inside the wonderful world of vee

i’m listening to… “law and order” on tv… AROOOOO!
i’m feeling… fine.

2:39 am — well, see, i have to talk about this… cause anything accomplished with redefine is — at this moment — just about the only thing that makes me feel accomplished!!

http://www.theparadox.org/site/ — scroll to the bottom to purchase tickets for the redefine event and to see a description of it. EXCITING. really. had a first note from someone saying, “hey, i found out about your magazine through the paradox event listing… good job.” and it’s still early. so this seems AWESOME. also… SONIC BOOM is sponsoring the event… one of the biggest local indie record stores, which means free advertising and all sorts of good news :0 unfortunately, KEXP cannot sponsor it… but oh well…?

in OTHER news… I have two fucking interviews this week :0 thanks to jeanette. not interviews as in… i am interviewing so-and-so band. not interviews as in… get me a job. but interviews as in BITCHES BE WRITING A STORY ABOUT ME AND REDEFINEHIZZLE POTENTIALLY! and that’s really kind of weird, but mostly awesome. i wonder what it’ll feel like to be on the other end :]

all in all, redefine is doing good as far as shit going on is going. but as far as advertising… still shit luck. but hopefully that will change soon…

and i might have a job as of thursday. but i’m not… entirely sure yet. so wish me luck. i really hope it works out, though. cause i uh need money.

checked out the band controller controller tonight with mr. lenny (for free). good shit. i love bands who are into what they’re doing. respectable. like i was saying earlier to lenny — a lot of the problem with younger emo and punk rock bands are that they care too much about how they come off or look — and don’t pay as much attention — genuine attention — to the music.

my writer did an interview yesterday with this band called killradio, and she doesn’t have much rock music experience. she did art interviews for me before but they were fine. as for the rock side of things though, she really doesn’t know much. turned out she asked questions like, “why do you guys wear these costumes? why do the people who go to your shows dress like that?” when they’re all just really normal poeple. if this is true, i am embarrassed yet again. i knew i shoulda gone with my gut and kept her out of the music loop.

anyway, tonight for dinner lenny, alex, and i went to purple dot for dinner. one of the few chinese restaurants i’ve been to in seattle that was actually good. ONE OF THE FEW. PROBABLY 1 OF 2. we got 4 dishes amongst the 3 of us… plus 3 cups of tea for me… plus free soup with intestine and what we thought was cow heart *gag* (although it tasted good). and we fucking ate it all. it was INSANE. and then we got bubble tea afterwards. and somehow none of us were full. WTF. i don’t even get it. usually by then i am stuffed, but not this time. what the hell? we probably all ate an equal amount… truly freakish. i bet the waitress thought we were insane. i did have to poopoo afterwards though LOL.

the 8th is lenny and i’s 6 month anniversary! he remembered for once and did stuff… yay!!!!! he made me a mug… kind of a cool thing. it’s mugs with these special thin plastic coatings on them. and you use these markers with alcohol in them so that it melts the plastic a little and allows you to write on the mugs permanently. very interesting. he drew me a scenescape… there was an extra so i drew him one of DUCK-ie letters with little animal shapes inside… it also had a mini-pic of OTTOPUS and “earthfirewindwaterheart… go planet” (captain planet anyone?!!!!!!!!!!!!) and made him a monkey card yay!! out of paper!! yay!!! and he got me a backscratcher cause my back is itchy!!! and he got these two stuffed doggies and we puff painted them. his was cool. it has a spiral on the back and glasses and a superman logo on tis stomach, but with a V instead of an S. mine has a chef’s had that is an abomination and barely looks like one — it also is a hideous lumpy color and hideous hideous hideous. it also has a bone in one of its hands that looks hideous. it also says “AAH TUMOR” on its other paw since the chef’s hat looks like a tumor. the stomach has a heart and the letters “SRY” because the damn thing is an abomination!!!!!!!!!!!!! ABOMINATION!!!!!!!! IT’S SO UGLY. AND HIS IS SO NICE. GARRR I HATE YOU FABRIC PAINT! DIE IN A FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! the only redeeming part of mine is that the collar says “property of vee” nearly illegibly. GOD IT’S UGLY. GARRRRR.

i’m designing the flyer for my event. so far so fail. hopefully i’ll come up with something alright! :D

i’m listening to… “law and order” on tv… AROOOOO!
i’m feeling… fine.

interesting quotes from the past week:

i interpreted it as pathetic. lenny interpreted it as a kind of commanding chauvinism. who knows!

to my psycho test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv.

i used to take this test every half year or so (just by chance that i came upon it again) to see what i was… i haven’t taken it in years. but… here goes.

DECEMBER 2002
- low: borderline.
- moderate: paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal, antisocial, histrionic, avoidant, dependent.
- high: narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive.
- very high: none.

APRIL 2002
- low: schizoid, borderline, avoidant, dependent.
- moderate: paranoid, schizotypal, antisocial, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive.
- high: histrionic.
- very high: none.

