inside the wonderful world of vee

october 30th, 2004 (drunken karaokes)

i’m listening to… kmfdm.
i’m feeling… okay.

ah life. craziness.
Br> soo uh woke up pretty late, and sat around… and went to watch “primer” with trask @ the metro, which is basically a movie that was filmed, edited, blahblah, with just $7,000 at the university of texas or something. it was pretty interesting, but i’m not sure how much sense it made. but that’s okay.

every weekend this year has been parti stylee - which is pretty fsckin awesome, minus the fact that my liver is crying. T__T

went to this microsoft parti in bellevue with gildas, eva, hsu-han, and jennifer [yee]. it was alright. played many a drunken ping pong beer drinking game and eva made all these guys give me their phone numbers -__- huk huk huk. i had an apron for people to sign stuff on - as part of my gothic alice in wonderland costume - and eva was like, “give her your phone number! she’s a nerd! give her your aim!” gildas was crazy too, and eva made me take pictures with “ethnic people.” lmao.

afterwards, came back and trask came over, and joe picked up me, trask, eva, and liz and we went to koreana to drink and sing drunken karaoke songs. trask really loves karaoke, although he pretends otherwise. drank, drank, drank, and then i don’t know, somehow it was quite fun indeed. when we went to the outside, me and trask were sitting on the floor, and eva was like, “get up, you look like you’re rolling,” and then, “stop that, that’s digusting.” >__<

then we went to this other restaurant that wouldn’t sell us alcohol because it was past 2 - but they let us take alcohol TO GO. isn’t that faukin weird. and these random ass koreans were singing random ass korean songs. and that was also weird. and then that’s that. X: and also trask was giving eva all of this advice for boy mackage, and she followed it HAW HAW HAW the only thing is that she doesn’t really remember…

we came back to our place so everyone else could drink some more, and liz kept trying to go to sleep, so joe jumped into her bed and eva jumped on top of her and trask shone the light in her face and rubbed his hands all over her face basically until she woke up. PWN THE NOOB, YOU THINK YOU CAN OUTSMART US! and liz was playing mario kart by herself for the longest time lol, until someone finally decided to join in again. :X yeah i don’t know, a lot of funny shit happened, but i need a memory refresher. refresh?

—

october 29th, 2004 (freaknightizz0)

i’m listening to… radford [r0×0r].
i’m feeling… okay.

a day of shitty feeling all day long - had stomach cramps like death all morning, and so i didn’t go to classes. stomach cramps why? no fucking clue. had eva drive me to hall health - got blood test - thought maybe appendicitis - it was not. no clue what it was. but every couple months or so i do get that painful death cramp things - and i always think it’s period, but it never is… so… yeah.

went to freak night with chol, jennie, grace, david, seungbum, derek, matt, and chet. it was alright. music was okay… me and seung were like the only sober people… i don’t know. not so fun. music wasn’t that great. bt was alright - he’s a great dj. he didn’t play “flaming june”, though. he did however, play “dreaming”, and ferry corsten ended up playing “flaming june”, but… i was too busy tending to e-tards and i missed it T__T met some weird people… this one guy was like, “hey, wanna dance?” and i was like uhh okay… and then he didn’t even talk to me lol. so weird. saw a few rolling kids that i haven’t seen rolling before. yes. interesting. okay. ho-kay. some cool costumes and shit… but nothing particularly memorable. just another day, just another rave, and upon thinking back, maybe i should have dropped because it is the last freak night ever… oh well :/ met some people who drove all the freaking way from montana just to come to freak night. crzy hardcore.

—

october 22nd to 24th, 2004 (oh canadia)

i’m watching… the movie “pay it forward”.
i’m feeling… okay.

friday, oktobur 22nd — a bunch of paphi bitches came over for liz‘ potluck… good shite. i had to go early, though, cause i went to go watch “the grudge” with josh, chol, jennie, cynthia, and derek. it was well, not very scary at all. only one part was really scary. after that we sat around chol and them’s playing cranium and watching “invader zim”… ^_x then i came home and a bunch of people were outside nordheim so tony, lingo (who was high as fsck), and yuki came over to our place and just played mario kart ands hittizle. and that’s that.

saturday, oktobur 23rd — left really early for canada with liz, eva farm, and yuki… stopped by birch bay on the way there, which is up by bellingham. took some pictures… it was part beach and part woods. the whole way there, me, eva, and liz devised this *DING* thing… which i can’t really explain, but it involved holding the two fingers in a curvy motion to make a heart KAKAKA.

example of when the *ding! would come up:
“it’s hot in here.”
“i like the heater.”
“i like it too.”
*ding!

anyway, birch bay was not much of a beach, but that’s okay. we looked around for “the perfect rock” and everyone found one… mine were two rocks that looked exactly the same, except they were direct opposites. one had black background with red stripe, and the other had red background with black stripe. i’m going to give it to my soulmate KAKAKA (rOight). we also got a whole shitload of “emphysema rocks” to fill up a jar for liz with… hahaha. all the nastiest looking rocks ever. X:

then we drove up to vancouver and went to this mall in richmond to just buy some stuff… and then we drove around and got this cheap ass hotel… well, it actually wasn’t that cheap… but as cheap as we could get, anyway. :/ $100 per night canadian for all five of us… the others were closer to $120.

then we went to shabu-san… at first we went to the one in richmond, but that one was a two-hour wait, so we went to the one in vancouver, and the wait was 20 minutes. it’s an all-you-can-eat sushi, korean bbq, and other random korean and japanese foods place. it was AWESOME. we ordered so much and ate until we were going to explode. <3

after that we went to the liquor store and bought some alcohol and the bitches drank, and i popped some 2ci pill, and then we sat around watching cartoons for a while in our hotel room, and then we went out to explore. we had no idea where we were going, so we just walked hella fucking far. what was funny was we passed this hotel where these two black girls were fighting on the doorstep and then this one guy was just watching them like this: O__o and farm was like, “good thing we didn’t stay there.” and we were all laughing and saying, for real, for real, and liz was like, “we’re a little too close to be making fun of them.” and it was true. :0

so we walked and walked and walked, and yuki was looking for weed, so he just walked by people and yelled, “CHRONIC? CHRONIC?!” HAHA it was so stupidly funny. and cops were all over the godamn place, cause in canada smoking weed is decriminalized, but selling is not. :X and yuki got smoked out by some fools, but what they asked him was, “do those girls like weed?” and he was like, “yeah,” and they’re like, “do they suck dick?” WTF. bitches.

and these two ugly guys came up to us and asked if we know what was “crackin”, and they asked us where we were from, and we said seattle. and they were like, no way, we’re from seattle too. and farm was like, “eww we hate washies,” and hella dissed them so they left. thx the lord. they were ugly.

but basically we were dressed too ghetto to really go anywhere, so we just kept walking around in circles, but it was kind of interesting, i think. didn’t really meet anyone new, but canadia has some hot men, man.

farm wanted to go to the bathroom but the one in subway was broken, and so was the one in mcdonald’s, so she had to like break into the bathroom or something. ghetto canada.

around 1:30, we finally decided to walk back to the hotel and shit. we stopped by the cactus club and it was closed, and then we went to shananigan’s because it was the only place that was open until 2. so… everyone got some drinks (liz was sober for the whole time up until then), and on the way in, they asked for everyone’s id’s to copy, and i accidentally pulled out the other freaking 2ci pill HAHAHA… and i was trying to act all sly and put it back in without them noticing, which was quite hard considering i was high as hell. :X

the dance floor was funny. there were like 4 people on it, and they were dancing like all-out. very interesting. very interesting indeed X:

X: shit i have so much to study for.

anyway, i was drawing on this piece of paper on this green wooden table, and it was cool, cause it felt like i wrote thru the paper onto the green table. :0 like the pencil was a knife or something. and then yuki thought that eva was a lesbian with the hots for me or something. so weird. crazi yuki.

and then we walked home some more, and liz saw this starbucks sign that she wanted… and she was like, “let’s take it.” and so, we took it. and it r0×0r.

and then we got home, and we watched cartoons for a little bit and laughed about how our sleeping arrangement worked out perfectly. *ding. and then we were talking about how we’d make it so that yuki had a bed to himself and all of us were in one bed, and then when yuki came back from the shower we’d be like, “so you thought there was just ONE (lesbian).” lol.

and liz told a GOOD story LOL while farm told a liz story. and liz was proud forever.

and then everyone went to sleep while i was still trippin out, and it was soo boring. well it was fun, but then it was boring. i wrote, i drew, i stared at the bathroom wall which was tripping out in layers and layers of color (and just when you thought the pattern could not do anything newer, it did), and dragons emerged from the wallpaper, and you could pull out a piece of it like gum.

and i got the idea that i know why people do stuff like break mirrors and destroy stuff when they’re trippin out, because i really wanted to destroy the mirror cause it looked so trippy and surreal. just to test if it was real.

and the roof was pulsing like waves of water and shit. but then everything got boring cause i wanted sleep and couldn’t, and i wanted to make phone calls, but i couldn’t, and i wanted to eat, but there was no food…

so finally i decided to jump into bed, eva had sprawled out and decided to fill up the whole bed, and i was sleeping on this little corner, and eva kept kicking liz when sleeping. lol.

and music was interesting. and the something corporate song below for some reason described it well because it said, “she moves the science with her hands.”

i also saw the weirdest art patterns in my head… things that i’d make into art and shit. one design with a cop head and a woman’s leg - kind of like something drahomira would do - and other things that are just like clothing fashion spreads and shit. :0 for a while too, i saw images in my head that were just like old school video games with huge pixels and shit… because it was like color override in my head and that my eyes were going to explode or somehting. seriously when you sit there with both eyes open and you just look at stuff, your eyes are rolling around in your head and rolling backwards and it is just strange… overdrive.

for a while too, i could only blink my right eye and my left eye stayed open. weird. :/

sunday, oktobur 24th — tripped out big time because i barely slept the night before and my eyes were just sooo tired… it was really tiring and i was just walking around like a zombie. :0 eh, and yeah, nothing else was supar entertaining this day, because eveyrone was so tired.

[edit] omg, how did i forget? on the way back thru the border, we were driving, and lady decided to check our trunk, and:
lady: where do you guys work?
farm: i don’t work.
lady: then why do you have a starbucks sign?
farm: uh…
liz: (with little kid puppy-dog eyes) i found it.
lady: some people get in trouble for that kind of stuff. have a nice day.

she’s trapped inside her room
with reruns on the screen:
old books and movies,
but she can’t stop thinking.
i’m torn between myself,
my radio, my friends.
i want to write this one off over and over and over again.
she waits all day;
she stands a stranger in her skin.
she moves the science with her hands.
she lines her walls
with every paper she can see.
these words consume her,
but they never set her free.
and then she looked at me to scream:
“my castles are falling.”
but i can’t look into the street
without everything changing
i want to read good news.
i want to be innocent again.
i want to read good news,
but nothing good is happening.
SOMETHING CORPORATE - GOOD NEWS.(farm’s response:)
ohhhh fsck the *ding! lame, not cool…LAME. all saturday, i was like, why are they saying *ding! so often? then i realized and i wanted to cry b/c we were so much alike.(lenny’s response:)
holy shit your weekend was fscking awesome
my friends and i used to do something like your *ding thing cept he and i said “yeah!” and people were like ” the fuck? ”

—

octobre 16th, 2004 (rawr)

i’m listening to… “let it bleed” by the used.
i’m feeling… fine.

