SURRENDER! SURRENDER!” and she freaked out and shot me three times point blank and omfg it hurt like a biatch. all in all it was pretty damn fun, though. god, i’m such a godamn hermit. sigh. pathetic.

but now i have this pretty shitty welt on my ass / side and one on my arm… wawOosa. tomorrow i sense pain.

—

june 12th, 2004 (disrespek)

i’m listening to… “knew it all along” (acoustic) and “waiting for the news” by midtown.
i’m feeling… .

2:04 am — just came back from a party at ben’s cabana thing. wow. disappointing, people are… i always say it, and it’s just reaffirmed today… how very disappointing human nature is.

ben put out a lot of money to buy everyone alcohol, and there was this tip jar, where people all chipped in… about a total of $160… and then ben checked later and there was only $6…

that someone would come and take that money is a really fucked up thing to do… now i don’t want to say this happens all the time at asian parties, but it’s funny that i’ve only been to three? asian parties this year (vs like 6? non-asian parties) and something like this has happened at every single one of the asian parties but not at the others. money stolen out of the tip box, money taken from wallets, shoes stolen. what the ghetto fuck, seriously. how can you even be that disrespectful… i feel so bad for ben, that he was nice enough to throw a party for everyone to have fun and that someone would just jack him like that. that’s fucked up. seriously, and people say it’s weird that i feel uncomfortable around big groups of asian people… it’s stuff like this, although not necessarily this… just the fakeness, the shit-talking, the bitchiness… shit like that. this one girl named melissa was also there… i knew her a while ago, hung out with her a couple summers ago and shit, and thought she was pretty cool, but she’s not cool at all. after we found out that ben’s money got stolen, he got mad, and sylvia got up on the table and told everyone to, “shut the fuck up.” granted, this did not help the situation at all, but melissa and her crew were just like, “what right do you have to tell us to shut the fuck up!” i mean, seriously, it’s not like it’s really DISRESPECTING or whatever the fuck. chill out and swallow your damn pride for a second because who cares if you didn’t steal the money, no one knows that you didn’t do it for sure, and if you were in that situation you would be doing the same exact fucking thing. so sit down, bitch. god, people are so disappointing.

on the other hand, i don’t know, that party was okay. i’m so sick of drinking nowadays; one shot is literally enough to tie me over for the whole night. some crazy people… everyone there knew how to dance i swear to god. breakdancing, club dancing, everyone was a godamn clubber. i felt out of place because i wasn’t dancing, seriously. but yeah, this one guy was drunk as fuck and kept insisting on breakdancing nevertheless, and it was horribly funny. whatever. thanks to sharon for driving me home, because yuki is way too drunk still. man, sigh. gotta wake up @ 11 am tomorrow morning for a godamn meeting; i should have said i couldn’t go. :| 

 (anthony’s response:)
that’s really funny that you mention HER. On a very 99% sure assumption its the same Melissa, I would completely agree with you. Her and I used to be best friends, do everything and anything together; I’ve known her since HS and all, but man, there was a time period where things changed and i just couldnt stand hanging out with her anymore. I guess shes sorta trying to mend those relationship ties with me and a few others, but she’s got a long way to go… This is just another classic example of it…

Yes, people are fake. That’s what I cant stand about alot of people… and not to be racist or jack crap, it happens alot with asian people. I dont know why. “WE” (though i dont consider myself “asian”, I am “american”) just seem to have this thing where we have to look a certain way, do a certain thing, and all of that nonsense to please the general consensus. That’s such BS. Granted there are times when you have to, but around your friends, or peers, why?? It’s a two-face world… for some people i have yet to meet the real them.

Anyway, club heads suck. Rockers are the best anyway. =)

(lenny’s response:)
People think they ard so badass. But then get scared shitless when I walk out of the bushes with my kabar while they are getting out of their car. Something like this would make me snap, I am dreading the day if it should ever come. Sounds like fucked up times at the party. I’ve noticed that the guise of anonymity releives people of their inhibitions letting them do things they normally wouldn’t do with people watching. If a person has a chance of getting away with something bad, they probably will do it.

I hate those girls like melissa who roam around with their asian possie. I would give her a mastectomy with a box cutter.

I do because you keep it real as the kids call it these days. You’re very candid about things and that’s pretty enthralling. The world is so filled with people who are fake. People who wont share whats on their minds because they are affraid of what other people will think, or they tell you something because they think its what you want to hear. You don’t however. After a while of talking to all these fake people you almost forget what is sincere. Talking to a person like you brings a person back to reality reminding them that the world isn’t filled with just posers.
That is why I enjoy conversing with you.

—

june 7th, 2004 (die young and save yourself)

i’m listening to… brand new.
i’m feeling… .

drive the blade through.
talking to you makes me want to slit my wrists.

i’m sinking like a stone in the sea.

god, i love brand new. :/ so much.

this is so messed up.
it used to be the reason i breathed, but now it’s choking me up.
die young and save yourself.

when most girls get their periods, they get bitchy. when i get it, i get depressed as hell. most of the time. not sleeping and eating well probably has something to do with it too. die. at least after today it’ll calm down for a bit… and by a bit, i mean a day.

i spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.
i know that this is what you want.
a funeral keeps both of us apart.
you know that you are not alone.
need you like water in my lungs.
this is the end.
BRAND NEW - PLAY CRACK THE SKY.(random response:)
Maybe one of these days youlll have enough guts to go ahead and kill yourself. As I stand over your lifeless body admiring your once beautiful face I’d think you’d make an excelent doll. I’d dress you up in fancy outfits.

Or maybe not, you’re a smart cookie. Also your face is so beautiful i could smash it open with a hammer. I’m turned on by the thought of you in pain. I don’t know why.

—

june 5th, 2004 (rawr)

i’m listening to… “rakuen (paradise)” by hirai ken.
i’m feeling… okay.

6:40 am — “play it like a playa! like a playa!”

i love it when people have funny catch-phrases and stuff they always say… it seriously makes me so happy. iono why… i’m a freak. :/

:\

today i went with hsu-ken to northgate mall because he wanted to buy a hat, and i got a bunch of applications to like, zumiez, journey’s, rave, and pacsun… i’m going to turn them all in today… not sure if i’ll get hired or what, but i hope so! it’ll be like i’m in high school all over again! X__x’ (although i never got to do this shit in high school, hah!) i have to take the bus other there today, though, so that kinda sucks, but oh well, i won’t die i guess.

word.

i just remembered today is josh wu’s birthday. la la la.

got a environmental science final tomorrow… went to odg today to study for it… blehblah… supposed to be easy, but i did bad on the midterm (like a C), so no risks need to be taken thurr.

man, college is almost over? or is it? i’m going to miss this shit… a lot. it gets tired every now and then, but i know that once it’s gone it will be depressing. :/  

(anthony’s response:)
http://www.circuitcity.com/cccareers/depts_field/stores.html Ya! we need people. work for us.

heh, worth a shot. anyone else who reads this can apply too! i sooo want to quit. I mean umm its a good job.

Vines havent officially announced the cancellation of the tour yet, but it sure looks that way from The End’s website and various other Vines unofficial sites. 

(my response:)
not interested, i tell you! 

(lenny’s response:)
You should be ashamed of yourself Anthony. How will you be able to look at yourself in the mirror knowing you tried to refer a friend to Circuit City. Especially a female friend. You should know by now how they treat semi decent looking girls there, and thats just the other “associates”. The customers would totally just pillage her. For shame anthony… for shame.
Horrible
I wish I could gain superpowers and go from store to store liberating people from the mindless drudgery, and countless come ons, and indecent looks.  

(anthony’s response:)
haha. actually as odd as that sounds, its pretty true…

may 31st, 2004 (…)

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… okay.

10:58 am — 2.000 something hits, i don’t even know 2,000-something people. someone must be bored.

saw “supersize me”… and i think i’ll take up my ban on fast food again. except for in-n-out. in-n-out can do no wrong. fat americans. woosa. so this guy decided to eat nothing but mcdonald’s for a month, and ended up having all sorts of liver problems (parallel to those of an alcoholic) and gained 35 lbs or something. no working out, nothing. bleh. sick. -__- he puked on day three after getting a supersized meal, lol. only supersized when asked, and that was 9 times out of 31.

isn’t it interesting that six weeks after the movie came out, mcdonald’s got rid of their supersized option. har! they CLAIMED the movie had nothing to do with it, though. all lies. and then they introduced this new thing that is a “happy meal for adults” and has a mcdonald’s salad with it and a step counter as the toy. ehhh. -__-’ too bad their salads (with dressing) have as much fat as a big mac.

(lenny’s response:)
It’s good to know that even a few people can make a world altering difference. You should try this cept with like Taco Bell. You’d probably die of fecal coliform poisoning by the 5th day.

(my response:)
mmm taco bell *adds that to list of things NOT to ban hAUAHUA

(lenny’s response:)
I tried saying hAUAHUA out loud and realized that it was gaynamic

(anthony’s response:)
taco bell probably would kill you after a few days… does taco del mar count as fast food? great documentary, i might add.

—

may 29th, 2004 (word)

i’m listening to… “paranoia” by harvey danger!!!
i’m feeling… tired.

