so last night i wiped some spilled water on the carpet with a towel and then hung the towel on the door. the door it was hung on was our back patio door. the door was left ajar that night. this afternoon when i came back from work, i saw that it and the window of the back door were covered with these disgusting flies. i threw out the towel and made lenny come home and kill all the flies. it was sOoOoOo disgusting. like, if it’s one or two i could have killed them, but twelve+ is NO THANKS. I DARE NOT TOUCH THEM.
turns out they’re not flies. alex came over tonight to watch “memories of murder,” this korean detective film which i thought i had never seen. it was eddie’s favorite movie and he recommended it, so yeah. i decided to watch it. turns out i HAVE seen this movie, and what’s interesting about THIS particular film is that it’s so godamn stylish that i literally recognized it the first frame of the film. that says a lot about the first frame of the film, man. quite impressive, quite impressive indeed. it’s also interesting because this film involves the use of a ton of sweeping field shots and i’ve watched other movies and been reminded of this film’s scenes… which again attests very much to the style of the film. werd.
anyways, back to the flies — alex came over and we don’t have a couch, and he was just like, “why are there so many bugs on the ground?” cause he saw a beetle and a winged fly… only it’s not a fly. they’re winged ants. and there’s TONS of the winged ants. i guess they get wings during breeding season — there aren’t any queens — only males, but yeah… there’s sooo many of them on our living room floor near the back door. +__+ and what’s even more fucked up is that there’s some in our bathroom too. from a DIFFERENT hole. these are NOT winged. godamn living in the middle of the woods, practically. rofls. +__+
anyway, lenny’s captured a bunch of them and shoved them into his ant farm… which is amusing because the previous lot of them had all died after like six months. maybe the winged ones will live longer — maybe they will live shorter! who knows.
am watching late night informercials in the background while playing zuma. this guy’s informercial came on, and i don’t know if the product actually works or not, but whatever it is, it’s just funny because his commentary is like this:
“last night, i ate pizza, pasta, ice cream, etc.”
(he listed at least two other things in the beginning.) first off, that’s funny in and of itself because damn, this guy’s cure is supposed to surpress hunger and he still can eat that much in one sitting?!!!
but later on, he says, “last night, i ate pot roast and mashed potatoes… and a sundae…”
lol, it changed?!?!! why did it change so fast!! damn, you are a pig, mr. trudeau.
i like the feature on that website where you can vote on whether you think a review is “real” or “fake”. clever, although it probably doesn’t do much in the long run anyhow!
here’s his before and after pic too, just for amusement’s sake:
he almost looks fake, but maybe that’s just what overweight sweaty people look like?!!
ramblin, where to begin –
i taste the summer on your peppery skin.
been saved, the warmer the waves,
i felt a slip into a watery grave.my girl, linen and curls,
lips parting like a flag, all unfurled,
she’s grand — the bend of her hand,
digging deep into the sweep of the sand.
summer arrives with a length of lights,
summer blows away,
and quietly gets swallowed by a wave…
it gets swallowed by a wave…
their tagline with a mom as a cheerleader?
“go meat! go meat! let’s go meat!”
and if you click on the salad:
“we want a salad! a meaty meaty salad!”
oh my god.
so i’m no vegetarian but i’m quite conscious of what i eat and i don’t particularly like to eat meat. this tagline is a nightmare. and i hope it comes back to stab them in a foot since americans are on a “health craze” right now.
entree salads come in four flavors:
chicken caesar, chicken & bacon club, turkey & ham chef, and turkey & cranberries with ham julienne.
well, you definitely have to give it to them… they stick to their “go meat!” ideologies. entree salads come with everything you need to make a salad… meat, cheese, dressings, and toppings… BUT NO LETTUCE. what the hell? who would buy this shit? this is the stupidest crap i’ve ever seen. one packet costs $3.69 at QFC as well.
why would anyone buy that when for about the same price (maybe a dollar more) they can buy this?
now fresh express isn’t the BEST, but i can vouch for this salad in particular — it’s damn good. it comes with dried cherries, almonds, wonton strips, sugar snap peas, and asian dressing. REALLY good. BUT NO MEAT. and according to hillshire farms, the point is that ALL SALADS NEED MEAT. gag. not to mention the meat included in that shit is like, lunch meat you’d find in a pack of lunchables… hardly gourmet. and it’s not even as INTERESTING and multi-flavored as the fresh express alternative.
let us view the nutrition facts, shall we?