3:37 am — i hate fake everyday chit chat. i hate when bitches ask me shit like, “why do you paint your nails black? it’s sOo goth.” stfu. it’s not necessarily goth, and goth people are hot anyway, and why the fuck does it matter to you what color i paint my nails? i don’t even know who the fuck you are. i don’t need you to make conversation with me. i hate small talk. die.

josh came back from boot camp yesterday. fucking crazy hard shit man. he has definitely changed, although i can’t pinpoint how… gotta hang out with him like crazy before he leaves on the 20th again. :/ he got hella skinneh whoa. and… i don’t know, i just can’t imagine what it’d be like - the shit they go through.

tonight was also sebastian’s birthday parti shiat, and that was quite interesting… seabass dressed up like black mambaaa from kill bill, so wewt. uma thurman. wewt. and some other crap. and then i want to sleep, so maybe later i will write more, but likely not.

(lenny’s response:)
I totally forgot to say bye to you, my bestest internet buddy. I think eva and liz think im weird as shit. Awesome.
“and goth people are hot anyway”
ªYES

(eva’s response:)
negative!! i think len wants eva and liz to think he’s weird as shit. sorry cholo! no one is weirder than two girls making one.. one who i always thought was closet lezbo, and the other who just wants a resume.

(my response:)
yea liz was like, “how did lenny know i was half filipino, that’s kinda weird” but i don’t think eva really thought about it.

(eva’s response:)
yes, indeeeeed. sorry, bwoac = bitch without a cause… aka miss e. sometimes i wonder about those people who would say stuff like “why do you paint your nails black” esp. if it has a condencending connotation.. just snap back with “why are you so socially inept”. but u know, sometimes i ask too! but i’m just curious.. as in why pink and not orange.. or why blue and not green! it’s like eternal sunshine from the spotless mind ~ clemintine says it reflects her personality at the time !

(my response:)
hmm interesting… someone asked me before, “why pink?” and it wasn’t offensive, because i thought he was such an awesome person - and it was even flattering that someone would be so brutally honest…

but the black was… i just think different people ask with different thoughts in mind, and the fact that the person who asked was annoying / associated with burn book buddy #1 (of 2) makes it automatically condescending… maybe i am being base myself with assuming so quickly that this person meant harm when in fact he may have just been curious and should have been respected for brutal honestly as well.

guess i’ll have to think about that one.

(lenny’s response:)
the kid probably was hoping to innitiate a conversation with you but had nothing really to talk about other than your nails.
Did you go ragemaster 2000 on his ass?
This is him later that night > (T__T)

(anthony’s response:)
goth people ARE awesome. I didnt get to say BYE to my fan club president slash dirka-dirkastan terrrorist!!
Vivian, why do you gotta be so GOTH man? Im going to like make my hair black and ill be goth with you… ah crap too late. Im goth already.

(nate-menappi-’s response:)
yea dood ima dye my hair back to black..not to be goth or nething…it skool though..like old times!!! alrite baby bye

—

october 14th, 2004 (theEPITOMEofGOODshit)

i’m listening to… normal like you.
i’m feeling… great.

9:57 am — too much happy.

[1] tutoring rocks… fucking high school kids are sOoOo godamn funny. X:
[2] magazine is going so well - put a classified ad in the daily, got a lot of responses… and they don’t care that i’m not paying them for now X: and they all have writing experience, and they all have writing experience with regards to music… also found some people who can help me out with design… FUCK YES…
[3] met some girl who apparently lived above me last year - but i never met her - who has uber band hOokups…
[4] THE - not a - hot guy thinks i’m really cute.
[5] camping with THE - not some - bitches in a week.

fuck yeah. life is good. can’t stop, won’t stop, BAD BOIEEEEE.

actually, i’ll probably just crash and burn soon, but as for now, i feel like i’m stuck in the twilight zone for real.

—

october 13th, 2004 (rawr)

i’m listening to… underoath.
i’m feeling… OK.

9:26 pm — shit is going well. minus on the homework and whole school front, but that’s not important, i guess. X: but as far as the magazine is going… very well, very well.

vote kerry.

uhhh i went to alex’s house yesterday… his mom is like a nu-age witch… SO INTERESTING. all these candles and soaps and weird ass trinkets, wooden robots, wooden dragons, giant giraffes, giant spiders (except those are real, not wooden), tons of shit i say. awwwsuuuum.

camping in oregon in two weeks. wewwwwt.

—

october 11th, 2004 (OH SAD DAY)

i’m listening to… this providence.
i’m feeling… RAWR.

11:42 pm — SAD DAY. THERE IS THE HOTTEST PUNK ROCK BOY WHO LIKES VIDEO GAMES AND HAS PIERCINGS AND TATTOOS AND OMG - GIRLS DON’T LIKE HIM!!!!! GIRLS DON’T LIKE HIM!!!! GIRLS DON’T LIKE HIM!!!! IT DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER — (nevermind that he was too drunk to remember meeeeeeee… FSCK!)

(lenny’s response:)
Excelent. More punk rock boy for me ~_________~
Er wait…. I mean for you.

—

october 10th, 2004 (crazy wknd part 2)

i’m listening to… utada hikaru’s “distance” album [japanese].
i’m feeling… ho-kay.

4:38 pm — copied and pasted straight out of my IRL journal, since i have like, 3… since my brain fucking sucks now, and i don’t remember didly squat. so this is more blunt than usual, fo sho.

yes. indeed. this past weekend has been another interesting one.

friday night — eva and liz bought nikkie a cock cake from the erotic bakery because well — she’s leaving to go to virginia. then i went over to lewis’ place to play some poker — lost a good $6, but that’s not the point. the point is after that, eva called me, so that we could go over to kelvin’s party… TURNS OUT KELVIN’S FRIENDS ARE ALL FUCKING HOT WHITE ROCKER BOYS WTF IS THAT ABOUT. anyway, so eva and them brought the cock cake over to lewis‘ earlier and just left it there, so we brought it over to kelvin’s since they wanted to see it. X: (btw, that cake tasted like shit) AND AAAH there was this guy there matt, who was fucking hella hot… i really just like the black dyed hair with piercings and tattoos motherfucking look, it’s so damn sexy… and kelvin was like, “this is matt, he’s probably the hottest guy here,” and i was like, “hell yeah he is.” lol, and i was sober then X: -__-’ too bad, fuck, he’s yet another guy who lives hella fucking far away, so it will really do me no godamn good to even think he’s hot… he lives in bellingham, and hour and a half in the other direction of portland, lol! i love it! it’s fucking awesome!!!!! so kelvin said something and i made fun of him, and kelvin was like, “i’m not going to talk to her anymore,” and matt was like, “you’d be really stupid if you did that.” awww. X__x must mack on when he returns, i swear. must… X: and he’s like all into asian shit… wtf, why can’t you live in seattle -__-’ anyway. uh. yes. hot guys make me stupid. i can’t help it. :X oh yeah and then lewis was yelling something at me from out of his window, and matt started yelling up to him (cause lewis was on the computer), “how many GB are on your hard drive? how many MB of ram?” and i threw my keys at him (HIM IS MATT IN THIS CASE) and told him to stfu, and he was like, “omg, i just got yelled at 3 times in the last 15 seconds.” and lewis got all mad, and i apologized for matt later, but why the fuck did i do that - i don’t get it… cause when we went to get the cock cake, i was like, “oh yeah there’s hot guys @ kelvin’s” and lewis was like, “yeah? go fuck them!” and then slammed the door on us. how fucked up was that. i’m so sick and tired of these bitches. ugh. fuck. now i am reminded of why i kept a distance in the first place.

last night, me, jennie, and yuki went to gothique 4, a gothic fashion show… we got in for free because of the mag… yuki was supposed to take pics but his camera flash battery ran out wtf. tony was supposed to take pics originally but he couldn’t come. none of us were 21, so we all had to borrow id’s. -__- i ended up borrowing eva’s, and when we met justin, the party promoter, i said, “hi, i’m eva, vivian’s roommate.” it felt quite strange. the fashion show was actually pretty awesome though - awesome ass fucking music. and… yeah. some rather large folk clad in clothes much too small, but that’s okay lol. then we left and went to j-majik show @ aristocrat’s, and j-majik’s set was actually kind of disappointing. good tracks - but not such good spinning :/ there were a lot of little bitches there - lots of couples who were rolling and just making out and shit, and there was this one guy and girl who just kept pop-battling for like hella fucking long, like a half hour i swear, right in front of me, taking up sOo much god damn fucking space, i just wanted to punch them. and it was cool for the first 5 seconds, and then it was just annoying, cause they weren’t really THAT good, and they kept doing the same fucking thing over and over again, and the only reason they got attention in the first place was cause there was a hot girl dancing. pFfT (maybe i’m jealous :P). we saw ian there though, and he let us cut in front of all these people, which was pretty godamn dope ass. wasn’t really expecting him to help us cut so i didn’t ask, but he offered, so fucking dope ass man. i had to dance in my freaking 5 in platforms though — it was really quite the workout, think i gained like 10 lbs of leg muscle or some bullshit.

two crazy ass weekends in a row. gotta fucking love it. LOVE IT. FIRST TWO WEEKENDS OF SCHOOL. LOVE IT.
(eva’s response:)
yah i believe the reason why we have such crazy weekends is cuz we’re not living with biotches anymore they were stifiling our roll. i love our new roomies, cuz chill=cool. cept that i think i’m the bitch of the apt now. dammitmuthafugga, i apologize.. but anyway, i think crazy is good… crazy is definitely better than boring. and it calls for more funny late night rantings.

(my response:)
oh its betta fo shizzzooooo

(anthony’s response:)
Ok so i dont get this… Lewis was saying something to you…
this guy makes fun of lewis TWICE, you defend him.. basically making fun of Lewis…
Lewis gets mad at you… and you’re sick and tired of him?

That doesnt make sense since, maybe im reading the context wrong, you and your friend invoked this and you sided with his ranting, and i think i’d be upset to if something like that happened. clue me in if im wrong.

kinda wanted to go to Aristos… decided to sit and study til 3 in the morn’ and wake up early to work for 8 hours instead. totally great.

october 8th, 2004 (rawr)

i’m listening to… anadivine’s “zoo” album.
i’m feeling… okay.

3:21 am — all i have to say is… i’m such a fag when it comes to hot guys… seriously, i’m retarded. any hot guy who is amazingly cool… or any guy who is amazingly cool for that matter makes me retarded in the head. most girls are probably like this, but i just want to slap myself. especially since all the hot guys i meet seem to live two hours away… WTF IS UP WITH THAT… where the fsck are the hot seattle guys… BRAWRRRRR. honestly, as much as i want a relationship, this is why i can’t, unless he’s effin perfect, and i mean - PERFECT… cause i have the attention span of a squirrel.

lost $6 in poker tonight. sat around some @ kelvin and keith’s party. eva and liz and whoever bought nikki a cock cake from the erotic bakery, and uh… yeah. that was interesting :X

(anthony’s response:)
Was it lust at first sight? He was probably 1 of the 6 true loves in your life and you let him get away. 5 Left?

