inside the wonderful world of vee

1:06am
music: ratatat - crips, the velvet teen - mother of love, frou frou - let go, shinhwa - honesty, ratatat - lapland.

i can legitimately say that i am torturing myself. aye, papi. :L sighs.

today lenny, posa, linh, and i went to eat at a sushi restaurant that’s new in bellevue, called koi. so we get there and all of a sudden monica is there. turns out she works there. so… i guess she had told all her managers and stuff about the website, but like, she didn’t have my phone number and never could have called me. what’s even weirder is THE CURSE OF SUSHIMONSTERS.COM!! meaning: first we featured wild fish and monica used to work there. turns out james [han] sold all his stuff and was moving away. how sad he was a nice guy. second shota closed down. and what’s weird is that the chef we featured from shota, eddie tang, was now working at this new restaurant… along with another guy sakuma-san. fucking weird. really surreal and mind-blowing, that’s for sure.

so yeah the owner i guess owned 6 mcdonald’s before and now sold it to start this new restaurant. they had a koi pond with lots of fish. and the guy sang pretty well and apparently like participated in ballroom dance competitions and stuff. freaky. he’s like 40, and he is dope, he was like serving people and making convo with every table. freaking awesome, dude.
either way, about $110 of food was comped, so that was er, nice. quite nice. afterwards we went to wal-mart and bought a bunch of worthless shit. two sd cards 1g, kodak, for $20. fucking insanity. although i’ve never used a kodak card, so that’s kinda weird. only used sandisk, so hopefully kodak isn’t ghetto as shit. w00t w00t. afterwards, we went to winco, and that was totally boring. >__<

oh but something exciting DID happen at wal-mart, which was that a chick got robbed, and HAHAHHAA. well first off, how ghetto is that, some chick getting robbed at a store. you know what’s sad? everyone’s first question is like, “was she black or white?” sigh. and then they are surprised that she was white. how fucked up. i didn’t think of that at all. but you know what? from now on i probably WILL think of that and it WILL cross my mind simply because i overheard it. and that is fucking sad.

but anyway, back to the story. posa overheard the lady screaming for help. i heard her too, but i thought it was a joke. alas, twas not. posa saw them (security guards) chasing after her but they were slow, so he started chasing her. and he cornered her in the gardening department. then security came and he figured they had her in check, but they let her escape. lol. :/

friday, june 8.
went to work, and came back and went to swim with lenny at posa’s apartment complex. w00t w00t. afterwards i came back home and alex and i went to eat tacos at taqueria del re…con…sito or something, i forget the name. stayed their for like, 3 hours hahaha just talking it up. they had super good flan. yum yum. and it was open til 3, but it was super surprisingly busy. good find!

thursday, june 7.
i went to cliff’s art show, and it was good. i thought i’d feel kind of awkward going by myself, but i didn’t feel awkward at all. which was, like, dope. haven’t had so many interesting conversations with people i don’t actually know very well in a long time. so cliff was there, and sean cee at first, but then he left early. ben, his wife chris, and his friend dave from montana showed up for a while. we played some f00zball. dave was super good. i don’t know how people get good at foozball, but anyway. so chris kind of scared me the first time i met her because she was SUPER INTENSE and like, totally stared at you in the eyes and made 100% eye contact the entire conversation, but this time she was not scary. i think it is because the first time was during a snocon dinner thing and i felt awkward already since it was my first time meeting a lot of those people.

i also had a hefty conversation with lars who i have seen around a few times but never really talked to… nice to put a personality to a face, i guess. +__+ and i don’t know, he was the first stranger i’ve talked to in a while that… it kinda felt like i had known him for a while and we had an actual non-superficial conversation… which is quite very amazing. o__O i’m not usually comfortable around strangers. werd…

aye, tengo dolor de cabeza…

oh yeah so i started talking to ben randomly on aim cause he e-mailed me, and he gave me some cool places to go camping in montana, so that’s pretty exciting. hope it works out nicely, w00t w00t

2:48am
music: jimmy eat world’s futures album

so, consider this my first official entry since migrating my old blog on dreamwiz over to wordpress. i love dreamwiz, mostly because you can see how many times people have viewed your entry or whatever, but the time has come to move on. this time has come primarily because dreamwiz has been around for at least 7 years and i can only IMAGINE that it will explode sometime, and i do not want to run the risk of losing years and years of material. so, that’s the reason for the change. i am not excited by the change, really, but meh. it’ll do. it’ll make some things easier. for one, i’m going to start making this thing a PHOTO BLOG. hOorah. starting, er, tomorrow or something, that is. definitely not starting tonight.

tomorrow will also be a series of recaps on events in the recent past, i do hope… but i am pretty bad about that. actually, i think i really actually want to start it now. let’s see what i can make do…

as mentioned in yesterday’s post, i am just damn happy i have a fucking camera so that i can gather dates and remember things i would otherwise forget. i will add to this post tomorrow (as in later today, or possibly tomorrow). and oh yeah i like how wordpress autosaves. that’s freakin pimp.

tuesday, may 22nd:
had to stay at work til like, 11:00pm because this was when my indian person i have to mange was starting. death…?

tuesday, may 23rd:
had to stay at work til like, 11:00pm because this was when my indian person i have to mange was starting. death…? [not a misprint — this is a repeat of yesterday!]

thursday, may 24th:
siff opening night gala. “son of ranbow.”

friday, may 25th:
planet of the drums with nate and jennie. nate had mista demo sign his shirt. we thought he was signing his body. hahhahaahhahaha. lenny tries fixing my laptop and in the end explodes it more. been addicted to this game lenny has on his computer, called “diner dash 2″ ~ apparently there’s a #3 too, but i don’t think it is as good. either way, it’s… freaking awesome. so check it out.

sunday, may 26th:
went to lenny’s mom’s house and then went to beach in mukilteo (did this happen on sunday? i am so confused as to dates…).

thursday, may 31st:
went to gasworks for hsuhan’s planned bbq… i think? sOoo much food. crazy homeless lady.
friday, june 1st:
thai for lunch at work. thai for dinner with alex. after that we went to get some bubble tea and ran into lewis and gildas and jun and co. then got schooled in “dr. mario.” sigh.

saturday, june 2nd:
sOo… many movies. “strange culture” first (it was okay — not the best documentary, but good story). it’s about an artist who is a part of an art coalition that uses art to like, protest stuff like GMOs. he orders a bunch of legal bacteria off the internet to help artistically illustrate this point. his wife dies. police come in and say he is a bioterrorist. real story. he is still awaiting trial. fucked up. it seems surreal and unreal but really it is not. second movie was “cashback” — okay and entertaining but too many boobs. the story was terribly shallow. the technical aspects were great. last movie was after we went to posa and linh’s place. “children of men.” i remember laughing at this preview when i saw it in the theatres, because the plot looked so bad. well, the plot WAS bad. but as hojo so correctly put it, the plot took a backseat to the movie… which made it a great movie. and the director took a lot of highly choreographed, super long take shots, and that was amazing. and it looked a lot like “gears of war,” and that was amazing. a good movie. surprisingly.

sunday, june 3rd:
worked with kristoph from trendi all day on some freelance bullshit. meh. $50/hr was the only thing that made me want to do it, i guess. but even then i didn’t really want to, lol. turned out okay though.
monday, june 4th:
just worked on redefine @ home all day, and went to u-district circa 5 to meet with a couple people. been collecting writers and potential cover designers. werd. then i went to watch “dasepo naughty girls” with lenny. the director flew in from korea, so a q&a session followed. a translator was supposed to show up but did not. a makeshift translator was brought up and she sucked, causing the director to take the mic back a few times. lol. the movie apparently was voted terribly in korea — so terrible that it almost made it as worst korean movie in history on the internet. HAHAHAHAHA. that’s hilarious. the speculation was because the movie is a black comedy and koreans are more into realism. i can definitely see that as being true. anyway, though, i thought it was pretty good. first half was a lot better than the second, but still. and also there were a bit TOO many karaoke singalong parts, but that’s no huge deal in the aftermath. at least it was original.

lately, i have been writing a lot. it is, however, sad to say that this extreme amount of writing is not due in part of my desire to write, but of necessity. and of the fact that i started to write a lot because my laptop broke and rendered me without a computer for a week almost. the solution was to spend a large amount of time writing, and not writing about myself. primarily, i have been writing music and film reviews. which makes my memory of (recent) past events to be rather hazy, to say the pathetic least.

that being said, it’s a good thing i have a camera. because these days, when everything is hustle and bustle and go and flow with little time for myself, i barely have half a memory. and that’s pathetic. but thankfully, when i have notes and cameras to spurn me along, the memories come back. had i not had either of these things, however, memories would be lost. so, i guess, my conclusion is… thank god for those material things?

so yeah, until this present moment here on june 3rd at 1:49am (well, now it is 1:54am), i have not written much about myself at all. i have not even found the will and/or time to write down my dreams, as pathetic as that is. the solace in dreams is vanishing. mer.

so. my new job has been kicking my ass. it’s very strange, and i know that i have said this before, but i am always a bit disconcerted when people tell me that i am intelligent. it is a very strange thing. i think i am capable, yes, but i have never thought of myself as “smart” when growing up… certainly i am not an idiot, but smart? i don’t know. perhaps it is because my parents or whoever have always ranked intelligence by the grade you get on your report card. it seems like even my friends kind of think or thought that if you don’t get straight A’s (or in my case, lol… i was lucky to get B’s), you’re kind of… less intelligent. why is there so much importance placed on grades? i’m not so sure. maybe that is just the difference in the way people learn. i honestly do not even have a clue. anyway, people are like, yeah, you’re so intelligent, bahbahbah, and i’m just like, hm, okay, i feel uncomfortable!

strange.

anyway. i get $19/hr right now. this blows because i signed onto my current job expecting $18-$20 an hour, primarily because i did not know that it would entail the responsibility that it presently entails — managing two people, one in india and one here. managing the person in india thus far has been retarded. i am not convinced that outsourcing is the answer or ever will be. the cultural differences and difficulty in communicating with someone who is so far away just stifle progress. that and you just have to spend so much time telling him what to do, and in the event of a start-up, that seems pointless. it’s like taking a step backwards. it’s like taking double the time, just so you can save a few nickels. can’t say i agree with it at all…

man, i am totally stressed out what with the magazine coming out in september. meaning… it will have to be printed in early august. meaning… oh, i don’t know, death. i am really kind of scared and kind of pissed as to the lack of time i have right now, and hope it all works out. i am scared. really. sigh. in fact, i probably shouldn’t even be taking the time to write this, but i digress. i am so. stressed out and just wish i could devote every second of my livelihood to this project because i CANNOT fuck this up. fuck. and fucking fuck fuck i say. fuck.

may 3rd to 7th, 2007 (lawl)

i’m feeling… a little full, bob.
i’m listening to… some spoof show with orlando bloom making fun of johnny depp, and it is purdy funneh.