Nutrition Facts Serving Size: 1 package
Amount per Serving
Calories 300
Calories from Fat 140
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 16g
25%
Saturated Fat 6g
30%
Monounsaturated Fat 0g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0g
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 60mg
20%
Sodium 1440mg
60%
Potassium 0mg
0%
Total Carbohydrate 17g
6%
Dietary Fiber 1g
4%
Sugars 3g
Protein 24g
48%
Vitamin A
6%
Vitamin C
0%
Calcium
15%
Iron
2%
Est. Percent of Calories from:
Fat 48.0% Carbs 22.7%
Protein 32.0%
okay, so not only do they turn a SALAD into a MEATFEST but they also turn it super fucking unhealthy. what is the point? i hope this line fails horribly. -__- i think americans eat enough meat as it is.
ps — what’s even funnier about this post is that fresh express and hillshire farms introduced this product TOGETHER. damn you, fresh express!!
—
on a similar note, going to QFC tonight when no one was around was kind of depressing. gives you time to walk around and think about just how much food supermarkets waste. IT MUST BE A TON. the pre-made food they have just sits behind the glass, rotting and being thrown out. the workers can’t even take it home. and they don’t donate it. it’s ridiculous. supermarkets will take OTHER people’s resources and have food can drives occasionally, but they can’t give away food that they’re throwing away anyway? not even to their workers? that is absolute TRASH.
why gwen stefani is a genius. joe and i finally got a chance to listen to her newest album, the sweet escape, and we basically concluded this: either gwen stefani is 1) an idiot who makes terrible music, or 2) a genius.
i will argue that she is a genius.
let me attempt to do this nimble goddess justice, however, for my words probably cannot nearly sum up her genius. that and, i pretty much probably can’t even comprehend it. i will try, nonetheless… with some concrete examples for you.
—
the hollaback girl example.
by most standards, “hollaback girl” is a pretty annoying track. i don’t know how this track was chosen as the hit song for her album love angel music baby BUT whatever the stroke of genius behind the decision, it worked. and it definitely worked after the music video took off. major elements of the music video: cheerleaders, high schoolers, scantily clad girls… all individuals in the target demographic and individuals people outside of the target demographic like. GENIUS.
—
the harajuku girl example.
gwen, in her genius, has you thinking that harajuku girls look like this.
for starters, REAL harajuku girls would probably have “rovers” on their jerseys, not “lovers.” but set aside that bit of engrish, and you will find where the real piece of gwen’s genius comes in: according to google (and i must concur, for i hath witnessed them with mine own eyes), REAL harajuku girls look like this:
and this (not necessarily with a mouth full of food like that savage, though… i want that hat):
but NOT this (these girls are like, straight out of the fucking hood):
so you probably haven’t recognized gwen’s genius in this aspect just yet. i barely have, but i will try to explain it in terms that simple people like us can understand. because of the general ignorance of americans as to what a “harajuku girl” is, gwen can absolutely invent an identity for these girls. after all, the term and label “harajuku girl” instantly sparks curiosity cause it sounds foreign, and then gwen backs that up by dressing her faux-harajuku girls up with geisha makeup. it’s pretty much a flawless plan to further stereotype a race BUT here’s the real clincher: to give gwen a group of lackies who will follow behind her, pretend to not speak much english, look pretty, do nice backup dancing, and most of all, make gwen stand out amongst them.