Don’t you love it when youre talking to a hot guy and you think youre a total genius. But then when you get home you’re like “ah shit” cuz you realize that you were talking about roasted chestnuts the entire night. It’s all good, it’ll give you two an interesting story to tell the kids when they asked how you two met.

All the hot seattle guys are taken. Damn oh wait, im not gay…. <3 anthony!?

(lenny’s response:)
… no lenny. no.
well… no. dangit lenny…

(my response:)
i think i already met one of the six true loves in my life that i let get away. and then this guy. meaning two. maybe four left then…
but oh wellz.

(anthony’s response:)
maybe you should stop being such a squirrel and just try to start a relationship. first impressions mean jack. well sometimes first impressions have meanings, but not most of the time. i always wondered how you could find the perfect person if you dont ever try to do anything to actually do it… you have to be with them long enough to actually know if it would work out or not (as a case you may know about - but i respect your decision because of the length of time) –

im sure there are plenty of guys in seattle that would love to be with you. you are the coolest person i know. maybe you just have massively high standards that i cant even fathom to imagine.

werd.

lenny is kinda scaring me. hopefully he wont be like Selena’s fan club president and go crazy one day and kill me.

why do i have a fan club anyway? crap.

(my response:)
i don’t think you actually need to be in a relationship with everyone to know whether they’re good for you or not. if i can see a bunch of things i don’t like right off the bat - being in a relationship won’t make it much more endearing.

or even not… i believe in being friends first off, so you can figure out if you really do like them or not… but a lot of people don’t think that works, and a lot of guys assume that if you’re on the friendship track, that’s it (but not in my book)… but i’ve never had it work, so maybe it doesn’t work.

(anthony’s response:)
The friendship track i believe in. Most do not. Successful am I at it? Not so much. Others, varied. I still to realize how you can be friends, or you can be a couple. It still bothers me how people can say, oh they’re your friends you cant be a couple, because in the most perfect world, youre best friend should also be your significant other, am i not right? I think its common sense, i dunno. But then you cant become best friends unless you be friends first, but then you also cant be a significant other unless you go on that side of a relationship and this is just like a total mess of a paragraph now.

Anyway, what i meant by what i said, was not a “relationship” per se, but just like you said, getting to know them… starting a relationship. Relationships dont always equal “love interest” — it just means… a relationship… a coming together of sorts.

anyway, i need to go pee now. and then study more.

—

october 5th, 2004 (m0g)

i’m listening to… crustation [trip-hop].
i’m feeling… …

1:48 am — i’ve been in such a weird mood lately. after strange events and confessions and such ranging from this weekend until now, i’m just going crazy… in a good way. i guess i’m generally… happy?! :O

except i was just reminded by gildas when he was asking me what classes i was taking, that i missed my education seminar class yesterday… and the class is only every other week for an hour LOL. and there are like seven students. GG ME.

ohhh crazy mind.

—

october 1st to 3rd, 2004 (crazy wknd part 1)

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… like i just woke up and oh my fuck kill me now.

9:28 am — what the fuck was i THINKING. i agreed to go to CHURCH. fuck fuck fuck. i have so much fucking shit to do i don’t want to spend the fucking morning at church. and i fucking went to sleep @ 5:30 am… BAH KILL ME.

this weekend has been straight-up fucked up. for like, uh everyone. i think. everything has been so hectic. friday night we had a party at our place… second time having a party @ our apt. rules: [1] bring someone you don’t know, [2] byob, [3] dress like trailer trash. hella fuckers. it was alright, it was cool… mr. eddie [kang] fucking dressed up like the most awesome trailer trash ever. honestly, i don’t even know how many people there were cause i was in my room / the bathroom half the time. the police came, and ambulances came too… this always happens. apparently, we aren’t supposed to do these bad things, cause karma or whatever always bites us in the ass, and someone always ends up in the hospital, and eva always gets in trouble with the police X: eva was freaking out cause they told her if they had to come back that they’d arrest her LOL and since she’s gotten in trouble with the police again, she was suppppper paranoid… and she locked so many people in her room haha. she grabbed me, put me in her room, and then i was like, “can i go hide out in my room?” and she was like, “NO!” it was quite amusing -__-

police wrote us up i think. eva told them that everyone was 21, though. and nate [patterson] called the paramedics for arlen because he drank a fuck shit load and he was puking for like two hours, and then he just like… started to cough up blood and stuff… they had to put a tube down his throat and they put an iv in him or drew some blood or something and when they took the needle out his blood was just freaking dripping and the side of his bed was all bloody and shit. matt [nomura] drove my car, and me, him, and trask went to harborview medical center (harborview again), and brett [buchholtz] met us there with his brother drew… this was at like 1:30, and we waited until 3:30 to find out no information because they wouldn’t tell us didly fuck shit, and arlen’s parents came up from camas to pick him up, and yes…

stuff… hsu-han drunk = mr. touchy-feely, it’s so interesting. our carpet now has all sorts of puke and blood and beer. literally. there were about 5 beer-spill party fouls… in like, the first half an hour -__- we had a damn good mix of people though. so police + ambulance = successful party, so go us. also, sometime through the night, a bunch of people got to chanting, “JOHN KERRY! JOHN KERRY! DOWN WITH BUSH! DOWN WITH BUSH!” wtf?!

fucking kill me now, i don’t want to go to church…

on saturday… didn’t really do anything all day, and then went to fucking chisig sorority installs (installs? i don’t even know). it was rather boring. it was at the hilton. had to wear a dress. supposed to be good food. it was not so good. but my date (miss farm) happened to be the most popular person of the night, so omg, i was dating the hottest commodity.

came back, and some people came over and we played cranium. and it was good. and girls pwned the n00b guys (rather close game, it was). and then i was ready to go to sleep and bitches told me gay crap via aim and then sleep was umpossible. and then now, i am awake, thinking about how i cannot say no, and how many things i will need to do today that don’t involve going to church, and thinking, WHY THE HELL DOES THEIR CELL PHONE NOT WORKKKKKK.
(nate’s response:)
Farm is indeed a hot commodity.

(anthony’s response:)
Farm is still a hick.

(nate’s response:)
Not more than me. I’m about as hick as they come.

(anthony’s response:)
hehe Farm is a newly “self-inflicted hick” i wonder if she reads this…

(nate’s response:)
lol Hi Farm, we’re just commenting on your level of hickness. And it’s always hardest on the new hicks. After a few years, you don’t even notice. NASCAR, Budweiser, and Wal-Mart just come naturally.

(anthony’s response:)
Hah, Farm has now read this….

 Farm is so massively hicky its not even funny.

She lives in this city called Sacramento.

so youre driving to Sac from northern cal…
          COW   COW   BARN   COW   MANURE  COW   
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>SACRAMENTO
         RANCH   CROPS   MOSQUITOS  COW MANURE

ya, you get the picture…

(nate’s response:)
lol Oh noes!

lol No, you don’t understand where I’m coming from.  Two factors: first, I grew up in Kent, Washington.  We’re talking white trash central, eclipsed perhaps only by Pullman, and they’re redeemed because they have drunk college girls.

Second, my mom’s family (12 of her siblings and her mom) live in Tillamook, Oregon, and my dad retired there.  Tillamook, OR.  Town of the CHEESE.  And the cows.  OMFG the cows.  There’s this mountain drive, Highway 6, which goes on for maybe 40 miles; then within a few hundred yards you emerge from the mountain and it’s flat farmland; another mile on, and the smell hits you, like a wall of cow patties.

And, of course, who can forget the cheese factory.  

But I suppose my heritage doesn’t immediately qualify me for hickness.  How else might I qualify my hick nature?  I drive a white minivan, though I suppose that qualifies me more for white trash status.

(anthony’s response:)
Hehehe. I grew up in umm Woodinville, WA for 2 years of my life… which is luckily in civilization. But within a few miles and over the hill is god-forbid… Duvall/Monroe and all that non-sense out there…

Then I moved to Kenmore, WA, which is a nice suburb of Seattle right on the north shore of lake wa, but man, its like trailer trash city which is full of bars, and umm the infamous Kenmore Lanes. It’s like the city is divided into the central trash, and the outskirt nicerness. Haha. (kinda like Issaquah i guess)

But Farm is a rare case, cause she is a self-proclaimed Hick mostly cause she likes a hick from the Indianapolis Colts. I dunno of many people who woudl do such a drastic thing… but shes one of those nutso psychos you know? Farm, you’re odd.

jk. Farm is so radical its like totally gnarly dude. She singlehandedly stole a large chunk of my music collection and was temporarily given the titled “mini-ant” which i dunno why because i am much more beautiful than she is. And man, I am much cooler too. And well, geez, I guess who wouldnt want to be me? Come on.. thats a gimme.

(nate’s response:)
Woodinville’s smack dab in the middle of civilization!  Quick question, did you go to Woodinville High School?  I know some people there, and of course since you were there at the same time you should know them too, and then there’d be some deep connection between all of us.

Of course.

Yeah, Monroe’s pretty out there.  Othello’s wayyy fucking out there, though.  I went out there hunting with my dad for a few years, on the weekends of course.

Ah, Kenmore… yeah, I don’t know much about Kenmore.  Issaquah’s hickish.  Dang, I miss Almost Live!.

Colts… is that a basketball team?  …

I’m not kidding, I don’t even remember what category of sports the Indianapolis Colts are a part of.  Shows you how little I pay attention to sports.

There is nothing wrong with being a self-proclaimed hick.  You just have to make sure you know real hicks, so that your hickness doesn’t go overboard.  That happens for too long and you find yourself one day wearing a mullet, drinking Bud Light, and wearing a sweat-stained tank top.  And that wouldn’t be a pretty sight.

Farm is so radical.. but did she flip out once and totally kill everyone in a diner because some guy dropped a spoon?  Does she flip out for no reason?

I wouldn’t want to be you… but I’m a ninja, and ninjas are way cooler than any mortal human.

(anthony’s response:)
Nah, I went to Inglemoor HS and im sure you know all 384023840238 of us that hang out with Vivian…

Hah, this is funny, we’re having our little side convo in her msgboard. lol.

Almost Live! was GREAT. Freakin John Kiester is awesome. They need that show back. I loved all the ballard jokes… haha. And all those years of bad mariners and seahawks jokes… HAHAHA.

(my response:)
farm is hot for like… a freaking japanese drug addict… PERFECT FOR HER NEW POTENTIAL JAPANESE BF *COUGH COUGH FARM*

(farm’s response:)
whoa whoa whoa! you bums. carrying on about me!
but yes, japanese drug addict = hotness. must meet him again…but in a sober manner this time. no more “stuff” in between. veee is cool cos she shall hooook it uuuuuuup.  =)   NO jk. he’s way too hot to handle.

(my response:)
oh you know me. imma hook it up guh.
imma hook up eva too.
now i just gotta find someone for liz.
and we’ll all be set.

(nate’s response:)
What a matchmaker!

(anthony’s response:)
farm is hot dude. i cant stand looking at her shes so hot. wait… that didnt come out right….

jk Farm is way cool. She has pretty good taste in music and you know… thats important. Plus I am going to rush for her sorority..

