inside the wonderful world of vee

i’m listening to… this providence, andy c, tiesto.
i’m feeling… kkk.

11:38 pm — oh my oh my.

weird shit going on.

friday i went to the mse banquet with anthony (i keep calling it an me banquet, cause it’s all the fucking same, really!) and it was surprisingly fun. … … yeah. i dunno. wingo kinda freaked out cause he kept thinking people were hitting on his date the whole time, but i mean, he was running around the whole time, so she had to talk to people! or maybe they were really hitting on her, but who cares, they won’t ever see her again anyway!

so anyway, they had awards and shit for random individuals in the junior and senior classes, and the awards were like ghetto pieces of porcelain painted over with shiny paint and carved with words HAHA. IT WAS SVEET.

and by sveet i mean retarded, BUT IT’S OK.

afterwards we went to medusa. anthony said 50 people went. i swear it was more around 30 at most. it was (surprisingly) fun… probably cause i got free drinks from anthony, jake, and brian. WIN. it’s great being a girl (sometimes). last supper club this thursday, if anyone wants to go. i even freaked people omg death /suicide.

on saturday it was like gildas and minho and sort-of alex’s joint birthday party bullshit. gildas = says crazy shit when he’s drunk, like for example, “my name is chapelle baby!” and he kept doing some “totem dance” (from world of warcraft or something) and … yeah i have no idea. too much WOW talk… it’s like death. and then minho just turned 21, so i drove a car and sebastian drove a car and we took him out for his b-day. he got pretty trashed and ended up crashing on lewis’ floor. and i got pissed off @ lenny cause he got pretty trashed and was being an ass to me by saying rude things (although he doesn’t remember). alex got pretty damn trashed too. WIN.

this morning me, eva, and nate went to look @ this house on 90th and 20th… it was pretty nice… some frat dudes lived there and one of them was taking a shower when we got there lol. i dunno. don’t think we’re gonna go for it because it has five bedrooms and eva says she can’t live with us anymore blahblah. afterwards, me, alex, and lenny went to the street fair - sort of met up with eva, liz, and ray there. foods. that’s pretty much all we did - eat. it was alright. got a nasty ass philly cheesesteak. and that’s that.

(anthony’s response:)
Hah! I swear there had to be at least 40-50 people.

Let me try to count them:

Here’s the people that remained just for after hours
1. Me 2. You 3. Jake 4. Brian 5. Riyana 6. Ravi 7. Ravi’s Date 8. Nick 9. Carinsa (Nick’s Fiance - check spell) 10. Pete 11. Pete’s Roomie Nick 12. Pete’s Roomie Alex 13. Vitaly 14. Vitaly’s GF 15. David (Brian and Jake’s friend)

Here’s the rest:
16 Dean 17 Christine 18 Wingo 19 Chelsey 20 Chelsey’s BF 21 Deniz 22 Bjorn 23 Bjorn’s Date 24 David F 25 David F’s date 26 Mitch 27 Zag 28 Shane 29 Meaghan 30 Roldan 31 Sean 32 America 33 Rocky 34 Will 35 Will’s GF 36 Joe S
37 Mike (though he never came in)

I dont know. Theres probably people i forgot… thats quite a list of people though isnt it?

And hey, those awards were goofy as hell. Wingo made them the night before at 2am. Haha. The dept issued awards were nice though, but nothing beats the Guiness Trophy that Ravi and I made for Wingo. mmmhmm.

i’m listening to… nothing.
i’m feeling… …

12:08 am — i tire or writing these fucking things… but i’ll do it anyway…

went questing today with mike, cynthia, alex, and andy. it was fun. we went to the uw arboreteum. there was like this part that was a cut off end of a highway - started being made, but never was completed because the government changed their mind. now there are just some woods with stagnant pools of water and parks nearby. you can also jump off this piece of highway and into a disgusting pond below (where we row canoes from the UW WAC and stuff).