—
the “yummy” example.
in line with gwen’s genius, i surmise that this song, “yummy”, off of gwen’s the sweet escape album, will be made into a video sometime and will subsequently turn into a hit that people will not be able to stop chanting (see the “hollaback girl” example).
for those of you who have not heard this song, it’s a cross between “london bridge” by fergie and “milkshake” by kelis. painful for me to think about, but gwen takes both of these terrible songs and makes a song that is, upon first glance, just as terrible. upon second glance, however, although gwen’s song is the combination of both of those songs, it is LESS terrible than the other two. you do the math. -1 + -1 = -2?? IN MATH, YES, BUT NOT IN THIS CASE! it doesn’t even make sense! that’s how much of a genius gwen is. she doesn’t have to adhere to mathematical rules, godamnit. when gwen is involved, -1 + -1 = 2!!
let us take a look at the lyrics so that we can try to pick apart and understand gwen’s genius in this song in particular.
“I know you’ve been waiting
But I’ve been out making babies
And like a chef making donuts and pastries
It’s time to make you sweat
Sex and sugar is the flavor
Ovens and beaters and graters
Beats made of bongos and shakers
It’s time to make you sweatI came back for my spotlight
(For her spotlight)
I disappeared like Houdini
(Where Houdini)
If yours didn’t come out right
(If it’s not right)
Go to Kinkos and xerox me”
this girl must have scored 1600 on her english sat’s, because she uses analogies like no one’s business. i can’t even understand some of these analogies… where the fuck did houdini come from (no pun intended HAR HAR HAR… hm, is that even considered a pun?)? but it doesn’t even matter, you know? i’m just but one girl. gwen is in and of herself at much more than one girl. she’s like, 100. at least.—
the “leave you in a stupor” example.
i don’t remember the last time i could listen to an album and just absolutely be in complete awe and dismay of the events that had just unfolded before my ears. listening to gwen’s the sweet escape album, however, i was completely dumbfounded. particularly when i got to the last track, the live version of the album opening track, “wind it up.” it was completely mind-boggling, and i must say i could not say much more than “omg omg wtf omg omg!” for a few minutes. joe would attest to this. the track simply turned me into a bumbling idiot.
some would say it is because the track is so BAD, but just like it takes a really bad movie director to make a movie that is so bad it is GREAT, gwen can take a song that is so BAD and make it fascinating to listen to. and you turn into an drooling, brainless idiot listening to it because you simply cannot understand how a song like that was ever created. gwen is amazing, man. you never know what she’s going to do next.
—
the “one hit track per album” example.
as previously referenced in the “hollaback girl” example and the “yummy” example, gwen has one song off of each of these albums which is an unseeming hit (although “yummy” is not out yet, so this is all just a hypothesis… i may be completely misinterpreting gwen, for this is very possible, since i cannot completely understand her). so basically, gwen chooses one song for every album that will become this ridiculously huge hit that no one can stop reciting, and then fills the rest of the album with whatever experimental shit she wants to fill it with, because after people are so amazed and brainwashed by the first major track of the album, they won’t care what’s on the rest of the album. they’ll gobble it all up, dumbfounded by her genius.
wow. so tonight is mind-boggling!!
let us reveal the revelations (and call tonight: “the night of the mind-bogglings!”)
free rentals from hollywood video, kinda. we rented “open range” and it didn’t play in like, our dvd player AND 2 computers. but it worked in 1 computer. so we watched it. but i still said it didn’t play (technically true) and got a free $3.50 worth of rental out of it. son.
toothpaste can be used to buff cds.
so this shit pretty much blows my mind, but basically, toothpaste can heal your scratched cds! as a test, lenny scratched up one of my cds with an exacto blade, nail clipper, and keys. it wouldn’t even detect in my computer. he then buffed it with toothpaste. it started playing, but you could hear the static from there being scratches in the cd. he buffed it again. now it plays pretty much perfectly fine. CRAZINESS.
why do websites MAKE you choose a password you don’t normally use because they think your password isn’t secure enough? mofo, i use the same password all the time. usually it passes the “strength test” but this time for wordpress, it didn’t, making future logins so hard to remember. if i suck at choosing passwords and my password is “dog,” let me get jacked. NUNYA BIDNEZZ.