Oh yea, Colts = FOOTBALL TEAM;  player = Peyton Manning, who I must say is the best QB in the NFL, and there should not be any contention to that considering what he’s done just this year alone. Brett Farve is #2 cause he plays through all sorts of crazy injuries, and #3 is ummm debatable. I am not a daunte culpepper fan… not at all.

Farm is cool cause she follows football too. See, dang, shes a pretty gnarly hick.

(nate’s response:)
She is indeed difficult to gaze upon.  Her beauty blinds like the rising sun, yet entrances like the night’s starry expanse.

What kind of music does she like?  lol I suppose I should be asking HER this.  FARM - what kind of music do you like?

You know, I’d rush for the sorority, but… something about being a huge white guy that’d probably disqualify me.

I’ve never paid much attention to professional sports, I guess I’ve never found them that interesting.  I played in marching band in high school, though.  I’d read books between songs.  <— quite possibly the most socially pathetic paragraph ever to come out of my… keyboard.

But I do agree, she’s cool for following sports at all.  I’m an on again off again fan of hockey.  

I should think the key question of the day to be: Is she gnarly enough to be a TMNT?  I’m saying yes, but I’m already Leonardo.

(anthony’s response:)
I will not answer for Farm because she now reads this thing .hahha.

But she steals all my indie rock music, which is quite a bit. And umm she sometimes takes the emo/punk stuff too.

Im thinkin bout being Donatello for halloween — im going to a seahawk game wtih some people and we have enough people to be the 4 turtles, splinter, casey jones, april and vernon. Ya…

I already have the idea in play: I buy a kids costume of Donatello and cut it up and just sew it on a t-shirt and tape it to my jeans or something, and voila, instant ninja turtle custome. And then i find a random branch of the ground and that’s my Bo. And the mask, well it may fit me… maybe with some mods i can make it work. Yaaaaaaaa. That would be totally gnarly dude. Cowabunga!

(nate’s response:)
What kind of indie rock music?  And what kind of emo and punk music?  My own collection is quite extensive, but I’m just a college bandwidth thief.

Which reminds me, I need to burn a copy of Kenna (New Sacred Cow) and Blessed Union of Souls (Walking Off the Buzz).  Hooray for… well, whatever category of music I feel like indulging myself in this morning.

See, now that sounds like a cool idea for Halloween.  I’ve given absolutely no thought to what I want to do for Halloween; I’m split between guiding groups of kids from next door (Blakely Village) around Nordheim or getting sloshed at a party somewhere.

I was always a fan of Leonardo and Donatello… Michaelangelo was a close third, Raphael was always way in fourth.  Of course, Splinter rocked all of them.

You take the ugly one!
No, you take the ugly one!
I’ll take the ugly one!
Which one’s the ugly one?!

(anthony’s response:)
I always liked being Donatello in the nintendo ninja turtles game (the 1st one) cause he was thecoolest one to be. Yaaaaaaa. Crap i should get an emulator to play that game… it rocked.

What kind of indie rock? Umm i have everything from indie-pop, to post-rock… big fan of post-punk and electro-pop myself. But then im starting to get into post-rock with the crazy guitar effects like Mono and M83 and stuff like that.

What kind of emo/punk? I am big into Get Up Kids… YA!! And Jimmy Eat World. Ya! and brand new… and thursday… and lots of bands… but not a big follower anymore. ive been converted.

i have no idea what to do on halloween either… just going to seahawk game in the day time for now ;|

(lenny’s response:)
Hicks that listen to Indie rock. Wow~

september 22nd, 2004 (whoa nelly)

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… k.

3:51 am — whoa it’s been a long time since i’ve posted. what have i done since then, you ask? nothing really. slept over sherry’s sometime and was all excited to go drunken bowling and shit, but oh! then we decided to go play pool! bOoOo… as if we don’t play enough pool already. hOorah. the next morning we went to see this free acoustic thrice set they played @ uc berkeley… that was pretty dope… but i don’t like acoustic sets cause they bore me -__- teppei is a fscking good guitarist though.

my wrist hurts. aaah i’m such an insomniac. i went to sleep @ like 12:30, rolled around for an hour, slept for like an hour, rolled around some more, and then decided to squander more of my life on computer.

ew, i feel like puking. i feel like i just drank a whole shitload of alcohol… i can like taste it… but the problem is, i didn’t drink shit. -__-

saw dahye yesterday… lalala. also got a bunch of korean magazines and old-school posters and shit from claire to sell… she said if i sold it for her, i can keep half the money… so far sold like… $120 worth of stuff at least lol (and that’s after counting shipping charges)… seriously, korean music fans are crazy… there’s still a shitload of stuff that hasn’t been sold yet, though - http://www.redefinemag.com/shop/. only to korean music fans can you sell a magazine page for 50 cents. only to korean music fans.

i also decided not to go to so-cal this weekend either… i was supposed to go on saturday morning and go back up to seattle on tuesday, but i decided to just go with sherry during winter break or something, because i have a month-long break then (as it is a transition within schools). fuck, i am such a fucking brat. art school is soooo much money… why did i never know i wanted to that earlier? X__x it’s really quite dumb of me… i should have… i don’t know, gone there to begin with or something… but then i probably would have never gotten out of the house and shit. and if i hadn’t come to uw, i would have never met mr. tony, and i would have never known that art is something that i want to do for a living. it’s really just BLAH.

but i’m going to get another job or something. can’t do a retail one, though… have to do one that gives me like - 5 hours a week or something. SIGH. i wish my current job wasn’t so godamn erratic. i also need to ask them for @ least $1 raise… i’ve been there for more than a godamn year, damnit. i NEED a raise. :/

so me and jennie were all pumped up about halloween costumes, and we decided that for this year’s freak night (which happens to be the last freak night ever, cause usc is a bunch of shitheads) that we’d all dress up - i’m dark alice in wonderland (like american mcgee’s alice), she’s the evil queen, chol’s the mad hatter, and derek’s the… rabbit. i pity da fOo, but he DID want to dress up like a bear before… shit, when i think about it, i can only imagine the harassment he’d get, lol… O__o

but yeah, i was bidding on this dress and it was $25 the day before the bid ended, and i was all excited, thinking, okay, it’ll rocket up to like $40 maybe, that’s okay - but fuck, it ended @ $81 - you godamn rich bitches…!! truly sad. truly i was sad. so now i’m not so sure what to do, but whatever…

today we went to sweet tomatoes for daddy’s birthday… lol, i made him this sign that said shengri kuaile in chinese, and well, lol… i wrote like two characters wrong. pwn the n00b. knew there was something odd about them… i’m getting fatter!

everyone has boyfriends and girlfriends now - it’s really kind of crazy. i really want to see phil [nho] with his girlfriend, and phil [wu] with his girlfriend — probably the latter the most. :0 good thing i have single sherry to keep my sorry ass grounded. lol. except she’s freaking out about it more than i am, so… it’s not really keeping me grounded at all, more like inciting me to freak out also… but not really.

next quarter i couldn’t decide whether to have my 2-credit class be german-150 (german-thru-film) or for it to be education-400 (inner pipeline)… basically inner pipeline is this thing where for 2 credits, you tutor at a local school for 2.5 hours a week… and you attend an hour-long seminar every other week. there’s a bunch of different tracks - for bio majors, for criminal justice (where you tutor inmates - but you have to be 21 =( ), for delinquent juveniles (which is what i’m going to do). it sounds really really interesting and i’ve always wanted to be a teacher… sort of… but i don’t know… hopefully it will be “rewarding.” ^__^ i’m so glad i went to uw… i don’t know what i think about seattlites still, but i fucking love seattle. i never want to leave seattle — especially not to go back to fucking boring ass suburbia — but if you don’t have the money, what the hell can you do, right… so shit… need to make money! NEED MONEYYYYYYY. i’m stretching the family budget thin with art school - i really am. must keep applying to my lame ass fucking scholarships even though people won’t give me shit.

(lenny’s response:)
It’s a shame you didnt get that dress. None of the other dresses on ebay even begin to compare to that one.

—

september 11th, 2004 (9/11)

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… empty.

2:58 am — yet another movie (”resident evil : apocalypse”) tonight with sherry, claire, jason [yee], nelson, and adriel… only nelson had just come from a wedding, where he had drunken 10 glasses of wine (and he’s a light-weight, so really, it’s AMAZING he got to the theatre safe). he literally spent the whole movie yakking or something… either way, he had been in the bathroom the whole time :/

sigh. pOor nelly belly. on the way back, jason was driving hella fast (not so much different from most the time i suppose) on route 24, which is bumpy as SHIT, and he ended up hitting his head on the ceiling and… burning? his hair (maybe he was smoking? i r confrOoze). anyway, we were trying to get to in-n-out before it closed at 1:30, and we got there at 1:30 on the dot and it was already closed… we sat at the drive-thru hoping they would feel sorry for us, but alas, they did not. and adriel drove nelly belly’s car home since nelson couldn’t drive, and adriel was telling jason that he should carry nelson upstairs in his house since he was passed the fsck out, and jason was like, “hell no, i’m not going to carry him upstairs like a bitch!” lol.

we ended up going to jack-in-the-box and it was interesting because there was this one store that had a sign saying “VIDEOS - WINE - PARTY” and then in smaller letters, “MIDNIGHT MAIL - (forgot) - (forgot).” either way, it was a fscking weird place because they sold everything from cigars to dog food to punch bowls to candlesticks to balloons to wine to adult videos. very very strange place.

and anyway, my confrOozion for much of the days lately is… what the FUCK does it mean if you dream about someone? especially like, going out with someone you don’t necessarily have feelings for… it’s SO fucking weird. really wondering what it means…

oh and “resident evil” was alright. not the best movie, but definitely entertaining… but i mean, zombie movies aren’t really meant to be taken seriously anyway. but as far as the previews went - man, there’s some scary shit coming out. this one movie with ghosts talking thru static and different sound wavelengths and shit… SHIT IS FUCKING SCARY… cause zombies, hell yeah, you know they’re not real… but ghosts… hmm, just maybe…

(nate’s response:)
resident evil was WACK!! play the game though…hella fuckin scarey motherfuckaaaaaaaaaaah!

(lenny’s respopnse:)
The thought has been planted in your brain now. What does this dream mean? Will you nourish the thought with ponderous reasoning? Or will you ignore it? Then one day you’ll realize the consequences of your inaction and take a pumpkin to the temple! Sooo…. my advice to you is…. sleep with the person. It’s the only way to find out if there are real feelings there. Blimey Im a smart devil.

RoflCopters~

september 10th, 2004 (rOofl of my own)

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… …

1:59 am — tonight me, claire, and fontaine went to play pool @ edgie’s… it was not that exciting. i have the attention span for like one game of pool a day now… where i do decent… and then quality steadily declines from there. anyway, then we were going to go to pc room… but then decided to go to union city and watch “resident evil 2″ with sherry, jason [yee], and nelson… except the movie was sold out, so we went to watch “cellular” instead, because sherry really wanted to see it. it’s about some girl who gets kidnapped, stuck in a room, and manages to use a broken phone to call some dude, blahblah. i thought it would suck, but it’s more like HORRIBLY AWESOME. it’s so horrible, it’s awesome (like megalodon 3), and it’s definitely interesting… and very light-hearted and quite amusing. i enjoi much. surprisingly a good pick. definitely better than “resident evil” would have been, i’m sure. so hOorah.