12:08 am — why are there 600 something views on my last post. wtf mate. X__x”

just got back from oregon. went with eva and jennifer [yee]… drove miss eva’s car back. i am supar driver. it was fun. bought awesome awesome awesome awesome x 400 shoes. they look like japanese wooden platform geisha shoes, only they’re foam, like regular platform sandles, you know? god, they’re so fsckin cool. X___x” got two belts, and some other shiat. sweeeet. met up with kha and he took us around a little and yeah. word. awesome.

saw this lady walking a dog like it was a real dog, only it was one of those fake toy stuffed ones with a leash. O__o”

portland is really really weird. it’s so laid-back and calm… no one is really in a rush to do much, it seems. there are very few crosswalks because there are barely any people, and barely any cars on the streets. even downtown. WEIRD.

conclusions:
- people in oregon are friendly (the only time i really had a chance to talk to them was when we went to the gas station, and they were uber friendly… this guy was doing a crossword puzzle and asking me for an 8 letter for that meant “relaxed state” and i said “sobriety” but twas incorrect. i thought it was genius! and these other guys were like, “IS THAT YOUR NATURAL HAIR COLOR? HAR HAR.”)
- i wouldn’t mind living in oregon because it seems like everyone who lives there likes it a lot… word.

two days ago went to uw student film festival. twas cool. about 15 videos, some 10 minutes long, some more, some 60 seconds. a few awesome ones, a few really shitty ones, a few WTF ones. makes me want to write a movie. word. it shalt be done.

and now there are 700 views on my last post. someone must be bored…

(anthony’s response:)
dang! 700+ views… thats insane! I didnt know you were so popular. Everyone I know from Oregon [Beaverton mostly] hates it… they are always bored. V-Unit… I am ashamed.

—

may 26th, 2004 (and all that jazz)

i’m listening to… “blister in the sun” by the violent femmes, a newfound glory’s “new found glory” album.
i’m feeling… tired.

11:36 pm — just got back from a jazz club with eva, arlen, and andy. me and eva dressed up and wore skirts! wOosa. were gonna take pics, since we never dress up, but eh, no one to take it for us :/

it was okay. some of the songs were super uber duber, but i think it was mostly the upbeat ones that sounded like drum and bass. there was a bassist, a drummer, a trumpet player, a pianist, and a saxophone player. the trumpet player drove me crazy. i don’t know much about trumpets, but she sucked, i think. every note she played it sounded like (and looked like) she was going to keel over and die. the drum player was REALLY REALLY good… but his drum solos were just loud banging and it sounded like pain. the saxophone player is ambiguous to us, but i’m 90% sure that she is a woman named toby. toby can be a girl’s name, i swear!!! X: but what do i know.

this is all.

—

may 23rd, 2004 (crazy ass shit)

i’m listening to… 311’s “311″ album.
i’m feeling… okay!

9:07 pm — rawr! yesterday was the craziest fsckin day ever… D: shroomed with yuki, eva, farm, and liz… :X it was sweet man. we went to the uw art museum thing, and walked around for a little bit, and it was a lot bigger than i thought it was. there was this one room that was just uber trippy… hard to describe, it was just this wood-paneled ovular shape, and the upper part was white, with this floating blue light. X:

afterwards, hsu-ken picked us up and we went to watch “shrek 2″, which was really funny… what i remember of it anyway. must… watch… again. X:

afterwards was just chaos. lost a bunch of people… and then someone got escorted home by the cops, and someone else woke up in the hospital and didn’t really remember anything. ohh man, craziness. luckily, everything worked out okay.

i think i need to lay off that shit even though i fucking love it… i always hate myself after doing it… a lot. i’m hella selfish, and i think really weird, annoying thoughts, and fuck, it is just no friggin good. i piss myself off. all in all it was fun though, and my room got friggin destroyed… even more so than usual.

had i done it again, i would have said we shoulda just gone to the art museum, explored that for longer (cause it was friggi awesome), and then walked to the movie theatre and watched shrek. and then things would have been a lot better, i think. probably no one would have gotten lost, and it would have been… good.

(mike’s response:)
Dayam gurl, its been a while since Ive heard from you. ah well, jus wanted to say hi, see whats up wit you and all. I see your going to USC8. You still rave alot? ah wellz, hope allz good. see ya around. if you got nothing better to do, reply to me on my website BeyondEight. Aight pz

—

may 16th, 2004 (broken social scene)

i’m listening to… broken social scene’s “you forgot it in people” album. mmm, ambient rock. ^__^
i’m feeling… okay.

3:13 pm — people piss me off! the other day someone was creating music, and someone else asked him what he was playing, and he said he made it up himself, which he clearly did NOT, because i knew the godamn song. go to hell.

anyway, yesterday me and eva shroomed and went to the street fair. well, no, first we went to farm’s house for this like, bible study thing, and i was trippin even though eva was not, and i was dyiiiing cause it was so restricting… didn’t know any of those people so just had to sit there… although we got free tacos, wOotah!

anyways, afterwards we went to liz’s house, cause liz was our babysitter, and we went to the ave’s street fair. pretty coolio yo. we stared at this one painting for the longest time, cause it looked like dirty water with paint mixed into it… pretty weird. and it had the weirdest textures… :X or maybe we were imagining them. and then there were postcards of creatures from the deep sea, and they were damn ugly and freaky. so we concluded you have to look hideous to be a creature of the deep sea.

there was this one gothic chick who had the weirdest performance… and we were trying for hours to talk to her… so finally when the street fair ended, i sat down next to her and helped her pick up some bottle caps, and asked her what she was on, cause we swore she had to be on drugs… but no, she claimed she was sober. and then i asked, “what message are you trying to portray?” and she was like, “weren’t you listening?” and i was like, “yeah…” and then she said, “i’m dead…” and i said, “huh? you look pretty alive to me…” and then she said, “i was dead.” “then what are you now?” “i’m me.” “are you alive or dead?” “i’m me.” MMHMM. NYES. and then i asked her who david was, because in her performance, she was talking to this squeaky plastic rat and calling it david. and she said, “i was trying to communicate with david, who is in the other world.” and i was like, “do you know that he hears you?” and she’s like, “it’s like radio waves… you don’t know.” HMM CHICKEN! (speaking of, an invader zim dvd came out!) but yeah… it kinda makes sense cause she had like a radio… but i’m not really sure what the dilly on the haps.

eva got a tarot card reading that seemed strangely accurate, and also balloon pirate gear (so like a balloon hat and a waistband with a sword hahaha so awesome)… and so we tied these two free balloons we got from her on her stuff too, and she just looked like a little retarded kid X:

and we were literally at the street fair for like five and a half hours, and leaving seemed like too much, so we had to walk to the very last barricade and touch it to make sure that we REALLY had reached the end. ^__^ then we went back to farm’s for more free food… MUAHHAHA.

i got a $5 belt which is pretty awesome… and a $5 necklace which is also pretty awesome, but all in all, not that awesome, cause i’m broke as a joke.

—

may 15th, 2004 (hahaha gildo)

i’m listening to… incubus’ “science” album.
i’m feeling… hOoblah.

11:09 am — i have a hangover… not quite a hangover, but something up there.

yesterday, went to gasworks park in the afternoon and had a bbq, and then went to the street fair for a little bit, and then onwards to more food @ hosoonyi’s. hoOblah!

last night was gildas‘ birthday party… his first time getting drunk… he took like five shots and three glasses of wine or something… he was so fucked up. we have so many pics. HAHA. ^__^ X__x sebastian will have to post them. fsck yeah. they’re TOO good. some memorable things:
[1] he kept saying he was genyu force (or whatever the fsck).
[2] he was lying on the floor and people kept kicking him to get him up, and he was like, “STOP KICKING ME! I’M NOT BLACK!” omgat.
[3] he kept going to the bathroom and coming back saying his piss was so clear he was pissing crystals. HAHA.
[4] he had a fan in between his crotch and was trying to make his pee “dry”.
[5] i asked him, “gildas, what do you do when you’re on fire?” (hoping that he would calm down, and stop, drop, and roll); he answered with, “i have SEX baby!!”
[6] gildas kept saying things like, “i’m not gay! i like girls!”
[7] someone said something about “joseph” (but they pronounced it ho-seph), and gildas said, “HEY! I’M NOT A JEW!” X:
… i’ll probably think of more later ^__~

his poor cousin marco had to take care of him the whole time… man, gildo needs to buy him a car or dinner or something, omigat. i kept telling him i was going to write him a thank-you card. HAHA. wtf. stupid ass.

they say girls have “two ladders”… one for friends and one for potential dOods. for me, it’s all the same godamn ladder… but there are just some people who you respect more for lord knows what reasons. and i’ve said it thousands of times… you can’t define a person who is important to you by words… sometimes (well, most times)… it’s unexplainable. there could be a person who you have everything in common with and you guys are both attracted to one another, but it just doesn’t work because it doesn’t CLICK. but then there are some other people who you may have nothing in common with… but it just works. like my mom always says… “peoples’ interactions with one another are unexplainable and unpredictable”… quite the true. hOoblah!

—

may 12th, 2004 (redefinemag.com)

i’m listening to… “memory (acoustic)” by sugarcult, “calling it quits” by aimee mann, “alternative is dead” by the suburban legends [i fucking LOVE ska].
i’m feeling… ok.