2001
- low: paranoid, antisocial, borderline, histrionic, dependent.
- moderate: avoidant, narcissistic.
- high: schizoid, schizotypal, obsessive-compulsive.
- very high: none.

SO WHAT ABOUT NOW?
NOW
everything is LOW.

what does that mean? i’m not so sure. but looking at that list… i really don’t think i am those things at this point in time. that’s kind of cool, i think. i think having a publication has FORCED me to talk to so many people that there is no way i can be anti-social. perhaps my current living situation and having a boyfriend also tacks onto those points. shrug. of course, this list is not an all-inclusive list of potential problems, but i think… it’s alright. you know, it’s funny that people still see me as glum. perhaps i still am. but compared to how i remember being before… by comparison, i’m barely glum now, and i’m barely depressed. HAHA. SHOULDA SEEN ME BEFORRRRRRRRRRRRRRE. i think i am better-adjusted in general as of late, but i dunno, that’s my opinion that cannot be proven on any level.

information about these types: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html.

i’m listening to… … postal service.
i’m feeling … alright!

3:24 am - roar!!! i watched way too many movies today. this japanese movie, “dreams” — which had a couple of really cool clips with awesome cinematography, and also a buttload of meh, sort of boring crap. we watched this entire clip that was like 15 min long of people dying in a blizzard in like alaska or something without sound cause there was sound all the way up until that clip. turned out it got a little unplugged SOMEHOW. i don’t really understand how.

also rented “naked lunch”… i’m not sure what it’s about. it’s a david cronenberg movie… really fucking weird. i think it is about a couple of things… mostly different layers of consciousness, but i don’t really know. i noticed everything happened twice, though. he’d be in two different places at once — and there was one scene where his friends were there, and then it cut to another scene where his friends were somewhere else with him. he also woke up twice somewhere… shot his wife/lover “joan” twice… just seemed like there was a lot of duality. and i can only think that it was related something to the amount of drugs he did in the movie (hallucinogens) and layers of consciousness… shrug.

also watched “lethal weapon 4″ (half of it) and “lethal weapon”… i can see why the chicks think mr. mel is hot because of it. he’s like ‘the man’ in it. you know — crazy, unstable — what girls like!!! :0

anyways. i got drunk yesterday for the first time in 80,000 years cause josh made me buy two tequila shots — only @ earl’s, one shot = 3 shots. it was DEATH. white tequila for the LOSE — seriously, the grossest shit i’ve ever drunk in my LIFEHIZZLE. it burned bad. anyway. somehow it got me drunk. standing up after that was uber dizzy. like i was on E or something. it was crazy. made me thinkin kinda weird too after we left the bar and went to our apartment… about how redefine is a failure and that sucks and about how i am jobless and that sucks and about how i am over here having fun having parents pay for rent and it’s just bad news bears. :/ it’s not like a job or money is a measure of a person, but they are necessary things.

josh came back a few days ago from iraq + other places… he brought some videos from iraq. some kinda interesting stuff and some kind of meh stuff. it’s crazy though — very much like you see in the movies and shit. :X oh well. anyway. more later. there’s this one missle thing called a javelin. costs 1/2 million per. we watched on this video where three were fired at this tanker in a span of like … a minute. two missed completely. the third hit. one and a half million dollars down the drain in ONE MINUTE. the other day on the news there was a story about how 12 schools were being cut to save 12 million or something. in the bigger picture, 12 million means fuck shit. seriously. as far as the government is concerned? 12 million ain’t shit. that’s freaking 24 missles. that’s it.

war is a tricky thing. it’s easy to say you’re against war and against fighting. i am against fighting… in an everyday, practical purpose. but i think that there is a fine line when it comes to war. i believe war IS necessary, although it is a last resort. it IS in fact noble in some cases, but it’s hard to direct that many soldiers and that many commanders into following the rules and making it the way that it should be all the time. talking to josh about it has put a lot of perspective into it. i’ve always had the thought that hey, you should respect the troops even if you’re against war. most people join for the college money or because they don’t know what they’re doing with their lives. they consider it a job… a job that all of their training leads up to. it’s like when you train all your life for a sport and you finally get into the olympics or some kind of shit. war is an especially strange thing — especially with its mob mentalities and what not. but i think that people who are quick to dispel war should consider… well, what alternative is there? sometimes there ARE alternatives. but not always.

it’s another one of life’s anomalies… no easy answers or solutions. in a recent conversation (probably a couple weeks ago) with andy [crossett], we talked about how the u.s.a. really isn’t that bad. it’s terrible and there are shitloads of conspiracies and cover-ups and secret government fuck-ups. and it IS fucked up. but the truth is although there are probably places better than the u.s., the majority of the world’s people are WORSE off. we’re lucky… really, we are. and i’ve made it a personal philosophy to try and refrain from saying defaming things about the united states… at least, not to the extreme… not the type of shit you’d find on bumper stickers and shit. cause yeah. even though there’s tons of fucked up shit, we’re lucky.

but then you can go off about how as a developed country, the u.s. might need to be a better leader… and there, it might possibly be true. one of these days — possibly when the u.s. is no longer the superpower — i think things might be better. who knows, though.