—

septembre 9th, 2004 (dike)

i’m listening to… family guy on tv.
i’m feeling… hO-kay.

11:24 pm — maybe my life really is this boring, but i have to talk about how i saw some crazy accident today. i was on my way to the dentist’s and there were three cars in front of me. the first two stopped at the light, and the third wasn’t really paying attention or something, and kept going (very slow, i’m guessing maybe 30 mph)… and kind of started swerving into the left turn lane, but didn’t make it all the way. so imagine looking down from an aerial view, and seeing the third car hit its upper right hand corner into the lower left hand corner of the second car. at 30 mph. for some freakish reason that i think really does defy physics, the third car freaking hopped up in the air and turned over. it was fucking surreal. good thing i wasn’t tailgating his ass, or my ass would have gotten pummelled too. at least it was going hella slow, though, and the guy crawled out of the car right away (but his car obviously was totaled). fucking crazy ass shit. but not as crazy as the head on-collision i saw where some lady died, @ lollapalOoza. fuck. from now on, i’m wearing my seatbelt! X: always.

anyway, at night, me, jeremy, nelson, brandon, and jason [yee] went to visit sherry in berkeley before jeremy leaves… nelson just bought a motorcycle. fucking, we were eating dinner and talking about how jason has a male stalker who always comments about his nice tan and calls him a model (this male stalker has a girlfriend, however)… and out of nowhere nelson was like… “look at vivian. she could be a dike!” wtf. why the fuck do i hear that so much. it’s so irritating. i almost think that maybe i will turn into a dike just because people keep telling me that i am one. BRAWRR. just because i don’t dress like your typical girly girl or whatever the fsck! just because i like playing games or whatever the fsck! but the point is, no matter what my interests or how i may look or dress, i like boys, and fsck, that’s the difference. -__- mom said that at first auntie jasmine and stuff were all thinking that i was just a little tomboy but now they think i’m awesome and they don’t think that’s true… just flattering to hear i guess. just wish that people weren’t so quick to assume shit. ESPECIALLY asian people. the sheltered, retarded ones who only hang around the typical asian gangster fucks always think i’m so EXTREME and they always say shit like that… say i’m a dike or say, “oh wow, you’re wearing all black again, are you a goth…” give me a fucking break. die. but yeah asides from that berkeley was alright. i don’t know. too much car talk and motorcycle talk and shit for my normal blood, but whatevers… at least i got an awesome shirt today for $2.24… that’s just about the highlight of my day.

(anthony’s response:)
you are definately too cute to be a dike. but i dunno, you may have been surpassed as cutest rocker girl i know… by these two girls we were sitting next to and later standing next to at bumbershoot during and before Built to Spill and Pixies. They were dressed like you, but they were both HOT. Well at least I think so. One of them had short dark hair and a nose ring, and wearing this polo shirt. I dunno, she looked really hot, not really sure how to explain it.

(lenny’s response:)
It’s a shame your family would like never approve of girls like that in a billion years huh Anthony esp your aunts. Roofle copters.

(anthony’s response:)
WTF? How do you know my family? … let’s see… 3 of my cousins married “white guys” which i think are all cool. well one is okay, but the other two are great guys. 2 married a cool non-vietnamese guy (both indian)… also both are cool… and umm most all of my cousins are dating non-vietnamese whatever… and usually, yes, most families probably would not approve of such, but obviously, it doesnt really matter, ESPECIALLY MY AUNTS. > It’s a shame your family would like never approve of girls like that in a billion years huh Anthony esp your aunts. Roofle copters.

(chol’s response:)
Aww poor Vivian >__< Of course, I hope you know that Josh and I were always kidding ^__^;

—

september 3rd to 7th, 2004 (shakka shakka)

i’m listening to… the vines.
i’m feeling… hO-kay.

link of the day — http://www.localnews8.com/home/941067.html?video=YHI… oh my fucking god, two-legged walking dog.

went to havaii with sherry’s family, jeff’s family, fontaine’s family, james and nancy’s parents (auntie [gloria] and uh uncle [yeah…]), auntie [jasmine]… uhhh yeah. whatever. only the kids are important. september 3rd — arrived in honolululululululu and it was the longest fucking flight ever. cramps + plane + death = death. it makes perfect sense. anyway, the first night we didn’t do much of anything. just walked around a little, went to our hotel (which my parents said was really dirty and ghetto, but i guess i’m just ghetto, cause i didn’t think it was really all that bad). and then yeah.

september 4th — woke up. went hella fucking early to the godamn pearl harbor, which, i feel bad saying, but is fucking boring as shit. and omg, the godamn sunken boat is still leaking oil, and why wouldn’t you just clean that shit out. BRAWRRR. but yeah. we watched a documentary that was 23 minutes long on the bombing of pearl harbor, and it was sad, and war sucks… yeah. but really, there isn’t much to look at at the pearl harbor site. after that, we took the city tour and just drove around in the van a little, and it was broing, and i don’t remember shit. you know, i don’t really even remember, cause obviously it was nothing exciting… :X in the daytime we DID go to this place to get free macadamia nuts and coffee though, and i will talk more about it later. oh yeah, we also stopped by this jewelry place where the tour guides get commission, you know, so they take everyone there. there was this gold-digger-looking asian girl with this rather large white man on our bus this day and so we were placing bets and concluding that the asian girl would try to get the guy to buy her a ring, and i think she really was… but the guy was smart and kept walking away and pulled her out of the store, i guess. GOOD GOING, GUY. my mom is a sucker, though, and she ended up buying something which was initially marked as $130… they sold it to her for $35. how ridiculously overpriced?!we went to the beach for a little bit and sat there and “tanned” but fuck, i hate the sun. try as i may, it’s fucking hot, and i hate it, and i don’t really care for being tan.

september 5th — some fools went to went to freaking polynesian cultural center for the day, and saw some interesting things. saw a guy climb a tree to get coconuts (and that was awesome), saw how you make fire to survive on an island, saw some freaks who suck at playing drums, threw spears, ate some breadfruit (which is fruit that tastes like bread, and i don’t know if i’d call it good or disgusting), got bitten by mosquitos, sat on some canoe (although i wanted to watch the imax, but no one wanted to)… and shitt0x. also ate at this nasty buffet they had… well, it wasn’t nasty, but it wasn’t good. sherry made this freaking volcano out of creme and fontaine’s hawaiian punch, and it actually looked pretty awesome. and at night went to see a dancing and music show of all the different polynesian islands, and it was interesting enough. :] some guys lit themselves on fire almost, and blahblah, really awesome steel drums. some awesome ass-shaking. like word.

september 6th — some people went snorkeling… but me and sherry didn’t get to go because TIME OF THE MONTH, damnit. fucking lame ass timing. apparently it was really fun though, and there were turtles out in further areas, and fish in the shallower areas. bitches were STANDING on coral reefs and stuff, and that kind of pissed me off. stupid assholes. i didn’t even go to the beach… we just drove by later that day for the “island tour” where we just passed by a few random places. we went to this other commission store, you know, and me and sherry decided to wear a bunch of their beads and walk around… and it was good! yeah… the tour guide this time was fucking awesome though, and funny as hell. he looked like a combination of tin-win’s dad and alex [duan], which is just weird shit in itself.

there were eight other people on our tour bus who instead of eating at the all-you-can-eat-sushi place we went to that night, went to board this cruise. it was funny, cause we drove through the docking areas, passed by all these nice ass cruises, and then ended up going to the most ghetto cruise of all. it was such a piece of shit, whereas the other ones were all beautiful and crap. HAHAHA, i pity da fOo. so funny, though. anyway, we went to machiko chaya (or something like that)… it was about thirty bucks a person almost but OH MY FUCKING GOD IT WAS AWESOME. they have so much godamn food. you just have this giant menu and you pick two items at a time, and there is also a small, typical buffet line. FUCK IT’S AWESOME. and almost all of the waiters were like really hot, but there was one in particular that everyone agreed to be hotz0r. so i told sherry, i’ll give you $30 if you put your arms around him and say, “i’ve missed you.” and then carol added two cents, lol. and finally we decided on $35 if she put his arms around him, said, “i’ve missed you,” and then let us take a photo of it. she didn’t do it. but we did test out how long it took for people to come to you if you just sat their with your hands raised (like a football field goal referee stylee), and i don’t know, i think it worked pretty well. finally, i got stung by a mosquito the night before and apparently i’m really allergic to the shit and my hand swelled up like 2x the size. it was fucking huge and red and ugly. seriously, my knuckles were gone. so i asked the hot waiter if he could get me a bag of ice, and we were thinking, oh, ziploc bag, with a few pieces of ice. he came back with this HUGE ass bag of ice, and hahaha i guess he got it out of the cooler where they had their buffet line, because there were chunks of crab shell in it HAHAHAHAHA… and some of the crab egg part. fucking awesome. lol. and m0g, it was probably the only time in my life where i’ll be able to say to a waiter, “can i have one of every dessert on the menu?”, have him respond with, “one of each?” and say, “yes,” and have him say, “okay,” like it’s perfectly normal. GOD THAT PLACE WAS FUCKING AWESOME. and without a doubt the best godamn part of the trip. not sure if that’s pathetic or great, but i know that it is so. on the way back, hawaiian people are fucking weird, and i guess since everything is so godamn compact, they have a different sense of distance than us stupid californians do. we were asking them how far it was to get back to waikiki beach, which our hotel was near. they told us it would be like a half an hour walk or something, and it was acutally pretty damn close. just a couple of streets… maybe it really WAS that far. who knows.

september 7th — woke up early in the morning to check out the hilton hotel, because they have flamingos and penguins and turtles and cranes and koi fish and all sorts of goodies. BUT THE PENGUINS WERE THE BEST. one of the penguins looked like it was diseased because its skin was falling off and shit, but apparently, it was just “MOLTING”. anyway, me and sherry went to the beach for a little bit and went swimming because the time of the month had subsided (i have no qualms about writing about the time of the month crap)… and it was cool, although the rocks hella hurt, because waikiki beach is a fake ass piece of shit and the government imports the sand every six or seven years, so that the loose sand washes away and what’s left is hard ass big ass rocks that cut your feet. GOOD SHIT. got sunburned too. we came back, checked out of the hotel, and stumbled upon this wholesale bead and jewelry shop on the bottom floor of the hotel. for some reason we hadn’t seen it until it was almost time to check out, but we bought a shitload of beads for mad cheap… and it was good.

we rented two vans and went to the dole plantation, where we saw pineapples. and more pineapples, and lychee trees, and guava, and kumquat, and all sorts of shitt0x in the garden and on the train ride… which featured songs with lyrics like, “i’ll be your pineapple princess” or some crap. who needs a punk rock princess when you have a pineapple princess?! everyone was eating the fucking soft-serve dole pineapple ice cream too, but i thought the shit was nasty as fuck… so fucking gross, ugh. i hate sherbert crap. we also snuck into the maze by going through the trees, and apparently you’re supposed to pay five bucks for that shit, but why the hell would you do that! it wasn’t that exciting because people broke holes through the bushes and crap to make it easier for themselves, and so it wasn’t that hard for us.