9:28 pm — rawr. let’s recap. a bit. shalt we. rawr.

thursday, may 3rd — got back from cali to start new job today. i’m a creative director. holla. it’s in the weirdest fucking building. pics soon. that’s all i have to say about that. so far, so good. more stimulating, at least. but i do miss some of the environment @ snocon.

friday, may 4th — work again, and after work, went to eat with lenny @ koji osakaya & then went to the decemberists show at the paramount. good fucking shit, bro/sis.

saturday, may 5th — uhh, woke up, went to a meeting, then came back home for a nap and slept for 4 hrs, woke up late. hmmm! yeah, didn’t really do much and then at night went to minho’s with some other people there for cinco de mayo drinking. i think that’s probably the first time i’ve ever given a shit about cinco de mayo. lots of funny stuff. i could describe, but why would i do that when i have videos? that i’m going to post on youtube? MOST FREAKIN EXCELLENT!

sunday, may 6th — woke up… uhh, then went hiking at some point. we went to tiger mountain (me, lenny, alex [bennett], gareth, and eddie [kang])… hmm! we uh, had good times. a 2 mile hike ended up into a 5 1/2 mile hike because we got lost and instead of walking up to the outlook like we intended, we walked, basically, around the whole mountain. missed the “swamp trail,” though, which had a sign saying, “SWAMP THING! A SELF-GUIDED TOUR!” or something weird like that, lol. i’m not honestly sure if there’s even swamps up in that park, but whatever. it was a good hike, kind of strenuous at first, but turned out quite beautifully!!!! ummm! yeah!! it was weird going on the “high school trail,” then coming out the other end of the trail where a high school was, though. there were also lots of gunshots in that park. lol? scary? afterwards we went to eat @ thai kitchen and then i went to meet up with jennifer [villaruz] to see explosions in the sky. the opening act was eluvium. sucked ass. so godamn boring. explosions in the sky was good, though. so yeh. i thought i’d be super tired, but after hiking and taking a shower, i was super actually energized, kinda. it was weird!!

work is scary lately. i hope i have enough time to handle redefine OK. *stress stress* ;/

—

may 1st, 2007 (i’m in love with jason mraz)

i’m feeling… mighty foine.
i’m listening to… jason mraz - geek in the pink, jason mraz - life is wonderful, hellogoodbye - angie (this song blows).

10:27 am — like, seriously, i’m in love with jason mraz. it’s scary. i had a dream that i was in love with him and damn it felt mighty real. rofls. i was also really jealous cause for some reason he was pissed at me and was trying to get with some other girl or something. yes, in my dream of being in love with jason mraz, i experienced a sensation of love i’ve yet to feel, and the sensation of heartbreak that felt realer than anything i’ve yet to experience. rofls? most interesting… i woke up quite disturbed. but then i went back to bed and had another equally fascinating (albeit less emotionally involved) dream… however, i don’t remember that dream, so yeah. whuteva. clearly mr. mraz was more important.

i think this dream was sparked from:
1) listening to jason mraz’s cd yesterday.
2) reading his myspace blogs yesterday.

i think… writing skill is such a turn on for me rofls. that’s pretty much the only reason i liked incubus as much as i did — because brandon boyd was such a good writer and always had insightful things to say. but since brandon boyd has turned into a corporate lamer, i guess my new lyrical love will be jason mraz. some clips from his blog:

“When I arrived at my folks place, my mom sweeping caterpillars off the side of the house. They were everywhere. On the walk, in the drive, on the windows, entering the front door. I froze. I didn’t want to step on any. They’re so cute. I could see the tiny thought bubbles over their tiny heads saying, “I am brown and fuzzy!” They just want to nuzzle you like a microscopic kitty. I did my best to move as many as possible but it became tiring, so I made a formal pre-apology for any little guys that might get smooshed while I ran around with my dog and niece in the new bubble blowing machine I brought home. We were transported in time to other worlds thanks to that machine. I performed my one magic trick for her and she drew me a picture of her watering a flower for earth day and another that read, “I like you.” She’s smart. At 6 she already knows her uncle Jason totally rules.”

“I had to have my wisdom teeth removed. I was dreading it. I went in to have the x-rays and prep work a few days prior and my usual trombone playing happy go lucky dentist dad was on vacation. In his place was a new Dentist, a guy I went to high school with! Is that legal? Shouldn’t he still be in school?”

“One of the sponsors in Buffalo was Ben & Jerry’s and they put a bucket of Cinnamon Bun flavored goodness in each dressing room. The problem I have with that is how I’ll usually eat until the bowl is empty, so if my bowl is a bucket, the evening often ends in an intervention of some kind. Or tears. Or indigestion.”

find me someone with something interesting to say. because i think i need it.

10:39 am — so right now, i’m condensing my old journal entries from my cgiworld blog onto wordpress, simply because i can’t backup cgiworld but i CAN back up word press, and i really don’t want to lose 7 years worth of blog entries. with this, is me reading my old entries from when i was in high school and early in college, and i msut say, i have definitely changed a lot. not in my opinions of things… but i am — as a whole — a helluva lot happier. i don’t know how to explain it, but i can honestly say that there’s not much i am unsatisfied with in my life… nor do i feel like the decisions i have made after graduating from school have been particularly wrong or bad. i don’t know. i feel like i’ve reached a point that… from a kind of buddhist or taoist standpoint… is just okay. it just is. and i’m fine that it is. i’m fine with just going through life. i feel like i’m just being pushed along by waves… i can steer and pick which direction i’m going, but i’m still just floating. and for some reason, that’s okay.

what’s the point in worrying?

march 26th to april 2nd, 2007 (nippon!)

11:32 pm — before i start, some conclusions:

1) japanese women cannot walk with heels on.
2) japanese people don’t fucking eat vegetables other than regular salad (which, nutrition-wise, doesn’t really count).
3) japanese food you can think of off the top of your head (teppanyaki, sushi, yakisoba, tonkatsu, ramen, etc.) pretty much is japanese food, period.
4) japanese women say “gozaimasu” as a kind of formality meaning thank you or whatever, and say it SUPER nasally. amuse.

i’m not really all that impressed by tokyo, actually… although it is a great place to hang out when you’re young and robust, i imagine it’d be kind of boring when you’re older. and… there really isn’t that much to do anyhow. i think we only had fun cause yuki was there and his friends were there and miko’s friends were there… had we not known any japanese people there, it’d probably have been a helluva lot lamer…

now for recaps… oh my god i am so tired. this will probably have to be finished later since there’s so much shit to say.

monday, march 26th
lingo picked me up in the morning… i basically stayed up all night. slept like 3 hours. maybe. this pattern will soon be repeated, as you will find out soon. we headed over to tony’s house in issaquah and tony had JUST woken up basically and was not at all ready lol. nor had he really planned anything for us to do… lol. so we left in a hurry to go to the airport. got on the plane. “the fountain” was on as well as “stranger than fiction”… i was super excited to watch “the fountain” but unfortunately the audio on lingo and i’s consoles were not working. motherfuckers. united gave us some form we can fill out to maybe get some miles. but yea.

taking pics in the seatac airport… why not!?

sleeping in the seatac airport… why not?!

sleeping on the plane!!!

gag…

wednesday, march 28th — akasuka


got off the plane at like, i dunno, 3pm or something, and we had slept a lot of the plane ride and were mostly rested up. took the overground train to our place in asakusa… khaosan tokyo akasuka annex hostel. it was kind of hard to find at first but was then okay. the overground train seemed like the longest ride ever. seemed almost longer than the plane ride to japan lol. also, like, i kept sleeping with my head resting against the window behind me, and unfortunately, every time the train from the opposite direction passed by it’d scare the shit out of me and wake me up heh, cause it’d make the window rattle. anyway, we got to the hostel, put our shit down, and decided to go cash in on one free drink that our hostel offered daily at the location of their other akasuka hostel (khaosan tokyo smile). i got a white russian or whatever. it was good, as there was like no alcohol in it. lol. we were like the only people in there at first, although some people showed up later!

afterwards, went to eat some ramen at a corner shop in akasuka. had to cross a bridge to get there, and saw lot of dinner boats that people ate on. ramen was okay. we were the only tourists in there. tonkatsu ramen — i had miso-flavored one, and mine was the best. everyone else just got plain meat ones… and mine had like veggies and corn and stuff, so it was automatically better :0

after we ate it was like eight and we just walked around akasuka at night and looked at all the temples that were lit up by lights. looked good. yeahp. then we went back to the hostel and went to bed essentially. cool place. note: these photos are a culmination of everyone’s photos, so… yeah. i cannot take credit for most of these.

everyone else got a kick out of this. i actually didn’t even get it at first. lol?

our roommates for that night were a couple from australia and they were both graphic designers who had huge packs that were like, as big as me. they were going to india afterwards, and the girl had just come from china. lucky.

thurday, march 29th — akasuka, ueno, and akihabara



the next day, we all woke up at like 5am and decided to go rent bikes at 7am. had a difficult time finding the bike rental place at first, because we found a bike parking garage and assumed it was NOT in there even though it was. the bikes you could rent cost only 200 yen to rent a day (like, $1.50), and had these cool ass locks. if your key wasn’t in, you couldn’t rotate the bike tires. it was neat… the tourist map we had also had this giant pagoda logo which was an “information center” so we were looking for a big ass pagoda building — in reality, it was this little tiny thing that was like 10 feet tall only. lol. godamn tourist maps…

got our bikes and biked around the area cause lingo and i were super fucking rusty. scary man… very scary… to bike in the city cause there is just so much fucking shit around all over the place.

it was still early and nothing was open yet.

porn movie theatre in asakusa!!!!

anyway, ate lunch at yoshinoya, which is a cheap chain store type place that sells basically beef dishes with cooked onions over rice. pretty good and definitely cheap. everyone says shit in japan is sooo expensive, but it’s not really — maybe if you compare it to like, china, but compared to the u.s., not really.

