inside the wonderful world of vee

december 31st, 2003 (new year’s)

i’m listening to… some jin song my brother is playing [hip-hop].
i’m feeling… sleepy, although i shouldn’t be.

3:33 pm — word up. what’d y’all do for new year’s eve?

mine was interesting… me, jeanette, and gerrine met up at sherry’s house in danville and then we went to pick up some alcohols… 12-pack of coronas and a bottle of bacardi limon (which was disgusting… although the last time i drank it, it tasted great :|). meh, i can smell the alcohol in my nose. GROSS.

anyway, after that we went to sherry’s apartment in berkeley and just sat around and drank a little… and then we took the bart to san francisco… to embarcadero. man, the bart was like a fucking PARTY… in the bart station some crazy ass indian guys told us to jump in their picture, and we did, and then they were like, “are you going to sf? we should hang out” and jeanette was like, “no”… lol. but one of them ended up putting his arms around her waist and stuff and she didn’t say anything lol. WAL.

then on the first train we got on, i sat down next to this black guy named “J-LOVE”… lol… i guess he just got out of five years in jail for drug trafficking, and he was just like drinking remy on the bart and offering it to everyone hah. and he busted flows for us, and it was kind of cool… and he told us to be on the lookout for him when his album drops. har. we’ll see!!

and then we changed trains and then we met a whole bunch of other people that were drinking on the bart and this one guy lit up a blunt too lol… nice!

when we got off at embarcadero, the fireworks were nice, but it started raining @ like 12… bOoOo… we met up with jeanette’s lil bro alex, and some other paphi’s andy and david… everyone was hella cool except for david… he was retarded… one of those “i am too cool for this shit” type of people… bOo, no me gusta. like i had those little firecrackers that you throw on the ground and they explode, and he was too cool to even take one of those. he was the only one. what a loser. i hate people like that. :X but yeah alex was trying to convince me that it didn’t hurt to break one of those in your hands, so i broke one (you stick it between your fingers and then snap your fingers), and it hurt. but not as much as you would think.

so, we decided to get a ride back with them… walked like 15 blocks… took us like half an hour to get to the car. he got valet parking man… hukkkkk… T__T we crammed seven people into this car… it was fun. not really. actually, it wasn’t that uncomfortable, though. we got back to sherry’s apartment and nelson, richard, and jason were there… and we drank some more and people smoked some (although they smoked before heetae got there and it was his weed, so he was kinda mad)… and then heetae, phil [wu], and josh appeared and there was more smoking and stuff… blah, blah… lots of drinking i think i should stop drinking vodka because i always get a weird reaction after i drink vodka, but yesterday i drank rum and everything was a-ok. :X

but yeah we just sat around and talked about stupid stuff… it was good times blah, blah, blah!!!!!!!! all the guys who were there who we knew but didn’t really know thought the apt was mine, lol… i’m not quite sure why… perhaps because i was the only girl really still drinking and getting them cups and shit like that. i don’t know. -__-’ it wasn’t the most LIVELY event, but i was amused, and at least me and gerrine didn’t have to take care of puking people this time, HAR HAR HAR. ^^”

—

december 30th, 2003 (the key to snowboarding)

i’m listening to… my brother playing tiger woods… -__-”
i’m feeling… sore… almost.

the piece of shit computer we have at home that i am currently typing on is a 448 mhz pentium 3. KILL ME. IT’S HORRIBLE. and my parents refuse to spend money for an upgrade X_x ^_x ^_^

11:54 pm — mmm tomorrow is going to be sore death. went snowboarding @ boreal today with sherry, jeanette, jeremy, phil, jason, and adriel. hahaha it was adriel’s first time snowboarding in like seven years… and omfg, it was pain (for him, but also for us). we waited for him for SOOOOOO long… and went on two runs in two hours time. jason went on one (cause he was waiting for him). oh my lord… and so adriel tried, but every time he tried to get up, he’d fall back down, and he’d sit there for another five minuts before trying again. yeah, everyone gets frustrated the first time (cause snowboarding is pain), but if you pay $70 for that shit, you better fucking try to enjoy it!!! so yeah, he went down one run in two hours and then went to go sit in the lodge for the rest of the four hours or so we were there. WAL (what a loser). but yeahhhh it was fucking great… DEFINITELY one of the best snowboarding trips i’ve ever had. the weather was amazing (sunny, except for like an hour and a half when it was lightly snowing), it was all powder (it snowed HELLA last night), there was great company (i’ve missed some of those fuckers!), i was using new boots that don’t cut off circulation to my feet like my old ones, andddd! i have finally learned the key to being a good snowboarder… it was hella powdery today so i wasn’t really scared to fall (or at least not as much as usual)… and i discovered FEARLESSNESS and DRAMATIC MOVEMENTS are what it takes. if you think you’re going to fall all the time, you will. but if you don’t think about it… you improve a lot (says i, who ate the snow so many times, but nevertheless…)… and as for the dramatic movements… seems like the harder you make turns when you carve the better chance you have. meh, my board is too long though, so it moves hella friggin fast. scary as fauk. and annoying. and oOh! i finally did a few jumps… yey! first time. i wanted to try grinding, but i feared slipping and falling and killing myself should have tried, though… dammit. there was also this little metal bar that was easy and there was no way of killing myself by going on it, but dammit, i didn’t see it until after i passed it. but dammmmnnnn fun. i hope we get to go back up on friday. ^__^ (friday = $10 student lift tickets!!)! but yeh, the key to snowboarding is probably the key to life too… HMM TRICKY!!

watched “big fish” with xinlei, fontaine, claire, and fontaine’s boyfriend last night. IT WAS A FUCKING WEIRD MOVIE. it’s one of those movies that you watch, say WTF all through-out it, and then leave saying, “i don’t know what to think of it”… cause it wasn’t BAD, but it was just so… odd. but yeah, that whole movie made me think a lot more about being an old fart and dying and stuff… AGAIN BLAH. BLAH!!!

afterwards we went to room with a cue to meet up with dahye, david [shibata], richard [lee], and albert… and they were having karaoke night (which is odd, because i didn’t know white people did karaoke that often :X) and so claire and i decided to sing “torn” by natalie imbruglia… OMFG it’s so fucking scary… there were like seventy or so people there (i’m bad @ guestimating that kind of shit though)… and good god it was scary… i could sing on key, but i couldn’t even control my voice and it was shaking so much… ugh… so scary. yet… interesting. i’d do it again, probably. singing is so great. T__T

i’ve been reading a LOT this break. lots of magazines, some chinese-american novel about that cultural revolution that my mom’s co-worker gave her (forgot the name of it :|), “fast-food nation”, and i’m almost done with “diary” by chuck palahniuk, which sherry bought me for christmas. he’s amazing, by the way, so if you haven’t read his books, READ SOME. he’s the guy who wrote “fight club”, which puts him on a whole nother plane just because. i also re-started writing my uh novel… not the one between me and sherry (who knows what will happen with that), but my own… umm, yeah, probably won’t be finished until i do some more growing up, though. ^__~

i am broke as a joke dude. where does all the fukkin money go?! time to work me arse off when i go back to washington, and like, actually save up money (for a laptop)… ARGHLE! gargle! although saving up money probably won’t work too hot, as it is snowboarding season and i have dreams of going every week… and like… concerts… and FOOD. fooood. yeah, well, the rest of this break in cali, i’m going to do inexpensive things. argh. sanjOoOod. GOOD FUCKING TIMES.  

(anthony’s response:)
although saving up money probably won’t work too hot, as it is snowboarding season and i have dreams of going every week… and like… concerts… and FOOD”

You better believe it. Every week! Concerts too… but not every week otherwise I’ll be broke even more so than I already am.

—

december 28ht, 2003 (fleting…)

i’m listening to… my brother playing tiger woods…
i’m feeling…

10:05 pm — went to a memorial service with my brother and phil [wu] today… it was for pastor chiu, who passed away like… last last week? last week? i don’t know. to be honest, it was really boring, but only because we were outside (it was way packed and overcrowded) and we couldn’t get into the sanctuary… so we couldn’t hear anything. at first i tried, but then i just didn’t really care. it’s sad though… :/ that everyone has to come and go and it is all just so fleeting. who knows how much time there is to really make an impact and really show people you’re worth something, and to show that you care… MEH… this is the closest i’ve ever gotten to a funeral (and this is by no means close at all), but i am already so close to losing someone who actually means something to me… my grandma will probably last a couple more months… she already can’t do anything for herself… and can’t talk… she understands some stuff though… but it’s just so godamn sad… :/ bah… yeah… there were so many people at the memorial… like 600+ because the sanctuary holds that many and the people couldn’t even fit into the sanctuary… wow, to make that kind of impact. i really do find it amazing that he lived for god his whole life and that at the end he really, honestly did not fear dying. that’s faith… hard to imagine having that kind of love and devotion for god… he even endured 3 1/2 years of persecution in china for preaching the gospel… i don’t know if it was all in vain or not, but he was a damn happy guy and lived a full life… just… sad.

—

december 27th, 2003 (+ sweatdrop)

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… okie dokie.

12:46 am — just got back from tapioca express with sherry, jeanette, phil [nho], dave [lee], and grant (whom i also have not really seen in a while). wOot. tried to go to the boba place in dublin first but eh that was like… closed… and stuff. ;[ so we took three cars to milpitas, which is like, inefficiency to the maximus, but w/e! –” it was fun times… lots of fun with the digi-cams and funny faces HWAR HWAR HWAR. and as always, jeanette’s stories that… aren’t really stories. =X ^^” *sweatdrop*.

earlier in the day i went with dave and dahye to hayward where we went to the korean market and got fattening food (huk T_T) and rented these korean movies… the first was “nabi (butterfly)” and the second was “my tutor friend”… “NABI” (which was DAVE’S SELECTION) was seriously one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen in my LIFE. the scenes were all strung together without much thought or reasoning and the main characters (it was supposed to be an action-love story) had NO depth at ALL… you didn’t care about them at all and they would all be crying and stuff and you’d just be like… eh. it was a HORRENDOUS movie. and like four hours long too… never ended… dave is never picking a movie again. -__- especially since he’s a guy and he only watches romantic comedies now… um… WHO ARE YOU!? X: the other movie, “my tutor friend” was a romantic comedy and it was actually pretty funny… X: really out-there. mmmm… yeah enough korean movies for the rest of my life though… after watching “nabi” i never wanted to watch a korean movie again. –”

—

december 26th, 2003 (rawr)

i’m listening to… my brother and his friend playing “celebrity deathmatch” on ps2… why, i do not know.
i’m feeling… sort of sleepy, but i want to stay up to watch “28 days later”.

