inside the wonderful world of vee

i figure i need to update this becacuse i don’t feel like doing anything else eally at the moment, so why not, right? blah……. since my last post, which i wrote in canada, i will give a recap of things…

canada (05/26/06 - 05/27/06): went to canada with the parentals. it was well… alright. actually, it was fairly miserable. the first thing i was faced with was my mom made me some food, so she brought it up with me. obviously, when she saw the apartment, she bitched a fuckload, and of course came to the conclusion that, “all of the mess in the living room is yours, right?” when not all of it is… particularly messy was the living room video games, but those are communal, you know? onwards… then we went to denny’s and there was a buttload of talk about how my clothes suck and how my job sucks, and how i should get a job for google, oh look, all these people are getting good jobs, and so many of them live in california, why don’t you come back to california? obviously because you bitch all fucking day long… the last thing you make it is for me to want to go home. so of course, after their monster buttload of bitching, they follow it up with, “we would really appreciate it if you came home,” which is nice and all, but it would only be nice if by itself, but not if it is followed by hours of saying how fucking terrible i am. uh ok. in canada, we didn’t honestly really do that much: we got there, went to eat i forget what, and went to their family friend’s house for some home cooking. that was alright… i mostly worked and played a little bit of zuma. but mostly it was boring, and we got back to the hotel to sleep. the next morning, we got up and went to the capilano suspension bridge, which costs like $25 a ticket, and is really not very big or exciting at all. all in all, going there was pretty much a waste of money, but i didn’t pay, so whatevers. after that, we went to shabusan, where i treated them to lunch, and we ordered way too much, cause we really can’t eat very much as a family. then we drove home, and on the way, we went to some outlet stores because they were so insistent on buying me new clothes. i fucking hate who i become around them, because i get super fucking moody and negative, because there is so much negativity. it seems like an excuse, but i have attributed my defensiveness to my family. there’s really just so much negative energy… perhaps it is the way of the asian parent… i don’t know… i can see aspects of that in myself also… i should like to change it. anyway, i didn’t buy anything other than some skirt, blahblah.

upon my return, i just wanted to fucking relax and get something positive. but negative. i read an angry xanga post from eva which essentially said that she hated me (i didn’t even know it was me at first)… for what reason, i don’t know — i tried calling her and writing her posts on xanga. i would IM her but i think she blocked me. whatever… i think whoever passed on the information of shit i have said about “her, her family, and her friends” are terrible people, and you know what, i have a suspicion of who it is, and if that is true, they have said a shitload of crap about eva as well. in addition, they have told me things that they said eva said about me… i was told that she and farm thought that i acted “helpless so that guys would come to my rescue,” or something to that respect, and was i like, “FUCK THAT BITCH?” no… i was just very sad at the amount of contempt she had for me. in fact, she was like the only person i have ever cried about, asides from lenny. rofls. only. and to make it worse, in her post, she addressed me as merely an “acquaintance”. such bullshit. i’ve known her for five years and lived with her for three and all she can think of me as is an acquaintance? i’m sorry. if you heard the shit your supposed “friends” had said about you, you’d really think twice anyways. i hate that now these people can walk around, thinking they have conquered me somehow, and in fact, maybe they have. i was behind eva and ray in line at the bank today, and i couldn’t even bring myself to be like, “hello,” because i was so worried i would just get rejected again. it’s not fair. i’m tired of these assholes saying shit like, “i hope she gets what’s coming to her because what goes around comes around” shit they’re saying about me, cause that’s fucking bullshit. what goes around does NOT come around, the world is NOT just, and well, fuck these bitches. like they have never talked shit in my life. like i even know what the fuck i said. i don’t honestly believe i said anything that worthy of anger, and i do believe that it was blown out of proportion by a third party. after all, everyone knows that third parties passing on information makes things worse and is not entirely accurate. it’s not fucking fair. you know, i hate arlen, really, i do… and he is the first real person i have hated, at that… but i think it’s bullshit that people are pinning it on me saying i am manipulating the opinions of people around me. BULLSHIT. i was not the first person to talk shit about arlen and farm… if anything, other people’s opinions influenced mine more than i have influenced theirs. which is not entirely good, no shit, but i am not manipulating shit. oh really? people can’t have their OWN opinions? uhh ok. but fuck that, you know, if i hate arlen, that’s my fucking business. no one else needs to be involved. you don’t know how many people say, “i hope he gets his ass kicked,” or, “i’d like him to take a swing at me so i can kick his ass,” and it’s not shit i am saying. i’m not really that fucking powerful. even though farm calls me a “turd” and has nothing nice to say about me, i don’t hate her, which is more than she can probably say about me. and as for eva, i am convinced she is misinformed. but no matter… i don’t like burning bridges like this, but if people won’t talk to me, i don’t know what to do. whatever. just fuck this christian shit, though. all loving and forgiving my fucking ass.

- a darkness swallowed (05/30/06): lenny, andy [crossett] and i went to watch “a darkness swallowed,” the first movie i saw as a part of the seattle international film festival. it was just about fucking terrible. i wouldn’t entirely have minded staying until the end, but it was definitely like a 1/5… it was like macro film images of a bunch of random crap like spider webs and stuff… some stuff looked alright, but it would be a few minutes per scene, unmoving, or something… and it was mostly just very, very stagnant and boring. how did a movie like that get on the international film festival? no fucking clue, but i’m sure any filmmaker in that audience would be fucking pissed that their work wasn’t on it and a shitty piece like that was. that being said, the theatre held like 50 people, and by the time we left, like 10 people had left, not including us. that was probably about 1/4 of the way through the movie; who knows how many people walked out by the end hahahhaa. amazing. after that we went to eat some pizza at a family-owned pizza shop in ravenna… not a cheap place, but the other place we could have gone to was pagliacci, and i guess supporting the little guys is more important :] so good deal.