we continued onwards and me and sherry were adamant about stopping to eat some hawaiian food, since all we had eaten on the trip was japanese food. so we stopped by this shrimp truck that sold shrimp scampi for $11 a plate. it was good and all, but a little bit expensive. but at least it was something different, and a little more unique than japanese food (although the sushi was motherfucking love).

we continued onwards and decided to stop by the free macadamia nut and coffee place again… and again there was this hella hot worker there… but anyway, while we were getting coffee, this other worker came up to me and sherry and were like, “haven’t you guys been here before? i’ve seen you…” and my dad and mom immediately answered, “no…” when me and sherry were kinda like, “ehhhhh…” and the kid was like, “you’re not lying to me, are you?” and my dad was like, “why would we lie to you?” when of course we were, cause we sux0r and we’re cheap ass chinese bitches! but wow, he recognized us, freaky. we are like movie stars!!!

we stopped by some park to take pics at these two different islands. one looks like a turtle. one looks like a chinaman’s hat, and there’s this other island which they claim looks like a dinosaur, but i think looks like a alligator more. whatever. the rest of the day we waited around and shit, ate, and bought a few things. the place we went shopping at in the nighttime charged $15 for a hemp necklace. fucking absurd. i could go to pacific sunwear and buy it for cheaper, and better. wtf. i was also looking for this awesome black necklace my brother bought me last time, and i finally found it but it cost fucking $12 too. fucking RAWR.

oh yes and i nearly forgot. in the airport these ladies sat down near us, and when they were starting to board all of our fobby parents got up and i jokingly said, “we always board when it’s not our turn!” and they gave me this look like WTF… and then when we were leaving they were like, “some people are so rude. no culture, no class.” i wanted to fucking beat them with a stick. then when they were boarding the airplane i was going to say to them, “excuse me, i’m taking a poll. do you think it’s ruder to talk about people in front of their faces or behind their backs?” but when they finally showed up i wasn’t sure it was them, so i didn’t want to like, poke some random person… :/

speaking of rudeness… we were in this restaurant and we were in a rush because we had to get to the airport, so my mom said to the waitress, “hurry up.” and she was like… “whaaaa” since it’s so rude, and my mom was like… “just… hurry up!” it was so rude lol… -__- and it would have made sense if my mom admitted her mistake but she claimed that she did nothing wrong even though clearly she did. -__-

yeah i think my timing was a little messed, but that’s the extent of the vacation. and my hand is still herpes-ized and puffy and disgusting.

HAHAHAHA OMG jeanette just read me one of her old journal entries, and it said, “we played this game. we sat in a circle with a cup in our hands filled with a little bit of water. and the person with the cup picked a color. then we go around in a circle guessing the color, and the person who picks the color gets water poured on them. it was fun!” and in parentheses: “it’s by honor system!” HAHAHAHAHAH FUCKING OMIGAT FUNNY.

—

september 3rd, 2004 (iusedtohavesomuchfaithwhenistarted)

i’m listening to… straylight run and aimee mann.
i’m feeling… fine.

8:58 am — hawaii today.

people are funny. they do the search engine run for www.redefinemag.com or redefinemag.com ~ why wouldn’t you just type it in? but i don’t care, because that means at least people are looking? :/

OKAY… so now that i’m not crazy emotional anymore. yesterday we went to dinner with phil [nho], phil [hsieh], sherry, and jeanette… there was a whole shitload of miscommunication and blahblahblah, but dinner was good and shitt0x. afterwards, went back to sherry’s place and everyone else drank, but i didn’t, cause i don’t want to die just yet… and hah… jeanette puked like a motherfucker. and i had this genius idea to get her a paper bag because she didn’t want to puke on the street… because, you know, barf bags, except it was a poor idea, since… well, she just DRANK, and it’s all liquid, not like the usual fluffy cloud-of-death barf. so yeah. exploding bag of watery puke right in front of someone’s apartment building MMMMM. and there were these two friends of sherry’s who were kinda ditzy-whiny-bitchy, but either way… so fucking funny. sooo funny. so they told some awesome stories about getting their apartment complex’s trash can set on fire. gotta love berkeley, man. well, actually, no… because i hate partying in berkeley. i’ve only “gone out” in berkeley like three times, and the first time was years and years ago… and a couple of breaks ago i went to a house party with sherry and jeanette.. ONLY they both met up with guys there, and so i was like the fifth wheel… and we even went to a romantic overpass and shit… I EVEN DROVE THEM THERE BRAWRRR. sherry’s dude actually talked to me a lot cause he felt bad or whatever maybe… but yeah… -__-’ still was no fun. and then the third time was last night, which was zero fun for pretty much everyone. well, not zero, just not… a lot.

when the sun came up,
we were sleeping in,
sunk into our blankets,
spread across the bed,
and we were dreaming.
there were moments when i know it and
the world revolves around us
and we’re keeping it
keeping it all going
this delicate balance:
vulnerable, all-knowing.
sing like you think no one’s listening.
you would kill for this;
just a little bit,
just a little bit,
you would kill for this.
sing me something soft,
sad, and delicate,
or loud and out of key;
sing me anything.
STRAYLIGHT RUN - EXISTENTIALISM ON A PROM NIGHT. —

september 2nd, 2004 (deathcabforme)

i’m listening to… death cab for cutie.
i’m feeling… -__-

2:33 am — a non-fun night in berkeley. it started off okay, we drank (well, everyone but i drank) @ sherry’s apartment, and then a whole shitload of random people went to blake’s, this bar / club… waited an hour and a half to get in, and when we finally got in, we stayed for like ten minutes. fuck. i hate life. so much. it’s just so unfair. i would like to just give up everything and just not have to fucking wory about a godamn thing… i feel like i try so fucking hard and i don’t get shit in return… fuck, life really is so unfair… what does it take to be a good person, and what does it take to be happy… do you really have to compromise yourself to make other people happy and therefore make yourself happy? it SEEMS to work for other people, but it’s something that i just can’t do… maybe i should get my head out of my ass and stop wallowing and just take up life like some other people do… but just because they seem happy doesn’t mean they are… i just want someone to understand and try to learn… not do everything for me, but take it one step at a time and learn about each other the way things are meant to be… not one-sided and not hurried… just real.

i hate it when i bitch at people though because of my own frustrations… not good to take it out on other people in such a bitchy manner… i just don’t know.

you know what else pisses me off. we have a godamn SUV. god. it’s worse than an SUV. the honda CR-V is a motherfucking piece of shit that guzzles gas and has horrible handling. godamn, i hate fucking driving that piece of shit.

sorry gildas, the “fuck” will not subside.

i need someone to fucking save my life. and i know it’s not anyone i know right now… so when the fuck will he she it show the fuck up? i’m so godamn dead i just need to see something real again.

“feels like i’m due for a miracle… i’m waiting for a sign. i’ll stare straight into the sun, and i won’t close my eyes.”

—

septembre 1st, 2004 (hopeless)

i’m listening to… normal like you.
i’m feeling… -__-

8:23 pm — normal like you are my fucking heroes right now. how the fuck are they not signed… seriously. fuck, such good lyrics… i piss myself off lately. it’s really fucking sad… writing is probably the main thing i do, and i can’t even do that right… hah.

love…

so, i guess i have to quit drinking… cause i might have hepetitis c… not for sure, but just in case… it’d make sense, cause i have ridiculous reactions.

the temptation of desire:
the worst of many flaws.
and i was beckoned by an angel,
or what i presumed to be…
her touch concluded me.
my stomach turns as i embrace
dishonest deception.
your lies become you.
no, it wasn’t worth it;
i will never trust again.
a part of what i thought was me has died;
there’s not a place to run to.
there’s not a face to turn to.
remains of hope have buried us alive.
how could i let it take me?
love is a calamity.
angel, please don’t end me.
a time for desperation;
you’ve chained yourself to me.
but i’m still… fighting your resistance:
the shackles broken free.
now watch me walk away.
my stomach turns as i embrace:
dishonest deception.
your lies become you.
no, it wasn’t worth it;
i won’t let this be the end.
a part of what i thought was me has died;
there’s not a place to run to.
there’s not a face to turn to.
remains of hope have buried us alive.
how could i let it take me?
love is a calamity.
never could i have predicted;
i made the mistake:
i walked into your arms.
i instantly became addicted to faith…
angel, please don’t end me.
NORMAL LIKE YOU - ADDICTED TO FAITH.

august 31st, 2004 (asduiahfuiahsd)

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… -__-

12:08 am — tonight me and claire went to milpitas golfland and played games. mad games. we beat time crisis 3 and i pwned some random fOols in puzzlefighter. it was good times except they got rid of THE BEST FUCKING GAME IN THE WORLD - BATTLE BALLS. god, i have been looking forward to playing that game again for SO LONG and fuck, i am so angry that they got rid of it. you have no fucking clue. so if anyone knows where i can get this… LET ME KNOW. FUCK I’M MAD!!!!

and i am also the world’s shitstick, as i have concluded before. really. someone told me once, “people like you and xinlei because you guys just listen to what everyone has to say.” for a while i thought, hey, that’s a good thing, that’s what i’m here for (that’s what it’s made for ~ btw, usher is a fat ass conceited slob, although he’s not really fat)… but now i’m thinking, fuck. i just want to be selfish. everyone else is… why can’t i be… but maybe i’m looking at it all the wrong way. i don’t even know.

looking around my house and shit, just makes me sad these days… lol… just looking at all i have and everything about our house… how so much thought was put into choosing and decorating every little detail, every curtain, every vase, whatever… our refrigerator full of magnets of all the different places we’ve been to… just wish i had been a better kid to my parents. trying now, and shit, but i feel bad cause i’m still using so much of their godamn money… man, i don’t know… wish money just grew on trees and life was just more certain… i’m trying to do the best i can, but i just don’t know what more i can do… and i wish there were easier solutions to everything. wish i understand exactly what they think, and i wish i knew if they are proud. i mean they don’t give me shit for who i am, even though i’m pretty unconventional for a little asian ex-church-going kid from suburbia… and i’m glad they understand that, and i appreciate it so so so much… and i really am trying to do my best, but i just wish that i could do more… ;/ i guess growing up and about making money and working on my own just makes me realize how much they’ve given to me…

and in conclusion, wise words from mister ice cube: “gotta check yoself before you wreck yoself.”

—

august 29th, 2004 (fashionewek - sf)

i’m listening to… e.r. on tv ~ ^^
i’m feeling… okay.

11:01 am — rawr. went to a fashion show with sherry today… was quite interesting. everyone got these free bags, and we didn’t get one… so apparently like 90% of the people there (even the little kids) were members of the press. WTF. there were showcases by graduates of fidm, some other thing, and loungewear betty… the last one was the best… most professional, i guess… although the clothes were all lingerie, so eh…

there was this one asian model who was in every show who was just FUCKING HORRENDOUS… she looked like she was going to fall over and fall asleep every freaking round she did. quite irritating, if i do say so myself. and she was the “fattest” although that is not that fat, cause those girls are like anorexic. another one was a total spazzy fucker, and she was like on drugs or something, all twitchy and shaking her ass like she was a stripper or something… :O

all in all an interesting experience. afterwards some lady asked sherry and i if we were models. should have said yes.

and then we circled around and around and got a little lost on the way back to berkeley. w00sa.