12:35 am — hmm today was the epitome of every break summed up into one day. in the morning we went after-christmas shopping @ stoneridge mall with sherry and jeanette… saw xinlei and my mom there too heh O: after that we went to dublin hacienda center to do some more shopping and then we were supposed to do even MORE, but i didn’t return half the shit i needed to because the after-christmas lines were way too huge to deal with… bleh. zany brainy is closing down though, so i got allen [ma]’s christmas present and this neato lantern set thing TEEHEE.

@ night went to go play pool and drink boba with dahye, fontaine, claire, xinlei, and claire’s friend justin and his friend ryan (who for some reason both me and dahye thought was named mike… go figure?!). claire thought justin was hella hawt cause he’s like this white skater dude… but he’s whatevers… i thought ryan was a lot cooler too because he actually like… talked. lol. O__o and justin just kind of had a blank stare the whole time and said like three sentences maybe. maybe he is just a quieter type of person… who knows. rawr.

yesterday was christmas… really didn’t feel like much this year. i sort of cleaned my room, though, and found this exciting pair of maroon sort-of-like-snowboarding-pants-but-not-pants that i bought like… four years ago… AND THAT WAS EXCITING ^__^ especially cause they still fit. although most of my clothes still fit… although a lot of them are a little too small or a little too big because i’m constantly fluctuating between fatnesses and skinnenesses. O__x this trip home has = lots of food which = fatnesses. XD didn’t really get any exciting presents this year… i can’t diffrenciate what is a christmas and what is a birthday present, so w/e… between the both of these dates i got (from my family) a wacom tablet and $200, and (from my friends) some little notebooks and stuff, a bag, a coolio beanbag pillow that they sell in brookstone now but that is from japan, the new chuck palahnuik book “diary” (yay!), some personalized songs *cough har har har*, a couple cd’s, and some other stuff i have yet to recieve ^__^ cool enough.

finally going to go snowboarding next tuesday (the 30th)… fucking hell yeah. ABoOT TIME MAN. seen a lot of fOolios i haven’t seen for a while this break… jon [toy] (4 years), tomiko (a year? iono), dave [lee] (1 year), diana (probably like 3 years)… cool seeing old folkers. ^^ some more. but my brain has died on me. =)

so yeah everyone around me in california - school friends and church friends - are in like serious relationships, and i’m the only loser who hasn’t had one, lol. sometimes i really really want someone, but then when i think about it, i don’t want someone who would put a limit on the people i’m allowed to see and the things i’m allowed to do. ideally, a “good boyfriend” wouldn’t put limits on those things, but who knows where the hell THOSE guys are… cause i sure don’t see them. =) we’re too young to be tied down, i think that’s for sure. X__x but maybe i’m just saying that because i don’t have those things… HWAR HWAR HWAR.

—

december 23rd, 2003 (asuidhasuidhad)

i’m listening to… the computer humming.
i’m feeling… shamed and like i should just give myself an honorable death like a samurai -__-

1:35 am — just saw “the last samurai”, which, like everyone has said, was surprisingly good. ARRRGH. i hope it wasn’t historically accurate because it made me come out feeling just BAD, esp since the samurai were just so like… beautiful. not a very masculine word, but whatever the fuck… i kind of wish it had no attraction / kissing / lovey dovey scenes though, but actually, they kept that to a minimum, which is very un-hollywood-like, so i guess i am proud of them. it was good. not one of my favorites, but definitely among the better of the war-type-flicks (blahblahblah).

my grades are so bad i am going to diziiiiieeeee… i’m surprised my GPA isn’t a lot lower than it is cause OMFG. godammit. kill me. parents are going to kill me.

went to haight-ashbury with jeanette and xinlei today… jeanette is a shopping whore. it wasn’t as exciting as i thought it was, and i didn’t get my demonia shoes, godammit. nowhere has my demonia shoes. i am bittar @ life. WOW I JUST LOOKED AND I AM AMAZING… I’VE NEVER GOTTEN OVER A 3.0 IN MY WHOLE COLLEGE CAREER SO FAR AND 3.0 IS THE HIGHEST I HAVE GOTTEN… WOW I SUCK. godammit… -__-

we went to pastor wayne’s house @ night for dinner (which was yummy, cause they say “he is a gourmet chef”, and then to movie and then BLEH. kireh.

—

december 22nd, 2003 (tales of drunken stupor)

i’m listening to… the television (”charmed” is on).
i’m feeling… okay. -__-

6:33 pm — my parents want me to go to beijing university this summer to study chinese… it’s like an eight week program from june 27th to mid-august… study chinese and they take you around china for two weeks. $3,000-something bucks, not including airfare. would anyone like to join? ^^ $200 or something bucks off if three people join together. rawr ~ but yeah, i’m down to go, because my chinese is teh sux again >__< and i’ve never been to that part of china… so… yeah. i still want to go to italy the most though. dammit. -__-

anyway, yesterday (the 21st) was chock full of drunken… fun, or lack thereof. ummm during the morning went to church… BAH… never going again… fucking boring as hell. i hate church. and like, the whole english service has been taken over by one of our church families… three of them on the worship team (out of five people), and one of them as the… spokesperson… er, i dunno the title. -__- announcement-maker-dude. twas just really different from before, and too uncontemporary to be entertaining @ all. even praise was not that entertaining, and that is usually the best part. meh. no more church for me -__-

after that went to the mall with sherry, jeanette, tin-win, and karen and got treated to lunch @ california pizza kitchen… it’s good, i guess, whatever, pizza is not that exciting of a foods. -__- i’ve been eating nonstop as of late -__-” rawr. fatness. but yummy fatness! -__-

came home, slept for some hours, ate dinner, and then decided to go to DA CLUB with sherry and jeanette and gerrine… here comes the pain train. -__- on the way to jeanette’s, a cop pulled me over and it freaked me the fuck out, but he was really nice and was only telling me that my front right headlight was out. whew. -__-’ probably will need to go fix it tomorrow. good thing i got pulled over BEFOREHAND and not afterwards *cough.

after we got to jeanette’s, sherry lent me a cool black top (wOosa) and then we went to DA CLUB in san francisco (after getting a teeny bit lost)… club whisper… which gerrine claims looks like a furniture store, and it does… and it’s really like a warehouse or something. i dunno… looked ghetto on the outside, but it was okay on the inside O__o” hella small inside though… which was REALLY odd since it looked like there were just sooo many people and cars there and there weren’t THAT many. o__O *confrOoze.

so me, jeanette, sherry, and gerrine divided up an eighth of vanilla vodka amongst the four of us and then like 1/2 of a water bottle of malibu rum… surprisingly, the vodka was GOOD and the malibu was FUCKING DISGUSTING (and we even drank that after we were DRUNK). we got into the VIP line but then jeanette had to wait for her friend, and we went back to the car to get her cellphone and call her friend… and me and gerrine peed in the streets and we all drank some more -__- WHICH SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DONE. at least not for some of us! when we got back in line after jeanette’s friend came, the bouncer wouldn’t let sherry in because she was piss drunk and couldn’t even stand up straight… and jason and nelson ended up showing up and helped us out for a while… nelson carried her for a while lol. she puked A LOT… D: i’ve seriously never seen anyone puke so much in my life man. so she was puking, puking, a little of it got on jeanette’s car… and then jeanette went in for a little while but she said she just stood @ the front door most of the time waiting for us… and then she came back out and that meant she couldn’t go back in… :X and she ended up passing out in the car with sherry. how the two of them got so drunk… no one knows. at least jeanette didn’t puke, though. at some point jason called me to go get his jacket because it was hella hot inside and like… i accidentally went to the wrong area and sat on puke. bleh.

when i came back, gerrine was walking towards my direction and she was like, “let’s just go in because sherry is being a brat”… cause i guess sherry was telling her “don’t fucking give me any more fucking water; just fucking leave me alone”… because gerrine kept giving her water since she was puking so gawdamn much (once again, how this happened i do not know / understand… probably because she didn’t eat dinner :|)

so me and gerrine went inside and talked to fOols for a little while outside and then went inside to dance… and all the guys looked the same and were all greasy… it was a pi alpha phi (asian fraternity) party, so yeah… … … saw tomiko there though! lol. funneh. O__o the thing ended @ two, and the DJ was horrendous… and played a lot of like… reggae music towards the end. we only went inside for like 45 minutes though, so things actually kinda worked out cool, because i think if i had been in there since we got there (like 11:00 - 2:00), i would have DIEDDDDDDD. cause da club = da sux… unless you have A LOT OF ALCOHOL.

four seconds ago i thought “charmed” was a cool show, but now it is back to being a sort of retarded show.

HMM anyway, after the club ended, we sat outside with some random guys and jeanette’s friend stephanie, eating BREAD that daniel got from some random fOol (no one quite knows how)… and uh… sitting there, waiting for someone to sober up enough to drive us home… and then gerrine got a phone call from her sister so she really had to go home, and sherry started driving the car… AND ALMOST KILLED US BY RUNNING INTO THE CURB… so i ended up driving cause i wasn’t sober but i was the sober-est… it’s not a good thing to be drunk-driving, but i must say… it was FUN >__<” like, i was driving the speed limit the whole time (60-65 on highway) but it felt like we were FLYING lol… -__-” weird, man.

today i’ve just been eating and sleeping all day, pretty much D: niceeee. garfield.

—

december 20th, 2003 (-___-)

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… meh.

1:50 am — wOosa, just won $11 offa some people playing poker. ^^ yey ~ ^^

today sherry and jeanette took me out for dinner @ joe’s crab shack (or something) in san francisco. it was alright tasting, kinda expensive :/ halfway thru the meal “staying alive” came on and all of the workers started dancing to it… pretty cool har. they had like a routine and everything. there was a girl who had a birthday @ the table next to us and they made her hold up these little paper wings and strapped a paper beak on her and told her to ‘fly around the restaurant’… i was scared to death but my waitress was nice and didn’t make me do that… she and some other chick just said something like they’ve been working hard on a backwards version of “happy birthday”, and sang “happy birthday” with their backs to us… HAR HAR SO FUNNY… wait, no, not really! D:

we were gonna drink, but no one really wanted to, and i didn’t really feel like it… :/ and then we watched “whale rider” @ jeanette’s house… yea yea yup yup. need to go to sleep because i have to go to church tomorrow or some shit. fucking nuts. shinjineh.

sooo sick of life. -__-’ would be a good day to start and to end, eh. feel soooo… lacking. alone… ALONEEEE.

“why do i even try? i don’t know; it’s all for nothing.”