after eating there, i had a massive nosebleed in their bathroom and was in there for fucking ever, bleeding all over the chair and floor and crap like that. after that day my nose pretty much hurt like a bitch :/ like, up in the nose cavity, not on the surface…

went to an arcade we found and allllmost beat “time crisis 4″, because i had exchanged $10 USD for 1,000 yen. unfortunately, though… i lent tony a couple hundred yen to play, and he died real fast, and so i was halfway through killing the final boss when i fucking died. godamnit. and no more money to beat it. UGHHHHH.

after that, we got our bikes which we parked on the side street and biked over the ueno. about a… 30 minute bike ride or something. it was kind of scary because of the huge amount of people X___X massive dodging required… almost killed myself and a few pedestrians um, a couple of times.

walked over the land bridge in ueno and went to this six story anime store (unfortunately, it had no naruto stuff — tony and lingo were looking for it, and i was looking for a rock lee to buy lenny since he looks like rock lee — or any katamari stuff, which was super sad!). yeah.

ueno

walked over to ueno park afterwards where there were a lot of cherry blossoms and stuff, but we were a week early for the cherry blossoms to be completely bloomed… lots of people and lots of of stairs, and i was quite sore the entire trip.

saw some kids being attacked and swarmed by pigeons and all that good stuff…!! lingo and miko got some good pics of that shit. lol.

after that, it was about, like 4pm and we had to meet yuki and miko’s friend tetsu at akihabara at 5pm, so we rode over there. took forever to meet up with both of them cause it was a crowded station and yuki was late and stuff, but yeah. this chick in this photo up here was promoting for a maid cafe!!!

went to eat at some nice restaurant and tetsu treated us. the place was nijumaru, and was a izukaya, which serves drinking food and snacks…)

walked around and went to don quixote, which at the upstairs of it (well, 5th floor or so) had a maid cafe, where girls dress up and talk to lonely guys. you pay them to talk to you. pretty fucking stupid. anyway. 6th floor had some weird thing where you can dress up and they take pics of you. i have no idea. japan is fucking weird, man.

random girl singing. not sure where!!!

after that, went to tully’s and met up with yuki/lingo’s friends from the united states. tetsu treated us yet again to ice cream and coffee. their ice cream had hot coffee on the bottom of it. kind of interesting…

it was interesting to see the shift between customs for the japanese dudes who had lived in the u.s. — they lived there for like 5 years so they had like really good english and not even their accents were too bad, but like… they would be talking to us and it’d just be like, what’s up, yoyoyo… and then they’d introduce themselves to tetsu and would all of a sudden be super formal, with like bowing and giving him their business card with two hands and stuff… lol. most amusing.

one of the guys who was there drove the jr transit trains. lol. he’s not a conductor, though! apparently conductors do the announcements over the intercom. hm, that’s news to me!

headed back to asakusa in a hurry so that we could return the bikes by 12am. got stopped by the police. they started off by asking me if i was okay or something and i obviously didn’t understand, so they talked to tony. and said some shit. and they looked at our passports and stuff. and we barely made it back in time.

went to bed after we got back to the hostel. i bought some towels from 7-11 prior to coming home and FINALLY took a shower for the first time in three days. it was a nice push-button shower that saved water and shit. wee!

attempted to sleep and COULD NOT SLEEP. AT ALL. the new roommate that night was from singapore and he slept right next to me in an upper bunk and was SO LOUD. it was INSANELY loud.

went downstairs for a while cause tony was down there and looked at some pics of tokyo, but then tony wanted to go to bed so i went too. there was this super fucking annoying guy downstairs who was talking about fucking his girlfriend in the hostel beds, in the shower stalls, in the toilet stalls, etc… when she came to town, and the same guy like, hit on every fucking girl around. he was annoying as SHIT. anyways.

went back to sleep at some point, and i spent the whole night up wishing to die or wishing it was morning so it would all just fucking end lol. at some point, tony started snoring too, and would basically snore at the intervals the other guy was not snoring. there was quite a pattern going on, and i remember thinking that compared to this guy’s snoring, tony’s was hella soothing, lol, cause it was like 1/3 the loudness.

i usually clap loudly to make people wake up from snoring, but with this guy, it was unpossible. lol. he would not even fucking stir. asshole.

woke up at 5am after a night of NO SLEEP AT FUCKING ALL. wee!

friday, march 30th — tsukiji, ginza, shibuya
once again, got up at 5am and got ready to leave to the tsukiji fish market sometime soon. a guy from the hostel, sarub, went with us. he had gone to the fish market the day before (wednesday), but the fish market was closed on wednesdays, so pwn the noob!!!!!

anyway, took most of my pics at the fish market because i’m weird, and SQUID ARE SO CUTE!!! there was lots of cutting of giant tunas.

we had lunch at a sushi place, and looked around for a place that had a line with japanese people, but not a HUGE line like some places had. i had whale nigiri, aji, anago, amaebi… anago was OK, not as good as unagi, and aji was kind of good… amaebi was eh, okay… whale was fucking nasty… kujira, it’s called. anyways. i also had a cooked tuna shioyaki that was pretty not good and looked nothing like its respective photo.

afterwards, we walked to ginza and looked at buildings there, in an attempt to find a citibank. sarub had a book which detailed where all the citibanks were, which was helpful, as citibank was like, the only bank in japan that allowed atm withdrawals from mastercard and visa.

lingo and i were in desperate need of a toilet, so we walked into one tower and happened to explore it. downstairs had some genmaicha soft-serve ice cream there, MMMM! tried toilet with ass spray action, and it was okay i guess, but couldn’t figure out how to FLUSH the toilet, rofls. lingo loved the ass spray cleaner and got addicted to it, rofls.

ginza sucks. these statues were the only fucking good thing about it.

okay fine this clocktower is KINDA cool but all these things are situated in the mall so that makes them lamer.

anyways. went to shibuya to meet up with yuki and he took us to a korean-influenced restaurant with small dishes again. sarub came with us, and then left to go meet up with other people afterwards (from some website called sofacrashers or something, which basically allowed people in foreign countries to go online and say, hey, i’m alone in this city for a week, who wants to show me around?). interesting.

afterwards we went to some department store or something and came across these weird exercise machines that were supposed to simulate horseback riding when really they were nothing like that… didn’t feel like a workout at all, really. interesting. lingo got addicted to these too. rofls.

then we went to karaoke at big one — two hours of karaoke at 1,000 yen an hour each for all you can drink. i was drunk after three. lol.

after singing, we went out to the hallway where lingo was talking to people, and joined in, kind of. lots of random shit was talked about, like…

- fat girls and pussies.
- homo! homo! homo!
- miko’s bus announcer voice.
- “funniest shit ever…”
- took lotsa videos…

videos sum it all up better, though, so yeah. no need to write about all this, as it is quite difficult to capture the greatness with just writing.

we had to hurry to leave to catch the subway, since it closes @ 12:30 or whatever. this is soon to be a pattern.

at this point, lingo was like a walking zombie… lol. ALSO soon to be repeated.

got back and hung in the hostel living room lounge for some hours, talking to some swedish people and stuff. they were watching south park. and they looked super old but were only like 20 and 22 — one guy had been there for like a year. tony was like, “don’t swedish people make awesome watches and stuff?” and i was like, “dude, that’s swiss not swedish!” and a bunch of european dudes had a real big laugh about it. lol. but apparently it is a common mistake lol…

we went on a midnight 7-11 run so miko and tony could get more beer. lingo passed out early and before we left tony went up and threw a tripod at lingo LOL in an attempt to wake him up. then threw everything in his pockets at lingo trying to accomplish the same. rofls. i bought a hentai mag at 7-11. tony and miko didn’t even remember going to 7-11 in the morning. lol.

went to bed and got about three hours of sleep. the roommate was still snoring loudly, but this time it was somewhat tolerable.

thursday, march 29th — mizue, shinjuku, akasaka
woke up at like, 8 or something ridiculous. i woulda slept more, but tony had told me to keep my key outside the door so they could pick it up before they came to bed, but they weren’t in bed in the morning, so i figured they never got the key. so… i kind of freaked out in my head because i was wondering if it was lost or not, so i had to wake up… turns out tony was passed out on the sofa downstairs and he HAD picked up the key — lingo and i spent two hours watching bad music videos on tv instead.

it was raining this morning really heavily and we were like super bummed, because we had to check out this morning. rain would have gotten us and our luggage soaked. luckily for us, however, when we were ready to leave, the rain stopped. we subway’d over to our new hotel in mizue (which is between the airport and asakusa… and btw, NO ONE knows were mizue is)… and we couldn’t check in until 3 because they were cleaning, so we walked around and explored the area.

went to eat italian food at some restaurant because italian food there is different — like, they put seaweed or salmon roe or random stuff on some dishes to make them more japanese. all italian restaurants have tabasco sauce readily available as well. i got doria. it was good. this restaurant had a cool self-service drink area and a buzzer that you could press when you were ready to order.

afterwards went to a ghetto ass fucking arcade to play the lamest fighting game ever (forget the name). mostly, we went there to kill time. it worked, i guess!

then we went to eat dessert at some cafe, and it was good times.

then we checked in, some people took showers after not taking them for so many days, and then we went to shinjuku to like, go clubbing. met up with yuki and walked around for a while — miko and i were going to fob it out on sunday, so we bought some socks, but no luck, cause there was no time to buy any other clothes :/

we went to eat teppanyaki / okonomiyaki and stuff…

then went to don quixote to buy lingo a sweatshirt since he was freezing his ass off. lol. he bought one and then takeo showed up. they all bought some sake at the store and drank it up in the street. drank up A LOT.

then we went to 747 karaoke to pre-funk it up for an hour. they sucked. didn’t give us more than three rounds of drinks. they were stingy! left quick since they no like us, and everyone else bought more sake for more prefunk. BAD IDEA.

we went to mcdonald’s to eat some food and drink. everyone was okay at this time. yuki treated us all. sat downstairs in a corner, and got soooo many looks! takeo sang happy birthday a few times to tony, and that was the start of having people stare at us. then we like, poured sake in a mcdonald’s pudding cup and made chairs fall over, and were loud and english-speaking, etc. got ready to leave and people were STILL staring.

but then tony started talking to some autistic-type girl and we stayed longer. she had pics she took from turkey or something. while waiting, we met a guy who had won a million dollars (USD, i think), and had given it all away to charity. he showed us photos of him next to the money.