—

august 25th, 2004 (sometimes you don’t know where you are)

i’m listening to… normal like you. <3 and they’re from livermore. double <3
i’m feeling… fine.

5:38 pm — FUCK normal like you is so greaaatttt. looking forward to meeting these fools. god, they’re so good. -__-

the other day i was asking john [tran] about karma, since he’s buddhist and all, and he told me… that karma carries over from past lifetimes, and you keep being reincarnated until you get it right. he said it’s not necessarily that you were a bad person, but that you were a lost person. given the circumstances, i’ve come to conclude that i must have been a murderer or an evil dictator who didn’t know him/herself in past lifetimes… cause… yeah. sure there’s people worse off… but there probably more fulfilled in where i’d like to be fulfilled the most…

i did the best this quarter that i’ve done in college so far ~ 3.4 ~ pretty ridiculous… i guess i work better under stress or something.

bought the game of life the other day, and me, eva, and anthony played, and just as liz said, that game really is so white-collar… you have to get married, winner is the one with the most money… everything is about money! funny liz… that’s why she doesn’t like monopoly either i guess. that makes sense. but money makes this world go round ;[ asian-styled salad fukkin r0×0rz my b0×0rz.

these people i know fucking make my ears and eyes and every appendage bleed. i need to meet some new people.

sometimes you don’t know where you are, til you’re there, and it’s too late.

i have pinpointed and locked down something that i think is sOoOo sexy. a guy who has complete power over words. it sounds so retarded, i know, but… damn. i don’t really care for reading poetry that much, unless it’s amazing (even though i like to write it)… but when someone can bust out rhymes in real life on the spot, or can just mold a sentence into something that is an art form spoken only by them… damn, it’s fucking sexy. i can think of only three people i know who fit this description, and well, shit, now that that’s settled, it explains the sexiness. to the max. and i don’t necessarily mean rapping or spoken word… i mean just talking in everyday life, but in a way that is so unique. BRAWR, that’s fucking sexy as hell.

— 

august 22nd, 2004 (:D)

i’m listening to… “clean living” by rjd2.
i’m feeling… hukkity.

11:03 pm — holla @ cho gurl!

man, i just wrote a bunch of crap but i accidentally closed the window and lost it. stupid.

did the instant winner interview today… good shit man. farm and i went down to bonney lake (did not even know it existed) to brien’s house (getting lost along the way, due to neal’s lack of a little information during direction-giving). his house was pretty cool… he had a lake in his backyard, mang! X__x we started taking photos outside, but freaking it started pouring and crap. also, farm has been waiting for a new camera lens that hasn’t come in yet, so all the pictures were zoomed in hella close and she had to stand back soo far just to take a “normal” pic… pretty crappy. =( and her camera got wet too, and that was no good!

we went inside for some more pics and they played us “in words”, “free for all”, “man down”, and “listen”… wewt… so awesome. the room was not so good for pics, cause it was pretty small, but it sounded fucking awesome… despite the deafness. ^__^ X__x then farm had to leave early to go to a meeting, and i did an interview in their rv… first time being in an rv! o__O quite cozy indeed. INDEED.

good shit. trying hard to make this shizzle w3rkizzle.

godamnit, i’m an idiot. i edited over yesterday’s entry. anyway, yesterday me and tony were supposed to go to hempfest but it was raining too hard, so we just played some video games, and then went down to renton for a “jam session” with jack, yuki, and lingo… good shit. they’re all musically gifted and shit… lingo plays guitar well, yuki plays bass well, jack plays it all, and tony plays drums well… and pretty much everyone can play drums ;[ i can only sing… and i did do that, but damnit, wish i had any other musical talent at all… esp after seeing instant winner play today… damn it’s such an awesome ability to have T__T but despite the non-skillz, i still wish i were a rockstar.

and wewt, jeanette is going to go to the finch show with me… i’ll buy her a ticket since it is her birthday that week and all. werd.

working on patenting the mag and what not. really hope it works. you’d never believe what hooked me up with a lot of connects… fucking myspace.com… lol… so funny. but so efficient in promoting shamelessly. because everyone on there is shamless. word.

—

august 18th, 2004 (:D)

i’m listening to… an episode of “friends”.
i’m feeling…fine.

7:27 pm — i saw some chick today who had to hold up traffic cause her dog like jumped out of the window and she had to wait for it to come back in :0

anyway finals are almost over… i can’t fucking wait…! shit is going pretty decent. word… :X

and dude my apartment is so dirti, but for once it’s not me…

—

august 12th, 2004 (:|)

i’m listening to… megaman oc remix “flashfire”.
i’m feeling… empty.

6:59 am — yesterday sherry called and we were trying to figure out what it was we used to do skits about… cause we have probably done like five skits in church, and man… my memory is fucking bad now. i guess for christmas we went to two malls and asked people what they thought the meaning of christmas was… and i vaguely remember that… the only part i kind of do remember and the only reason my memory was kind of jogged was because we saw a clown on the side of the street… and even that, i don’t know the details of, and well, fuck, it’s just godamn sad.

life is only as good as the memories you make, isn’t that right? i wonder if i’ll look back on today and actually think that it was worth anything, because i don’t think i’ve ever felt so hollow, devoid of emotion, shallow, boring, materialistic, bitchass.

AND HEY I HAVE A BUBBLE GROWING ON THE INSIDE OF MY EYELID. >< my mom says it’s like a pimple. WTF. weird. but hey, at least i aced my midterm tonight, i think, wOot. such an easy class, *knock on wood.

(lenny’s response:)
It’ll get big untill it pops in your sleep and you’ll find that you wont be able to open your eyes when you wake up cuz it will be like glue. And you’ll be like omg omg help me HELPU MEEE

—

august 7th, 2004 (incubiii)

i’m listening to… “just one more” by the mad caddies [ska], “machos nachos” by the mad caddies [ska], “brown paper bag” by roni size [drum’n'bass], “shimmy shimmy quarter turn” by hellogoodbye [awesomeness], “i’m not okay” by my chemical romance [hardcore, but not really].
i’m feeling… ok.

10:07 am — well first off.

apparently i failed my blood test for my life insurance policy, and it’s fucking scary, because they’re not allowed to tell you what’s wrong over the phone, so now i’m waiting for a letter… WHEN THE FUCK IS IT GOING TO COME… >__< and i have a midterm on monday. ON TOP OF THAT… the busses are not running to campus anymore… which is all fine and dandy for most of my classes, but for my oceanography class, which is a fucking 40 min walk (and it starts @ 9 am)… THAT IS NO GOOD. and last time i drove there i got a ticket… so… fuck.

anyway yesterday was the incubus concert, so at least that got my mind off of things… briefly. went with eva, farm, lingo, and anthony. it was one of the best shows i’ve been to in a while, surely. i love incubus. love love. why i love incubus so much is because they’re the band who got me back into rock music, and well, make yourself… lyrically, is one of the most inspiring things, and i think it made a big impact on who i am now. sounds weird, but true :0

man, incubus fans were hardcore dude… even though the floor seating wasn’t entirely filled, everyone who was sitting in chairs on the sides (this was at key arena) were standing the whole time! like! everyone! where the fsck did all these incubus fans come from, and why don’t i know any? everyone “likes” them but no one really LIKES them, except apparently they do, because so many people shelled out $40 to see them, and where the fsck are they in the real world?

anyway… incubus played a two hour set, and sparta’s was only half an hour… i think before it was probably a kind-of co-headliner with the vines, but now sparta really was just a dinky little opener… and they even said it like they had no fans of their own there and that all the fans there were incubus fans. which i guess is probably right :0 the only song i wanted to hear them play was “cut your ribbon”, and i don’t think they did =/ that or they opened with it… and we were a little late. oh yeah, i was stupid and i was like the 24th person to buy pre-sale tickets, but apparently, i didn’t order floor seats… i don’t know how that happened, but we ended up sitting in the chairs on the top… and we kept getting kicked out of all these different seats, but finally we found one, and for some reason, no one came to kick us out :O weird.

my favorite performance was of “sick sad little world” i think… and surprisingly, they played a lot of s.c.i.e.n.c.e. songs… and gladly, not a lot of morning view, and ungladly, not a lot of make yourself. but i can see why they did it; make yourself was probably their most overplayed album because that’s what got them big, and morning view… just sucks, and they probably know that too HAR HAR. whatever, so long as they didn’t play that fucking “are you in?” song, i’m happy. me and lingo were dreading its coming on the whole time. i also think that since they’re all big and famous now, and they never got to really play s.c.i.e.n.c.e. songs that much before since a lot of people don’t know them, now they can! and it was good.this one guy who was in front of us was so into the music it was awesome… he kept like hand-signaling out the song lyrics… fuck, it was awesome. after the show i went up to him and was like, “you’re awesome,” and he kind of gave me this look like what? i didn’t even do anything out of the ordinary. that’s how into the music he was. he’s awesome. i wonder if he’ll be self-conscious about it from now on, cause that would suck :O

anyway, there were some drum solos with jose, brandon, and ben… and some other stuff blah blah blah. a non-acoustic version of drive… with a piano thing or whatever… brandon played some guitar, and of course, took off his shirt… and yea. blarh! they didn’t play “redefine” or “make yourself” though =( “make yourself” and “summer romance” are the only two songs i want to here them play, and they never do =(

afterwards we went to jack in the crack, and they all came over, we played some game cube, and then we all decided to play ouija board (except anthony, who left, but liz replaced him), and unfortunately, it didn’t work. and then, el fin.

some cool lyrics: song isn’t nearly as good as the lyrics.

days turn into years. “a” students turn into dropouts
seeing the world from a creative angle turns into seeing it from a couch
orgasms become lifetimes. Bong hits turn into white lines
a face becomes a dartboard and cardboard becomes a house
boys turn into men. enemies become your friends
losing turns into winning and the beginning becomes the end
words turn into magic. rewind becomes a habit
rabbits become vultures and cultures become trends
a party becomes a funeral. sunlight turns into cancer
the rain turns beautiful. an unusual question becomes an answer
happiness becomes a cataract. a sip turns into a six-pack
and earth turns into mars as my album becomes a standard
a hero becomes a statistic. a lost soul enlisted
the potholes are lifted as the hot coals leave you blistered
a sickness becomes a teardrop. a cup of coffee becomes a long day
your best friend’s guidance becomes the wrong way
as the song plays my voice becomes the past, present, and future
transportation becomes pollution as humans become computers
time becomes space. minds become waste
and a person becomes less interested when a mic becomes an instrument
an age turns into a nightmare. love becomes hate
the nine becomes a zero and every country becomes one state
all you thought you knew was just a foolish assumption
yes, everything is something. but something is nothing
eyedea - void (external theory)

july 29th, 2004 (fucking)

i’m listening to… chillout sessions [ambient / downtempo].
i’m feeling… burning.

11:50 pm — burning man, burning out. i need some space. i need a vacation. i failed my midterm today. i think i got a c, if i’m lucky. i need a vacation. no more procrastinating. 18 credits in summer quarter is a bad, fucking, idea. but it’s only two more weeks of being driven like a slave, so i hope it all works out. time to go read 109 pages. yay!