walked around. some things:
- decided that i want to turn this giant, unused piece of highway into a giant graffiti wall when i have the money. if i ever have the money, that is.
- the bridge ledges were fucking covered with bird shit that had crusted over so much that it looked like it was part of the concrete - but upon closer inspection, one could see that it was really bird shit. indeed.
- some guy had a tent pitched between the highway and the park, in this little patch of wood. awesome. i want to join.
- found this dead, rotting, plucked out, dry piece of fish (catfish?) that was black and withered and smelled foul. it was fantastic looking, though, and still attached to a fishing hook. yummy. later we found alex found these leftover pieces of bird wing, with the bones between both wings still there, so that it was just two wings hooked together by a little network of bones. we decided to combine dead fish with dead bird, and got a flying fish.
- found a lot of disgusting condoms all over the place. there was this piece of highway with little ridges underneath, and room for you to stand up sort of… like a little network of caves or something. anyway, lots of condoms. bottles of jungle juice. and umm purely disgusting. people must really like to go there to do it or something.
- lots of stagnant pools of water = lots of mosquitos. got crazy amounts of bug bites. hey’re in absurdly spaced areas. it’s like the left and right part of my body are symmetrical to each other. i have a big bite in the middle of my back, between my shoulder blades. then one on each shoulder blade. then one on the back of each arm. it’s absurd. but amusing.

we left early from the park, cause unfortunately, mike was hungry and disturbed by the bugs =( tragic.

we will have to return to the arboreteum.

afterwards, went to this dessert auction thing for farm with a bunc of other people. it was alright. the church was super cool - they have really awesome programs. i’m not for the church - in fact i’m against it - but i can support a church like that in some regard, simply because they seem like really nice people who are genuinely interested in what they are doing for the community. and that is a good thing. passion is a good thing in general. so it’s all good. lots of dessert too. but too much dessert makes sick people.

afterwards, went to brian [pearl] & eric’s apartment or whatever… people ask that question so freaking often, since i only drink about twice a month. they’re always like, “why do you hang out when you’re not drunk? aren’t you bored?” no… i don’t feel the need to be constantly inebriated. once upon a time, i thought doing drugs would make me cooler… more social or whatever… but i don’t need that shit now… i am plenty amused when there are other drunk people and i am the only sober one. and since there should be a dd, it’s cool… i can be it, cause i don’t really give a fuck. it’s a good thing to have, and i’m not missing anything. not that being drunk once in a while isn’t cool, but i don’t need it every weekend.

yeah.

afterwards, went to cynthia’s and there was beating of contra in 20 minutes with lewis and lots of drunknness. and happy times. and i don’t feel like writing anymore. so i’ll write about today now, so that i don’t have to think about yesterday.

there was a huge power outage in my whole apartment complex today. we’re talking eight buildings, with hundreds in each building, all out of electricity. hence, boredom. the first thing we do is eat at a fast food restaurant. and when that is an exhausted form of entertainment, we happened to gather together at someone else’s apartment. probably like twelve people there, playing poker by candlelight. but as SOON as the electricity comes on, not a minute later, everyone is out the door, running home. WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHEN YOU HAVE THE INTERNET!? - and this is today, copy and pasted from my xanga, which half of this was, because i’m fucking lazy. so peace.

i’m listening to… alizee, bloc party, led zeppelin.
i’m feeling… fine, a little tired, though, but i’ll update this anyway.

4:15 am — today was an exciting night. i was very much amused.

the day started out just boring… i put together a portfolio for a job, i went to work until 6:30. then eva picked me up, and we headed to liz’ filipino night performacne talent show / musical thing. it was alright - some people rapped, some people sang, some skit-like thing (with horrendous acting!!! omigat so horrendous, but a couple of the characters were rather likeable), and some dancing (which is really why we went - because liz was in two of the dances). amuze. arlen’s little cricket whistle thing works so well. i gave him his and farm’s tickets to the show, and he was like, “i’ll call you when she’s here,” but there’s no reception in the HUB, so he’s like, “i’ll just do [insert cricket whistle sound], then.” and it worked so well… we were just sitting there and eva was just all of a sudden like “DO YOU HEAR IT?” and they were still outside the doors lol.