(xinlei’s response:)
happy birthday vivian sorry i have nto been able to get out of bed or talk on a telephone:( in fact im getting nauseous right now from benig in front of the compuoer right now without contacts oh fartballs. hope you had a superbulous birgthday

—

december 19th, 2003

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… meh.

1:32 am — meh. -__-” just got back from pc bang and shooting pool with claire, fontaine, jon [toy], kevin, and jimmy… damn, first time i’ve seen that fool jon toy in like… fucking five years or something… CRAZINESS! but yeah, it was cool… always nice seeing old friends whose cars you’ve crashed *cough. :X we played pool for bettin shit but we ended up playing so many games it just ended up “evening out” and playing for betting was pointless in the end. -__-” kinda lame.

claire accidentally backed out into this 4runner or something… she got a dent in her bumper that looks like someone literally shoved their knee into it. the other car was alright, though. and she also got a 4.0 this quarter… without studying or going to class… … … … .. . wtf.

whatever, boring life.

i want a wacom tablet.

december 18th, 2003 (unimpressed)

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… okay.

11:08 pm — saw “lord of the rings three: return of the king” today. i didn’t think it was that great… i was actually rather disappointed. #3 was better. reasons for disappointment:
[1] legolas wasn’t in there enough… :X he was probably in the movie a total of five minutes… no kidding. agent smith, evil elf man, got more screen time than that!!
[2] legolas should have died (in the book?!)… but he didn’t. only disappointing because i was waiting for it the whole time.
[3] frodo!? i thought he was gonna die, but he didn’t, and i was sad.
[4] the ending was way too long.

so whatever, everyone will watch it no matter what, but eh. seems like i’m the only one who was unhappy with it though. meh.

nothing else to say. i lava the home-cooking. ^__^ “i love the little tacos… I LOVE THEM GOOOOD.”

but a second chance means nothing,
if nothing’s learned from past mistakes,
and i’m sure we felt the weight.
cause three whole years fall on deaf ears
and i’m in no place for solitaire.
it’s not fair to me.
do you remember when?
when i figured it was cool,
but i figured wrong.
why do i even try?
i don’t know,
it’s all for nothing.
THE MOVIELIFE - KELLY.—

december 13th, 2003 (i need you so much closer…)

i’m listening to… “i will remember you” by sarah mclaughlin [alternative], death cab for cutie’s “transatlantacism” album [emo].
i’m feeling… worried?!

1:42 am — wtf mate! i’m worried about arlen, lol… maybe i shouldn’t be, but he has been sick for the past three weeks or whatever, and then all of a sudden he gets some kind of pox and he has spots all over… and when matt came back today, arlen’s tv and computer and shit were gone? wtf? creepy… i hope it’s not something serious / a joke (because that WOULD be an arlen-type joke)!

anyway these last couple of days have been characterized by drinking and hanging out… fuck studying for finals…!! haven’t drank for like… almost a month though, so i felt kinda sick drinking any @ all D: how do people drink everyday! seriously!?

yesterday hmm… me and eva just went around the ave and shit and got bubble tea and then sat in barnes and nobles for like two hours or something looking @ magazines D:

then when we got home, brett [buchholtz] picked up my ghetto ass and i went to their place… hung out with brett [murphy], jake, dan, joe, and some other fools who lived there who i don’t really (care to) remember the name of… anyways, drank a little, but nothing much… felt too gross to drink. :/ we watched this horreeeendous ass stephen king movie “dreamcatcher”… OMFG it was so bad; it has like aliens coming out of people’s buttholes and shit… wtf?! horrible. don’t watch it, plz. it had like one cool psychological idea, which is hard to describe, but one cool idea does not salvage such a bad movie. -__-” it was AMAZINGLY bad… i seriously lost a little bit of respect for morgan freeman for even BEING in that movie lol. D: played some texas hold-em too… mMm i love it! it’s gooooood… and such the rage nowadays!!!

today me and eva got our hairssss cut… mine is like a little shorter than shoulder length now, but it’s fucked up, because for the hairstyle i want, they need to texturize (or cut with razor) the bottoms to make it like… sharp… whereas they just used scissors… D: we got a free meal out of it though (they gave us coupons)… and mMm, the haircut only cost nine bucks (grand opening on the ave ^__^)

went with hsu-ken to mcdonald’s… because i always get cravings for chicken mcnuggets… mmm, probably one of the only things in mcdonald’s worth eating D: -__-”’ the newly advertised ones with “real white meat!” taste exactly the same though, so they really probably ARE just bleached white… ick D: doesn’t that make you wonder what they were made of before -__-

tonight… same thing, basically, minus the horrible movie D: went over to josh / chol / seungbum’s apartment to celebrate birthdays, sorta… cause me, josh, and jessica’s birthdays are all within the next two weeks (although josh’s was today)… hella fools up in there… at first we actually knew everyone, and it was cool… everyone got drunken (once again i only took a little more than a shot, but omfg, kahlua is so FUCKING good!!!) cause josh bought like $100+ worth of alcohol… baileys, vodka, rum, kahlua, more rum, soju, sake, stuff, juice, stuff, lots of beer, lots of STUFF. and it was fun… played some games, sat around, lalala… and then all these little ghetto ass asian kids from tacoma popped out of nowhere and all of a sudden we were like, WTF WE DON’T KNOW ANYONE!? and they started drinking the alcohol and shit, so i told them straight up, “if you guys are going to drink any more, can you please lay down some money, since you guys don’t know any of the guys who live here?” and most of them quickly ran away… seriously, before i finished my sentence, they were fukkin in the other room… hah. so [flip-]john (one of the only guys who we actually KNOW out of that group of little farts) said he was down to chip in some, and the other guy who was still actually there said that he would go round up money, and then oh! fancy that, they stopped drinking, heh. whores…!

but yeah, whatever, i tire of alcohol too, and i had a lot of fun both of these nights being even buzzed really… so fuck that, maybe i’ll just stay sober more often from now on -__-

mmm… birthday in a week ^__^ christmas in almost two!

—

december 11th, 2003 (crazy glue = teh sux)

i’m listening to… “miwuhdoh dashi hanbun man” by vibe [korean r&b], “ten below blazing” by m-flo [japanese drum’n'bass woosa!], “i believe” by lee sooyoung [korean r&b], “nan ahra yo” by seotaiji [korean like… 80’s rock lol].
i’m feeling… okay.

11:34 am — so yesterday was the worst day in a long time, lol, but it was all kind of amusing because it was just so retarde.

- stayed up all night to study for biological anthro and finish sociology homework, but at the last minute my printer broke. -__-
- janine called me to carpool yesterday and then neither her or eli even woke up… uh, okay, that’s fukkin retarded, because every time i carpool with her i make sure i wake the fuck up because otherwise i ruin their carpool and that’s just fucked up… but, hey, it’s cool that she doesn’t even care lol.
- so, by the time i found out they weren’t coming, it was 8:30, and i had missed the bus to go to campus, and i left the apt to walk, but i was wearing glasses cause i was too lazy, and it was raning, so i said, fuck this, and went back home. -__- luckily, my TA accepted my homework cause i made up some partial excuse about how i missed my carpool and i live a half hour away. w/e … actually kind of true cause it does take me a half hour to walk to that part of campus.
- at night i was working on people’s christmas presents… of which i no longer really want to work on but i suppose i need to finish. so… yeah, basically everything was LITERALLY falling apart. -__ -
- i was painting stuff while trying to crazy glue other stuff, and of course, with my luck, crazy glue got on my hand, which got on my ring, which equals ring stuck on finger permanently. -__- much pain, and much immovability (that’s not even a word huh?), so i just happened to pull it off in my sleep because iono, less conscious pain that way, and finished pulling off the rest of it this morning. meh. it’s gross because since i was painting too, all the places where the glue were are like white and brown. heh.

so some random chick found me offa http://www.u-match.net yesterday, and she’s in my polisci class next quarter, and she IMed me saying something along the lines of, “my name is vy too! i’m in your polisci class next quarter, and we asians need to stick together! i was the only non-white girl in my class last quarter!” which is… odd. exactly what i was talking about yesterday, fancy that. -__-

i’m trying to get my poetry / fiction published in the january (it’s annual) issue of bricolage… just kind of one of those things i want to do. D: wish me luck >__< ehm, too bad it’s not going to be published until the end of 2004, if it even IS published, and by then i’ll probably even forget it exists.

oh, and, of course, i’m missing allister when they come here again, cause i think it’s sold out, and no one will go with me (josh said he would, but he won’t).

i think today will be another boycott internet day. thank you, come again.

3:15 pm — okay, but DUDE, brett [buchholtz] bought me seamonkeys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!! !!! exciting times. too bad i can’t play with them until after break, because otherwise they’ll die :*(

dude, if anyone can find this song: zeebra + sugar soul - siva 1999 [japanese], please please please hook me up with it. i will give you a um… turkey.

—

december 8th, 2003 (beautiful)

i’m listening to… albumwrap’s “albumwrap” album [electronica… like ambient, and downbeat type stuff], “animatrix” soundtrack [electronica… like ambient, tech breaks, and stuff].
i’m feeling… okay.

12:40 am — as it were so easy to suppress feelings, it would be done >__<

it’s so odd… the more often i see girls around here and what they do and how the act, the less fitting in i feel. -__-”’ girls here in WA are just sOo freaking different. and even in cali, but i dunno… there are more people who i can relate to in cali ;L or maybe i’m just looking in the wrong places. who the fauk knows.

and i was also thinking… it’s so odd… all throughout elementary and middle school, and most of high school, my friends were pretty diverse… mostly white, but i went to a predominantly white school… with some hispanics… some asians… stuff… and then somewhere halfway through junior year, but moreso during senior year, i got the idea that being asian was the hip thing to do… so i really pretty much ditched a lot of the people i once knew to get closer to other people… hmm. there’s really something sad / odd about the fact that race makes such a big difference… i notice that a lot of people who had a lot of non-asian friends in high school or whatever just tend to be more polarized towards other asians in college. what is it about college that makes people so segregated? it’s really kind of fucking annoying, and when i think about it, i wonder why i did things the way i did in high school. o__O i’m just flaky i guess… changing friends every year and shit … it just feels wrong :/ i wonder what a lot of those people are doing now, since i don’t talk to any of my old “best friends” now… and those were all people who made a big impact on shaping the person that i was, that i am… and i wonder why i could just drop people so easily back then without giving it much thought… and how the label “best friend” could be applied so arbitrarily while maintaining those friendships didn’t seem all that important. i do regret it now, and i guess that is one of the only things that i can think of that i really do regret… so i just hope that sometime i’ll get the opportunity to talk to the lot of them again. :/

more about race that bothers me!! i say this all the fucking time, but i really really really really really hate it soooo much when asian girls (especially, even though from high school i noticed some of my white friends did it too) see mexican guys looking at them and automatically get completely disgusted and talk shit, but if it were an asian guy instead, they’d be flaunting that shit. :/ it’s really really bothersome for some reason, and yeah, some mexican guys do make comments and stuff, but it’s not all of them, and even so, the culture in mexico really is a lot different from it is here, and that is more of the norm over there.