—

july 28th, 2004 (this will be quick and painless)

i’m listening to… “circles” by bt [breakbeats], “fucked up situation” by angie martinez [hip-hop], “future’s call” by kosheen (makoto mix) [ambient drum’n'bass].
i’m feeling… BRAWRRRR.

9:32 pm — i promised gildas that the next few entries would feature less of the word “fuck,” so i will attempt this.

i’m fucking pooped. wHoOps. i’m taking 18 credits now (and it’s summer term)… two of which are b-term… which makes for a total of about 27 hours of class a week… and that’s just strictly going to class. and all of my classes have two hour breaks in between, which offer little time to do anything… i’m very lucky that i don’t have to put out a magazine for o2 magazine this month (just little projects here and there), because i definitely wouldn’t have had time to do that. worked out pretty well. i do however need to get the next issue of redefine magazine out, by august 3rd, i said… so fuck, hopefully. so pOoped.

surprisingly all of my classes are getting less boring… oceanography class was boring as shit on monday but it was kinda interesting today (maybe because it was easy)… i really don’t play well with others… these days i’m so quick to find flaws in other people… not that i tell them, but it just makes it easier to point towards hermitude… well, really, i don’t even have time to socialize… i have a midterm tomorrow which i haven’t studied for yet… well, i’ve read half a chapter in the past two hours, out of four… i’m not horribly worried cause i got a 94 on the first test and a 90 on the second test (which i pretty much bs’ed as well)… but still, man. i want as high a grade as possible, cause the professor grades really easily. and oceanography… we have three weeks of class, just about, and we have three tests… GG three credit oceanography class… -__- nothing to write lately, not even in my own personal journal where i write things that other people can’t read… that’s how busy with boring stuff it is. i haven’t even played cs more than like a half hour this week… that’s how bad!!!

christie moved in today, so the whole gang will be complete after just miss eva moves in. brahr. and now i return ot the stoody.

—

july 24th, 2004 (like monkeys, we are)

i’m listening to… jay zhou’s album something or other.
i’m feeling… okay.

1:18 am — GWARRRRR.

very little to say, but today me, alex, eddie, and liz went rockclimbing… not that shit where they have harnesses… near the WAC (waterfront activities center) there’s these climbing walls, with different heights and what not, and we climbed on them barefoot… liz kept trying to climb with her long ass nails and it was freaking me out cause i kept thinking that one of her nails would pop off and hit her in the eye on the way down or something -__-’ such a creepy ass image. there were some hardcore climbers up in thurr, man. hardcore. climbing shoes, and convos like, “so, where do you usually climb?” kakakaka.

yesterday while some kids went to play soccer, me, liz, eddie, alex, eva, jun, and this random guy paul filled up water balloons to throw at the bitches on the soccer field… except, we took too long, and by the time we got everything ready, they came home already… so we worked out some whack ass plan (and alex was a dickwad and ran away until after the event was over), and i got excited when i saw lewis on the landing, so i threw too early, and i have horrible depth perception, and i hit the wall. wow, seriously, i’ve like never thrown so bad in my life, but freaking all day yesterday and all day today i’ve been throwing like a godamn dumbass. it’s absolutely dreadful. but yes. water balloon fight, and those godamn balloons just wouldn’t break. only me, liz, and jun were dry, and i was only dry because eric hit me in the ribs / stomach with this godamn balloon and it didn’t pop… it seriously hurt more than like a godamn paintball, motherfucking owwww.

—

july 21st, 2004 (brahwr)

i’m listening to… letter kill’s unreleased album “the bridge”.
i’m feeling… alright.

2:16 am — i’m fauking exhausted… but… MER. so much shit to do… i can’t handle it!!! it’s so hard getting the magazine out every month… and so hard to find reliable help when you’re not paying them. which i totally understand, i mean… it makes perfect sense… people don’t care about shit when they’re not getting paid (some people who have helped me out i really owe a lot to). i’m working on making it a company, trying to figure out shit… trying to make it work, but fuck, it’s tiring. there’s so many things i want to do, and so little time… i’m doing kind of shitty in school for now… i got a 94 on my first sociology midterm but i think i fucked up on the one two days ago… fucked up being like an 80, i HOPE. maybe worse, though… and also that webpaging company we’re starting… i can’t find motivation to do that shit, because nothing i do is good enough… because i CAN’T think in terms of business-style websites… shit is ugly to me. meh, so boring. i want to quit… but i hate quitting shit… but i dread it so much. things would be so much easier without it… but it would be a fucked up thing to do, especially now… when people are relying on me… but it’s not like i’m helping the situation that much anyways.

drawing class is also fucking boring as shit… i can’t stand the godamn class… it’s so godamn boring… my teacher is this chinese fob, which is cool, but he goes on the most random tangents, and it’s just fucking painful.

some albums i’ve discovered recently that are quite good… “the bridge” by letter kills and “antidote” by the gamits… the gamits album i got mailed to me randomly today even though i wasn’t supposed to get that one… they mailed me the wrong cd’s… but whatever… it’s good… you know what’s really good, though? guns n’ roses.

sherry’s going to go to a fashion show with me in sf the weekend i go back to cali. i’m excited. i wanted to go to the instant winner show, but since that won’t be happening, fashion show would be awesome too. that would be a new experience… i’m trying to branch out and do new things, so we’ll see how that goes… GWARRARRRASRRSR. so hard putting the magazine online, good fucking god. that’s all i can think about until i do it… fuck school and fuck work and fuck cleaning and fuck errands… fuck fuck! all i can think about is that… >< i think i have ocd… but different… i dunno. and fuck, starting friday i have school everyday. shutup. that’s what happens when you pile too much shit on yourself, i guess.

[insert attempt at being positive]: pressure sucks, but it’s better than doing nothing, i guess

(anthony’s response:)
generally i would say, “TIME MANAGEMENT” since liiiiiike i always hate it when people say they have no time, yet dont do anything with their time. I work like freakin’ 30 hours at work, and go to school taking 5 or 6 classes (15-18 credits), plus all this other crap I do, and ya I dont get it.

BUT — when there’s a project I am working on (be it a website) freakin time management takes a backseat. I swear I stared at NOTEPAD for almost 3 days straight working on tragicpenguin.com — man my eyes were killing the hell out of me.

So yeaaaaaa — you’re doing a great job on the mag, and this month’s issue will have a lot of great MUSIC content - not sure about whatever else is in it - but definately the music content will be varied and hopefully top notch. don’t freeeak out too much.

and liiiike going back to what i was saying earlier, you’ll be fine when friday rolls around and youre stuck with 4 classes, your o2 job, and redefine project. ha, you maybe stuck at home for a great deal of time but you’ll be fineeeeeeee. people wonder why i didnt just stop working and like study more — ehhhhhh. working helps me organize my time better for studying and i get some money out of it so its a double bonus. so many blah people out there who COMPLETELY mooch off their family and dont even do jack to even try to do anything on their own and all this crap and complain and whine aand all this junk abotu how they have no time when they dont even do anything even remotely productive besides go to school — no work, no extracurricular activity, no projects, nothing crapola. ad;ja

yes, this is me venting frustration at 745am as i am awaken by my parents who are making me drive my car to the shop and get my brakes realigned and my car checked up which isnt exactly exciting to me, nor my wallet. =(

have a joyous day.

—

july 20th, 2004 (wow, fucking)

i’m listening to… “ghostbusters” by ed rush and optical [drum’n'bass].
i’m feeling… rawr.

4:50 pm — GWARRR. interviewed letter kills’ lead singer matt today. fsck, man, listening to your own voice is fucking horrible. i borrowed anthony’s cell phone speaker phone to do the interview, which is hella weird, cause it turned out 80,000x clearer than our in-person interviews with my chemical romance and rise against. weird.

wo de tou nao yao bao zha le. BAO ZHA. BAO ZHAAAA.

i’m horrible at handling pressure horrible. i have a midterm in an hour, but fuck it, i’m totally unprepared, but i don’t even give a fucking rat’s ass. SO FUCKING BORING. GWARRR.

fucking the other night, this dude came over, and like, i said no to his coming over like 80x, because i had to study, but he was like, “it’s my birthday,” so i said fine, fucking a. and the guy just would not leave. like, fuck. four hours. like FUCK! JUST LEAVE. i don’t know what these people are thinking sometimes. actually, i think i do know what they’re thinking, but i’d rather not know, and they can just all die. i just need to find me a hot skinny rockstar boy with black hair (and who doesn’t have extensive issues), and i’m set. so easy ><

fucking instant winner is coming back… they broke up a while ago… but now they’re coming back!!! august 28th. i’m excited. FUCKING GWARRR.

fucking. fuck. fuckkkk!

OH MORE FUCK, I JUST REALIZE I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO BE HERE THE 28TH. FUCKING GWARRR!  

(lenny’s response:)
Just say, “Look, I know you want me to suck your dick or like let you insert your penis into my vagina and thrust in and out, but it’s not gonna happen and I gotta go to sleep, damn so please go home.”

—

july 19th, 2004 (nah mean?)

i’m listening to… “bloodflowers” by the cure, “pick up the phone” by notwist.
i’m feeling… sick, cause i ate too much food, but i kept eating anyway. X:

9:09 pm — meh, been so long since exercise. fatness. no lightness, just fatness. just fatness, and i have a physical in two days. i FEAR. I FEARRRR THE WEIGHT >__<

i have found my hero for the moment. today i talked to rickey, the editor-in-chief of evilmonito.com… this magazine was pretty much the reason i was inspired to make my own… he started it when he was 19… and he’s 23 now… about the same as me, although different subject matter, but now… it’s pretty successful. he got hookt up, and the magazine is going places, and fsck, it’s awesome. and so inspiring. >__< and he is now my hero. hmm, should have told him that! no pressure.

it’s hard cause he said the main thing you have to do is ‘get out there, shake hands’, blahblah. meet people. network. and i’m hella shy around people i don’t know… but maybe this will change. hopefully… i’m working on it. =) i want it to end up like where his magazine has gone… so hopefully. hopefully! =) working on addressing my phone phobia first… cause i’m a retard and it takes me like 8 hours to call anyone i don’t know, but getting better. ^^

(anthony’s response:)
am i missing something? you’re fat? ehh.

dont worry, Letter Kills interview will go smooth. Just think positive. haha. We can rehearse before if you want. woohoo.

V: Hi, my name is Vivian, how are you doing today?
A: I am doing great. Letter Kills rock!!!
V: Is that so? How did you guys get your name?
A: Letter Kills baby! ya! We liiiiike took some letters one day and we liiiiike killed them!! And then we thought, HEY THAT’S GNARLY WILD dude. And the rest is history!
V: Interesting… So how is it like playing on Warped Tour?
A: We liiike totally love warped tour duuuuuuuuude. it’s like totally stokin’ cowabunga to play with bands like THURSDAY and Coheed + Cambria. But especailly Thursday!!
V: I am an imbecile. I dont like Thursday. Why do you guys like them?
A: Thursday is liiiiiiiiike totally rockin good maaaan. Like Way cool!
V: Great! That’s all the time I have. Thanks guys!
A: Duuuuuude thank you!

(lenny’s response:)
How it will really go…

*phone rings*

A: Hello?
V: …

*hang up*

To herself
V: Fsck!!