afterwards, i walked home, and it only took like ten minutes - much to my surprise. after that i went to the croc cafe because open hand’s pr people put me on the guest list… i thought i could bring a friend, but turns out they only put me on the list =( anyway, i thought it would be weird going to a show by myself, but for some reason, it was actually pretty cool. when i got there, idiot pilot was just finishing up their set… perfect timing really… i saw them perform like four songs. their set was alright. they need a guy with an electric drum set. cause their performance now is so-so. it could be a lot better with someone on the electric drums. i’m going to harass them about that when i interview them… got to talk to the lead singer today - i was talking with two guys from open hand, and he just like eavesdropping, and when he left he said bye to them and he’s just like “BYE VIVIAN,” and i was like wtf.

anyways, after that was the open hand set… and they are SO much better live… their CD sound is alright, but their live set has a lot more pow. that’s right - POW. there were only like ten people when idiot pilot was playing, but all the freaks came out when open hand came on (like… thirty people total, perhaps). afterwards, i talked to a couple of the dudes, but of course the two that i talked to were the ones that my writer did NOT talk to… ownt. so i was going to leave… and on the way out i ran into the other two guys and started talking to them, and they were fucking cool as hell. amusing. they kept making jokes and after a while i couldn’t tell what was a joke and what wasn’t. i was talking shit about ruby doe, and there was this third guy there, and they were like, “dude, we didn’t tell you, but this guy is the guitarist for ruby doe!” and i was like AAAH crap, but turns out they were just kidding. assholes. and then we were talking about redefine magazine, and how they wanted to see a copy, so i was like, “should i just go through your publicist then?” and they were like, “wtf, go through our publicist, then you shouldn’t be talking to us!” anyways, they were cool. and one of the guy’s gave me his address, and his apartment number is 385 1/2 - WTF? 1/2? wtf?

oh yeah and it was funny… cause these two girls were dancing right in front of me… and there were two older, pretty good-looking guys to the right of me… and the girls were like going crazy dancing, which was alright, cept this short asian chick was like trying to get one of the guys to freak her - only the guys were totally whatever… they were just enjoying the show. and she kept turning around, saying stuff like, “you guys need to get into this. you need to move up. why aren’t you dancing?” etc. it was amusing.

after that i met up with mike and friends and went to toi… fucking boring. it’s like an asian club / restaurant. stayed there for like 45 minutes… shouldn’t even have gone, really. =( $10 cover… and mike paid. huk. =( i’m horrible. didn’t have any money though. saw a bunch of random people that i knew… and that was cool… but asides from that, nothing exciting really, other than watching little bitches dance around. wewt.

then i drove to fremont to dubliner’s or something and met up with anthony and his friends… the place was almost closed, so we went to jake and brian’s apartment which is FUCKING NICE… it’s kind of near the fremont troll. i want to live there. four bedroom, brand new, fucking NIIICE. HMMMM mayhaps. fremont is a little far, though… not the most convenient for my tastes. lots of male-on-male action there, being asked 80,000 questions, and lots of fun stuff. i dunno. it was cool. two pieces of pizza @ 3 am is kinda blech, though. shoulda just had one.

met so many people tonight! IT’S GRAND.

alex broke up with me. i’m crushed. (lies)

i’m listening to… the forecast, acapella shit, hotel costes.
i’m feeling… k, but i must to sleep soon, cause my eyeballs are fefeling funkeh.

11:56 pm — a quick recap about the weekend, although quick may not suffice to capture it all. the sad part is, i’m having a hard time remembering what exactly i did this weekend… :X oh wait, that’s only cause i was confused and thought that today was monday when in fact it is sunday HA HA HA.

friday — ummm nutso day. fuck my memory is shitty. X: maybe i need to stop saying, “i don’t know.” it probably contributes to my dumb mind nature unga bunga. i also need to stop using this fucking laptop so much, cause the refresh rate is shitty, and i always feel like i’m going blind after i use it for a long time (and being that i used it for the past 3 hours, i feel like i’m going blind, hardcore)…!!