good god, that was such a huge run-on sentence. there’s a lot more i hate. i just really really hate racism, and intolerance of race… or sexual orientation… or whatever the fuck, for that matter. GAWD. people are so STUPID. ><  

(hsuken’s response:)
Your a racist

december 7th, 2003 (lang bor de vale :D)

i’m listening to… staind and justin timberlake’s album “justified” [pop/r&b]. har har har, i love justin’s musak. no shame in it.
i’m feeling… -__-”

10:08 pm — yeah, whatever!

the end part of “senorita” is annoying as hell. meh. this weekend has been, whatever, kind of interesting because it has been just a weird weekend. -__-

friday, went over to visit tony and we watched “how to lose a guy in 10 days” which was eh, kind of funny at some points, but kind of annoying also. :X then we took pics cause his pics are p.i.m.p. ~ but i’ll share those after he finishes editing them >< and then i just went to visit josh, chol, and seung’s cause people were all drunk and shit @ their place. w0rd… word. been a while since i’ve drank. O__x a while being three weeks. and no drugs for a while… a while being like, shit, six months. ^__^ i think that’s right anyway… maybe less. :/

but yeah… eh… people were talking about suicide and how the only reason they haven’t yet committed suicide was because they didn’t want their roommates to come back and find them and be all traumatized because of it… :/ sad…………………………………………..

yesterday = geekiness… me, trask, arlen, brett [ buchholtz], and jeremy lanned in mccarty south’s 5 lounge… rofl… okay, geeky… :/ but whatever, there’s no changing it, i already know i am / have been a geek, and so does everyone else. so w/e. we played as a professional swedish team SK (schroet kommando or some shit) and i picked up such cool swedish phrases as “godmorgon” (good morning), “lang bor de vale” (long live the whale), and “har du sedd min kaslonger?” (have you seen my pants?)… all very useful, and very, very amusing >__< gan ni niang. >__< oh yes and you know what was weird… so… brett killed this guy in cs the second right before the next round started, and the screen kind of lagged and this blood spurt showed up on the screen, and the beginning of the next round, the guy he killed was dead. it was like… he got killed so late in the first round that he died in the second round O__o; hella weird! yeah f u i’m a loser.

today me and eva went to ranch 99 on aurora… it just opened… so fucking nice having a chinese supermarket around… you don’t even know. i wish race weren’t such a big fucking deal… -__- but i don’t feel like elaborating on that, so i shant.

and uh my roommate christine is a fucking hoebag… i guess eva has been taking out the trash the last couple of times, and this time, christine just fucking leaves the trash in the living room, and today she took it outside and left it at the front of the door. fucking hoe… master of the godamn subtle murder.

yay, i hate life!

threw you the obvious, and you flew with it on your back:
a name in your recollection, down among a million same.
difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed and passed over.
when i look right through to see you naked but oblivious.
and you don’t see me.
but i threw you the obvious, just to see if there’s more behind the
eyes of a fallen angel: eyes of a tragedy.
here i am, expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded.
but i see, see through it all,
see through, see you.
well, oh well.
apparently nothing.
apparently nothing at all.
A PERFECT CIRCLE - THREE LIBRAS.—

decembre 5th, 2003 (hoobahoo!)

i’m listening to… hOobastank’s new album “the reason” [alternative] and the movielife’s “forty hour train back to penn” album [pop-punk], the get up kid’s album “on a wire” [emo].
i’m feeling… like wasting time, so here comes this stupid crap.

stolen from dear claire.

YOUR NAME
(1) The singular boring question: What is your name? vivian
(2) If you had been born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name have been? probably not, because then i’d probably be gay, which there’s nothing wrong with, but it’s more things than i’d need to deal with.
(3) Would you name a child of yours after you? no, that’s retarded.
(4) If you had to switch first names with a friend of yours, who would you switch with? (claire said she might switch names with me! yay!)… hmm probably some girl named lakisha!
(5) What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? hua –> hOo-ah! it’s hwa you buttholes.
(6) If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name (like Madonna, Cher, Roseanne)? no, because “vivian” would sound um, retarded.

DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
(7) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? no, i don’t think so.
(8) Do you think God has a gender? i don’t know / care.
(9) Do you think science counteracts religion? maybe not always, but i don’t really know / care.
(10) Do you believe in organized religion? i think it can be a good thing and a bad thing… it definitely makes some people better people, whereas it makes no impact on other people, and just makes the rest of the people THINK they’re better people when in fact they are worse people.
(11) Where do you think we go when we die? into the ground? heh.
(12) Do you feel a little funny thinking about the questions in this section? lol, no… … … who would?

HUMOR
(13) How easy is it to make you laugh? depends who it is, or what kind of humor, but generally, yes.
(14) What person you know makes you laugh the most? hmmm… phil nho, sherry, lewis, and probably a lot more people i can’t remember… a lot of people make me laugh.
(15) Do you laugh at jokes you know you shouldn’t? yeah.
(16) Do you tell jokes you know you shouldn’t? not too often.
(17) What words instantly make you laugh or at least smile? halitosis… lol. zimboc. stuff.
(18) What do you think is the funniest thing you’ve ever said or written? heh…!?

MUSIC
(19) Do you ever dance to music when nobody’s watching? yeah… hahaha… but only to hip-hop / r&b / pop O__o… i think. oh, drum’n'bass and trance sometimes too lol… wow, sad.
(20) What is/are the worst song(s) you have ever heard? oh man, i used to have a list, but it slips from my mind now…
(21) What song(s) do you wish you could understand a little better? korean songs… japanese songs… french songs… everything, dammit.
(22) What song(s) are constantly in your head? it’s always different, but right now, a lot of death cab for cutie.
(23) What song(s) do you think describe your personality best? uhm… :/ woe is me songs. HAH.
(24) If you were to serenade the object of your affections, which song(s) would you use? “the closest thing” by the juliana theory.
(25) If the object of your affections were to serenade you, what song(s) would you hope he or she used? “the closest thing” by the juliana theory or “echo” by incubus!!! mothafucka! take notes!

MOVIES
(26) What movie(s) do you love that nobody else seems to? i don’t actually think there are any… most of the movies i like people generally like. well, “pi” for one, i guess… but i only like that one because the director is genius. and “white oleander”, but that’s just because no one has seen it.
(27) Do you agree with the idea that sequels are always worse than the original? usually, but there are some where the sequels are better… the ones that i can think of @ the moment are “x2″, “scary movie 2″, and uh… yeah, that’s it.
(28) Who’s your favorite Star Wars character? bobafett all the fukkin way.
(29) What kind of movie do you think there should be more of? old school badass action movies like “the rock”… and movies that are trippy, like “fight club”… but perhaps the rarer those are, the better they are, because otherwise they get too cliche.
(30) What movie(s) do you simply not understand the appeal of? really really really stupid humor… for example: i don’t like chris farley movies. :/

FOOD
(31) When eating, are you more concerned with taste or healthiness? both… heh… i try to balance it out.
(32) What’s your favorite kind of cheese? monterey jack, mozarella.
(33) What do you think your answer to the previous question reveals about your personality? … nothing? does it reveal anything? iono?
(34) If you knew exactly what went into Chinese food, hamburger meat, etc., would you still eat it? i do… some things are nasty, but what the hell, i still eat it. ^^
(35) Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? no, but i feel disgusted eating eggs sometimes… why eggs and nothing else, i dunno.

COMPUTERS
(36) Mac or PC? pc @ home and mac @ work… both have their dis/advantages.
(37) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer, as long as it works? i care…
(38) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversation? actually, i kind of think IM is the bane of all existence, because i miss talking on the phone sometimes.
(39) Do you find you’re different talking through IMs than face-to-face or on the telephone? on the telephone i’m around the same, but face-to-face i’m uber different.
(40) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? yeah this one camera i got sux0red because i have shaky hands and that is just a no-no with that camera.

THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES
(41) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? i have before.
(42) What do you love most about the other gender? they’re generally more laid-back and less emotional… and less dramatical.
(43) What do you dislike most about the other gender? sometimes way too competitive… generally more conceited.
(44) What do you understand least about the other gender? why they like certain girls… but everyone is different i guess, but… i dunno… just doesn’t make sense sometimes.

CELEBRITIES
(45) Do you sometimes see a movie or watch a show just because a good-looking celebrity is in it? umm… well i tend to watch movies any of my favorite actors / actresses are in, regardless of whether they’re good-looking or not, but a lot of my favorite actors are good-looking!?
(46) What celebrity’s autograph do you want most? brandon boyd.
(47) Have people ever said you looked like a celebrity, and if so, who? yeah… this one time i went to taiwan, these girls thought i was this actress that was in a movie with jackie chan, and they started like fondling my hair and saying how cute i was and stuff… it was kind of scary.
(48) If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)? there aren’t that many uh, asian actresses that i know of, but i like that chick in white oleander / that recent movie with nicholas cage that i forgot the name of. HELP, ANYONE?!
(49) Does it ever annoy you when you know someone is a celebrity but you can’t remember why? lol… uh. i dooon’t knooow. but it probably WOULD annoy me.
(50) If you could enter any celebrity’s mind like in “Being John Malkovich”, whose would you enter? marilyn manson’s… yeah, i think that’s my final answer.
(51) Do you want to be John Malkovich? hmm, he’s rich and famous… sure, why not?

NUMBERS
(52) Do you laugh when you hear or read the number 69? no, more like roll my eyes. that is soooo middle school (not even exaggerating, really).
(53) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? no ma’am.
(54) Do you actually know your Social Security Number? yeah.
(55) Do you actually know your IP address? the first 6 numbers.
(56) Do you know what an IP address is? yes, you douchebag.
(57) Do you know the four-character extension on your ZIP code? i do, actually.
(58) Ever thought there were too many numbers floating around in our lives? eh, not really.
(59) Does your head begin to hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers? i don’t even know what irrational numbers are… and i hate math, so… no, it doesn’t hurt, but i’d rather not think about it.
(60) What do you think of pi? all i know is 3.14, and why do i even need to know that?! i have no idea!