11:29 am — blahblah, blah.

been so fucking busy lately that i haven’t had much time to write in here… hOoblah! so to catch up… last thursday (the 6th), i went back to new jersey because my grandmama passed away on the 2nd… good god. the plane trip was such a painful experience, because i had to transfer flights on the way over… BLAH. chicago o’hare airport (the busiest in america) is so fucking crazy. my first time being there. i had to transfer flights by walking down four gates, and it seriously took so long to get there compared to other places. except for san diego airport. omigat, that place fucking sucks.

okay, so thursday by the time i got there it was already really late, so i just went to xiao jiu jiu’s and slept there… friday picked up bro from the airport, saw grandpa, and all that stuff. gave mom her mother’s day present, which was a jar filled with funny family memories. i guess she liked it quite a bit. i’m glad. ^__^ i missed the godamn death cab for cutie concert tonight though… but oh wells.

saturday was the funeral, and it was an open-casket funeral. very interesting… hard to look at, but i guess i am insensitive, and i’m not really as sad as i guess i should have been. i feel really bad for my grandpa though, because what him and my grandma had… makes me believe perhaps there is such a thing as true love. he worked so hard to take care of her… carried her to bed every day and hurt his arm doing so… got up in the middle of the night three times a night to put different blankets on her… a lighter one halfway through the night and a heavy one towards the morningtime… that’s devotion, dude. i feel so bad for him… his children can’t be around all the time watching out for him, and he’s just all alone in the world… it’s really, really sad.

i’m beginning to believe more and more in spirits… but that would mean life after death wouldn’t it… i don’t really freaking know about that. it’s weird… because my relativewere talking about people who die sudden deaths and how other people dream about them because these deceased don’t feel like they’re ready to go. i guess allen [ma] had a friend or acquaintance who died suddenly in a car crash and he dreamt about her too. very interesting… i wonder if spirits are something simply conjured by the human mind or if they really exist =(

at the funeral, it was mostly old asian folks, and omigat, they totally tried to look past me and ignore me because i had bright red hair (i am convinced)… AND I WAS PASSING OUT STUFF TOO! it’s sad, cause i look like the evil kid of the family whereas my brother was all dressed up all nice, and i’m like, the spawn of satan. oh well, so long as the people who know me know i’m an ok person, it’s good enough.

the funeral was okay, it was more like a church service, though… because apparently my grandma accepted JESUS CHRIST AS HER PERSONAL SAVIOR like six months before she died… and yeah… my aunt is a huge christian so… yeah, church service it was. kind of bugged me, but whatever. my mom gave a testimonial and it was damn sad. anyway.

my little cousins are so funny… hahahaha. we were watching videos at da jiu jiu’s house and we had some old clips of us during christmas and stuff… i miss those days of loud, rambunctuous christmases with 20 people and good timessss indeed. =( next year i guess all of our family are going to go to italy together (and with sherry!) ^__^ but yeah, we saw a clip of yuan yuan (steven) pooping his pants when he was like 2… HAHAHAHA omg it was so good… he was just running around and all of a sudden his face turned all red and he started making funny surprised faces… HAHA. there were also videos of alan… i totally don’t remember him like this, but he had sooooo much energy… xiao jiu jiu would turn the camera to him and say, “GO!” and he’s start doing tumbles and karate moves and stuff. HAHA… and he’s dress up with a little headband and gloves with open fingers and stuff. SO FUNNY.

flew back to seattle sunday morning, and took the usual grocery shopping rounds at costco and 99 ranch with miss eva. good times. ^^ 99 ranch pwns your face. at night, just went out to dinner with alex, hsu-ken, and hsu-han, even though i arleady ate. FATTY McFAT! oh well ^__^

monday night, went to the gym with alex and eva and jeaaaaa. we played some volleyball, which my wrist is still hurting from (or maybe it’s hurting from the computer usage?!) and some indoor soccer, which was like racquetball, only with a soccer ball. lol. kinda cool. and then we played basketball with this like, 50 year old asian man who made the craziest hook shots. he was really good. i think he made like probably… 15/21 of our team’s shots… and he probably only missed once or twice. we beat eva and alex by three points. ^^ wOoOosa.

got my magazine up… http://www.redefinemag.com… worked really hard on it, so check it out, and let me know what you think… and if you want a free e-mail addy or subdomain, it CAN be done! ciao.

—

may 5th, 2004 (mah)

i’m listening to… a perfect circle’s “thirteenth step” album.
i’m feeling… ok.

12:46 am — i just burned my roommate’s pot again (a DIFFERENT one this time), and put it down on the stovetop, but it was so hot, it made burnmarks on the metal. i then set it down on the countertop, and it was so hot it burned a ring into the countertop, and also made two blistery bubbles. FUCK. i’m so fucking senile.

this has to be one of the most busy weeks… one photo project due, like three webpage drafts due, one deadline to meet for an april issue of o2 magazine, have to call back art institute of seattle people, death cab for cutie concert on thursday night, trying to get the issue of redefine out before the 10th, dye hair back to black before friday, fly out to new jersey on friday afternoon (no direct flights, wOot, aka, godammit), goto my grandmother’s funeral on saturday morning, fly back on sunday morning.

i’m going crazy.

my grandmother passed away a couple of days ago… sunday night to be exact. her funeral will be the day before mother’s day, which is like, dramatically sad. first time i have ever personally known anyone to die, and it is sad, but not ALL that sad yet. but i know the moment i see my whole extended family, it will be some fucked up times. i talked to my grandpa for like two minutes today and that was almost too much. wow. sad. there will be a time to reflect this weekend, these days have been so much hecticness and trying to keep shit straight that i don’t really even really have time to think.

(lenny’s response:)
Sad times Sounds like a hectic week you had, I hope it wasn’t too hard on ya.

Sounds like your grandma did well Raised her family well watched them become successful and start their own families. Got to see her granddaughter grow up to be a lovely smart young woman(Hey thats you). Was she born and raised in China? If she was, thats pretty hardcore.

Good to see you got your first issue of Redefine out. You beat the May 10th deadline way to go ~__~

Cya later !

P.S. - Stay away from teh kitchen!

april 27th, 2004 (save the monkeys)

i’m listening to… “rain song” by enigma and deep forest.
i’m feeling… ok.

9:56 pm — the entry i deleted by accident was one that was rather interesting so i must write it again.

apparently the way media and technology shapes your notion of reality is extreme. sounds pretty logical, but think about it…

a guy is chosen to go to africa and create posters which help with societal problems, so the first one is about malaria. so he decides to draw a giant mosquito on it, with details along the side explaining in numerous different languages how malaria is transmitted. the poster is 24 x 18 or something, so it is rather large and so is the mosquito. after the poster is put up all along the east coast of africa, people locked themselves inside their homes because what they thought was that giant mosquitos were coming to attack them.

the second one was regarding farming, and so the guy decided to take a picture of “typical” african hands holding seeds, and so again the posters were put out with instructions in numerous different languages. he didn’t show a picture of all of the clothing because it would cause conflict among the different regions. finally, when the posters went out, no one would touch the seeds, because the photograph had been of ONLY hands, and the people thought if they touched the seeds, their hands would be cut off. interesting.

in other news, i read this in my ess book today: “conservationists are increasingly concerned about ‘bush meat’ markets. especially in central africa and southeast asia, well-armed poachers are killing primates and other large mammals for meat. while this is not a new phenomenon, it has become more serious as poachers have obtained more powerful weapons from regional wars. defenders of wildlife estimates that poachers kill a million metric tons of game for bush meat trade every year, helping to reduce chimpanzee populations by 95% and vastly reducitng gorilla and orangutan populations.”

SAVE THE MONKEYS!

today was also free ben and jerry’s day, so me, sylvia, eva, gareth, brett [buccholtz], and tony went, and the duration of our period there, it was hailing. it was thundering. it was only like a half an hour period, but it happened to be ONLY when we went out to get ice cream. it was bizarre, and we were soaked, and had to carry around like 4 umbrellas, but hey! all in good fun :L funner than if it had been dry, prolly.

(anthony’s response:)
did you see the Hub lawn today? They had “graves” for all the lab monkeys that died at UW.  I dont know; various lab tests i guess? Too bad for monkeys. They are the coolest animals too, just barely ahead of penguins and koalas…

—

april 25th, 2004 (rawr)

i’m listening to… boysetsfire.
i’m feeling… ok.

11:21 pm — everyday i am reminded more and more… THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN TRUST IS YOURSELF! and a couple of amazing people. this is not just in regards to flaky people who said they would help out with my magazine but didn’t, but also with regards to my m0thafScK!n art class partner who i was supposed to meet up with this weekend to do stupid photo shoot, but she won’t even return my phone calls. fuck that shit. UGH. so frustrating.

i am a geek. i joined a new cs clan. #mouseone. eat pOop.

went to janine’s birthday parti @ her and tony’s apartment on fri night. twas fun. drunkenness for the first time in a pretty long while. good shizzo. lots of people, whOa! hella people i haven’t seen in a while. cops came and busted it, though. and, of course, as usual, i was liz’s bitch again. :X and i forgot my keys there so i had to go back the next day and grab em BLAHZAY BLAHZAY! (remember that song?) the next day we watched “matrix revolutions” and m0g we missed half of the movie somehow. when it started playing it started from halfway, and none of the two people who had seen it (arlen and yuki) even noticed that half the movie was missing! wtf! why didn’t we think twice that the movie started mid-dialogue with them running down a hallway?! who knows!! whatever, the movie was lame. but i think i was the only one there who thought so. minus arlen he thought it was lame.

me and eva put up this black poster that allows people to “draw one item” on it every time they come visit. omg, it’s SWEET.

i’m such a pig! can’t stop eating these days, roar! >__<

wow i suck, i just accidentally EDITED a previous post instead of posting a brand new one, so i basically saved over an old entry. oh well. don’t THINK it was too significant.

april 20th, 2004 (420)

i’m listening to… “why go” by faithless (ferry corsten rmx), “don’t worry about it” by nerd.
i’m feeling… ok.

10:30 am — i don’t think n.e.r.d.’s music is bad, but pharell’s voice… my fucking lord. it’s so annoying (as hot as he is).

once again i am reminded of the unreliable nature of the human being. BLAH. trust no one but yourself.

(lenny’s response:)
One time i was high, and this girl was touching me in my special area and i was like shit im so fucking wasted right now. but later i was like OMG IMAHORRIBLE OPERSON

—

april 17th, 2004 (the juliana theory = love)

i’m listening to… “come back” by the early november, “at the top of the world” by the juliana theory.
i’m feeling… k k.