he kept talking to me and i didn’t understand. made yuki/takeo translate. the dude drank 20 cups of coffee daily and he was droolmaster flex :0

lingo left after going to mcdonald’s since he was like, a zombie… lol. we met with raver richie around 11:30pm to go to ageha, and when we got out of the first subway train, yuki puked when we were coming up. he started not walking very well. lol. and it took forever to get from train to train since takeo and tony had to carry him!!

then yuki got on a train and puked all over the place (it was HUGE) and fell in his own puke :/

then at some point we ended up somewhere weird, and all the subways were closed. we talked about taking a cab, but yuki could not be moved, and the place we were standing just so happened to be a place that made it “illegal” to hail a cab.

first yuki passed out, then as tony was having some heart-to-heart with me, he passed out.

and then takeo passed out. lol. before that, though, takeo was trying to hail a cab while half asleep and it was quite scary. his eyes were like, closed as he was trying to hail the cab. lol.

then like… we tried to get tony and takeo up at the same time, and they were both like hella out of it, and just both were like, “okay! let’s get up!” although they had been like passed out, and both stood up all of a sudden together and ended up stumbling all over the place. but they were like, excited to get up, although they seemed not to know what to do with themselves after getting up, lol. eh, hard to explain. had to have seen it!

miko, richie, and i stayed there for forever, til like 4am. then we moved the three of them to a different corner where we attempted to hail a cab. sat for a while cuz it was hard to hail cabs, and yeah. takeo woke up at some point but was like a zombie! he kept saying, “samui! samui! samui!” then would go inside the store to get some food. then would come back out, eat the food, and keep saying, “samui! samui! samui!” then go back in the store. he tried paying for two empty bags of food at some point. HAHAHAHHAHA.

at 4am, some security guard dude helped us hail a couple cabs. the first said that he could only seat 2 people and that no one could sit in front. i think he was lying. then we got 2 other cars, and tony, takeo, and yuki took one to yuki’s apartment, and me, miko, and richie took the other to “shinohashi” (#4 bridge or something, where yuki lived, across from the iranian embassy, lol). suddenly, when we got out, yuki and tony were both all full of energy, lol. wth. we went to yuki’s and it cost about 2,000 yen, and everyone was confused. it was cheaper than we had expected.

tony and yuki had thought it was still like 12am and had no idea why we didn’t go to the club. lol. motherfuckers. yuki had a mean anti-social cat that hissed at epople. anyway, some people played on the computer but i went to bed pretty early and slept on yuki’s bed… there was some down blanket and i wrapped myself in it. at some point tony woke me up and carried me to sleep on the couch for some reason, and the down blanket was still wrapped around me (above and below). when i woke up, i was sweating like hell. lol. hot as balls. went to bed at 6am, woke up at 9am. gg.

saturday, march 31st — shibuya, mizue
called lingo when we woke up in the morning and said we were almost leaving. what a lie. lol. we were watching tv for like, ever, and basically left in like, an hour and a half. lol. takeo came with us. we got back to mizue and showered, got ready, and ate lunch at some french-influenced restaurant, then left to meet yuki in shibuya at hachiko. also met up with miko’s friend, yuji!

tony’s finger was rotting off from infection!

i had to go to citibank in shibuya to pick up some cash for miko and tony, since none of them had any money.

yuki took a lot of long exposure pics with all of us in that shibuya intersection (the busiest intersection in the world?) and it was quite boring…

then we all went to eat at a restaurant, kinda americanized again… i had some spicy chicken, miscellaneous asian stuff. kind of good.

after that, went karaoke yet again, at a new place… for 1,000 yen an hour. we stayed an hour and a half. again, there were limits to drinks, but it was better than yesterday. probably cause there was no crazy drinking today — it was fairly reserved.

it started raining when we left, and there was a guy pissing in the corner near hachiko. yeah. we waited for there a little bit. met up with richie and had to take a shuttle bus to go to ageha. takeo went home because he had to dj in the morning.

loud guy on the bus was screaming about being a gai-jin and a teacher in japan, but i guess he had pretty good japanese.

got to ageha. tony lost his wallet and found it. 35,000 yen cover. hi-tech lights, sound, and good music… reggae room — first time i’ve seen such a thing in a club!! it started out good then turned super bad. all the “hot girls” were there, i guess. tony almost got beaten up i think, cause he was freaking some guy’s girl.

richie kept saying something about how since we candywalked, we danced like we weren’t from japan. i don’t see why it matters, though — not everyone needs to look the same.

yuki lost his locker key cause he was breakdancing for a little while, but he found it because someone turned it in. karma, i say, because tony had found someone’s lost wallet and was trying to find a credit card in there to use it. grrrr.

also, ageha had like, a side room that had food vendors!! nice touch! yuki bought some stuff that was like jambalaya. it was kinda good i think. we fell asleep outside for a little while, waiting for the club to close at what we thought was 5… turns out it closed at 6… we ended up leaving at 5:30 because tony wanted to dance for a little longer. haven’t seen tony dance like that in, like, forever?

walked to some convenience store where some african dude offered to carry my food, saying that i was too small to carry it all. and one reached for my money, but i was like, “that’s my money!” i don’t know what that was all about, but then they bid me good day and left…?!

then we went to eat at some place where you pay first in a vending machine… had some curry stuff and some lady who worked there was incomprehensible. spoke in mumbles and crap. even japanese people didn’t understand her!

after that we went home because the trains were open, and slept in for the FIRST TIME! til 1:30pm.

there were so many people getting on the trains at 5:30am… asked yuji where they were going / coming from, and even he had no idea! and he is japanese!

sunday, april 1st — harajuku



went to harajuku and met with nanako. went to park, and there were some guys there with “free hugs” signs. one of the guys with the sign was talking to someone, so i hugged him from behind. lol. he was super surprised, and in america, people with that sign probably would have been like! hi! and hugged me back even though it was surprising… but this guy didn’t, lol. yeah. he was just kind of awkward about it.

soo… i made up a sign that said, “hugs, 1 yen,” and lingo held up a sign above me saying, “and herpes.” i got two people willing to pay one yen each, and two who didn’t have money so lingo “loaned them money”, and one which was tony, and two who were two cheap to pay one yen (which is 1/100th of a penny!!) bitches!

harajuku was kinda disappointing because i expected it to be a helluva lot bigger, but it was actually kind of small and restricted to just one small park section. some girls with costumes and what not.

afterwards, went to eat tonkatsu ramen. lingo and tony got spicy ramen and put a whole bunch of garlic in it. sounds good.

went shopping afterwards — there were some places with cool punk/goth clothes, but they were expensive. and there was one that was cheap, but it was for skinny people only :/

after that, we walked over to shibuya because tokyo tower was closed (yuki had wanted to take us there). we met up with yuki halfway and then went to the same ol’ familiar area in shibuya where we decided to go karaoke. takeo showed up too. some place where they filmed the karaoke scene in “lost in translation” tried to rip us off, so we went to big one — the same place as the first night we went karaoke. it was 25,000 yen a person for all-night karaoke, til 5am!!! same cost as 2 and a half hours lol. awesome!!!

only richie, lingo, and i stayed up the ENTIRE night. miko stayed up most of the night. takeo passed out first, then yuki, then tony. same ol, same ol. as we were leaving, i rubbed yuki’s head to try and wake him up, and he hated it, apparently — i didn’t see his face, but miko said he looked pissed lol. then i rubbed takeo’s head to wake him up, and his reaction was funny because instead of doing nothing like yuki, he started slapping the chair next to him hahaha. lol…

anyway, at 5am we walked to the place by hachiko and the busiest intersection in the world or whatever was now basically deserted!! everyone went home and took naps and left individually.

monday, april 2nd
left to go to the airport. thought our flight was at 5pm, but really, it was at fucking 1pm. so we sat in the airport forever. since we never really had time to go shopping, we talked about going shopping at the airport, but there really wasn’t anything to buy. had risotto at the airport. tried massage chairs with lingo at the airport. they were mostly fun but made me kind of sick afterwards. watched part of “stranger than fiction” on the plane, and it seems pretty good but i didn’t get to finish it — did, however, watch parts of “the good german” with george clooney and it seems dumb… and watched the whole of “curse of the golden flower,” which VISUALLY is AWESOME but everything else about it is fucking terrible. ick. ICKKKKKK.

march 18th, 2007 (runaway, runaway, runaway and say goodbye!)

i’m listening to… marilyn manson - coma white, lifehouse - breathing, pink floyd - money…

3:10 am — gonna go to bed soon but thought i’d write anyways. going to tokyo from march 26th to april 2nd… after that, hopefully, i’ll be able to go to montana!! YAY… that’d be PIMP SHIT. i’ve been wanting to go to montana all fucking year, man. i just want to vacation. right now the other place i want to go to is machu picchu, but first i need to get into shape for that, lol.

last night we had a taco party @ our place… alex [bennett], jennifer [yee], hsuhan, posa, linh, lenny, and andy… spent a lotta money on that shit! looks like i’ll be eating tacos today (already did) and tomorrow, and oh, for a while. we have a ridiculous amount of tortillas left over. RIDICULOUS. and so much salsa and shit too. m0gz…

alex also brought over his nintendo and left it here, and so now we have… 3 nes and 2 snes consoles haha. none of the nes’ work all that well (although the snes both work perfectly). fucking nes, why are you so godamn great but so fucking fragile?!!!

so ben [woody] from work is leaving, so that kind of sucks, cause after he leaves i’ll probably be stuck in negative nancy snocon again cause rick and sean bicker all day long lol. LE WEEP. although i love the flexibility of the job, i am learning absolutely NOTHING, and i really think i need a change. i think i will. but i feel bad springing a “i am going to quit” on them now since ben just quit. what’s funny, though, is ben quit the week right after they came back from their shop trip (fully paid-for trip to montana). rofls. they got pwnt. and they didn’t invite me on that trip. so what do i owe them! NOTHING BITCHES!

found a hostel to stay in japan for for the first three days in the akasuka? or something district. man, i know so many people who are going to be in japan. apparently tin-win is there right now with her new bf (?!) but there’s no real way of contacting her since she’s already there. but eric [prince], one guy who does random photography submissions for me for redefine, scott [swinford], minho, and gray will probably all be there. so jesus! hopefully someone will be able to show us a good time, kaka, keke!?

still sounds expensive though. but our first hostel choice is $17 a night, which is pretty freakin cheap :0

guess i won’t be buying much. i really would like to go to kyoto cause that’s like… less rushed, more relaxed shrines & gardens and stuff, but it costs a lot of money to go to kyoto, so i guess we won’t be. by speed train it costs about $170!!!!!! and that takes about 2 1/2 hours. but by highway bus it is less (like $30 each way)… but it takes 7 hours. either way, too expensive, so i guess i will have to find a non-populated remote destination in tokyo that allows for uber garden siteseeing and shit. hope that is even plausible. i think… that 6 days of being stuck purely in a HUGE FUCKING CITY will be death of me.

can’t decide if i want to bring dad’s old nikon fm or not… i have a few lenses that i would like to try out and stuff, but i don’t know how good my skills are for a manual camera… and i don’t particularly want to wash a whole bunch of rolls if they’re not going to even turn out. but maybe the sacrifice is worth it. that, coupled with my digital cam, will be great?! maybe?! rawr.

so turns out if i had gone to sxsw with sean or whatever. I COULD HAVE GOTTEN TO HANG OUT WITH FUCKING METHOD MAN AND REDMAN man!!! arrrrrr! craziness. apparently sean’s friend who spun @ sxsw was friends with them and invited them all over to their place where they smoked blunts and shit. fucking lucky. sigh. i will regret going to sxsw, i’m sure. not sure honestly if the mag will hang in there long enough to make it to going to sxsw next year haha. pathetic as that fucking sounds. /kill.

visitors for sushimonsters.com have been steadily declining too, which is fucking disappointing. i worked my fucking ass off to get people to that site… and no one else even cares. a waste of my fucking time, man. sigh.