so that day alex was at home and casie went over to his place, and he’s like, “you should meet her.” so i suggested we do something, and since lenny and cynthia were online, i asked them what we should do, and they said, “PARK.” so we just all went to the park for a spontaneous ass quest. at first i had wanted to quest this day, but then decided against it since mike couldn’t go questing til 5 because of ME bbq, and i had to go to jason [green]’s art show @ 7… so said fuck it, but then this opportunity came up, so we just upped and went.

so greenlake park was interesting… somewhat. found lots of little rabbits, weird fish coming out of the lake, ducks… not as interesting as it should have been, i guess. but lenny is ummm crazy.

afterwards we went to the art show… saw jason and koji and hojo there… jason = in the next issue of redefine = has amazing works. god, his art was stuck in my head all night. i couldn’t go to sleep because i had images of it in my head. -__- anyways, on the way to his art gallery, which was @ fremont coffee, this coffee shop… in fremont, we came across benny, balancer of rocks. here is an image, courtesy of lenny.

PIC TO COME WHEN I’M FEELING LESS LAZY.

at some point, he was trying to balance this really insane rock combination, and he was talking to the rock saying, “dance with me, you don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of all of these people, do you? stop it. stop it. dance with me!” etc. it was quite interesting. it’s so cool how he could do that though. he was talking about how it was just the product of gravity + friction. wewtz0r.

it was neat. yes… art show was neat.

so yeah… casie umm didn’t really talk. i tried talking to her a whole shitloads, and it was all just like one word answers. after the show i asked her what her favorite piece was, and she was like, “oh, they were all about the same.” NEGATIVE POINTS. FAIL. FAIL HARDCORE.

i can’t believe i left this part out. i kept reminding myself to include it, but alas, my mind is shit. and then even when i remembered that i needed to add something, i didn’t know what it was. after going to the show, we went to go see the fremont troll, this giant, sculpted troll crushing a vw beetle. it’s situated under a bridge (like the troll under the bridge - such an awesome idea). anyway, we climbed it and shit, and as we were wandering around, we found this giant fenced up construction storage area near these houses / apartments. inside the fence was just those huge orange signs… with every design imagineable, i swear… so me and cyn wanted to steal a sign, so we pushed it up with our fingers, and lenny helped us lift it out… we were like standing in these trees and bushes and shit. anyway, we lifted it out, and then realized (as alex had been saying the whole time) that it would not fit in the trunk of my car. so i left. and cried.

and then afterwards i dropped the kids off at the pool aka the bank so that they could go eat and i could meet up with hojo to go to the sloan show. it was $12. it was a decent show with a really good encore, but was it worth $12? no. but it was a different experience for sure, especially since the emo / psuedo-punk shows i go to are usually 15 year olds… this was like a 30-something year old crowd. and that was damned strange. first time @ the croc too - they have AMAZING decorations. word.

so afterwards i went home and got ready to go to bed when mike called me and asked if i could pick him up from dante’s… and when i was on the phone with him, cynthia called, and was like WHATS UP WHAT’RE YOU DOING. so i was going to go and pick up mike, but then he’s like,” nevermind, i’m already halfway there… just sit on the phone with me,” but i was out of batteries… and then he started passing out somewhere, and i said, “okay, i’m going to pick up alex and lenny now, and i’ll come pick you up on the way there,” and i saw him while driving to cyn’s, but he didn’t want a ride. turns out he passed out later @ a lightpole or something? iono.

so at cynthia’s people kept disappearing and shit. and jason [shibata] was all hungry and shit so i took the fuckers (cynthia, lenny, alex, jason, eric [prince], and karen) to the pizza place and they ate and stuff, and it was like death, and alex was tired of being there, and i was tired of being there with a bunch of drunkasses who supposedly had played with a bouncy ball in the middle of traffic… LOL. so yesh… went home and then finally got to sleeping… -__-