LOVE, SEX AND ALL THAT
(61) Did you get a little frightened or uncomfortable seeing this as a section title? yes, i was shaking in my socks.
(62) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? hot and bothered… er, no, just bothered. and then i’d feel mean for saying no thx homie g.
(63) Do you prefer getting to know someone first before dating them or going in “blind”? getting to know.
(64) Could you carry on a relationship with someone with the same first name as a family member? ummm yeah.
(65) Have you ever wished it was more “socially acceptable” for a girl to ask a guy out? umm… yes and no, because even if it were more socially acceptable, i probably wouldn’t change .
(66) What’s your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? if it works for some people, sure, go for it and shit, but i think girls generally get more emotionally attached than guys, and then it ends up being a problem.
(67) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? no =( but i don’t really think that many people are unattractive… they may not be ATTRACTIVE, but unlikely to be unattractive.
(68) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good-looking? some.
(69) Would you be willing to give up sex in exchange for an emotional commitment you knew would last? yes.
(70) Do you think the number of the last question was a coincidence? dun dun dun… the world may never know.

POSSESSIONS
(71) What is your favorite possession? my music.
(72) What physical, tangible possession do you want most? a boyfriend? haha.
(73) How badly do you want it? decently bad.
(74) Have you ever seen ‘The Exorcist’? i haven’t actually.
(75) How long did it take you to understand why the last question is in this section? lol… i didn’t notice until this question came up, but CLEVER! CLEVER INDEED!

HOLIDAYS
(76) Does Christmas music too far away from Christmas annoy you? yes… haha. like - during thanksgiving break was already too early.
(77) How old do you think you will be before you stop liking getting older? when i hit 21.
(78) What was the best Halloween costume you ever had? bunny costume when i was little… my mommy made it! gangsta gangsta!
(79) What was the worst Halloween costume you ever had? a “baby”… which equaled pajamas because i was too lazy to get a real costume but i wanted candy.
(80) What holiday do you think has still managed to retain its original meaning? … i don’t know. certainly not thanksgiving or christmas!
(81) There are currently no federal holidays during August- what should be put there? end of summer holiday… woot. national vivian loving day?!

MEMORIES
(82) How good is your short-term memory? it was really bad, but it’s getting better since i stopped doing drugs.
(83) How good is your long-term memory? it’s pretty good… for the most part.
(84) What is your earliest memory? living in taiwan with my grandma and dad and eating yummy noodles everyday and having my dad bring me back my favorite candy every day after work heh. oOh and a talking maya bird that spoke chinese.
(85) What is your happiest memory (other than recieving this survey)? christmas with uber family around…
(86) What is your strangest memory? the first time i dropped e… aka, i don’t remember a thing except for bits and pieces here and there and what people tell me.
(87) What song, movie, etc. do you wish you could memorize? see, i don’t know why people would memorize movies… josh and fil’s cousin memorized the entire script of lord of the rings… i mean, good god, use your brain for something better. but w/e… i can remember most of the song lyrics i want to remember.

TEARS
(88) What movie makes/made you cry? i haven’t seen this movie in a long time, but for some reason, “anastasia” used to make me cry. i don’t even think it’s sad!! so i dunno wtf is going on there. hmm… what else… “my sassy girl” has…
(89) What book makes/made you cry? i don’t think that has happened.
(90) What song makes/made you cry? i think only one song has ever done that… “pet” by coco lee. oh shit, no, and “miss you” by westlife.
(91) What makes/made you laugh so hard you cried? i don’t think that has happened.

THREE TRULY RANDOM QUESTIONS
(92) Would you like to be cloned? good god no… one miserable life is enough! actually, yes, i would, because then she wouldn’t have to go thru any of the shit i’ve been thru, and maybe she’d be more normal. or maybe not. okay, i change my mind, no, no cloning of me.
(93) Do you wish you could be alive when the world was ending, just to experience it? actually, yes. yes, i do.
(94) Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango? yes i will.

THIS SURVEY
(95) Do you think that one hundred and one questions is too long? no, i like doing these things, because i enjoy wasting time.
(96) Do you think the one hundred interesting questions actually were interesting? could have been more interesting, fo sho.
(97) Are you sorry you began filling it out? no.
(98) What question do you wish it had asked? random shit.
(99) How would you have answered it? beautifully, just like all the rest.

THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
(100) When was the last time you let the people you love know you love them? it’s been a while. i don’t know. i rarely ever say the word love. not that i don’t mean it, but i just don’t like saying it at all.
(101) What do you want the people who are reading this survey to know? i <3 you… and i’m pretty sure i do <3 everyone that reads my journal… unless there are some random fauks who read it who i don’t know of who i don’t <3 =)

anyway, i don’t even care what i end up doing tonight, because it’s time to study. BAH. gonna get ownt. :/

—

december 4th, 2003 (epiphanies)

i’m listening to… “we’re not making love no more” by dru hill [r&b], “april showers” by dru hill [r&b], “if it makes you happy” by sheryl crow [alternative].
i’m feeling… ok.

6:02 pm — i always get these random epiphanies, and then i think of all these ways to do things better, but it never lasts for long.

epiphany time. i just called my grandpa on the way back from work (he lives in new jersey), because hell, i dont’ know… and i feel hella bad for him… my grandma is so sick… she just lies in bed all day… can’t poop, can’t wash, can’t even talk… :/ she still recognizes people and can kind of mumble stuff, and can nod her head and smile, i guess. it’s sad. i’m really glad we went to go see them last thanksgiving… and even though that was so fucking long ago, there’s not that much opportunity / money to go out there, and it’s scary because i’ve never had anyone i personally knew die and i don’t even know how i would react… it’s such an intangible idea but then it really is getting more and more tangible… and that’s fucking scary, and sad as hell. but yeah… grandma probably won’t last long, and grandpa works so hard to take care of her, and it just fucking sucks… :/ everything is just so fleeting!

which leads me to my next tangent… sherry was telling me today how i should figure out what i want and work to get it, because carpe diem, and all that fucking shit. and i agree, but it’s so hard and seems so godamn impractical… but you never know what might happen and you’d never know unless you tried… and there’s nothing worse than regret… right? so they say. :/ i guess i have been wanting and hoping so hard to make a dent anywhere, but perhaps one needs to take more risks to do such a thing… so epiphany of epiphanies, yet another need to change. meh.

and i am officially one broke biatch, because i have $2.37 in my bank account. wow, sad! i thought tomorrow was pay-day and i was all thrilled, but no, pay-day is the 10th… = death.

school is so fucking unimportant to me. derek transferred from uw to seattle art institute, and the more i think about it, the more i do want to go to art school myself. i have no idea why i am a fucking soc major… i should really try to be an art major, but my parents want me to graduate in 4 and uw art courses are just about impossible to get into… no joke. and competitive. what the hell is a girl to do? should i graduate and then go to art school?! should i just transfer?! i’m confused. what the hell would i end up doing with a soc major? do i even need to be an art major? cause i have experience! oOoh, rhetorical questions galore. BAH. getting so much closer to graduation, and THAT FUCKING SUCKS. :X

so of course my TA’s wouldn’t let me make up my biological anthro quiz, so now i need to fucking OWN the test… yeah fucking right. science kicks my godamn ass.

although esterday me and alex went on our environmental science 101 field trip to the imax theatre downtown to watch a 40-minute film on volcanoes… it was surprisingly very very interesting O__o;;

woot, my birthday is soon. ^^

—

december 2nd, 2003 (l-o-v-e, g-l-o-v-e)

i’m listening to… “away from the sun” by three doors down [alternative], “at your funeral” by saves the day [alternative], “disposition” by tool [metal].
i’m feeling… like… alright!

12:37 am — just came back from the vagrant tour show with anthony and we met up with ze 2 bretts and trask there… opening band was locomotive? or were they called no motive? anyway, i have all idea… all i know is that they were alright… they had one really good song called “independence day” but no one really wanted to listen to them anyway, and they didn’t get much respect heh. so off they go.

next was from autumn to ashes… i thought they were really good instrumentally and their first song was really really good… but then after that it just went downhill… and the lead singer screamed too much… but it was cool because their drummer sang too heh… that was neato speedo. =) the drummer also sang a full song when someone else played the drums for him but uh, i think h e was uberly high on drugs. yeah… not too great… they just need a new singer. -__- but they seemed to have a lot of fans, so eh.

and then reggie and the full effect… definitely the best act… quite funny indeed! they came out with hoaky santa costumes… and then did some songs… a lot of which i didn’t actually know :/ i wish they had played “from me 2 u” but w/e ~ and then we thought their set was over but then they came back on stage and performed “gloves” in like really tight gayish clothing… one was supposed to be prince and was dancing flamboyantly… and it was great ^^ but yeah i don’t think anyone knew reggie at first but then after they started performing everyone liked them a lot better and they actually got a lot of support when alkaline trio mentioned them later on.

alkaline trio was last and they were really good for like… the first four songs… and then i got really bored, and tired, and bored, and bored some more. and they didn’t play “blue carolina” cause they suck. -__- and no one crowd-surfed really til the last alkaline trio song and then it was just crazy… but no one fell (for once) and everyone got hella far… it was weird.

twas an okay show… really cool because the crowd was older than USUAL and it was generally happier, i think… lol cept when we moved up front for reggie trask was jumping around and this girl just kept trying to push him up as hard as she could… for like half of a whole song… and it was just the funniest thing haha i was laughing for like five minutes… so funneh. ^^

missed my quiz today cause i stayed up til 5 last night half-studying it and half-doing-other-stuffing-it… what an idgit. gonna try to make it up… hopefully the other TA lets me =(

allister is finally coming again on december 13th… with homegrown… but i’ll probably miss them again BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES THEM… GODAMMIT… this is like the third time lol. -__-

(anthony’s response:)
That show was OKAY. Reggie saved the day from being really unlikable. I cant wait to see Get Up Kids in March! You have to go with me! Well, I know you’ll go, so why do I even bother saying that. =) Let’s go see Vendetta Red, they are cool. =) Alright, hope you’re test/quiz situation goes well. I’ll see you later bub.

(allen’s response:)
Wow, this reply thing is psychodelic. I feel like I’m writing on MS Word 1 for Windows 3.1. Reggie is really good. I like I like. And you listen to too much other music that I have no idear, my dear.

november 29th, 2003 (drive in’s > you)

i’m listening to… “breathing” by yellowcard [pop-punk], “a bigger mood” by american hi-fi [pop-punk], “white flag” by dido [trip-hop, or something], “get along” by morcheeba [trip-hop], “i want to hear you sad” by the early november [emo], “safe and sound” by sheryl crow [alternative].
i’m feeling… alright.