—

march 14th, 2007 (:D)

i’m listening to… dashboard confessional - screaming infidelities, placebo - special k (acoustic), placebo - every you every me, placebo - special k, alien ant farm - glow, gym class heroes - cupid’s chokehold…

2:46 am — music has been good to me lately!!

going to japan on the 26th. hopefully that goes well. not sure where we’re living yet, rofls. was talk of sleeping on the streets, since apparently, a lot of people do that! yay!

hmm. scott [swinford] will be there at that time since he’s living in japan, as will a few other people. hopefully it’ll be a good trip. going with tony [cordova], yuki [hashimoto], miko, and lingo ~ wee, tons of people with weird names! pimp!

went to get a physical done today. had a pap smear. it was kind of… fun? i think i’m a little weird. every trip to the hospital is like, fun to me. it’s like, an adventure. cause it’s like, a new experience every time. for example…

this time: pap smear, tetanus shot (ow, my arm is sore!), blood draw! wee! awesome! also got a breast exam and found out how to do my own! sweet! never had a pap smear before, it wasn’t so bad! it was kind of fun! am i weird? probably. and now i have a bandage thing on my left arm for tetanus shot as well as a bunch of tape on my right elbow area for blood draw! fucking awesome!

last time: catscan! actually, that was like, the worst experience of my life, but had my eye not been all fux0red, it might have been fun! found out i was allergic to iodine contrast! fun! got a hive! fun!

before that: got my ear flushed out because the doctor thought my eye might have been feeling weird because i had a lot of earwax. rofls. that was some really fucking weird shit. they blast your ear with warm water. doesn’t really feel particularly good…

before that: went to the hospital to have my cyst removed! oh that was super fun. got a couple cool scars! had my belly pumped full of air so that the week afterwards i could feel my organs jiggling around inside. k, the aftermath was probably the most disgusting thing ever, but DURING was kind of fun!!! i mean, i got knocked out, but i was super drugged up when i woke up, and i remember hearing a person next to me speaking spanish, and i remember thinking in my head that i wanted to be a translator since they were looking for one. even though i was all drugged up and incoherent. fucking noob.

before that: first time to gynecnologist! she was really cool and funny! yay!

before that: k before, that things weren’t as fun. hm.

high school: wisdom teeth pull out! got gassed, and the gas was fun! i got gassed and afterwards got out of chair thinking i was okay and fell on the ground! haha! awesome!

tell your kids the doctor’s office is fun!!

K a L i B r 3 (2:54:55 AM): sure, when you’re not coming in with a three foot pole stuck through your shoulder =\

good point, joe!

oh yeah! few days ago we played a cal-o counterstrike match and won 30-0, but the other team put in a fake forfeit win saying they won 16-0 afterwards. wow, what douchebags! but cal overturned it, so yay! go us!!!!!

february 28th, 2007 (i was supposed to take over the world, part two)

i’m listening to… the fugees - killing me softly, ludacris - what’s your fantasy, esthero - that girl, kenny loggins - return to pooh corner, leo sayer - oh girl, death cab for cutie - transatlanticism, ima robot - philosophofee, air - mike mills, brand new - me vs. maradona vs. elvis, armor for sleep - phantoms now… lots of armor for sleep… ~

2:24 am — haha damnit, lenny keeps calling lauryn hill macy gray. WHAT A DISS.

ooh my dream class is this saturday… hope i don’t forget. man, rob said that we were supposed to go whistler this weekend from march 1st to march 4th, but that never fucking happened. fucking rob! FUCKING SUCK. it was my first chance to go to whistler in the like, six years i’ve been here but nOoo. rob is cut from my team! i blame mormonism!

this week i don’t have to go to work @ snowboard connection at all because everyone is on a fucking shop trip. lucky ass bitches. all-expenses paid shop trip to MONTANA. WHICH I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO FUCKING GO TO ALL FUCKING YEAR. makes me bitter…

and another thing is that in two weeks i was supposed to go to sxsw in austin with jeanette… sxsw is like, one of the biggest music (there are also film & interactive portions) events in the country, and this year i FINALLY got around to saying, man, i’m getting to the point of doing the magazine where i think i should be going to sxsw. this is my one year chance to go, so i’m going to go this year. so jeanette said she’d go with me, but then she can’t cause of work… and a couple other people were interested but ended up not living up to that. so now it sucks because i have two tickets, worth $500 each, just sitting there. i’d go by myself because sean [tumi? cee? iono] from work was supposed to go spin @ sxsw but now he has a court date for getting caught with pot, and now he can’t go. he said i could still stay with his friends there, but they’re a bunch of hardcore druggies (like coke & heroine type)… which is OK by me if i had a friend, but i don’t have a friend with me. soo… if i don’t find someone to go with me, i’m fux0red. so i hope i find someone 8(

two vacations foiled. i’m in the midst of trying to plan a trip with jeanette and sherry and xinlei to mexico or whatever to check out aztec temples or mayan temples or SOMETHING. honestly, i want everyone i know who can go to go… i like merging groups… i just want everyone to get along ^_^

mrawr.

lenny is singing to “return to pooh corner”… somehow he knows all of the words. scary.

anyways. things have been going okay all around. just lots of work and stuff. occasional drum n’ bass days… occasional snowboard trips… occasional meetings… occasional new projects…

i broke my keyboard… spilled a bunch of milk over it and now my computer doesn’t turn off and on properly. sucks, man. i don’t know if i can get warranty to cover it or not. man, i like this computer too. how am i going to be able to bring it to work when i have to hook up an extra keyboard and shit. UGH.

lol it’s funny when i tell people i meet to go to deviantart.com and read my poetry… and then i remember some of the stuff i wrote and i’m like, ah, shit, not sure if i really want everyone to read that… but whatever. i think i’ve come to terms with a lot of things about my past, and it’s just… all gravy. well not gravy as in good, but gravy as in i’m tired of caring. the future is the future. the past can only make you more knowledgeable of what you would never want to do with your life.

i miss writing. it’s only when i look back on my old writing that i come to realize just how much i miss it… i feel like the way things are now i am missing a huge chunk of who i was and what i have become is confusing. writing used to be my outlet, and it was what i did to relieve any kind of anxiety. is it because the anxiety is no longer there? i think it’s because i no longer have enough time alone, to be honest. alone time is blinded up and boarded up and packed away and i surround myself with everything that is not alone. i feel like i’ve changed so much… i don’t know how to get back in touch with it, though, because i don’t know exactly what’s wrong. i think from doing the magazine, oversaturation with music and writing have made me tired of them. which is sad. because those are the things i turned to the most. i feel like a factory now, some kind of machine that pumps shit out without the love for it. it’s too frustrating not to continue, but continuing is a different kind of frustration. that’s why i want to get away… to spend time far, far, far away with just some really good friends to think and to live and to live and to live and to LIVE.

i want to live, how the fuck do i.

the relationships between human beings are so fascinating. i love being able to talk to people on a level they otherwise wouldn’t. i find this mostly true over the internet sense, and perhaps that’s why i enjoy talking to people on the internet so much. in real life, the setting has to be perfect for people to talk deeply about their lives… and while that can be done — eva, alex and i used to do that all the time… that was the good times — it doesn’t happen often in real life… there’s always a guarded layer. on the internet, however, even if it is with people you know well… it’s easier. for a lot of people… you are able to actually connect on a meaningful level, regardless of how well you know them sometimes. that’s why i like it…

that being said, eva went back to cali and will be staying there forever? i think? it feels awful that things were never fixed but i don’t know what i’d do with that situation anymore. but yeah. those were some good times we had. i can only hope somewhere in the future her sentiments change, but i honestly don’t know and can’t waste the energy wondering about it. i feel like with her i could have made a difference. i was feeling like she hated me for so long but i was scared to talk about it, and just kind of let us grow apart… and then the unaddressable feelings just exploded to a point that i think was overboard. but who knows…………………….

but yeah… i think since moving out of that apartment last year, i am starting to feel a waning connection with everybody. i feel like i just want to kind of retreat……………. not getting in too deep, not get into hurting anyone, not get into hurting myself. one layer removed…?

i write in journal. this is my week off, and my pathetic attempt at returning to normalcy, perhaps.

as if that can be reached in a day or two. lol.

sigh talking to people is depressing. i just want to live. lol. right now i’m talking to aaron of my new spacemonkeys clan in cs and we’re talking about how… you can spend so much time talking to people everyday, playing cs with them everyday, shooting the shit with them everyday, and then once that’s all over with… never talk to each other ever again. there’s just too much to do in life… too little time to attend to everyone’s needs and wants and it’s too difficult to sync things up… it’s pathetic, really, how friends can be friends only circumstantially… but it’s very legitimate and everyone does it. pathetic, though, and depressing.

i feel like i’m still in college, kind of. like i’m still super young. i still have fun like i did in college, and i still know a lot of people who live this way. but it seems like as time goes on this will diminish, with everyone having their own families and schedules and bullshit. as it is, it is so hard to plan a trip with people because everyone is busy with work. it’s only going to get worse.

i remember a couple years ago, tony [cordova] was like, yea, we probably won’t even talk anymore in a couple years. glad we still do. i remember i thought it was so weird at that time when i heard him say that because we were such good friends… and to be able to consciously let things go like that is weird to me. i would never DREAM of it… if it happens, it happens, but it seems so pathetic…

life is too hard. heh.

