inside the wonderful world of vee

not to generalize or be racialist (lol) but… to generalize and be racialist… asian women drivers suck. i say this as an asian woman driver. why would i say this? stories such as this.

***

vee: we still on for tonite?
tony: neg, no can do.
vee: i see flakesauce
tony: mom just broke my garage
tony: and her car
vee: JAJAJAJA
vee: how did she break garage
tony: so gotta fix
vee: …
tony: left door open in car
tony: back out
tony: bye bye car door
tony: bye bye garage

***

lingo: omg
lingo: that is unreal
vee: indeed
lingo: too unreal
vee: haha
vee: ive heard of similar
vee: such as
vee: backing car into garage door while garage door still closed
lingo: oh i’ve got one
lingo: this lady was driving me home from church when i was little
lingo: and instead of breaking when she crept up the driveway
lingo: she accelerated
lingo: and ran through the garage door and into my brother’s brand new car
vee: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
vee: .. asian ..?
lingo: very old asian
lingo: so at that point it didn’t matter what ethnicity she was
lingo: she’s just old as hell
vee: hahaha
vee: did she stop driving
vee: probably not
lingo: hell no

different brand, different dosage, same shit.

so, my roommate alex has sleeping problems consistently. he is often insomniatic. as a result, he takes melatonin occasionally to help him sleep. for those who don’t know, melatonin is a natural hormone that helps regulate sleep. 1mg will help most individuals with sleeping problems fall asleep.

what interested me about melatonin was that it is known to increase the vividness of dreams. many psychoactive drugs like LSD increase melatonin synthesis. so i mean, of course i wanted to try it out.

but the thing is… i don’t have a sleeping problem, dammit. not anymore.

last night i took 1mg of melatonin and it fucking kicked my ass. i took it at 10:30pm and started feeling a bit groggy but stayed up doing some redefine work. it definitely helped my concentration as far as doing work went. went to bed at 11:45pm and it was all good.

but i didn’t fall asleep til 2:30am. every time i was right about to fall asleep, i would wake myself up, and i’m not sure why. that experience has happened before to me — the falling asleep and waking oneself up in a panic… but i don’t know why it was happening this time. the sleep you get from taking melatonin is a weird one — your body feels extremely heavy and hard to control almost. i guess i didn’t like that feeling. it’s like the feeling you get when you take nyquil to sleep. extremely, extremely heavy. there’s no other way to describe it. and i simply just couldn’t get comfortable. every position was like BLARGHHHH.

anyway. went to sleep at like 2:30am and woke up at 6:30am as chris was getting up to go to work and stomping around with his boots. and then again at 8:00am when alex got up or something. i don’t know, though, the whole evening was a nightmare.

and what’s more… i did it largely for the dreams. AND MY DREAMS FUCKING SUCKED. they were no more vivid than usual (i have pretty vivid dreams as it is)… and what’s even worse is they contained practically no storyline whatsoever. so even if i were able to recall it more vividly than usual, i wouldn’t want to. the last dream i had was about going into the sprint store and saying that i didn’t want my current new phone because i wanted to get a nokia, and would i be able to use a nokia phone on my sprint plan? AKA: FECKING BORING.

AGHHH. what a waste of my brain and my sleep. so now i’m at work, tired as fuck ass. i think i will take a nap at my desk. pwr nap for the win.

gee, i don’t know, maybe the fact that it’s a twenty foot python has something to do with it…?

i’m watching… “angela’s ashes”.

pwny (5:05:11 PM): what are your wknd plans?
vee (5:05:39 PM): i dunno
vee (5:05:41 PM): art class tomrorow
vee (5:05:51 PM): semi-pro wrestling match tomorrow eve
vee (5:05:54 PM): 4/20 on sunday? hee hee
pwny (5:06:11 PM): lol, semi-pro wrestling….
vee (5:06:15 PM): indeed, rofls
vee (5:06:17 PM): we’ll see how that goes
pwny (5:06:28 PM): who’s idea was this
pwny (5:06:45 PM): whose, who had this idea, wahtever
vee (5:07:27 PM): lol well
vee (5:07:31 PM): its a concert/wrestling thing in one
vee (5:07:34 PM): so i figured it appropriate for redefine
pwny (5:08:00 PM): concert/wrestling?
pwny (5:08:12 PM): this is unusual
pwny (5:08:22 PM): semi-pro band?
pwny (5:08:41 PM): better yet, semi-pro band who are also semi-pro wrestlers?!
pwny (5:08:49 PM): the mediocrity would be overwhelming

***

above statement definitely made me LOL.

every time i’m down i find that i contemplate life so much more deeply. being comfortable never created much for anybody, i don’t think. the best art and the best writing comes out of tortured souls…….. why is that?

last week at sohaila’s art show, her new stuff was probably her best stuff that i have seen. it was fucking spectacular and very different from her previous things that i’ve seen. blew the other shit at that show right out of the water. and she’s going through a rough time too, and it’s as though channeling those negative energies always turns into something nicer. maybe in our self-loathing, we find more time for extracurricular activities?!!!

i haven’t turned much to art of any sort for a while now. i’ve found it to be rather frustrating since i’ve been out of school for it, to try and find time for making it. even in the simplest of daily ways, it has been hard to find a second or two to slow down and chill out and just draw some useless shit. but i’m making time these days. partially inspired by talking to so many artists recently and partially inspired by the fact that i have a blank sketchbook sitting around and partially inspired by the fact that these days i just need to focus my mind elsewhere.