3:57 am — falls apart, might as well.

went to the tooth and nail tour tonight with anthony. started @ 5 pm. WTF? ended @ like 8:45. hella weird getting out of concerts so friggin early. other bands were bayside, who were alright, but nothing that special, and their lead singer sounded like a BAD sublime lead singer (or more accurately, pee wee herman). other opener was anberlin, whom i liked pretty well because they had a whole lot of energy. and then there was the juliana theory, which is love, because although they didn’t play “you always say goodnight, goodnight” (which is fitting, matching the rowdy ass seattle crowd), but at least they played “at the top of the world” because that is one of my favorite songs by them, and they don’t usually play it. damn these run-on sentences.

seriously, the lead singer of the juliana theory is GORGEOUS. never noticed before, but wowowowowoowowowowwwoaowaowoowowoaowoawowowoowowowooawowowo. talked to him a bit after the show and he signed my ticket stub for me, but whatever, they are busy busy. i like the graceland… first time going to that venue, but even though it’s “ghetto”, it’s small and intimate, and the band hear’s what people say and it’s pretty friggin dope. the juliana theory were saying how it’s funny with kazaa and stuff people mislabel songs and request songs that they know of but aren’t theirs… and then they said, “here’s a song that no one on the internet has even heard of yet” and one of the people in the back of the room screamed, “it will be tonight!”… it was funny @ the time >__<

went over to tony’s tonight and watched “texas chainsaw massacre” with him and yuki… stupid movie if you ask me, and it had some parts that just make you wince. could have been a lot scarier than it was, i think. blahblahblahblah. blah. you know, blah. was going to go to da tekno club tonight with jennifer but i couldn’t get in because it was 21+. but yeah, i highlighted her hair a couple of days ago, and thank god, it turned out fine.

(anthony’s response:)
Good show. Im still disappointed in Juliana Theory. Man, just one song, and they cant even do that for me. I want to cry. What a waste of $12. hehe, jk. That band puts on a pretty good show despite having no spectacular songs… well except one, which THEY DID NOT PLAY!! argh! Well, ya, Death Cab for Cutie will be a good show! Two and a half weeks! ya! I was disappointed you didnt wear that shirt you were making last week. Blah! But you looked cute in your little outfit with your oddly colored orangy blonde hair. Man, your hair is going to fall out! haha. You’ll be baldyVi soon enough.

—

april 16th, 2004 (…)

i’m listening to… “drugs are good” by nofx.
i’m feeling… k k.

12:56 am — saw “kill bill: part 2″ today with scm folk and arlen and co. amazing movie, just as part one was. i think i liked this one better. i’m pretty sure i did, although the first 1/4 or 1/5 was boring. i need to go back and watch other quentin tarantino films, because i never thought he was that great before, but watching these movies made me think, whoa, he’s amazing. :/ sitting in like the second row helped with this conclusion. so crazy, you can see every single pore in their faces a lot of times… very good movie…

brah, i wish i were a less boring person… one of those more ostentatious outgoing types who is the center of attention NOT because they are so easy to harass but because they are genuinely interesting. i’ve found that through the years i’ve been so used to listening to everyone talking to me about their problems and rarely listening, that every time someone asks me a question about myself, i don’t really know how to answer, and i feel obliged to shift the weight around to them, and instantly start asking them a barrage of questions. which is probably why i talk about myself so much on this shit, because i am incapable of doing so in real life. i am worth nothing.

and anyway, after observing people’s conversations all the time, it’s annoying when people have conversations in which they don’t listen to the other person at all, and just sprew off sentence after sentence… sounds like they’re having a conversation, when in fact that are just spewing off their own lines with little regard for what other people are saying. not that any particular event today made me think of this, but it is just a pattern i notice in general. :/

As=adsaoidjaodijaojodjiOAJIOAJifo A you know?

the juliana theory concert tomorrow. i need this. that kind of mellow music is good… like juliana, death cab for cutie, the early november type stuff… just want to sit there with eyes closed and melt into the music and forget reality. :/

(anthony’s response:)
Reservoir Dogs is a great Q movie. A true work of art. But Charlie Kauffman is probably the best screenwriter right now in my opinion. Simply amazing movies.

—

april 14th, 2004 (asoidajidad m0g)

i’m listening to… “falls apart” by sugar ray.
i’m feeling… aisojdoiajdioasid.

9:38 pm — dude i almost hacked off my finger with the butcher knife today… lucky that it only got the first like, 1/5 of my thumbnail part though… m0g, i don’t think i’ve ever been so scared. good thing i was cutting onions and not the chicken i cut 10 minutes later -__- today has been such a mentally-stressful day… oisjdoaijdisoaodas -__- time to go to sleep and hope that the part of my finger doesn’t fall off. it was kinda cool, cause if you squeezed it, it was just like gooshing blood -__- didn’t feel like anything, but looked kind of cool. i’ve never bled through a band-aid before… w0rd.

(eva’s response:)
lol. sorry for waking ya up with my will hung “inspiration” cd. was it pure joy? pure anger? i bereeeeve i can flyyyyyiiiiyyyyyyiiiyyyyyiiyyyyyyiii… oo i’m going to make ya listen to “bailamos” - the “COMO TE QUIERO” part (awesome). omg.. your finger. i know perhaps i wasn’t the best of help when i suggested you put a band-aid on it. g suggested putting ice on it? … little too late?

(lenny’s response:)
senor hung’s record sales are going to surpass janet jackson’s latest release ouch

(anthony’s response:)
That’s utterly disgusting. Didn’t I tell you to not cut yourself earlier today? (when you said you were going to sew that t-shirt…) ;0

—

april 9th, 2004
i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… …

2:58 am — um, i really want a boyfriend. just came back from josh and seungbum’s, where we played with play-doh, watched “orange county” and “school of rock”… both ok movies, although i think i liked “orange county” better, even though it wasn’t as funny.

nothing much to say, cept today me and arlen and some other fools went to roundtable pizza and this black guy came to sit down in the booth right behind us, and richard was telling some story about this counterstrike player who got mad because people kept killing him, and the guy who got mad said, “YOU MUST BE A NIGGER!!!” and he shouted this hella loud right in front of the black guy, and we were laughing so hard, and the black guy just stood up and left, and it was just a really fucked up scene >__<

(jericho’s response:)
I know how you feel. Passive is my middle name. Well, its actually Phillip, but they both begin with a P. I still can’t believe you’re single though. Maybe guys are intimidated by you? I dunno. I know i’d definitely go for ya.

(lenny– i think — response:)
You’ve said many times that you want or are looking for a boyfriend, yet you have all these people who you come in contact with on a daily basis who would love to be your special someone. If that is not true they are obviously homosexual or insane. You’re funny, good looking, smart, you have a sense of humor that most guys your age would die for and you know how to code. Yes its true coding is one of the traits most men look for in a women… ok maybe not, but it’s definately a turn on.

So tell me… Why do you want a boyfriend so badly? Do you want Love? Companionship? Are you lonely? Do you hide a secret pain from them that only love can mend? Oh man thats deep -__-. Are you looking for someone who you can call your own and share your moments and thoughts? Have you ever spent a warm summer night in someone’s arms talking about nothing at all while watching stars move across the dark sky, or maybe even watching hardcore porn on pay pew view.

Oh wait I see now… you have an insatiable sexual appetite don’t you. Is that it! You aren’t happy till you’ve had your three daily orgasms. You harlot!!1 God will stricken you with leprosy. Hahaha omg jk

You have lots of friends who are boys(men?). What about them? Are they just not boyfriend material? What about that boy from Sweden? He seemed sweet. Seungbum is pretty hot too.

New boyfriends are always awkward especially when you have lots of guy friends like yourself. If you meet a guy they don’t know you gotta introduce him to them and then you guys gotta hang out together and pray that they all will get along. If you start dating a current friend then things will totally change when you hang out in groups and things get weird but hopefully things return to normalcy soon.

Man my mind is trailing off now I don’t even remember what I wrote. Too wasted *__*  

I’ll end on this last question though:
How is it that you dont have guys falling head over heels for you? It’s madness I tell you O____________O

(my response:)
first of all, the boy from sweden… lmao, he was a joke. he is a ‘professional’ (?) counterstrike player who i happen to find really hot. and it was a valentine’s day joke for me to get a ‘mail’ from him.

why do i want a boyfriend. there’s a few reasons. i’m one of those people who read too many fairy tales as a young kid or something… i have this ideal that having someone who really means something could make everything a whole lot better. i am lonely, yup! who isn’t these days -__-? actually who knows. i was telling eva yesterday, i am a contradiction within itself. i believe that you have to get down to the nitty gritty and do everything yourself, except for relationships. for some reason, i think that if relationships are meant to happen, they’ll happen on their own. everything else i actually work at for myself. the whole idea is bs, but maybe it is because i lack a spine. maybe it is because i lack the most confidence in this matter. i feel like i am the only one who is incapable of relationships, and it sucks. lol. almost everyone else has had something, someone, and i guess i just feel like, what the fuck is wrong with me? some people say, maybe that’s good, that you don’t settle for ‘just anyone’… cause i do have high standards. :/ but what if this happens for the rest of my life lmao D: i don’t know, things just happen for plenty of people, why can’t it happen to me for once that someone i like likes me and does something about it D:? the only things close to relationships i’ve had are ones i’ve done something about, and i’ve been rejected plenty of times, so i’d just like it to happen to me for once, without me doing all the work, i guess. -__- :X of course, right now i don’t like anyone, but i haven’t REALLY liked very many people since i’ve been to washington -__-

(lenny’s *anonymous* response:)

sOopahvi wrote ; first of all, the boy from sweden… lmao, he was a joke. he is a ‘professional’ (?) counterstrike player who i happen to find really hot. and it was a valentine’s day joke for me to get a ‘mail’ from him.

Yes it was sarcasm Vivian -__- But he IS hot isn’t he? I’d do him imo… if I was gay I mean. Speaking of gay, today I was talking to this hella hot dude and I was like damn if I was gay, I’d totally do you. But it’s a good thing I’m not gay cuz I HATE the taste of man chowder! Oh so gross >___<

> why do i want a boyfriend. there’s a few reasons. i’m one of those people who read too many fairy tales as a young kid or something… i have this ideal that having someone who really means something could make everything a whole lot better. i am lonely, yup! who isn’t these days -__-? actually who knows. i was telling eva yesterday, i am a contradiction within itself. i believe that you have to get down to the nitty gritty and do everything yourself, except for relationships. for some reason, i think that if relationships are meant to happen, they’ll happen on their own.