(trask’s response:)
I found that i don’t play the guitar nearly as much as i used to, and it makes me sad sometimes. I think of this one artistic ability that i had, that i put so much time and effor and money into, and yet now it just sits there… collecting dust. Then i remember why i played my guitar, because i was lonely and depressed. I’m no longer lonely and depressed. I don’t play my guitar. Why did you write? Why do you not write now? I agree that these are both things we shouldn’t stop doing, but it takes a while to find new meaning in something that used to have so much, ya know? I hope you write again, but remember not to force it, do it when you have an inspiration, but not when you have a depressing one. Or maybe its time to find something new to write about, one that more openly expresses the emotions you have now. <3

(my response:)
meow <3 i would love to do it only when i have the inspiration but then i feel as th0ugh i wi11 have f0rg0tten s0 much that i want to remember. if that makes sense. nad yes, bad m00ds equa1 10ts 0f writing, but 1ate1y, n0t even bad m00ds resu1t in writing, s0 its kind 0f a 10st... cause... 0r s0mething.

---

february 5th, 2007 (i guess i'll write in here... ULTRA RECAP!)

i'm listening to... lenny listening to some angrynintendonerd review crap on youtube. talking about "ninja turtles" and shit.

1:30 am -- so... i guess i'll write in here. just cause it's been like 80 years. T__T

december 10th -- saw fucking guns n' roses @ everett events center. LOL. axle rose got fat. guns n' roses now has like, 6 people, what the fuck? don't think anyone but axle was an original member. is it axl or axle i forget. whatever. it was seriously the longest fucking set i have ever seen. 3 hours or something. and to make it worse... they played a bunch of songs, like "rocket queen," which i fucking hate, and didn't play a lot of the songs i loved. :0 in the row before us, there was a near altercation between a dude and his son and some other younger dudes. weirdos. and the dad was totally rocking out the whole time, it was fucking pimp. yup.

december 12th -- uglyhead laser show @ the pacific science center. jake from VMC's band... dread head guy. their music is industrial, actually pretty fucking good, although the laser show was just ok. towards the end it was great, but at the beginning it was too bright and i had a hard time looking at it... so i ended up falling asleep cause i had to close my eyes so much >__< went to see dieselboy at the war room afterwards with yuki, tony [cordova], and nate [davis]… it was P-I-M-P i saiz. dieselboy is so cool. he seems so fucking down to earth and his music is GREAT. fucking sadly, the pendulum show was more crowded than the dieselboy show. what the shit is that about? pendulum blew. dieselboy pwned.

december 14th — uber major windstorm in washington. when we were sleeping at nighttime we could hear branches snapping in our room but didn’t pay much attention. the next day, andy [crossett] comes in and says, “vee, there’s a tree on your car!” and i wasn’t planning on going to work that day because of the fucked up weather, so i got up and was like HOLY SHIZNACK. and woke up early. if by 1pm you can say early. jk. maybe it was earlier. anyways. so i go out and there really is a tree on my car. there was this tree lightly rooted in tanbark and was kinda big but shallowly dug in, so it fell over. luckily for me, however, there was a car between me and the tree, so that car’s windshield got completely cracked (and also, smoke came out of his hood as well as a burning sound when he later turned on the car). mine, luckily, only had a few scratches and nothing more. pretty fucking lucky, if i do say so myself. walked around a bit, and there were seriously trees EVERYWHERE. one house apparently had 5 big ass trees which fell on it LOL. also in our apartment compound a volvo got a huge tree on it, and it was totally smashed up. lawl. scary. dude. one actually fell on an apartment but the apartments were sturdy enough to withhold it. hoorah. later i believe the fucking toilet sewage backed up and leaked a bunch of water. luckily for us, i saw it early… the shower was also gross. apparently some other neighbors had some issues, though, and carpet replacement people came by to the apartments soon after. hoorah, though, we caught the leak before our carpet got soax0red.

december 20th — dinner with lenny @ nishino because kenji @ work recommended it. we were going to go to koji osakaya’s (osaka-ya… lol, i called it o-sa-ka-ya haha). but yeah. nishino was butt expensive. and some stuff was good while other stuff was terrible. hit or miss, i guess. their sushi is supposedly good while the other stuff is hit or miss. yup. expensive. what’s cool, though, is that their sushi chef wears like a chef’s top but always wears jammies underneath. HAHAHAHA. awesome. oh yeah, i got to nishino’s early so i waited for lenny and slept in my car while i was waiting, only he was calling me and my phone wasn’t working. he nearly went home because he had been waiting for a half hour and couldn’t find me, but luckily he found my car and knocked on my windshield and we went in and ate. teehee. later that night i went to pick up sherry because she came over for fun times (aka for xmas and stuff, but she came early to hang out with me a few days).

december 21st — went to gameworks for my birthday. i figured… well, people always go to bars on their bdays, but i rarely drink, so what’s the point? then i decided, I LIKE GAMES. MORE THAN I LIKE ALCOHOL. so games it was. sherry always says i take her to the weirdest places when she comes up. first a rave, then an arcade… places she would never usually go, lawlerskates. i started telling sherry a bunch of random facts, like how brontosauruses aren’t real dinosaurs and how amazon used to be a mental hospital and how downtown seattle used to be a ghost town, etc… so she told me if i got to 10 points by the end of the night she would give me something something. blahblah. well, tony [cordova] came over and he had a bunch of facts too and ended up playing the game as well, and i think he may have beaten me. all because sherry didn’t count a lot of the facts i told her before she decided to play the game though!! or at least that’s what i say!! gameworks for bday was not the best idea, since it is all crowded and spread out and shit, but oh well. who cares. games games and more games, and then some people came back to our apartment and we hung out. woot.

december 26th — las vegas stuff was written about in another post. so let’s just keep it happy here, shall we, and ignore that trip? apparently nothing from the 21 to the 26 is worth mentioning, and that’s i dunno, kind of sad maybe? =__= went to xinlei’s house after getting back from vegas that evening. dahye and claire were there as well — hadn’t seen claire in fucking ages, man. it was good times… just sat and talked and watched “pirates of the caribbean 2″ on tv. werd.

december 27th — went to jeanette’s house and sherry was there as well. we just hung out and talked and that good stuff. molested jeanette’s foam top mattress :D and she gave me my cool bday present which was a shirt and pins and stuff. oh yeah, sherry bought me pirate toys and playdoh for my bday, and also a $20 gift card to best buy after this mini-reunion, we went to richard [lee]’s house with jeanette… i totally dragged jeanette with me even though it was knowingly a “video game party” hahahaha. fuck it was at the coolest fucking house ever, at this guy named patrick’s house. so basically patrick’s family is like hardcore irish, so they have all of these coat of arms and suits of armor and shit around their house, and knives and swords. MAN SO COOL. even their fucking toilet seat had a coat of arms. their floor was this super polished wood mosaic tile stuff (not all mosaic tiles, but there were patterned inlays). they had a cabinet full of fucking star trek ship models LOL. GOD I WANT HIS HOUSE. and they had this old school expensive ass piano too. man. seriously the pimpest house i’ve ever been to. oh, and guess what, they also had like, the best view ever. k not really, but one of the best in the east bay area probably. it was in dublin. and they also had like this weird LOTR saromon’s hand one ring blahblah elfin helmet blahblah replica shit. lol. interesting family, i say. i gotta have patrick draw for me — he’s an artist… i got his contact info but haven’t gotten around to contacting him for the mag yet. but he must be good cause he works for a movie company drawing storyboards. MUST BE. anyway, they are fucking loaded and had like, 4 huge ass plasma screens total i believe. 2 in each different room where they were all hooked up to xbox live. 8 person “gears of war”. concluded that i have no fucking problem playing people i know in gears of war or even people at work in gears of war — can kill quite a bit and rank pretty decent. but playing with people on xbox live… shit man that’s a whole nother ballpark (aka cannot kill anything).

december 28th — went back to seattle and went to work. rick got me a rolly chair (instead of a prison chair) for bday and xmas. yay!!! NO MORE PRISON CHAIR!!

december 31st — new year’s eve @ gareth’s. everyone was over. played a shitload of “gears of war”. sucked balls really. jesus christ i sucked! sucked a lot worse here than i did on the 27th, that’s for sure :0 because, like i said, now it was playing people on xbox live and people on xbox live are fucking super hardcore or something. no one really even card about the ball dropping or anything lol. we also watched “little miss sunshine” together. what a hoot!!!! and i also played a fuckload of “dead rising” trying to beat it… and it was so fucking hard lol. -__- it was in the overtime mode after you beat the game on normal… yeah, it’s kind of confusing…

january 6th — saw incubus at the fucking paramount. SUCKED. worst incubus set i’ve ever seen jesus. their new music blows fucking ass. and omg the worst thing is that they took the music from “s.c.i.e.n.c.e” and turned it acoustic for this show. i swear, after their pimp ass bassist left their music really started to blow. it’s like they don’t know how to be funky or different anymore. it’s like they only know how to be run-of-the-mill and typical now. although i still do love mikey. anyway. stupid brandon boyd, pissing me off now. but seriously, the acoustic renditions of “redefine” and shit were so fucking terrible. i talked to omar from facing new york about it also, and he concured that that was the worst fucking part and soured the whole godamn show. -___- i could tell i wasn’t the only one not digging it either, because a lot of the incubus fans in the house seemed kind of meeeer.

january 11th — not sure what happened between then and now, but yeah. quote of the day from working at snowboard connection:
[rick] ben’s computer (a dell laptop) is a monster beast. mine is like a monster truck. mine is like the gravedigger.
[ben] oh yeah? well, if my computer were a monster truck… it’d be something… better… it’d be so much better that when people buy tickets to see my monster truck, they’re not even paying for the seat… they’re paying for the edge of the seat.
so fucking funny dude.

january 12-14 — too much cs. godamnit. sadly, yes, this does span across numerous days. lol.

“it might be true that there are six billion people in this world and counting, but nevertheless, what you do makes a difference. it makes a difference, first of all, in material terms, to other people, and it sets an example. in short, i think the message here is that we should never write ourselves off or see each other as a victim of various forces. it’s always our decision who we are.” - waking life.