and i will keep it all. even if it’s ugly or not fully realized, i’d might as well keep it, cause why not. it might be embarrassing later, but it’s always good to have an idea of where you came from. i find that when i read my old journal entries from 2001 or whatever, they are so embarrassing i can barely stand to read them. but then… without having had an idea of where i really was at that time, i’d never be able to understand how much i’ve changed and how far i’ve come. in my mind’s eye, outside of writing, i’ve probably been about the same person, although with shifted interests. in actuality, i am a fuckload happier now. like… seriously, a fuckload. and that’s a lot reading the old stuff makes me think, ’shit! i was depressed 24/7 or some shit. how did people put up with me?!!!!!!!!!!!’

funny, though, cause old, depressing times are when i wrote the best poetry and prose. i can’t really write a lick that’s worth anything now, unless i’m in one of those self-loathing states of mind. D:

but anyway.

for now, the goal is to change the mold and desire to create, create, create, even in the face of being tolerant of life. wish me luck.

sounds so so so so so so good T__T

at work today… i mean, since i work for a fashion website… we were talking about this blog, things i’ve bought that i love, which is — i guess — run by the indian chick on “the office.” it’s amusingly written and well-written, and definitely highlights some interesting products. i read through a bunch of posts, no fucking problem.

but then, after stepping back and studying the whole premise of the blog, which is consumption, i cannot help to be a little bit disgusted.

as a chick, i guess it’s a constant battle to try and fight off that ridiculous desire to buy things (some dudes also have this problem, but it is more prevalent in women, i’d say). but… i don’t know? i feel like it’s a desire that SHOULD be fought off.

we had a 20 person beta test a month ago or something, and we put up a survey for those 20 people to tell us what they thought about the site. well, only 7 (or maybe took the time to respond. and when asked how much money they spent last year on clothing, there were acceptable answers like, “IDK!!” and “$350″… there were also two that said, “$5,000 - $7,000″ and “$7,000″.

i mean, holy shit!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S SO MUCH MONEY. all in the name of looking good? and for what? and for whom?

i mean, i can’t go as far as saying i don’t care how i look. and perhaps i have it lucky because things i like to buy, clothing-wise, are cheaper… and other things i like to buy are at least useful (ie: films, art supplies, etc.) luckily, i don’t need to buy music anymore (or rarely, i should say) because i get so much of it for free.

nonetheless i feel bad even when i see how many books and art supplies i DO have. it’s hard to buy that stuff and not feel guilty about it. but running a blog dedicated to consumption and consumerism? i don’t know. it just feels so………… ethnocentric. i mean people are dealing around the world with starvation and eating mud cakes and shit and here in america we are buying up storms of shit we don’t need. sigh.

in similar news, people in the indie magazine world are scrambling. evidently magazines stocked at border’s get like a 60% sell-through rate whereas those at barnes n noble are more like 40%. yet, crisis looms on the book consumption front. click here to see more!!!

there’s a good chance border’s will be purchased by barnes n noble and as a result, even more conglomeration. in the day to day, people don’t see how big of a problem all this is. but it’s a huge fucking problem. not cool.

oh and this past weekend rachel, castro, and i were supposed to go to the georgetown art attack. rachel got dropped off at work by castro because the dalai lama was in town and there was nowhere for her to park. he was going to pick her up and was speeding on the way to pick her up. got pulled over. went to jail for not having a license. got fined for having weed on him (for us). owned. :X

today being the first truly nice day in a while (at least, during which i am not working), i’m spending a large portion of my day sitting outside on my front porch… if you can even call it a porch. it’s really more just like three stairs and a little creepy enclave. the house has burnt wood siding painted poop brown. lul.

i have some pictures from going to blvd gallery, roq la rue, and suite 100 gallery last night, but i think i will hold off on posting them til maybe tomorrow. or later. or maybe when i get a redefine art blog up.

also went midnight bowling last night. initially it was kind of fun… the first game, that is… i won with a 116, woot. but all subsequent games turned crappier and crappier, as i got more and more bored. the third was truly atrocious, though, because they had turned on the neon lights at that time and it rendered me somehow completely unable to bowl anymore. i couldn’t really see what i was doing. i dunno. it was weird because i never really thought visual cues on the ground made any kind of difference on my bowling, but evidently they made a huge difference. third game was a whopping 51 pointer. haha. last place. ftw.

at least the combination of blacklights and somewhat decent music videos (btw, i don’t care what anyone says but i freaking love THE VINES — the band) helped me to go bed last night. it was my first good night’s sleep in like……………… a week plus. and by good, i mean, i didn’t actually wake up a million times during the night. it was fooking fantastic.

that being said my soul is still in a state of self-torture. rarrr. relationship things for starters, but there is more.

lately i have been going to a lot more art shows than normal and conversing with a large amount of artists, and it just makes me want to better myself as an artist. like, really badly. it’s really hard, though, between balancing a magazine and working full-time. i mean those two things together are enough to crush the time but……………… blarhg.

allergies don’t help either ^_^

blah presently i am a bit of a wreck. i need a decent night’s sleep. T__T so much on the mind X__X

dammit i have to post about this because no one else is.

american idol had their “charity” portion last night, and they closed it out with “shout to the lord.” WHAT THE FUCK. i find it hard to believe that all of the people currently on that show are christian. and if they are not all christian, why would they be okay with this?

not only that but PEOPLE are okay with it. i was looking on the internet to see if there was any controversy about it, and most of the comments are more along the lines of, “WOW THAT WAS SURPRISING, BUT GREAT! JESUS IS LOVE! I LOVE GOD! GOD GOD GOD! PRAISE THE LORD!”

you are all fucking idiots.

some quotes…

THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING INSANE.