2:30 am — hehe, so full… just came back and ate salad, clam chowder, milk duds, and crackers. YAY… home = uberfatness… but who gives a rat’s ass yay!

quite the interesting day today… INTERESTING INDEEED. oh fuck, now that i think about it, i left crap in the car. must go get later. no sleep for me tonight anyways, since i’m still awake and i haven’t packed yet and i have to leave for me aeroplano @ 5:30 am T__T”

rawr. contacts paining eyeballs. anyways, during the day i went with jennie and my brother to hayward and we were gonna go eat sushi but all the sushi places were closed (cause it was like 3 pm and they didn’t open til 5)… so we just stopped by togo’s and ate sandwiches there but they were all NASTY AS FUCK… and we went to the dollar store and the nearby fabric store for like couple hours almost haha… it was great fun!! got cool stuff from the dollar store… I LOVE THE DOLLAR STORE!! =) i need to get paid omg… broke as a joke w0rd!

anyways. @ night me and sherry went on a date to the drive-in movie theatre… rawr! i think it was all couples there but us… -__-” such a weird place for two girls to be, but it was SO EXCITING… freaking… okay, we met up @ wal-mart @ 9:00 and bought some shit… then drove down there, only the motherfucking directions on yahoomaps told us to make a left when we came off the highway when we really had to make a right… so we missed the beginning of “school of rock” and decided to watch “radio” since it just started… and now i’m wondering, ‘WHY THE FUCK DID I EVER WANT TO SEE THAT MOVIE?!’ it was horrendous. i knew it was going to be a feel-good-type movie because that’s how the previews were and that’s how the reviews were, but omfg, so cheezy as hell! and it’s based off a true story which makes me wonder how cheezy it was in real life! it was seriously painful to sit through, and for some reason all the screens were hella bright except for that screen (there were six screens), so like… cuba gooding jr. blended into the black sky and shit… and we couldn’t make out any features on anyone… there was one football player in the movie that me and sherry decided arbitrarily was cute but we could not even be sure because it was so blurry and dark. -__-” anyway, after our movie ended the other screens started showing movies, so me and sherry could barely decide what movie to watch… there was “cat in the hat”, “the haunted mansion”, “timeline”, and “bad santa”… so we ended up watching “the haunted mansion” because it was right next to us… it was alright… better than “radio”, but any number of those movies would have been better. -__-” i was hoping they’d show something better, but nOo… it was cool though because it only cost $6.25 per person and you could technically just stay there as long as you wanted and watch all of those movies. the sound came from FM radio stations… they tell you the station when you first enter but if you really wanted to you could search around and get all the other stations for the other movies too. EXCITING I TELL YOU! EXCITING!! EXCITING!! i’m going to make everyone go next time, and we’re just going to SIT THERE… ALL DAY… WATCHING MOVIES! it’ll be fucking great. ^__^ X__x see, it doesn’t even matter that all the movies we watched sucked ass… TWAS STILL EXCITING X__x

i’m never going to shutup because i keep thinking of things to write.

chinese families really do show their love through FOOD man… lol… caucasian families are all like touchy lovey-dovey and stuff, but no, my parents just keep feeding me. heh. and then make fun of me when i’m fat. XP go figure.

and also… I FEAR 2004 ELECTIONS! kind of early, but i really do think there is a good chance of bush being re-elected because people are just THAT stupid. i mean, just when you think people can’t get any dumber, they do (also, like in the movie “radio”… just when you think it can’t get any cheezier, it DOES). there is quite a chance! quite a chance indeeeeeeeeed. X__x” >( >( stupid states that need to be annexed. XP the people who are more accepting of bush are generally less educated and more religious… BoOo… i want to move to europe. seriously. i would love to live in england… i’m not entirely sure about every other place because i haven’t been anywhere else in europe in a while, but i’m sure it’s all better than the u.s., shiznack! WHO’S WITH ME!? X__x

ah but yes, thinking of politics just reminds me how LUCKY i am to have my job. SERIOUSLY. i work with like… a couple of 50+ year olds, and some late 20’s / early 30’s people… and they’re all sOoOo awesome… they’re all like UBER liberal and stuff, even though they don’t really look like it at all… it’s so cool… that’s probably WHY i can get away with getting $10 an hour for chatting on AIM with pink hair and eyebrow piercings and black nails… and deciding when i want to go home and when i want to come in without them hassling me… seriously, it’s the most awesome job i could ask for… =P and i must say that walking 2 mi everyday - although it sucks - isn’t so bad nowadays. dude, when a 50+ year old lady is telling me how she likes my pink hair and other older folk are telling me i should dye it purple… that’s MONEY. i should be more content than i am. ^^ in general. TWORK IT OUT. i want to listen to some usher. -__-’ too bad it is nowhere to be found.

—

november 28th, 2003 (broke as a joke)

i’m listening to… “bigger than my body” by john mayer [rock].
i’m feeling… -___-”

1:18 am — boring… a bunch of people came over and we just played texas hold-em since like… 9 pm… bleh… too much… X__x” buy-in was $20 but i only put in $10 and i was up $13 for a while but eh just ended up getting back to even… which is good enough for me. they’re still gambling it out but i’m too bored to continue. -__-” my dad lost like sixty bucks… mostly to my brother, who’s up ninety… wtf. -__-” i wish i had that monies. i’m broke as a joke.

speaking of broke as a joke, went shopping with xinlei and sherry this morning and met up with jeanette and tin-win part the time… got new earrings from the icing and a t-shirt from nordstrom’s… free! i like free. ^__^ X__x life sux0r buttz0r. been eating so much food at home, bah, soon it will be time to return to half-vegetarianism back @ skoolio. >__< sigh. kill me now.

eyes are feeling heavy
but they never seem to close.
and even though you’re next to me,
i still feel so alone.
i just can’t give you anything
for you to call your own.
and i can hear you breathing;
it’s keeping me awake.
could you stop my heart?
it’s always beating…
sinking like a wave.
YELLOWCARD - BREATHING.—

noevmber 26th, 2003 (happy holiday unworthy of celebration)

i’m listening to… “tiny vessels” by death cab for cutie [emo], “the new year” by death cab for cutie [emo], “okay” by swirl 360 [alternative], “i miss you” by blink 182 [pop-punk]… give me a break, i only loaded a handful of mp3’s onto this computer and i’m already sick of them all X__x’ and my parents won’t let us use kazaa because they’re skerd.
i’m feeling… okay.

12:46 am — just watched “elf”… the new will ferrell movie O__x he is good as a big kid. it was funny… a lot funnier than i thought it would be, but not as funny as other people said it was. kind of a bit too early for christmas, though, but in a ways i suppose it’s not that far off X__x”

thanksgiving, aka turkey death day and holiday that should not even be celebrated, today! yey! we love the killin of some injuns. -__-” -__-” we had the oddest thanksgiving… jini, andy, and maryanne came over, and our parents ordered some turkey and fried rice (which was really freaking gross)… from a chinese restaurant… and some yams, and stuffing, and crap. like that. w0rd. we don’t normally eat turkey… we normally eat ham, but it was good D: and then we played some texas hold-em, and top two losers (in this case, jini and andy), were supposed to go meet allen @ 2:30 because he is going to sleep out in front of best buy for sales tomorrow… WHY?! no one really knows… i mean, sales, good, yay, but that’s a little too hardcore. might as well dress up as chewbacca, shiet… it’s cold as fauk too! X__x anyway, losers were supposed to “bump into him” @ best buy @ 2:30 and bring him coffee and crap… HEH… HAH! -__- well whatever… shopping tomorrow with some homegirls and my MOM… which means, hopefully she can buy me stuff, because i’m BROKE AS A JOKE, homie g.

eww sluts are gross T__T :/ i know there is a societal double-standard for the whole sex thing (and that’s bad)… how guys are allowed to have a lot of sex with different people and it’s somewhat okay but when girls have a lot of sex with different people it’s automatically that she is a huge slutball… but i can’t help it; it really does bother me a lot more when girls have a lot more sex… perhaps because guys are generally hornier and talk about sex a lot more than girls so i think it’s more uh! normal. or something. i know that’s not a morally-sound judgment to make, but i can’t help it!! who knows. it’s a mystery. i wish i brought home my guitar… i have so much time on my hands during the day @ home… and i bet i could learn something. i need to get my mothafuckin computer out of my ROOM in washington… because it is such a huge godamn distraction… sometimes i really do wish i had a laptop instead. -__-” i would be 40,000x more productive if i didn’t have a computer in my room… no joke.

i just finished re-reading this book called “norweigan wood” by haruki murakami… first time i read it i must not really have been paying attention, because i didn’t remember a godamned thing. anyway, some parallels with my own life… very odd… very odd indeed.

death cab for cutie has some of the most amazing songs… and possibly some on the other end of the spectrum as well, but that is of little importance. the lyrics, the lyrics, the lyrics. oOh ah…! good shit.

i spent two weeks in silverlake -
the california sun cascading down my face.
there was a girl with light brown streaks,
and she was beautiful, but she didn’t mean a thing to me.
i wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
as we moved together in the dark
and all the friends that i was telling
and all the playful misspellings
and every bite i gave you left a mark.
tiny vessels oozed into your neck
and formed the bruises
that you said you didn’t want to fade,
but they did, and so did i that day.
all i see are dark grey clouds in the distance moving closer every hour.
so when you ask, “was something wrong?”
“you’re damn right there is,
but we can’t talk about it now.
no, we can’t talk about it now.”
so, one last touch and then you’ll go,
and we’ll pretend that it meant something so much more.
but it was vile, and it was cheap,
and you are beautiful, but you don’t mean a thing to me.
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE - TINY VESSELS.—

november 25th, 2003 (rawr!)

i’m listening to… “lightness” by death cab for cutie [emo], “i miss you” by blink-182 [pop-punk].
i’m feeling… okay!

7:51 pm — god this song is so good haha D:

soooooo yesterday i went to work, ladida… actually it was cool because i was supposed to hurry and finish this issue of the magazine before thanksgiving break, but “i didn’t have enough time” so they didn’t rush me to finish it… AND we had like an hour of gOofing off to celebrate one of the ladies’ birthdays ^__^ we had like english-styled tea party… teehee! good deal!