^ quote that always comes back to me time and time again because it is so fucking p-i-m-p.

there’s this guy on youtube called madv. he dresses up in v for vendetta mask and does random magic tricks usually. but his last project before he stopped posting things was just a video of different people giving their messages. most of it was whatevers… cliche. but one that really stuck out and for some fucking reason made me tear up was this quote: “we’re all in this together.”

perhaps it is the thought that no one is alone in their misery that made that quote so great. perhaps it is the thought that the realization of this may make people capable of change. perhaps it is the thought that the realization of this may be the sole cause of changing the world’s problems… or at least that was the naive, fleeting, tear-inducing thought. for after all, a phrase like that would never change the world, would it. don’t know. but it’s worth a try, i guess.

january 15th — snowboarding day gone wild with cynthia. conclusion: beards can tell you a lot about a person! just a fleeting thought, though. for instance. monster truck drivers have handlebar mustaches, santa clause beard people with white beards and hair always seem nice, and people with straggly beards seem gross. haha. i dunno. anyway, my car broke down as i was on my way to picking up cynthia / meeting up with brian [pearl] and rob and stuff @ steven’s pass area… so i gave bp a call and luckily he had not left his house yet. my car broke down on the side of the offramp of i-90 in a mercer island area. kind of scary since it just stopped and didn’t start again. luckily i was kind of far off to the right. but yeah, i was there for a while until finally these two hispanic guys offered to help me push my car down to the side of the road so i wasn’t in the middle of the road or whatever. it was very freaking nice of them. so i put my car in neutral and they helped push and stuff. really hard to push a car when it has 0 power, actually. easy to push a car on neutral when it has power, but not when there is no power at all (i guess it’s supposed to be the power steering that makes the difference?). anyway, they made sure i had called someone and stuff. first nice act of the day. so i called lenny and he had to come and rescue me with a jumper cable. that didn’t solve the problem. so he went and bought me a battery from schuck’s. that seemed to solve the problem. and i really wanted to go snowboarding, so i happily headed over to pick up cynthia. on the way, the car died again. we were in black diamond area. it was a small town that was rapidly developing and stuff. sat on the side of the road for a while, not sure what to do. the car had slowly died again. finally, a car pulled up behind us and this relatively old guy got out of his car and walked over. he asked us what was wrong blahblah and then mentioned he needed to go to work soon, but not to worry, because his wife would kill him if he left two girls stranded at the side of the road without help, and that he would help us, and that he liked to think of himself as a prince. opened up my trunk and got out a thingy that measured electricity and saw that my battery had no power. then he charged it with his car for a while and figured that the battery was getting no energy, so he figured it was the alternator that was broken. sooo he charged my battery for a while and that seemed to be enough to go down the street to an auto body shop. went to one where his friend worked at. they didn’t have my part. then went down a little more to napa auto parts and they had the part i needed. this guy and his son, seneca, helped us fix our alternator. it took sooo long and they asked for NO money. nothing. they even had to make a quick trip home (luckily they lived nearby) to purchase the proper tools that were needed and stuff. SUPER NICE PEOPLE. seriously. cynthia and i watched them unscrew bolts and shit for like, 2 and a half hours LOL. freezing our feet off. but they never wavered. so fucking nice. the guy was late to work, too. but yeah. they had this cool magnetic wand thing too, that kind of looked like a radio antenna, and anytime anything fell, like a screw or something, they could just reach down and magnet it out. PIMP I SAY PIMP. seriously two nice ass people in one day. SO NICE. sad that when i told some people the first thing they said was, “they must have been white.” what a strange mentality. i would have never thought that as a first thing… but yeah. they weren’t both white, as one group was hispanic… luckily for me, seneca and his dad both had a family of people who dabbled in car mechanics lol, even though seneca himself didn’t know that much. apparently he was into guns. they told us how their family shotgun business (grandfather’s) was burned down to the ground one time and stuff. O__o and also seneca asked me why i was in seattle since i was from california, and i said school, and asked him what he did, and he was like ohh it’s complicated… i don’t want to bore you with it, and that made things awkward really fast lol. dead silence. until finally his dad came out of the napa auto body shop. LOL. and yeah, alternator cost me fucking $200 cause there was only a brand new one. on top of the $80 battery. GODAMNIT. BTW lenny has started playing WOW with a bunch of other people. BAD NEWS BEARS I SAY. although he hasn’t played nearly as much as he used to, i think, perhaps… i’m not sure. actually it’s probably about the same.

january 18th — didn’t work at snocon much cause nothing really to do… didn’t go to work much this week.

january 21st — went snowboarding @ steven’s with cynthia! finally fucking made it. took the shuttle from sultan (quite convenient, if i do say so myself!!!) and it was great weather. forgot to bring wax, though, and that kind of bit it hardcore, and ended up buying some that didn’t rub on all that well anyway. tested out my new option boad and k2 cinch bindings. I LOVE THE BINDINGS. i’m not sure if they are actually reviewed well or not but they worked super well for me. and the board… well, it turns kind of not so good because it snags really easily, but it’s definitely soooo much easier to handle with than my old rossignol board. it was super crowded this day — the busiest i had ever seen steven’s, but other people on the lifts told us it wasn’t busy at all… and that it got a helluva lot more busy than that. which was uh kinda scary. seemed like everyone on the lifts were primed for the backsides or something. how is everyone so good? lol. anyway, on the bus back, there were a bunch of bratty little kids who listened to no one, and this older sister who was really mean to her younger sister and made her carry this big ass duffle bag and shit, even though she was like 18 and her sister was like, 10. bitch. i wanted to kick her ass!! and her and her friend totally ignored the little sister the whole time. poor little sister. but yeah, shuttle’s nice cause it = a lot of free sleep time w00t.

january 24th — people who play cs are jackasses. people have been real bitches about scheduling matches for cal. that’s all, though. lol. silly bitches. tricks are for kids. anyway, first time working at snocon for a while, not much to do…

january 25th — went to crossroads and had lots of food with alex [bennett] and lenny and stuff! split nachos with alex before lenny came and finally tried the mediterranean food place. dude. fucking. i forget the name, but it was really fucking godamn good. and there was this weird salad. it was like made of parsley or something, but tasted super cool, like it was lime… i dunno, it was refreshing and really kind of weird. weird taste but still edible because it was so… different…

january 26th — went with posa, linh, and posa’s friend adam to shiki’s in queen anne to have them be our featured restaurant. the chef is interesting. they gave us a couple small hot pots and a lot of sushi. i went in that following monday to take a pic of the chef since i had forgotten to. unfortunately, i got a couple details in the article i wrote wrong — one major thing i got wrong in the copy i gave the restaurant was the chef’s fucking last name. what an idiot girl. T__T and i got the price of fugu wrong. so really, it was quite embarrassing. and what’s even worse is that all these people were invited along. it didn’t look professional at all. i’m losing my faith in sushimonsters… no one else seems to work hard enough. fuck.

january 28th — went to the bellevue art museum with lenny. some cool stuff, some lame stuff. the cool stuff was mostly these “wood-turned artwork” things… bowls and random crap like that made out of wood. it’s really amazing what some people can do…

january 30th — went to drum n’ bass @ war room with tony, nate, and lenny!! lenny actually agreed to come for once!!!!! tony wants to move to SF! nooOooO! that’s one less dnb friend! they’re hard enough to fucking find as it is! anyway, this night was aaron simpson, aksion, and stoney. i don’t know which one was which. but aaron simpson was OK, one guy played RAD music, and another guy sucked, even though he had like, 3 friends who danced all crazy and kind of pumped up everyone else. jesus, though, his friends danced so weird. one of the girls… man, i don’t even know how to describe it and i can’t even picture it in my head anymore, but their dancing was amazing. inspiring. some of the moves this little asian girl in white had were like, jesus christ lady, what are you thinking? how can you make your terrible ass dance moves look so godamn… great? truly mind-boggling. truly. truly!! there was also this one showoff guy who like… kept taking up 50%+ of the stage just doing nothing much and rolling around on the ground pretending to break-dance and shit. he made this like, grand ol’ entrance onto the dance floor too, trying to be hot shit. and he would like… run and slide on his knees across the floor like he was some kind of fucking superstar. he totally made it so other people couldn’t dance, and the people at the war room must have caught on, cause they kicked him out mighty fast lol. or at least pulled him off the dance floor, where he was never to be seen again. -__- aaron simpson’s music was not as good as before… maybe he is no longer so inspired by reid speed, i dunno… but it was just OK. mediocre. stuff. i suppose i definitely like his trance stuff better. and he definitely has gotten a lot “bigger” since his days at naf or whatever way back when. for sure.

february 1st — cliff at snocon’s art show at snowboard connection. headed over to the area in the evening with rosemary. lenny came later. talked to this artist, chris sheridan, whose stuff i TOTALLY TOTALLY dig. he’s so fucking cool… his work has so much inspiration behind it… it’s. inspiring? he’s gonna be in my next mag issue, definitely. i shalt make sure it happens. anyway. cliff’s show was cool too — sean and kenji spun music and stuff, and yeah. cliff has these cool vinyl plushies and shit. i think we’re going to collabo for our first issue of redefine… so yeah. oh yeah! redefine got offered two distribution deals by major companies — disticor (canada/usa) and ingram (usa)… so i’m in the midst of deciding which one to go with and shit. it’s going to be great, i hope. details later.

february 2nd — went to work, came back home, and did some random crap, and then went to eat at the ram with lenny and cynthia. la la la la. went to a show afterwards at the crocodile cafe. menomena show. fucking crazy thing, though, is that it was SOLD OUT. HOW THE HELL? WHO THE HELL LIKES MENOMENA? truth is, it was a lot of people’s first times, and a bunch of people left throughout their set. i got there slightly late, though, cause when i first got there the second band was just starting to play, and lenny couldn’t get into the venue, so i decided he should go home and i drove all the way back to the venue from bellevue and shit so he wouldn’t have to wait and be bored. i’m so nice. got there a little into menomena’s set and it was pretty good, but i had to stand right by the entrance since there was literally zero room. crazy. never seen the croc that packed, actually. luckily for us, rosemary got us on the guest list, or else we’da probably never had made it. i think the reason menomena is doing better is cause they’re on barsuk now and not on filmguerrero anymore… which is a shame, cause i still like filmguerrero better, i think.