True :p But sometimes you have to fight for something/someone you love. Like when an evil tentacle monster has your girlfriend in his evil grasp. His throbbing tentacles moving closer and closer to penetrating all three orafices. You can’t just stand there and watch! No! You gotta do what any normal person would do if their girlfriend/boyfriend was being brutaly raped by a tentacle beast! You gotta save them from horrible, possibly pleasurable anal and/or vaginal intrusion!

everything else i actually work at for myself. the whole idea is bs, but maybe it is because i lack a spine. maybe it is because i lack the most confidence in this matter.

Hrm why are you unconfident? Fear of rejection? Bad self image? If anyone is to be unconfident I imagine it would be the guy.

i feel like i am the only one who is incapable of relationships, and it sucks. lol. almost everyone else has had something, someone, and i guess i just feel like, what the fuck is wrong with me? some people say, maybe that’s good, that you don’t settle for ‘just anyone’… cause i do have high standards. :/

Hrmm maybe you aren’t a harlot afterall!

but what if this happens for the rest of my life lmao D:

Then you’ll die an old woman and be known as the scary lady with lots of cats! Hrmm theres always insurance though… like say if by the time youre like 35 or 40 or something, you can always marry Jun Chang! God knows he’ll still be single and a virgin by then.

i don’t know, things just happen for plenty of people, why can’t it happen to me for once that someone i like likes me and does something about it D:?

I’m willing to bet that if a guy does like you he is even more unconfident than you. I mean, you probably seem pretty intimidating to a guy who doesn’t really know you WELL. So maybe he just wont try. I mean, whats a cute smart funny girl like you going to do be doing with a guy like them In this day and age with highly independent, sexually aggressive women out there… the guys are probably the ones without the spines. And what sucks about alot of the guys that do approach you or hit on you is that they are FUCKERS, seriously most of them are goat fuckers.

Another thing that sucks is that you also have to battle the social stigma of being an asian american chica, especially the daughter of first gen chinese parents. So many false stereotypes. You are really approachable Vivian, and it sucks that guys don’t know that.

the only things close to relationships i’ve had are ones i’ve done something about, and i’ve been rejected plenty of times, so i’d just like it to happen to me for once, without me doing all the work, i guess. -__- :X

Hey, you don’t know unless you try Who know’s some day you might make the move on someone who really likes you but has just been too shy or unconfident to tell you how he really feels.

of course, right now i don’t like anyone, but i haven’t REALLY liked very many people since i’ve been to washington -__-

YOU HARLOT!111

So like this is you when you are 65 years old. You live alone in a dark lonely house. Well, I guess you aren’t THAT alone, you have 16 cats. You don’t have enough money to buy kitty litter anymore so you just lay down old newspapers on the ground and put air fresheners everywhere. You find it hard to use the newspapers from your prized newspaper collection because they remind you of how happy your life used to be. You don’t bathe anymore because whats the point? The only person you see everyday is the meals on wheels guy who delivers your food to you, or the neighborhood kids who you yell at while shaking your shoe violently at them.

Lovely life isn’t it?!!!!! You can avoid this dark path… Just don’t let your special someone slip away cuz you’ll regret it. Did I ever tell you about the story of the soup that got away?

So… I guess the moral of this story is… “Have sex with as many people as you possibly can before succumbing to a hardcore genital herpes outbreak or some other STD that will cause death. YOU HARLOT!!!

(anonymouse 2’s response:)
You’re funny, good looking, smart, you have a sense of humor that most guys your age would die for and you know how to code. Yes its true coding is one of the traits most men look for in a women… ok maybe not, but it’s definately a turn on.
I completely agree with your comment. Vivian, you’re all of this and you have this thing about you that makes you so great and unique. I wish most girls I knew were more like you, but then you probably wouldn’t be as special as you are. I only wish things didn’t turn out the way they did, because I would want to start over, meet you again, and see how things go from there. But like “anonymous” said before, relationships are not one sided things. Both parties have to give some effort to get it going. I wish life were easier too, just like in the books. Unfortunately, things are not that way, and it sucks to learn that now, after missing all of those previous years wasting your time waiting for something to happen. Things just don’t happen without reason or cause. Cause and Effect is really a true thing. Ugh. I hate school.

—

april 7th, 2004 (rawr!)

i’m listening to… “black hole sun” by soundgarden.
i’m feeling… okay. okay.

1:38 am — dOod, went to art class today and did some boring stuff, and then some more boring stuff, and omigat, it takes so much money to buy art supplies. -__- of course, coincidentally during the time i have all my credit cards cancelled…!!

went to the ima to play more basketball with eva, liz, and alex tonight, and once again me and eva got owned by liz and sweaty-ass alex, who is like a monkey, but not an endearing one… touching him while playing basketball is like touching a wet sponge… that has been microwaved -__-’ we also played badminton, which is my first time REALLY playing it… and it’s fun, i guess, but it’s no tennis. geektacular. we shalt try every sport. it’ll be splendid.

—

april 6th, 2004 (^_^)

i’m listening to… “never find someone like you” by keith martin [all r&b].
i’m feeling… okay.

10:48 am — roar. went to work today, and got done pretty early, so it was dope and left a lot of time to goof off for the rest of the day. shit man, best quarter ever. doesn’t even REALLY feel like i’m in school… hmm, probably because i am not

at night me and alex and eva went to play tennis and basketball @ the IMA… first time doing anything active in so long haha… i haven’t even SEEN the new IMA O: so sad. it’s so fsckin nice man. for tennis it was alex and eva vs. me and they made me run all over the place T__T for basketball it was eva and me vs. liz and alex, and they owned us, because alex is like a giant monkey, all sweaty and gross-like, and too tall for us short people to block, stuff, etc. oh well. and i got a charlie horse or whatever… omg, most painful thing i’ve ever felt, next to getting the wind knocked out of me from snowboarding. -__-

—

april 5th, 2004 (blah)

i’m listening to… “cry me a river” by justin timberlake.
i’m feeling… blah.

9:55 pm — talk about pointless.

yesterday me and eva went to costco, and then to the dollar tree… and got ninja costumes… hwahahaha. ^^ and at night we went around to people’s houses and killed them. unfortunately, we are horrible ninjas, because although we threw ninja stars at them when they opened the door, we had to retrieve them afterwards, and they often got lost with the barrage of shoes at the entrance. X:

today in art class we were divided into groups of 3, and we had to use newspapers to create a linear structure that would touch the ceiling. our group was the only group of 7 that failed, which sucks, because we had a really clear-cut vision to begin with about how we wanted it to look. unfortunately, it did not work, and group members had alternating views as to how it should have been done. ah, well.

—

april 1st, 2004 (fool)

i’m listening to… “ballerium” by infected mushroom [ambient], “situations” by dj buzz [trance], “endless wave” by kamaya painters [trance]. uber electronica (well, trance) mood as of late.
i’m feeling… fine.

1:00 am — as i was telling miss eva… my whole life is a series of contradictions. i convince myself that i do not believe in fate and that i should take chances to make shit work and happen for myself, yet, in the back of my mind, all i can think is, ‘why try? if it was meant to happen, it will happen.’ in the meantime, i just sit idly by while the world passes me by. cry me a river. i need some confidence, in pill form, please.

so as far as my magazine project is going, shit seems good, people have said they were willing to help with a lot of stuff, but i’m fucking tired of building webpages, tired of doing graphics, tired of doing css. i thought i would never tire of this stuff, but my wrist hurts and my eyes hurt, and i said i wanted to do this my whole life, but i don’t think i am capable of such things. i need to do something where i don’t sit in front of the computer all day, even if that IS my specialty.

today i was at work practically all day, nearly full-time, although not quite. i was DYING. how do people work full-time? oh my lord, it’s tiring, and boring, even if you get paid. :/ i need to ask for a raise. i’ve been there for almost a year and i havent’ gotten jack shit. some shit is wrong here.

after work, leo picked me up and we went downtown to pioneer square and 1020 to check out some art galleries. saw five of our classmates. went to krispy kreme’s (which was really really empty, new-looking, and out in the sticks), got a free doughnut, and left.

anyhoo, every first thursday in seattle is open art gallery crap, so that you can check out people’s works for free. there’s music, although i barely saw any, free wine, free food, stuff. too bad wine tastes like ass, eh? we had to check out people’s works and write a 2 to 2 1/2 page paper analyzing one of the works. i love my art class and i love to make art, but fsck, i hate analyzing art. it’s fucking boring. but maybe that’s why i’m not a good artist. *shrug. i have come to the re-conclusion that being successful in anything requires confidence. artists can produce jack shit, but as long as they have the confidence to market it, it can be called art. i bet i could have, or perhaps even did, create things similar to some of those things in the galleries, but because they look so absolutely horrendous, i would never pass it off as ‘art’. but to some people, it is. whatever the fuck. so… point being, take any piece of trash you think is trash, market it, and someone is bound to like it.

march 31st, 2004 (ohl mah gat!)

i’m listening to… “james holden” by horizon, “choral reef” by g.d. [all trance].
i’m feeling… ^^

5:34 pm — oh wow this is the easiest quarter ever. check out my schedule!!! that’s right, not even kidding. and i have 15 credits. BOOYEA. i’ve never seen anything so awesome in my life.

this whole quarter will be about expressing myself visually, heh! it is beautiful. one job doing graphic design, some three or so odd-webpage jobs, and one art class. i’m making it big (lies).

other than that, not too much happening. two days ago i lost my wallet when me and eva went to 99 ranch / pochi’s, and so i cancelled all my credit cards and shit. it sucks, because yesterday i made hsu-ken take me to pick it up at 99 ranch because some lady called uw and managed to contact me thru them. dayam what a nice lady. she thought she knew ken too and she started laughing and saying hi to him and asking, “is this your girlfriend?” who knows who she thought he was -__-’

oh, and, there’s two hot ass guys in my art class. one half-japanese, half-white guy, and the other is my TEACHER. he’s fucking hawt man -__- /slaps self.

i’ve been learning how to build webpages using strictly CSS, and OMFG why didn’t i learn it earlier?! it’s fucking magical. my newfound love. and excuse me while i go play with it now T__T

—

march 28th, 2004 (bottled and shelved)

i’m listening to… “mistakes we know we’re making” by straylight run [emo].
i’m feeling… ;/

1:41 am — yesterday, went to gilroy outlets with sherry during the morning and bought all sorts of shit. a shot glass, three shirts, a belt, a backpack, some stationary… all for $80. good shit. ^^ outlets = excitipating. sherry also came out with similar hauls.