—
coming up beyond belief
on this coronary thief
more than just a leitmotif
more chaotic, no relief
i’ll describe the way i feel
weeping wounds that never heal…
no hesitation, no delay,
you come on just like special k –
just like i swallowed half my stash;
i never ever want to crash.
no hesitation, no delay,
you come on just like special k –
now you’re back with dope demand;
i’m on sinking sand…
gravity,
no escaping gravity…
gravity,
no escaping…
not for free
i fall down… hit the ground,
make a heavy sound,
every time you seem to come around.
i’ll describe the way i feel;
you’re my new achilles heel
can this savior be for real,
or are you just my seventh seal?
watching the tv show “cheaters” currently, where people follow around a cheater and see what they do. there’s a lady on there who works at subway. they called her a “sandwich artist.” talk about a euphimism.
i thought of a lot more earlier today, but i don’t remember right now!
i had a dream that tom cruise was seducing me last night. i don’t even like tom cruise!
tv: malcolm in the middle. which is so godamn creativeeeee!!
crabs.
yesterday we went crabbing (boring) and got a crab (less boring, but i feel bad for crabs because they’re so fucking cool; why do they have to taste so yummy?!!!)… anyways, while we were there there was this little brown dog, extremely nervous. she was a miniature pincher or something like that. anyway, lenny was like, “princess!” just making up a name, and tried a few other names. they didn’t register so well. i asked the owner and turns out the dog’s name really WAS princess. which is just hirarrrrious!!
the monster poop log.
i also forgot to say that the other day, we went to watch “transformers” and guess what? prior to that, lenny and i went to QFC. inside the woman’s bathroom, in the center stall, was something that made all of the girls in the bathroom giggle. it was seriously… the hugest poop i’ve ever seen in my life. it was so huge i actually wanted to bust out my camera and document it, but i didn’t have my camera with me. i did have my phone camera, though, but i didn’t think about that. the poop was like… the size of my hands if i hold them together and make a circle with my fingers. like, my hands would probably just barely fit around it… if it even would. it might have been bigger than that. it was fucking… huge. HUGE. HUGEEEEEE. and it was like, sticking out of the water. and it looked HARD. it had a kink in the center (like the end of a pipe) which was larger than the other sections… holy fucking a… it was some insane shit, i must admit. omg. yeah. that must have been a painful sucker to eject out of an ass. she must like, be all up into the anal shit because holy crap that could not come out of my butthole. i simply don’t think it’s humanly possible. i didn’t think it’d be humanly possible for anyone, i guess, but i guess i’m wrong. man, fucking amazing. i’m still in awe… i wish i had that camera… so that i could have posted it on ratemypoop.com and become like, a fucking hero. cause that shit is amazing… no pun intended.
dude i just went to ratemypoop.com to see if anything would be fitting of it, and it’s not RATEMYFART.COM!!! why would ratemypoop turn to ratemyfart?? please explain.
picasso gets jacked.
wtf, the news just announced that 2 original picasso’s were stolen from a local mall??? teh fuck, what mall would have a gallery with such phatty things? although now that i think about it, it’s probably that one store in, i think, bellevue square… but that’s pretty crazy. stolen by 3 boys. bet that shit is worth so much money…
taiwan.
ANYWAY. going to taiwan in the summer with the parentals and my brother and his girlfriend. i can bet it will be absolutely dreadful, with the exception of the fact that it’s going to be taiwan. any family vacations these days are pure pain, though… at least my brother and his girlfriend are going, making it SLIGHTLY better. since when it’s just me and the parentals all they do is bitch all day long about everything i do wrong :0 fucking asian parents.