i think this is enough for now. jesus. this took a fucking hour, as predicted. hopefully the next update will be on a more daily, less depressing basis so that i can update properly. this past week was bad. i’ve come to realize me on period = sad, unmotivated. not bitchy. this is not a new realization, but def something that is reaffirmed time and time again…

december 31st, 2004 (meow)

i’m listening to… anadivine, baby vox, mewithoutyou, bijou.
i’m feeling… k, k, k…

1:55 pm — quite the entertaining new year’s if i do say so myself.

ummm let’s see, at around 7 we met up @ in-n-out (aka LOVE) in san ramon… with jeremy, juliam, spencer, shaun, sherry, gerrine, and elaine… then we went to safeway and bought some alcoholic drinks (yay, for once everyone is 21… HAZAHHHH!)… then we went to berkeley and went to sherry’s apartment. we were originally supposed to go to san francisco, but it was raining like a shitball. it stopped, thou, but by then we were ehhh too lazy to go to the city and crap. in the car sherry was like, “so… it’s not raining… anyone still wanna go to the city?” **silence**. lol… and later people wanted to go, but by then… eh, laziness.

we basically just sat around… lol, me and gerrine just moved from spot to spot and barely talked to anyone new… and we were like, “damn we’re good, we’ve talked to no one!” lol… whatever thou, the people were not that horribly exciting anyway. lol, they were talking about how they were really “unchivalrous” guys… and how they don’t open the doors for girls. this one fobby guy was like, “i just auto-unlock the door for them, and they can open it themselves… those extra two seconds will help you get to the next level, if you know what i mean.” yeaaaah he wasn’t gonna get to the next level yesterday X:

and then spencer and i were talking about music, and he hates finch and thrice because he hates so-cal bands or something… oh well, at least he likes incubus and apc. but then he started saying how so-cal punk is just like fast country music, and then about how country music is just bitching and moaning to a beat… and i told him to tell that to sherry, and then they ended up getting into a huge argument about it HAHA. cause michaela and lori are hella into country music too - and it was just good times. lots of arguing. and sherry was like “GET THE SHIT OUT!” and she was hella mad. but spencer is a freak - he just likes to disagree with everyone, i swear. he thinks VIN DIESEL is a good actor for god’s sake. and he said keanu reeves was bomb. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!! :0

then i was bored from sitting around @ sherry’s parti, so i decided to go with jeremy, spencer, juliam, and shaun to juliam’s friend’s party… it was like… a 12 block walk or something, but it felt hella short. when we got there, it was like 10 guys per every one girl or something, so jeremy, shaun, and spencer kept yelling out things like, “IT SMELLS LIKE COCK!” and crap like that +__+ silly asians, they had all this club musak on… and well, it would have been horrendously boring, except me, jeremy, juliam, and shaun were just watching spencer try to mack on this girl the whole time. and jeremy’s conclusion was that, “lazy asian girls go for the white guys because all white guys all have yellow fever.” hah. spencer seemed to be doing pretty well for himself, except then this one move he had, where he just went up next to her and put his arm around her all un-sly like… i think that did it. we were just waiting around for spencer to get some, but that went to hell. haha. yeah, lots of bad dancing from people who thought themselves amazng, thou, i think. spencer’s hitting on her thou, was sOoOoOo frickin funny.

on the way back to sherry’s apartment, spencer decided to climb this metal pole, but shaun couldn’t give him a big enough boost up… (there were handlebars like… ehh i dunno, 15 feet up or something), and so he went to climb one of those wooden poles with the powerlines on it? (with handlebars like 10 feet up), so shaun gave him a boost, and then he climbed it up like… couple stories of building. i was getting freaked out just watching him -__x

back at sherry’s we watching some wayans bros crap on tv, and listened to the country music countdown hahahaha… -__-’ elaine and gerrine passed out mad early… and then we decided to go home… juliam drove us home cause she had sobered up BUT OMG SHE’S A HELLA BAD DRIVER. -__- she almost ran us into a couple islands and was going like 45 on the freeway… lol. jeremy kept telling her what to do heh. there was hella traffic on the way back, and i guess there was this huge accident… well, so we thought. there were like 5 fire trucks, ambulances, and police cars too… but turns out it was just one car… there’s a wall on the freeway, cept you have to go up this little hill sorta, and the car just got 0wnt. i bet the people died.

alright, i’ve got a new year’s resolution: be happy.

emily’s under blankets,
tucked in by paramedics,
a lullaby of sirens flood this town.
and i’ve got a bad idea where envy
drinks till my eyes get heavy;
my alibi just seems so watered down.
and i hear the voice of your mother screaming,
“run for cover!”
emily’s so attractive:
a white dress in her black casket,
a color scheme that surely haunts me now.
and i’ve got a new idea,
excuse me, sink in this ocean, help.
i’m telling lies as i begin to drown.
he will feed the flame,
and i see her in the arms of another;
did you - did you ever curse my name?
it isn’t enough - murder.
my arms are now reaching for your neck.
dearest, i’m falling in love
with your
downfall from grace;
forgive me, this is my fault, and i’m sorry.
forgive me for leaving you this way.
my valentine in chalked outline…
you’re finally mine.
don’t make a sound.
sleep underground.
ANADIVINE - EMILY.

—

december 30th, 2004 (rekindling old times)

i’m listening to… brand new.
i’m feeling… k, k, k…

2:12 am — dinner tonight at james and nancy’s place… a reunion of all sorts, and it was GREAT to see everyone again. josh who i haven’t seen in like two years (which is weird since i used to see him everyday and lived at his house), tina, annie, andy, angie, james, chris [kuo], ellen (omg i haven’t seen her for like sx years, literally), rex, nancy, maryanne, jason etc… man, it rocked. after all these years, people are still the same, for the most part… and it’s good. it’s great. and good food, on top of that. very good food. ^^ so weird how everyone grows up and moves away and drifts apart. annie, andy, and tina are all getting married this year… freaking crazi as hell… especially since they’re all in the same family lol. crrrraaaaaaaaazi. o__O i’ll be scared when people our age start getting married. cause that’s just freaky. X:

afterwards, went to dave and busters (after leaving like an hour late, because we kept waiting for people to arrive and crap) with sherry and met up with jeremy, jason, dave [lee], phil [nho], dahye, nelson, and their friends spencer and shaun and i don’t know who else. it was way too freaking crowded. took like 15 minutes to get a drink. i was sober thou. had to drive. i beat “time crisis 2″ finally - first time ever beating that one… so now i’ve beaten all 3! yay! ^__^ i <3 <3 <3 that game to death. i can pwnt all teh boiz. but yeah that was cool... conversation on the way back was quite amusing... and i feel better for the now-part. and tomorrow should be fun. :]

i like studying people. it's so fascinating, how they act... :0

---

december 29th, 2004 (play crack the sky)

i'm listening to... skoop on somebody.
i'm feeling... meh.

3:26 pm -- i watched "sideways" with sherry, jeanette, and stephanie... meh, it was okay... a little slow, and it was depressing... pretty much nothing happy about the movie at all. the ending was SOMEWHAT hopeful, but it was unresolved, so it could have ended in disaster as well, just like the rest of the godamn movie.

we went to barnes and nobles and i bought "scarlet letter" and "survivor" by chuck palanhiuk... after watching that dreaded movie, all i wanted to do was go home and read myself to death. -__- so i ended up finishing "life expectancy" by dean koontz, and started on "interview with the vampire" by anne rice. shitload of books just lying around that need to be read... i'll read pretty much any book people give me, but it takes me a lot to actually like an author. but "barrel fever" by david sedaris -- oh my god that is like the most amusing book ever. david sedaris is my freaking herooooooooo. oh weird, i just happened to be writing about david sedaris and hsu-ken IMed to tell me that he FINALLY finished the "me talk pretty one day" i lent him like in the summer. that biotch.

i brought home my snowboard for no reason. the weather is so freaking shitty here... hella rainy and hella windy... so much for snowboarding. T__T

i want to listen to brand new soo bad, but i don't have any here. T_________________________________________T

man i'm starting to hate coming home for extended periods of time. i get annoyed so easily when i'm here... i hate it, but i can't freaking help it. i don't want to do anything, and i don't really care to see anyone... :/ what the fuck is wrong with me. susan said it makes sense that a person like me gets depressed because i don't seem to have any problems and i seem to have a flawless past.

HA. i laugh. if only you knew ^__^ but so much for the past. la la la. but i can't help it, being @ home reminds me of too much shit, and you don't know how often i just want to punch the shit out of a wall or of someone's face or something X: even thou i'm not really a violent person... thisssss... i cannot help. and believe you me, i've tried. it just makes me feel so shitty, and it makes me think all fucked up... and in ways i'm glad shit happens because it can change you in a positive way, but then on the flipside, i wish no one ever had to go thru that kind of shit ever... it can make you a better person, but it can kill you at the same fucking time. i feel so hopeless. maybe it's the time of the month, heh.

i just wish the reaction i got was a lot better, but what the fuck can you expect... asoidjoaijoihiojweauohroawijeaweasfoanod. people seem to heal over time. i seem to be sinking deeper. and i just need something, whatever, anything. i barely even feel like i'm alive these days. and all i can think is how much of a waste it all is, and when will i be able to get something better and more deserved... and will i be happy when i'm there?

well at least, fuck yeah, sun-oh is sending me the godamn "deja entendu" album... hoorahhhhhh.

the vessel groads, the ocean pressures its frame.
off the port i see the lighthouse through the sleet and rain.
and i wish for one more day to give my love and repay debts.
but the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west.
they say that the captain stays fast with the ship through still and storm.
but this ain't the dakota, and the water is cold.
we won't have to fight for long.
this is the end.
this story's old but it goes on and on until we dissappear.
calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath.
i am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea.
i spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.
i know that this is what you want.
a funeral keeps both of us apart.
you know that you are not alone.
need you like water in my lungs.
this is the end.
BRAND NEW - PLAY CRACK THE SKY.

---

december 28th, 2004 (...)

i'm watching... girl, interrupted.
i'm feeling... kkk.

12:54 am -- "girl, interrupted" is a friggin fascinating movie. :0 T__T i impulse-bought it yesterday. lord knows why. -__-

hobo parti, wewt wewt.

i have high hopes for the new year... why, i don't know... i just hope intuition's right this time. cause it's a 50/50. but shit, shouldn't it be my time? X: I'M SICK OF WAITING AROUND GODAMNIT. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR 21 YEARS.