@ night me and trask went to watch “kill bill”… the first third of the movie i thought was just AMAZING… one of the funniest things i’ve seen in a long time, and really good because the humor was so subtle and it was just funny because of how absurd things seemed to be… and how the humorous things were not blatant, but in the small details (ie… these 1337 stealthy assasins with gigantic cell phones the size of their heads, which i thought was hilarious, but i was the only one laughing… but then again, the theatre only had like eight people in it… ooh and this badass cartoon yakuza member with like this 1337 samurai sword and all these rings but the last ring he wore was a skull ring with a giant heart on its forehead HAHA). bleh. and then they started fighting. and then i started crying T__T okay, lies, but the middle fighting part was way too long, and boring, and got old fast, and i thought the movie was EH after it ended but the more i think about it, the better it is, because it’s intentionally supposed to be cheeztacular and sorta spOofy, so… in that sense, it’s genius. D:

so i just got back to cali a couple hours ago… SO RELAXING YAYYYYYY… even though omfg, it took two hours to get home from OAKLAND because of the godamn traffic. CRAZY. -__-” haha my dad hates my hair… he’s like, “blonde would be okay, but pink!?” my mom thinks it’s okay though… whatever, it’s better than an eyebrow piercing, right?? and my brother has like 4 tattOos so like, so what? and we had CRAB for DINNER yay… it’s been so long yay!!! X__x’ gonna go see the girlios later for some typical boba and pooling… oh, nothing ever changes here in the bay D:

necesitamos ir a snowboarding, bastardos!!!

jeanette’s away msg: “my friend viv is cool. she has pink hair, likes to sorta party, but not to meet new people. :-D” how true…! sorta.

—

november 24th, 2003 (x__X)

i’m listening to… MORCHEEBA MORCHEEBA MORCHEEBA [trip-hop]… sOoOo money!!!
i’m feeling… X__x

3:25 am — people are highly bothersome today. ^__^

today me and eva went to uwaji’s and costco and crap, and bought all sorts of useless but good stuff. man, where does the monies go D:

then andrew came over because he wants me to go to the lambda thanksgiving dinner on tuesday but i don’t think i’ll be able to make it, sOo i told him i’d bake a pie with him, and so we did, cept we bought too much of everything and now –> 3 pumpkin pies… which is too much, because pumpkin pies are fucking disgusting. but yeah… i don’t eat that crap, so i invited a bunch of monkeys over, and they finished off the pie… THANKS GOD… ^__^ i am pleaseeeeeed. seriously, cooking is so fun haha.

so i’ve figured it out after a conversation with eva today… I WANT A COMBINATION OF THE TWO! w0rd.

—

november 23rd, 2003 (inconceivable!)

i’m listening to… “a goodnight’s sleep” by the starting line [pop-punk], “bonethrower” by the revolution smile [metal], “bc anthem” by brodie [pop-punk], “with or without you” by u2 [rock].
i’m feeling… X__x

4:03 am — too much stuff to do, too little time. work is killing me :X

today i woke up @ like 3 and lewis came over and we played guitar and sang for a while… fun times… singing is the shiznit and a half… although god, singing to jay zhou is sooo hard because i can’t read chinese as fast as he says it :/ requires some amount of practice >__<

and then we went to qfc with eva, hsu-ken, alex and gareth and bought some shit for dinner… but then those bitches ditched us, so me and hsu-ken tried making soupy noodle chinese-style shit and it wasn’t that good… just kind of plain… but it wasn’t GROSS… so good deal :/ edible is good >__< just kind of plain T__T ohhh yes and watched “the princess bride”… that movie fucking rocks… forever! i love it, i love it, i love it, i love it. but you know what i really want to watch, godammit?! “radio”… dammit!

inconceivable! … i need to read the book. jyes!

so i got like a 3.0 on my sociology midterm and a 3.5 on my ess… somewhat satisfied, but not enough. XP

oh so like the other day i was doing my sociology lab and there was t his couple in there and they just boggled my mind, because the guy was doing all the work for the girl (who seemingly didn’t know anything)… and the thing is that i see them in class everyday and he doesn’t even pay attention… the whole time he just stares at her. seriously, it bugs the crap out of me and i want to throw pencils at them because it just looks… wrong. i mean, 40 minutes, and he doesn’t even look at the teacher at ALL; he just stares at her! wtf! so weird X: i’d say it’s perhaps that i’m jealous, but i don’t know… that’s just creepy.

my sewing machine is here and i don’t even have time to pick it up!! today i went @ 4 -> office closed. monday and tuesday, i school @ 8:30 and then work til 6/7 –> office closed. wednesday –> home to cali. AAAAGH. kill me. or just give me a ride to the airport D:

—

november 22nd, 2003 (jap ppl = fukt up)

i’m listening to… the starting line’s “say it like you mean it” album [pop-punk].
i’m feeling… X__x

1:13 am — omifreaking god, i just watched probably the most retarded movie i’ve ever seen in my life… twas a japanese movie called “suicide club”… OMFG SO BAD… didn’t make sense at all… there was only one part that was semi-promising, and i thought it was the ending, and i was satisfied, but then it turned out to be the middle of the movie… and then from there it was EVEN MORE SHITTY… good god!!! japanese people are fukt up dude. fucking chol and jennie… why the hell would you rent a movie like that X__x

i want to shrOom and watch “cat in the hat”, seriously… too bad i have a $70-no-drugs bet and therefore i cannot… DAMMIT… ARGGGH.

god, i love lyrics… :/ it’s like my two most important things… writing + music = insta-love.

for lack of better words to say,
all i said was goodnight.
once again in self-defense,
i won’t sleep a wink to prevent dreaming of you.
you can sleep in your own bed tonight.
sleep away a summer’s pain,
screaming out my name.
you can sleep in your own bed tonight…
i hope for your sake
that you don’t wake up
as broken as i am.
THE STARTING LINE - A GOODNIGHT’S SLEEP.
(repeated lyric, but oh well!!!) btw, new offspring cd was out today… must listen since g was nice enough to send it to me ^__^

—

 november 23rd, 2003 (fuck is a beautiful word)

i’m listening to… “retrovertigo” by mr. bungle [?! rock?!], “long days, long nights” by mest [pop-punk].
i’m feeling… X__x

12:09 am — my roommate’s are fucking hoebags… they had this fucking cookie sheet that didn’t even have any shit on it that neither me NOR eva used … and they left a fucking post-it note on it saying “wash me”… and it was there for some fucking days, and we didn’t touch it because it isn’t our shit, and then one of them moved that fucking shit to the sink with the post-it still on it… and eva ended up washing it because i don’t really know why… fucking hoes… wash your own fucking shit and don’t bitch at us when we don’t wash ours right away wtf. i hate these kind of girls AAAGH. if you’re going to be bitchy, just be a fucking bitch. don’t try to be all nice and sugarcoat it and be subtle bitch of the fucking year. fucking hoes.

so yeah i made a new co-worker friend and yay, new snowboarding buddy! ^__^

have to go buy concert tickets for alkaline trio and reggie and the full effect and blehhhh !!!

dude so me, arlen, matt, and andy went to new china express tonight for dinner… and guess what my fortune cookie’s fortune was?! “it would be wise to cut your expectations in half.” wtf! i thought those things were supposed to be happy. whatever, though, i’m going to take its advice :X as it were so simple. CONSIDER MY EXPECTATIONS CUT IN HALF!!

if i could be anything at all,
i’d be an angel - spread my wings and fly away.
but i’m stuck here on the ground,
so i’ll see you around;
you’ll hear me piss and moan and complain.
long days, long nights,
the feeling’s just not right.
i pick up a pen and pad and i start to write,
thinking about our last fight;
it was a cold and rainy night.
i coulda guessed the day would come
that you would consider me scum.
the day is here;
all the signs were there.
and i always prayed that you would stay,
but instead you walked away. the feeling’s gone;
the pain dwells on.
MEST - LONG DAYS, LONG NIGHTS.(nate’s response:)
Do you need your friendly resident CA to come down and kick some ass?

(my response:)
omfg please do, and feel free to steal her QUESADILLA MAKER and HARD-BOILED EGG MAKER… i mean, WTF!

 november 19th, 2003 (how to fix?!)

i’m listening to… “stay the night” by imx [r&b], “change” by baby vox [korean], “pyramid song” by radiohead [rock].
i’m feeling… -__-;;

11:41 pm — rawr.

i’m skered.

so yeah… i have a lot of stuff on my mind. i’ve come to conclude that one of the sexiest things about people is confidence… not over-bearing confidence, because that is bad news… but some degree of confidence where you can do the things you want and get the things you want is quite important :/ and i want that…!! need to work on it. i used to have some amount of confidence in myself and my abilities, but through the years… i don’t really know… it disappeared somehow… and now i am just this fidgety, weird-ass, always-nervous weirdass. oh, i already said weirdass. :/ it’s weird, because no matter how comfortable i am with people and how comfortable i am telling them shit and whatever, i still am all fidgety and nervous… and i guess a lot of the stuff i do makes people think that i’m not interested in what they’re saying when that may not likely be the case. :\ needs fixing. how to fix?! needs fixing. i hate my life.

you so skandalouz.

(eva’s response:)
Hey roomie V, i noticed your journal entries changed a lot lately, it’s really reflective. =) mm, k, back to hot indian men!

—

november 18th, 2003 (bruised & broken)

i’m listening to… “hi-fi killer” by american hi-fi [pop-punk], “fucking in the bushes” by oasis [elektronic-rock?!], “punk” by ferry corsten (icey rmx) [breaks]… omfg, i forgot how good of a song ” punk” was X__x”’ tis the song i got my cs name from, yep indeedy X__x”’
i’m feeling… mmm i dont’ know.

link of the day — http://www.gaypimp.com/media/video/soccer_practice/ soccer_practice_300.wmv ~ oh my god. lol… lol.

11:49 pm — seriously, dude… it’s quite the phenomenon… i get more bruises and cuts everyday and existing ones get bigger and shit… WTF IS WRONG WITH ME X__x”’ i think i’m beating myself up in my sleep or something X__x”’ FIGHT-CLUB STYLE!!! ^__^

soooo busy these days… just now was the first time i’ve studied in like two weeks bleh!!! have been working everyday and NOT going to class because i am a deadbeat and i keep accidentally ( ‘accidentally’) sleeping through classes… mer.

yay josh and chol picked me up from work today AND fed me good fooooood… w00t. >__< and man, i’m sorry, but “tony hawk underground” is a retarded game.

shit to do:
- STUDY GODAMMIT.
- GO TO CLASS GODAMMIT.
- write back letters to jeanette, xinlei, dahye, and diana.
- turn in time sheet and get PAID.
- christmas presents / cards. X__x”’
- do singing / guitar thing with lewis for “duvet” by boa and “tornado” by jay zhou!
- play tennis!!!
- mail e-bay packages X__x”’ and track down e-bay whores who haven’t paid me my money!!!
- finish this month’s o2 magazine X__x”’
- get my mind back.
… and stuff!!!

my brother is moving to seattle…
… … … … … is all i have to say.

kill me now.

—

november 17th, 2003 (soco amaretto lime)

i’m listening to… “i dream” by tilt [trance], “glow” by alien ant farm [alternative], “into the sun” by lock [trance], “for you i will” by monica [r&b].
i’m feeling… k k k.