saturday — woke up early to attend an o2 board meeting… wewt. it was alright. lots of free food. for lunch we went to aqua verde where i will copy and paste this story from my xanga: “we had to split up into two groups (one 6, one 5). i was in the group of five, with two other co-workers and two high-school kids. i was talking about how i was a vegetarian now, and this one kid was like, “that’s unhealthy. my sister was a vegetarian for a year.” i asked him if she got unhealthy, and he was like, “yeah, she got really pale.” and then the other kid was like, “was that the same year she committed suicide?” and i was like… “what? are you kidding? you’re kidding, right?” cause it’s such inappropriate random lunch conversation with strangers, and the kid was like, “you should stop while you’re ahead,” to me… and so i just stopped talking… then the other kid was like, “didn’t she commit suicide on your birthday too? your 16th birthday?” and the kid was like, “yeah, some sweet 16,” and the other kid was like, “that’s jacked up… way to make it so that you will never enjoy your birthday.” WTF. and the three of us were just like eating, trying not to make eye contact and stuff lol… cause they went on with it like it was so real, but wtf, who says that kinda stuff?”

boss gave me a couple of vegetarian cookbooks, but i dunno if i am cut out for this vegetarian lifestyle. not that i am craving meat so much, but the food just is NOT as good. it’s all sweet and shit. i <3 salt… i live on salt. i used to eat salt by itself when i was little… all this vegetables and fruit = blech. not that i don’t like sugar, but i like fattening death sugar. X:

for the rest of the day basically i just lazed around with mr. lenny (because together we are not productive at ALL) and we watched “american psycho” and nature documentaries and shit. and then me, alex, and lenny decided to go to trader joe’s but it closed RIGHT when we got there, and that sucked. so we went to jack in the crack for milkshake and kiku for jap food, and then everyone was happy and went on their way. then me and alex went back and ate… hojo called because he was @ gareth and alex’s place watching “wild boys” and wanted to know if we wanted to watch it… only we thought he was at HIS place, and we walked over there and failed. miserably.

but it was my first time watching wild boys, and it r0x… even though steve-0 constantly talks like he’s reading off of a script. but i enjoi. :]

today — basically did nothing all day. went to uz cafe to work on the project that is due tomorrow. worked on it seriously all day. started @ like 3pm, ended just about now @ 12 am, and i pretty much have been working the whole time. wow, this is what it feels like to work full time, and it is fucking boring, even though i got to watch tv and stare at the hot coffee shop guy while i was working. -__-

this is poor documentation. whatever.

WARPED TOUR THIS YEAR IS GONNA BE EFFIN SWEET.

canada on the 27th to the 29th. anyone is welcome. :]

i’m listening to… nutty professor soundtrack. wewt.
i’m feeling… k.

1:33 am — was talking to lenny and i was just like, “yeah, if you want to watch a movie, we can.” now to most people this is almost offensive, because it’s like, “what, you’re reluctant to hang out with me?” but as for me… i say “if you want” a lot… because that’s my way of saying it’s cool with me, and if you want to do it, we can… :/ sure, it’s not an emphatic YES or anything, but it means i’m cool with it… i just am not the kind of person that 23419823% enthuisiastic about all things or anything… i just don’t give a fuck most of the time, and if it’s cool with you, sure, it’s cool with me. word.

these days have been boring. i need to change something. if not for alex and lenny (and some other people here and there), i seriously think i would be crazy right now. i am half-crazy at the moment.

i’m listening to… solar stone, fly to the sky, okc, armor for sleep.
i’m feeling… …

1:45 am — umm, i hate drama.

ummm man, i dunno… shit is weird lately. i’ve been doing things, and stuff, but i just feel so… blah. at this point, the amount of uncertainty is nuts… it’s just a whole shitload of blah… i don’t know what i’m doing, really… on so many levels. how can i be doing so much without feeling anything lol… it’s fucking ridiculous.