@ night went to rival and played some games with claire and her boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend (whatever, who knows?! i don’t even think she does?! or do you?! X:) brian… mister jon [toy] was working, as usual, microwaving food for little kids and hooking me up with free hours. yay! also saw greg, whom i haven’t seen in like, six years?

over this break i also saw krystle [cancino], who i haven’t seen in like… a good four years or so… and joey [macniack] who i haven’t seen for probably like three years. crazy. also caught a glimpse of dominic, although i’m not so sure it was him, who i haven’t seen in like… three years too. sad shit man. but awesome to see these people after such a long time.

anyway, at night, we went to some random people’s houses and smoked out and played halo… they had like a halo lan… four tv’s with four xboxes in four rooms so that - if they had enough controllers - 16 people could play (4 on each xbox). we had like 9 people playing. :X i hate halo, though. it’s fsckin hard as… fsck.

sigh. don’t feel like elaboration.

and all our sins come back to haunt us in the end,
to hang around and tap us on the shoulder,
and smile,
silent.
it’s all implied:
“you’ll die trying to live this down. you might as well forget it.”
still, i’m convinced
that wondering what-if is the worst thing there is.
all these lines fall short of what i had in mind:
a failed attempt to capsulize a feeling.
so i just try, fail, and try and try again; someday, i swear i’m going to get it.
because i’m convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is.
so we bottled and shelved all our regrets:
let them ferment and came back to our senses.
drove back home, and slept a few days;
woke up, and laughed at how stupid we used to be.
we’ll get over it:
sad, strong, safe, and sober,
we’ll move forward
and know where we went wrong,
but you can’t go home again.
STRAYLIGHT RUN - MISTAKES WE KNOW WE’RE MAKING.

(claire’s response:)
Eh…he’s my…bf for now? But we’re planning on maybe breaking up soon. Heck…I dunno. >=P But it was really nice to see you! Halo is too hard. But yeah…hope you had fun. And that your trip back was okie. Bye bye!

good evening homies.

it’s like my lifelong (although that hasn’t been so long) dream to start a magazine, so because i have so much free time next quarter, i decided to get a go on and start it now. it’s gonna be an online mag for now, probably going to have a color theme for every month, and will be called “redefine” because of the incubus song (”picture the scene where whatever you thought would, in the blink of an eye, manifest and become illustrated. you’d be sure man, that every line drawn reflected a life that you loved, not an existence that you hated. so, must we demonstrate that we can’t get it traight? we’ve painted a picture; now we’re drowning in the paint. let’s figure out what the fuck it’s about, before the picture we painted chews us up and spits us out. i’m sick of painting black and white. my pen is dry; now i’m uptight. so sick of limiting myself to fit your definition. redefine.”)

that being said, it’s going to be a online mag on music (mainly rock and electronica), fashion, art, and some other general societal themes per issue (out at the beginning of each month, preferably). initially i am thinking of plastic surgery, as it is becoming a bigger and bigger deal.

anyway, initially my ideas are something along the lines of:
- concert reviews
- album reviews
- a fashion spread that relates to the color theme of the month
- some other kind of art feature
- interview with some kind of local artist (for this first month, a dj)
- featured artist
- event listings?
- feature story on plastic surgery?
- opinion polls about related topics
i’d love to do more stuff, but initially, focus is very important… maybe later it can be more diversified.

people who so far said they would help: anthony. chol. nate. annie (if needed). jericho.

and crap. anyway, i need writers. artists. crap. if you are interested, I NEED HELP. let me know. i want the first issue to be out by may. i’m serious. dedication needed. strict adherence to deadlines needed.

this sounds like a want ad. because this is.

—

march 22nd, 2004 (sigh)

i’m listening to… “back for good” by take that [??].
i’m feeling… ;/

1:15 am — haha, listening to oldskool r&b on the radio on the way home gave me this sudden urge to bust out all my old tape singles and listen to them again… so that is exactly what i’m doing :/

sigh sigh sigh. went shopping with jeanette, sherry, and karen @ valleyfair today… bought a cool tanktop with jeanette that has a giraffe with a really long neck on it… it says “living the high life”. HAR.

after dinner, went to watch some movies… “50 first dates” at the drive-in theatre with jeanette, sher, and jericho… it was cute, but probably one of the LEAST plausible romantic comedies i’ve ever seen… and there are some pretty bad ones ;/

also saw like a half an hour of “the passion of christ”, which was seriously, one of the worst half hours of my life, because i had to pee really bad, and the whole movie just makes you feel miserable. and i have even more questions about christianity now… and i just know more and more that i don’t believe in it, and that it’s not the right thing for me… and it is a big source of pain because my whole family is christian and i hate having to fake praying to make my parents happy… :/ i obviously could just not do it, but it is uber disappointing for them, but whatever. i also don’t think that jesus suffered much on the cross, because the way the cross kills people through suffocation… and he was beat down so much prior to that and suffered that way that he was way too exhausted to be able to hold himself up and keep himself breathing… i don’t feel like elaborating. elaboration later.

march 19th, 2004 (breaking the rules)

i’m listening to… “fallen” by sarah mclaughlin [^^].
i’m feeling… okay.

4:31 am — well, i must write, because i can’t sleep. you know that nagging feeling you have when you have something that is unfinished… and that’s all you can think about until you finish it? i think some people don’t get it, but i really think any normal person does :X

well, today was a horrendously boring day. seriously. no one was around to play with me. =( so all i did was eat, sleep, do webpage work for work, and read. i’m currently reading “the wind-up bird chronicles” by haruki murakami… this is like the third book i’ve read of his. his books have always been very interesting and very surreal, but it wasn’t until i’ve read this one that i truly realize how good of a writer he is :X his books are translated from japanese as well, so i can only IMAGINE what kind of amazing visual language he writes of in his native tongue, because, seriously, wow. some of the thoughts he thinks… they really make me think that he’s on drugs. but maybe some people can just think these thoughts without needing drugs… in fact, i was talking to arlen about that earlier… he’s one of those people who thinks these wicked (in a good way) ass thoughts when he’s sober… and those are the type of things i think when i’m on drugs only. maybe it’s craziness. maybe it’s genius. who is to say? i really think the lines blur together towards the ends.

my parents had a party tonight… haha. crazy parents. the taiwanese presidential elections were today, and they really want the blue party or something to win (there is a blue and a green), so like, 12 people were over cahOoting and hOoting over the election. they left @ like 2, though, because the counting wasn’t over yet. not sure who won, actually.

so i tried to go to sleep, but then i got this nagging feeling that i NEED to do my resume. :X that’s what has been keeping me up. so, my english prof from this past quarter hooked me up with a webdesign internship next quarter (man, that’s a lotta trust, cause he has NEVER even seen my webdesign work :X i could be a total n00b for all he knows, shiet)… anyway, no pay, but i get 5 credits. and i applied for another internship for facingthefuture.org… hopefully i get it… my resume is looking mighty pretty now, what not with the o2 magazine and them hooking me up with another webdesign job and english department website and what not… hopefully i get it… it’ll be dope… then i’ll have 3 jobs/internships next quarter, and one class two days a week (and this class will be ART)… 15 credits though! lmao.

so i will try to explain… i sort of want to prove to people that honestly, you can do anything if you will it to be so. right? i really do think people look down on me for being a sociology major, lmao. i’m sure it’s not that they think i am incapable because i am a sociology major, but because i’m not challenging myself to do a “hard” major, like engineering, or math, or cs, or something OTHER than sociology. but wtf would be the point? people have different interests; i have never been good at math or science… and i know what i’m good at, and what my interests are, so who are you to say, “why don’t you do a more challenging major?” lmao. it’s not about what is challenging, it’s about what you’re happy doing, isn’t it? and i mean, it’s not like people who are good at math or science are like, “aw, fuck it, fuck this, let me do that english stuff i suck at! because i need a challenge!” shit just doesn’t work that way. and seriously, even though liberal arts seem like less work, why are they any ‘worse’ than math or science majors? lol. you still have to read shitloads of shit, and if that flies with you, who is to say that is less honorable? i get the shit all the time. people say my desires to be a graphic designer aren’t real goals. that i want to start my own magazine is not a real goal. fuck that shit.

i strongly believe that college is NOT everything… it is good, no doubt… it helps you learn a lot of things that you otherwise would not learn. it helps you redefine what your interests are instead of keeping an ignorant view of things. for example: before i came to college i swore all things asian were love. i wanted to be an asian-american studies major. now, don’t get me wrong, i still love asia… i love the culture, i love the language… but it is not classes like asian-american studies that make it so. these classes, in my mind, promote ignorance. it’s not about dividing gender and race lines and making them more well-defined; it’s about a peaceful medium between the two, and tolerance for all parties. but i digress… what i meant to say is that if you learn these valuable lessons through a means OTHER than college, and you can still have the smarts and the willpower to do the things that you want, then who is to say that college is the only golden path to success? it’s not. similarly, what you do in college is not the epitome of all either. it is what you do with the experiences you make and the relationships you build.