12:05 am — omfg, seriously, you need to listen to “glow” by alien ant farm… i have no idea if it’s really a good song or what, but i just find it soooo catchy… bouncy, happy, stuff!!! i’ve listened to it at least 15 times today ><

so i went to work today for the first time in a while… accidentally slept through all my classes though… oOpS… :/ >__< went to brand new concert @ night time with jessica, anthony, adam, and kevin… and saw a bunch of other fOols there… i’m freaking happy cause they played “the no seatbelt song” and “soco amaretto lime”… both of which i didn’t think they would play. unfortunately, i’m too old for these concerts and moshing and crap now, and it sucks. -__-” there were three openers… hot rod circuit (who were okay), eisly (who had two girls for lead vocals… their music was terrific, but too sleep-inducing… and the vocals were a little too screechy), and the first band was a local band called acceptance (they were actually pretty damn good… probably my favorite of all the opening bands). but damn, brand new is such a good band to see live… they actually give good breaks from moshing and build-ups and stuff… w0rd. whatever. kill me.

and man, the front and center of the crowd = death. i seriously thought i was going to break something. and now i have like a 6 inch long gash on my neck from my necklace WOOT decapitation. -__- and a four inch long gash on my arm which appeared out of nowhere… ehhh.

haha oh yeah and i brought my disposable camera to use up my film and i ended up wasting it all in the alley because they said we weren’t allowed to bring cameras in… AND THEN THEY ENDED UP NOT CHECKING!! fucking hoes.

sign up for this please… whoever’s group gets the most people to sign up for it get to split the monies… ^__^ our group is in 16th place right now. ah yes, the test for who are bigger internet geeks >__<

wow and eva bought a $350 acoustic guitar… tis niiiice.

hmmm yeah. and these past couple of days have been UH interesting. on sat hsu-ken took me to alderwood in exchange for ice cream, lol. good trade if you ask me… then there was a parti @ brett [pwn]’s neato six-bedroom house… yes, and it equaled much drunkeness… no need to elaborate here…!!!! X_x” and jinnie’s shoes owned my feet hardcore… bleh.

so it’s sad this doesn’t suit you now;
and me fresh out of rope…
please ignore the lisp;
i never meant to sound like this.
so take me and break me,
and make me strong like you.
i’ll be forever grateful to
this and you.
fix me to a chain around your neck;
wear me like a nickel.
even new wine served in old skins
will cheapen the taste.
i shot the pilot;
i’m begging you to fly this for me.
i’m here for you to use,
broken and bruised…
do you understand?
it’s only you - beautiful…
or i don’t want anyone else.
if i can choose, it’s only you.
BRAND NEW - THE NO SEATBELT SONG.—

november 14th, 2003 (har)

i’m listening to… “i don’t wanna kiss you goodnight” by lfo [r&b], “lips like warm coffee” by s#arp [korean r&b], and more motherfucking something corporate… i don’t know… i just can’t get enough of this sap crap lately. and by lately i mean always… eh… now it’s sr-71.
i’m feeling… alright.

11:59 am — mMm r&b is money!! money i tell you!!

heh i remember during like sophomore year of high school i wanted more guys to be my best friends, and now i think i should never have wished that. i miss having girl friends in washington, lol… guys are cool, yeah, and they’re so much more laid-back and less dramatical… but there are just some things you need girl friends for!!!!! and i think there’s almost always SOME amount of harrassment when you’re with 90% of guys, lol. you kick my dog! you try to confrOoze! i’mma make the damnest coolest christmas presents this year, you hoes. betta recognize.

anyway i applied for another web / graphic design job for some science department @ uw today… only because my current job only gives me like 30 hours a month, which is not nearly enough money

2:12 am –bought a bunch of crap at joann’s fabric / craft store today for christmas presents that im gonna make… i think this shit is going to be cool and i like the idea a lot, but i don’t really know what other people will think of it… cause it’s cheap, and dinky, but iono, i think it’ll be neat :/

—

noevmber 13th, 2003 (n00bs)

i’m listening to… something corporate’s “north” album [emoy-punk… which isn’t even a genre].
i’m feeling… alright… kinda sleepy.

10:17 pm — n00btacular.

so i had to register this morning at 6 o’clock, and i pretty much didn’t finish arbitrarily picking out classes until like 3… so i decided to stay up and just register… and then stay up some more until my 9:30 class… heh. and trask had to stay up and do his polisci readings, so we decided to stay up… ah, n00bs… so he came over at like 3:30 and we watched “bruce almighty” (which is like, so funny) and “naruto”… har! and it was all good… and i registered… and i’ve changed my classes since then, but i’m pretty sure that for sure my classes are now:

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
10:30	ENGL 198 T MEB 251	SOC 212 AH MLR 301	ENGL 198 T MEB 251	SOC 212 AH MLR 301	SOC 212 AH CHL 021
11:00
11:30
12:00
12:30	POL S 204 AF KNE 110	POL S 204 AF MLR 302B	POL S 204 AF KNE 110	POL S 204 AF MLR 302B	POL S 204 AF KNE 110
1:00

yeah, isn’t it gorgeous? fuck yeah, you know it is. take a class with me. if you go to uw, that is.

so yeah me and trask stayed up some more being delirious and he left at like… 8:40 cause i had to get ready for class… and he was supposed to go home and read but he ended up falling asleep and missing his class for his quiz!!!! and i ended up not going to my environmental science lab cause i was too tired, so… um! bad… so i have to make it up saturday morning. damn, we’re ” fucking n00bs”.

bah i have an environmental science paper due tomorrow too… and i just want to sleep :d

dude so we went to sakura’s for dinner tonight and that like… thirteen people or something… and we sat upstairs (wtf, sakura has an upstairs?!) and they gave us free chicken katsu and crap. good freaking deal.

so yeah!!! me and eva shalt going to go buy stuff for christmas presents tomorrow ^__^ i’m excited, provided things turn out even remotely close to how i want them to… *crossing fingers. meh yeah i think i’m going to go to sleep and wake up early to do my paper lol. sleeping @ 10:30… SWEET!!!

i’m under attack again my dear;
i’m in the way.
got no resolutions,
no clever anecdotes to say.
and still, if i yell at the top of my lungs,
will it be the same?
i’d fly you a flag;
i’d bury this pen into my veins.
i wanna feel for you tonight,
but i won’t make you.
* SOMETHING CORPORATE - I WON’T MAKE YOU *—

november 11th, 2003 (00:00)

i’m listening to… finch’s “what it is to burn” album [punky-metal… which is not even a genre].
i’m feeling… –’ okay?

11:59 pm — jeanette’s buddy profile from a conversation we had earlier today:
“dontSQUASHthebug: im retarded
veeeeeveeeee: i know but what this time
what are best buddies for”

rgr that.

*gargle… i’ve been drinking way too much lately… i drank monday night because tuesday (today) was veteran’s day, and hence, no school. went to chol, josh, and seungbum’s apartment… they were there and so were marcela, cynthia, grace, sam, derek, andrea, and sung and tony came by for a little while… oh, and grace and sam’s friend who i once again forgot the name of -__-”

took like 7-8 shots of this weird ass blue raspberry-mixed vodka shit… oh my fucking nasty… garg… nasty just thinking about it. and uhhh coronas with limes actually aren’t too bad. when it comes to beer that is. but it might have been because i was drunk. so yeah…
- puked like 3-4 times in a row…
- made a lot of phone calls (sorry if i phoned you and it was not to your liking, but TOO FUCKING BAD YOU SHOULD FEEL SPECIAL! ^^)
- got harrassed by drunken josh (o… m… g…!)
- and kicked everyone’s asses in puzzlefighter and soul calibur 3 because for some reason i’m mad good @ videogames when i’m drunk…
- ate good ass korean food that grace and co made…
- made derek draw a monkey for me cause he is uber artist and transferred to seattle art institute (lucky ass)… yay…!!

so this year i really want to make something cool for everyone for christmas… it’s going to be handmade… i’m not 100% sure what i want to do yet, but i have some ideas in mind… i just don’t know if they are PLAUSIBLE.

today me, mike [cheung], dan and janine went to play tennis on uw campus… damn, i’m a lot crappier now… but oh well… it’s okay.. still fun -__-” then went out to eat dinner @ hosoonyi’s with sebastian, wingo, judy, and rotana (???)… hella freaking random… not sure why i was even invited, but whatever, that is another story.

god, finch is so good. i remember when they first came out with “what it is to burn” album i liked them hella hella hella… actually… i think they were one of the first punk / emo albums i ever bought since i am still relatively n0oby to the whole scene… anyway, and then i saw them at warped tour and the lead singer just really turned me off… but they’re still good -__-” i just can’t stand lead singers when they scream way too much … he wasn’t even singing… just screaming… wonder if that has changed. i’d still go see them, though.

she burns…
today’s on fire.
the sky is bleeding above me, and i am blistered.
i walk these lines of blasphemy every day,
and still…
like a bad star, i’m falling faster down to her.
she’s the only one who knows what it is to burn.
today is fire, and she burns.
FINCH - WHAT IT IS TO BURN. —

noevmber 9th, 2003 (bittar!)

i’m listening to… “only ashes” by something corporate [emo].
i’m feeling… sick.

1:28 pm — i find it ridiculous that once someone in the art or music or whatever world establishes a fan base, they can do whatever the fuck they want and even if it’s ridiculous, there will still be a decent amount of people who look to it in awe. actually… i’m mostly talking about the art world. but perhaps i am just bittar because i’m not there. well… no ‘perhaps’, it’s more like ‘certainly’.

6:08 pm –watching the news always depresses the fuck out of me. people are sooooo fucked up iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii think we should just all die.

so yesterday i wanted to drink - and well, i did… and now i’m never drinking wine coolers or mike’s hard lemonade or whatever bitch drinks ever again… i’m convinced something about fruit + hard alcohol = bad, because i got like rashes and shit… and i didn’t even finish one wine cooler and i felt hella freaking sick… odd. has been a while since i’ve gotten that kind of shit… but yeah… no more… only hard a from now on, lol… which is the way i like it anyway… so it’s all good.

—

november 8th, 2003 (>__<)

i’m listening to… drum’n'bass, fo shizzo nizzo.
i’m feeling… shabbeh.

10:05 pm — hmmmm. whatever.

today was an odd day… woke up, went to qfc with lewis, came home, made some milkshakes (mmm bananas), and shit, and played guitar for like three hours… learned… a little… but i am weak-sauce and i just pretty much need to practice that shit more. janno? -__-; janno? janno. it’s so fun singing along to songs when people play… damn, yo… i want to be a rockstar. rofl. but don’t we all.

bah. crushes… crushes suck