alive while feeling so dead lol fucking awesome… how the hell? and maybe this is what it is… it certainly sounds about right…

vee: man alex i feel so fucking dead lately :/
alex: why babe
alex: you are certainly different
alex: what is it
vee: i have no idea
alex: define dead
alex: things not feel real
alex: dislike your circumstance
alex: i know what it is
vee: i dunno, i just dont feel much of anything…!
alex: you have lost purpose
vee: doing things is just doing things.
alex: and subtance
vee: mayhaps
alex: i kno y
alex: its because you are right
alex: _____________
vee: ?
alex: you dont have schoollll
alex: and your magazine is largely internal
vee: yeah
alex: you lack that external reminder that you are alive
vee: sounds about right.
alex: you have mastered your circumstance to the point that it may was well be a hypothetical playing out in your mind
alex: w00t
alex: k i can slap the shit out of u if you want
vee: shit, that’s fucked up.:/
vee: umm it’s alright.
alex: yea that wouldnt help anyways
alex: vee do not fear
alex: adversity will find you
alex: lmao
vee: lol
vee: -_–

so many relationships with different people have been changing in so many ways, and it’s just such a dramatic shift all at once… and i can’t stand it… it’s driving me nuts. some are positive and some are negative, but all i can focus on is the negative, i guess…

heh right now i can understand why the fuck people get addicted to drugs… why they’d rather just wallow in another world than in the present… rather than dealing with shit… heh.

i like how you can try and try to be a good person but you can still hurt people… you still do hurt people. it’s impossible to forget yourself, obviously… there’s such a fine line between satisfying people’s wants and keeping yourself happy… why do you have to give up friendships and things just so other people are happy? lol… why do you have to make exceptions of your own nature just so you don’t step over the bounds of other people… and they never even fucking will know your effort… they’ll only see what they see (and they only notice the bad) and they’ll never see the reality of what it is, and how much you are fucking trying…

everyone is fucking crazy tonight. there are so many coincidences.

lenard: are you still crying ?
lenard: were you crying before or after i told you that i felt like crying and didnt know why
vee: no im not
vee: uhh
vee: before and during
lenard: wow
lenard: wtf thats hella weird
lenard: i somehow sensed you were crying…
vee: =(
lenard: dont you think thats weird?
vee: yes…
lenard: like i was fine then suddenly i wanted to cry
lenard: and i was like whyyyy
vee: =(
lenard: and i did for a lil and i didnt know why
vee: tonight is strange…
lenard: yea vee…
lenard: this night doesnt seem real
vee: yeah it doesnt…
vee: fuck

alex: whats that sound?
alex: do you hear it……
alex: something is gonna happen. :X
alex: dude
alex: its time
alex: for this bullshit to end
alex: did you tell lenny
vee: tell him what
alex: that i was feeling weird?
vee: umm i dont think i did
vee: or i might have said
vee: everyone is crazy tonight
vee: i think i said that
alex: cause
alex: with what lenny is telling me now..
alex: the coincidence is……..
alex: strong.
vee: of what
alex: how he feels
vee: rgr!
alex: do you think maybe….
alex: something is about to happen?
alex: and we can feel it
vee: aaah that would be fucking freaky
alex: if only arlen was around..

lenard: dude
lenard: he senses it too
lenard: as if something is going to happen

well if something happens, you know, we’re all feeling fucking weird. and humans are fucking psychic. and life is temporary. so let’s just hope nothing does… and today is just another day with a miserable feeling between interconnected souls. sounds crazy, but who the fuck knows, right.

hmm the world did not implode. so maybe humans aren’t psychic - and what we really are is good at freaking ourselves out. this is perhaps the weirdest entry in a while. gg.

i love feeling like the shittiest person on the face of the planet although i don’t feel like i’ve done anything wrong…

and again i am reminded of the volatile nature of humanity… how in some moments you can need no one and not care for anything, and the next moment you’re someone else’s savior… and in the moment after that, you’re looking for a savior yourself.

and that’s all it should really be anyway… mutual help when the others are down, and paying attention to the little things… making good in the ways in which you know best. do with it what you will… you can’t satisfy everyone, i guess…

time to eradicate the demons and sleep @ 6 am… and hope that in 3 hours i’ll wake to find that the world is not so fucking shitty after all, and that human beings are beautiful, and full of depth, and that our petty natures can be cured with some understanding and some words exchanged.