ever since i was little, i have had this extremely strong desire for challenging people’s views of what they think should be right, although i have never been able to capitalize on this desire until college. i want to tear down people’s generalizations and scream in their face, “your generalizations aren’t always right. i’m so much more than you make me out to be from looking at me.” i don’t know where this came from, but i’ve always had this desire to deviate from how people THINK i should look and act. whether it be my race, my major, the way i dress, whatever the fuck, just because you think i’m this way, doesn’t mean i am this way. i’ve never been able to express myself completely (aesthetically, i mean) until i came to college because i never had the freedom to do so previously. so, i am still undergoing a transformation… slowly… and trying to figure out what it is that i exactly want and need. i guess it’s a point i’d like to make, starting from people that know me… just because i like punk doesn’t make me unable to like country or r&b music… just because i like goth clothes and like it when my fingernails are black or other funky colors doesn’t mean that i am “freaky” (a lot of asians think this way, because they aren’t used to this shit). just because i don’t get good grades doesn’t mean i’m stupid… just because i don’t succeed in typical ways does not mean i don’t have motivation and drive to do the things i want to do in life. i want to shatter ignorance… generalizations… erase these things from the inside-out. it’s impossible, but it’s worth a try. (i sound like a cheezball, but this is how i feel).

don’t look down on me because you THINK you know better. this shit is all relative. i strive for happiness, not for money, not for what people think is better for me, because to me happiness is fleeting, and attaining it will be through doing what makes me feel good, and doing what i think is right. being a good person while being happy… i refuse to believe it is impossible. X:

(random response:)
Hey, that’s super cool. Even though, I am an engineer, I know exactly what you’re trying to say. Im pretty sick of hearing people say this and that about the liberal arts majors, though I find myself saying some of the things. What I do say though is that liberal arts is somewhat more interesting and easier. I think it is. But I never say that liberal arts are going to get you nowhere. Come on… how many people actually use their degrees in their careers? Im getting a degree in engineering, but Im not so sure I want to be an engineer for the rest of my life. That’s darn sure. This guy asked me the other day, “what’s your easy class next quarter?” Im reply, “what easy class? Im taking 5 MSE classes, 1 TC class, and a history of germany class.” He automatically assumes the germany class is the easy one. It can highly possibly be it, but if I do decide to take TC, I think that will be the easy class of the quarter for me. There’s really no easy or hard class. It’s more of what you are interested in. For me, I liked science/math (heh, im a material science major with a minor in math) so I guess I just put myself where I am now. Anyway, dont let others drag you down. Im happy where I am right now, and if you are too, then that’s great. Sometimes I wish I could denounce my “asian” background for a few moments in certain crowds, just because I feel so awkward with this asian-asian crap that some groups are stuck in. I dont know, people need to get out of the shell they are living in and grow up, and see the world for once. I know I probably havent reached that level yet, but I feel Im a lot closer to that than alot of people I know. Argh. Im finally happy in the major I am in. Its DIVERSE thank goodness. I havent had diversity in my relations with others since gosh.. freshman year of college, when I still hung out with my hs buddies. Dangit. Stupid UW. Okay. Im done. Good luck with internships. Im applying to some, and I feel so… underqualified. =(

—

march 17th, 2004 (st. patty’s)

i’m listening to… american hi-fi’s “american hi-fi” album [punk/emo crap].
i’m feeling… really ridiculously full >__<

7:44 pm — just got home. man, i’m evil. i forgot sherry’s birthday =( i’m going to have to make it up to her with some awesome birthday present, or something. or some crap.

this morning i had an away message up on aim saying, “call me and wake me up @ 4:30″ with my phone number. arlen was supposed to call me and wake me, but then i guess someone else did… and i thought it was arlen… but it wasn’t (or something). 10 minutes later i get this phone call with some weird twangy guitar something or other singing, “wake up vivian! good morning vivian!” or something like that. and i hung up. then another 10 minutes later, the dOod called and sang “truly madly deeply”… it was quite horrendous, but horribly funny. i don’t know who it was though, so damn you! it was so funny though, cause he was trying to make everything sound sexy, like, “don’t forget about your homework” and “don’t forget your flight @ 12:30″ in this hushed whisper thing. lmao.

—

march 12th, 2004 (omg kid kaboom!)
i’m listening to… “disagree” by pushies daisies [gooood shit], “roses” by andre 3000 [hip-hop].
i’m feeling… alright.

3:01 pm — i hope to stop complaining about what chances i don’t have, because chances are always there, but there is just a problem with making the most of chances that are there. you know? this hot ass guy sat next to me on the bus today (although there were hella seats on the bus)… man! /slapping self with trout. i wanted to talk to him so bad but i didn’t know what to say… it’s the second time i’ve seen him this week at two different bus stops… IT’S A SIGN. meh, i don’t know. /slapping self with trout. i was seriously going to get off at a later bus stop that wasn’t mine too, just so i could think of some way to talk to him heh. except then i saw carolynn at the bus stop so i felt like i should say hi (and she’s going to thailand tomorrow!) meh. they say if you don’t take chances, you won’t know. i can think of many instances where i won’t know lmao. :/ and it’s always only my fault. i don’t believe in fate; i believe you create your own destiny. yet, i cannot bring myself to execute the actions i only wish i could. the story of many people’s lives, i know… :/ and it sucks.

6:08 am — omgat, just got back from lucky charms 3… ^__^ and it was pretty damn good… probably the most fun i’ve had at a rave sober… ^__^ i am pleased. pretty much everyone but me dropped. :/ but nonetheless… the headliner was darude… the “sandstorm” guy… his set was lame at first, better in the middle, and kinda lame @ the end… but whatever. he kept holding up these signs to the crowd, which i thought was cool… except for one, but i forget what it said at the moment. it was at club sky, which used to be pollyesthers. actually, not too bad of a venue, even though it was crowded (barely anywhere to dance), it wasn’t AS hot as you would have thought it would have been cause there were fans and stuff everywhere. what a horrible sentence. all the deejays were pretty impressive, minus ONE in the drum’n'bass room who was seriously, absolutely horrible (i must say, whoever lance was in the drum’n'bass room owned, though). whoever the bad deejay was… could not do transitions at all. the song would seriously play, die down as it changed to the next track, start up again, and so on. it was so lame. -__-’ another dj i have to mention is kid kabOom (why did i say kid koala?)… who is a happy hardcore dj. now, i HATE happy hardcore… usually… but the kind he played today was actually not that bad, and omg, he is the cutest thing ever. makes me happy to look at him. i just couldn’t stop staring while he was djing. pollyesther’s is cool because the dj is on like the second floor looking down on everyone… in both rooms. i like it. neato. it actually was a good venue. i enjoyed.

(jericho’s response:)
From the movie Out of Sight: Jack Foley: “It’s just something that happens. It’s like seeing someone for the first time, like you could be passing on the street. And you look at each other–and for a few seconds theres this kind of a recognition. Like you both know something. The next moment that person is gone and its too late to do anything about it. And you always remember it because it was there and you let it go. And you think to yourself, what if i had stopped? What if i had said something? What if? What if? It may only happen a few times in your life.” Karen Sisco: “Or once.” Jack Foley: “Or once.” Wise words from one of my favorite movies. Glad to hear you had fun hulabaloo. And this is my first time replying to your journal, huh?

—

march 11th, 2004 (i need stuff!)

i’m listening to… “adeline, out of tune” by the new amsterdams [emo], “the tension and the terror” by straylight run [mas emo? i don’t even know], “the story so far” by a newfound glory [pop-punk].
i’m feeling… okay.

8:34 am — HI. i NEEEEEED stuff. SOMEONE NEEDS TO GO SEE JULIANA THEORY WITH ME IN APRIL. [ ] yes . [ ] no

por favor. NEEEED, i say, NEEEEED.

rave tomorrow night (”lucky charms”)… omiGAT it’s been so long; i don’t even remember the last time… i had fun at such a thing. UNFORTUNATELY, it is going to be @ a former CALOOB (CLUB), so hopefully it’s not uber lame like the second to last one i went to (”divalicious”)… because omgat, i did not have fun at all. probably because i was stoned off my ass… but that is unimportant. ^^ i want to go snowboarding with kevie kev on saturday but ehhh doesn’t seem like a wise idea considering it is finals next week, but crappy crap crap. i want to go. -__-

me and eva and farm have been getting guitar lessons from johnny lately… learned some basic crap and parts from “high and dry” and “karma police” by radiohead… and “wonderwall” by oasis today. good shit. i’m on my way to becoming a rockstar. -__-  

(anthony’s response:)
is it really a rave? its at Polyesthers… its like a club event. With Darude… Umm.. I’ll go see Juliana Theory if youre going. 12 dollars is worth it, plus they are pretty good in show. It’ll go with my super crowded 45 days of shows… TGUK, SoCo/Yellowcard, FireTheft/Grandaddy, Deathcab… and maybe, just maybe Modest Mouse.. wanna go to that?
Duude… “learned some basic crap and parts from “high and dry” and “karma police” by radiohead…”
Learn those songs.. and then learn “Just” and “Paranoid Android” and you can be Tragic Penguin’s next guitarist.
I want to SEE and HEAR “You Always Say Goodnight” again. That sound is flat out incredible. Incredible. YEa!  

(jens’ response:)
ahaha…YES!…I see U took my advice n finally found UR calling!…Become a rockstar!…and drop the sociology stuff ….and “your life will be beautiful”….

(random response:)
Try out GHB + alchohol at LC! It’s such an awesome combo!

(my response:)
ehh no alcohol @ rave = bad = death

(random response:)
That’s why I suggested it (¬.¬) By the way, do you plan to make your brain ejaculate seratonin?

—

 march 7th, 2004 (life happened)

i’m listening to… “life happened” by tammy cochran [country], “you were mine” by the dixie chicks [country].
i’m feeling… been better.

8:42 pm — these days have been lame. been trying to fix my computer, which is still problematic, but i finally managed to reformat it after like three days of retardedness. -__-’ i have nothing to say. been doing some work, been doing some school, been doing some of nothing. i’m going to get school done as fast as i can and get the fsck out of here. i don’t even know why i’m in college. wtf am i going to do with a sociology degree anyway. kill me now. the shit better get better than this. life works out in ways that are impossible to understand…

from the time she was thirteen,
julie thompson had a dream:
someday she would see her name in lights.
and after every high school play,
the grown-ups all would say
that julie’s future sure is lookin bright.
well, i saw her selling videos at a store in eastland mall.
i said, “why aren’t you in hollywood taking casting calls?” she handed me my change and started laughing, and said, “life happened.
me and bobby chapman fell in love;
daddy passed away and the babies came,
and drama school was just too much.
now there’s little league and mouths to feed and
i direct a kindergarten christmas pageant.
life happened.”
TAMMY COCHRAN - LIFE HAPPENED. (jh’s response:)
heeey viv…n everybody else hea!
I got NEWS for U!…this shit ain’t gonna get better!…it’s juss gonna be a loooong, sloooow, slide down from hea!….ahahaha…so enjoy it while it lasts!!!
YEAH, GOOD question!….WTF can U do with a sociology degree neways???…or so many other degrees for that matter?…maybe work for some nameless corporation from 9-5 for the rest of your life?…WAIT!…That’s maybe now more like 6 AM to
9 PM or later these days with overtime?!?…yeah dunn forget…u gotta keep that productivity up!!!….ahaha…so where will your life go???…huh???  

(my response:)
haha i hate you, you ass hat. =)
my life will be beautiful, i tell you! beautiful. -__-*
this post is getting more action than it can handle. the other posts are getting jealous.

(random response:)
Hey, what are you talking about Sociology is awesome! You can do like um research studies your whole life on fun things like hidden lessons in schools to study gender socialization. OR! You can spend your entire life doing usability studies for companies such as microsoft. WOW the possibilities are endless! … Well not really, you’re going to wake up one day and be like “Wtf did I do with my life? My whole life is a fucking waste =(” Take up oceanography, you can play with octopussies instead!

(my response:)
neg, i will be proof to the asian society that college means nothing -_-’ I WILL BECOME A ROCKSTAR AND BE FAMOUS.
roight.  

(anthony’s response:)
yay you can be the next James Iha… But i bet you dont even know who that is… I CANT FREAKIN’ BELIEVE YOU DONT LIKE THE SMASHING PUMPKINS!!! I’ll beat you to rock stardom with the amazing Tragic Penguin. Die!  

(my response:)
i know who james iha is… but only because he plays with a perfect circle now. anyway, smashing pumpkins can die.

(anthony’s response:)
“i know who james iha is… but only because he plays with a perfect circle now. anyway, smashing pumpkins can die.” That’s SADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. You should listen to Siamese Dream. And then Melon Collie & The Infinite Sadness… You dont know how cool Siamese Dream was… its probably the best TSP album and it was almost completely done by Billy Corgan. Iha and D’Arcy broke up, and Jimmy Chamberlain was a crackhead, and the group was gonig crazy, and Corgan wrote all the songs and basically played all the instruments in studio too.. What a genious! APC is alright. If that show was 20-25 bucks, I’d go to watch Mars Volta =)

(random response:)
You’ll be the next Lucy Liu! Now, all you need is a new face, hair, eyes, mouth, teeth, chest, waist hips, personality, voice and nose! JK! You do need to learn martial arts however, since thats the only way an asian person would get any decent roles in this society. Hooray for racial socialization. ¢¾

(my response:)
oh whatever, asian people get other roles, i’m sick of asians complaining that they only get typecasted as martial artists and gangsters and hoodlums and OH NO BRANIACS NOT THAT… fsck, how many asian movies in ASIA have asian actors doing those roles? how many asian movies filmed in asia are centered around those topics? these asians will fall into those ‘categories’ with or without the help of “THE OPPRESSIVE WHITE MAN”. so stfu. don’t make me slap you with a trout. you’ve been taking one too many asian-american studies classes. -__-

(random response:)
Calm down. When I said “this society” I meant American Society, since we live in America and all. Sure in Asia you can get perfectly normal parts in movies. Over there they type cast Americans. Here we typecast Asians , over there they typecast Americans. I’m not complaining, I don’t know where you got that idea. I was just stating a reality that exists in the entertainment business. My friend’s little sister is an actor in commercials and tv shows and small movies and I’ve talked to her, most of the roles she has played has emphasized her race as her master status. People are never going to escape things like this, you can only accept it. Aren’t you a sociology major?

Oh yeah, I wouldn’t be caught dead in an asian-american studies course. I piss on people who take those bullshit classes. “Victory! I’m asian!” I hate all these mofuckers who take these kinds of classes and try to hang out with other asians because of the way they look, because they are “Asian” They try to act asian too even though they are as american as apple pie.

The other day this girl chose to ask me a bunch of questions just because Im asian too, eventhough she was closer to someone else who could have answered her question better than I could have. The whole time i was thinking “get away from me you fobulous crackwhore”

I could go on a 12 page rant about these faggot whores. Man I can’t even begin to explain how much I hate these people.

(my response:)
yeah i was going to fix my comment after i wrote it because it wasn’t so much directed towards you (as you only wrote one sentence), as i meant to direct it towards asian-americans who are against that idea as a whole. MUH BAD.

but yes, agreed, this girl from my polisci class this quarter IMed me at the beginning of the quarter just to say, “hey, you’re asian!? maybe we can become friends because i was the only non-asian in my polisci course last quarter!”

like, big fukkin deal. like just because we’re both asian means we’ll become bestest buddies forever.

(anthony’s response:)
I find it funny that there are alot of people I know who dont have any non-asian friends, at least none that I have ever seen. How does that happen when you live in a country like america where I dont even how much of a percentage of the population is caucasian. Gotta love the cliques. yes, viv, download => Modest Mouse - Float On — best band out of Issaquah, WA that I can think of. =)

(jh’s response:)
OK here’s my 2 cents on that…i’m originally from germany…n I don’t have any german friends overhea!….why would I?…and if I only wanted to hang out with germans…i’d move back there!……N yeah I agree to the other post….most azn americans r more american that apple pie!!!…and fully embrace the ‘american lifestyle’ … money/success/consumption oriented…so most azn americans are even MORE american than America! …with their cars, clothes, toys…Neways yeah and I dunn understand why sooo many azn americans only hang in cliques with other azns….what’s up with that?…I dunn get it….maybe they wanna feel ’supreme’ ….n look down n diss n hate on others??…sometimes I get that feeling. Neways, we live here in a multi cultural society….why not make the best of it???

february 28th, 2004 (mxpx <3)

i’m listening to… “children” by robert miles, “massive control” by yahel, “spiritualized” by the olmec heads [all trance].
i’m feeling… fine.

2:58 am — so my work hooked me up with tickets for the show tonight: it was mxpx, simple plan, sugarcult, and billy talent. i did not see billy talent, but the rest of the acts were quite impressive… first time seeing simple plan, third seeing sugarcult, and fourth seeing mxpx. X: i was quite unimpressed with mxpx the last time i saw them, but this time… oh my gat! it was so friggin good.

well, so they picked me up at around 5:30 because they had to go there early and pass out shit… the ladies that picked me up were from the department of health, and i seriously thought they would be 40-year-old women and shit, but they were in their late-20’s… even though they looked younger than that. this other girl janet (who is on the o2 board), also showed up, although she showed up after the show had already started and no one was really… yeah. it was actually really fun… i like talking to strangers, and these shows are mostly little kids… IT IS MY ELEMENT. that’s why i think it would be so cool being a teacher… i don’t feel intimidated when i exercise authority over people who are clearly younger than me… whereas other people… well, yeah!! i don’t know. being a teacher would be damn fun, though. anyway, we were signing up for giving out free strokes tickets and shit… but the people who like the strokes aren’t the same people who like bands like simple plan… so not that many people were interested… but what can you do! and i got a free t-shirt too. free concert tickets, free t-shirt, sounds like good shit to me. ;D if only they’d gotten press passes.

btw and tom from mxpx = hawt.

omg, i’m so tired, but i want to finish this, because i don’t like starting things and not finishing (generally), so this will just be a uber retarded i-don’t-make-sense entry.

sugarcult was awesome, as always… great energy, blahblah, rahrah, blah. good they were. except they didn’t play “hate every beautiful day” which is my favorite by them. so that sucks. but they were great. simple plan was probably the worst act of the night, but they weren’t bad at all… they got off stage for an encore even though they weren’t even the last band… which is just odd… but everyone KNEW they were going to come back because they didn’t play “perfect”, and i mean, that’s their biggest song… their rendition of it was great… some of their other songs are like, eh, and seeing them perform songs like “i’m just a kid” and “grow up” or whatever it’s called is just odd, because they’re like 40. okay, whatever, like 20-something, but they definitely don’t really look like kids at all. apparently lingo’s friend from canada went to high school with them also, and they used to be hardcore punk, and now they are popstars up the wazOo. not that there’s anything wrong with that, i guess, maybe, not, maybe, so. it’s funny, cause all of simple plan’s fans were girls, and when they asked for cheering all you could hear was girls. right after simple plan was mxpx, and seriously, half the girl population disappeared, and when simple plan was asking for cheers, it was mostly guys. or something. during one of simple plan’s songs, the guys from sugarcult and some roadies came onstage and started drumming on beer bottles, and that was friggin awesome… haha. i don’t even remember what song, because i’m tired. mxpx was definitely the best act of the night… i wasn’t too excited to see them at first, but after they started… man, it was good shit. i don’t even know what to say about it; it was just really really good. after their encore they played… something and then “chick magnet”, which is their best friggin song if you ask me… and shieeet it’s such a bass song if you don’t know it, and all the bands came onstage and played with them. it was beautiful. unfortunately, i was saving up all my film for the big finale but fucking a, i guess i would it and accidentally took a pic, so i didn’t get a pic of the fucking ending cause i was out of film… BAH… it was so beautiful too -__- lame. after everyone came on stage, they ended up playing another song, “punk rawk show”, and it was just random because it was hard to top the second to last song, but i guess they did a pretty good job of it. and all the bands were uber nice and giving out everything free (since it was the last show) and destroying their guitars -__-’