inside the wonderful world of vee

i’m listening to… — “torn” bai natalie imbruglia [pop-rock], “terminal velocity” bai rascal + klone [DnB], “six underground” bai sneaker pimps [trip-hop?] <~ so this is music i have discovered i like quite a bit. =) sometimes.
i feel… — good.

8:04 am — my motherfuckin computer is chock full of viruses. a windows ch virus or some shizzos. somebody tell me how to fix? >__< i would enjoy changing my layout some, but i hope i don’t think two long and hard on the idea because otherwise i will change it although i have no ideas and no time… no time being the major problem. i can barely update this page as it is… but changing the layout sounds so yum… -__-;; i’m super tempted to make another eun jiwon layout. puhaha. bleh. blah. dude i thought of this when i was in the shower. you know how time seems to go by faster when you’re having fun than when you’re bored? what if you were made aware of every minute that went by? would time still seem to go by faster? O.o?

2:35 am — haha shizzo dude… life is so godamn ironic. actually… it’s not really that ironic; we only think it is because we notice the ironic stuff but we don’t notice the normal stuff. either way, it’s interesting, no? ^__^ i’ve half a mind to not sleep at all tonight, but i have learned through past experience that i cannot function if i don’t sleep a whole night. hah. i’ve yet to stay up one whole night completely and be able to function correctly the next day. it’s really quite sad. i think i need three hours and i’m good to go. maybe two… i’m not sure. ^__^ anyway, after i type this up, i’m going to go take a nap so yea, i really hope i wake up in the morning… cause i gots worky work to doooo >__< sigh to the izzai. which makes no sense, but when do things ever make sense? anyways. things have been interesting. lately i’ve concluded that i’ve been very… lyrical…? about my thoughts. i wrote poems and stuff before but lately i’ve been writing one like every other day… literally. pretty… interesting. nice way to get my thoughts out into the open, i guess. well, even though most people don’t read it =) i’ve gained some fans! namely, amykchung is spreading the word. heh. cool beans =)

anyways today i just went to chinese class and we were having skit practice and shit. performing skits tomorrow… muthafuckin wOo! ^__^ i really like acting, i guess. it’s damn fun, except my problem is that i only like acting in amusing things. everything else is whatevers… but then again, i’ve never really tried anything else. ah yes, me and sherry’s old skits were bombass, no? ^__^ i bet freaking church talent show misses us. kaka. this will be their first year without us in a long time. fun, fun… really is. it’s weird… i think memorizing lines for skits is really really easy. i don’t see how people have problems with that…? eh afterwards [kimchi-]john came over cause i told him i’d help him make a webpage for his speech class… so i made him one… it’s pretty lame and it took like about three hours. blah. waste of time. oh well. it’s right here: http://members.tripod.com/~kubalibras. look at it in all its ugly splendor glory. -__-;; hehe. then i don’t know… ah, yeah, josh and amykchung came over for a little bit cause i was feeling soooo whatevers… i’m glad they came dude… although being in “whatever” moods makes me productive… they did cheer me up. all cause amy wanted ice cream too. hah. i was trying to finish reading books for the ten page paper i have due on monday (since this weekend will be quite the time-consuming weekend) buuuuuuuut… that went to hell cause seungbum came over for a little while and then i went to go visit tony and then we went to go visit suejung because tony was getting his eyebrows plucked. puhaha. ^__^ even i haven’t plucked my eyebrows! =) oh well. give em a taste of the other side. keke. cool yo. i got to see a lot of people today… considering i’ve been a hermit for the past however long. but then again, i guess i always have been… introverted extrovert. whatever that is. extroverted introvert? *shrug. i think the latter. dude! i saw hyun today too! that nikka finally came back from hanguk yo… yay. =) missed his hyun mannerisms, even though i didn’t even get to really talk to him. sadness. oh well.

duuuude… i am SO diggin this song. =) sounds freaking tight, yo. lyriks are… eh… but song is off the hook. to me, anyways. i love when i hear it spun too… sounds so freaking good. >__< man… the song that sounds the most beautiful at raves… “finished symphony” by hybrid. FUCKING BEAUTIFUL… cause it is so untypikal and so like… instrumental. super yum dude. i still want to see “spiderman”. oh well. oh yeah. here are the lyriks. =)

they say i’m crazy
the way you got me open baby
they say i’m buggin
the way i’m top sweatin your lovin
they all sit and wonder why
this feeling i cannot hide
it ain’t a question of pride
they say i’m slippin
the way you got my whole life flippin
they say i’m losin it
cause i can’t seem to keep my grip
we all cry when we feel pain
when love is gone we’re not the same
it ain’t a question of brains
it’s love
* JILL SCOTT - IT’S LOVE (TRIPPIN’) *

i’m listening to… — “what if” bai babyface [r&b], “fibonacci sequence” bai bt [breaks]
i feel… — okay.

6:58 pm — you know, i think asian-washed white people are really cool. for the most part. i’ve known a couple and been friends with a couple, and for the most part, i think they’re really cool people. but i don’t like the asian-washed white people who NEED to prove that they’re asian-washed. they have to have clothes with entirely asian print on it and make it known to everyone that they have a whole crapload of asian friends and like shun off white people or something. blehhhhh blehhhh i say. oh well. =P no big deal. if it floats their boat, i guess.

well, whatever, i don’t do anything anymore these days… just kind of loaf around and do homework and study. fun? no… necessary? yes… necessary even-more-so-than-i-am-doing? yes. -__-;

more lyrics fo yo hizazz =)

i never claimed to be your savior
i said i had a dirty mouth
stop analyzing my behavior
if you’re too dumb to work it out
i’m feeling small
i’m climbing the walls
i don’t let it show
now that you know what you know
i bet you wish you could let it go
you’ll never come sucking your thumb
better off dumb
maybe i could write a letter
to help me with my self-esteem
you should get to know me better
no one’s ever what they seem.
* GARBAGE - DUMB *call you up in the middle of the night
like a firefly without a light
you were there like a slow torch burning
i was a key that could use a little turning
so tired that i couldn’t even sleep
so many promises i couldn’t keep
promised myself i wouldn’t weep
one more promise i couldn’t keep
it seems no one can help me now
i’m in too deep; there’s no way out
this time i really have led myself astray
runaway train never going back
wrong way on a one way track
seems like i should be getting somewhere
somehow i’m neither here nor there
can you help me remember how to smile?
make it somehow all seem worthwhile
how on earth did i get so jaded?
life’s mystery seems so faded
i can go where no one else can go
i know what no one else knows
here i am just drownin in the rain
with a ticket for a runaway train
everything is cut and dry
day and night, earth and sky
somehow i just don’t believe it
bought a ticket for a runaway train
like a madman laughin at the rain
little out of touch, little insane
just easier than dealing with the pain
runaway train, never coming back
runaway train, tearing up the track
runaway train, burning in my veins
runaway, but it always seems the same
* SOUL ASYLUM - RUNAWAY TRAIN*
this song is amazing… if anyone remembers this video… man… powerful stuff >__<

(tony’s response:)
1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 233 377 610 woo we can go on forever -____-;; heh

i’m listening to… — “on the move” bai barthezz, “believer” bai bt, “flaming june” bai bt, “godspeed” bai bt [they’re all trance]
i feel… — euphoric…?

7:03 am — heh… just got back from NAF. so much for not going raving until USC. at first, i was having major major doubts about going because it was another one of my anti-social tendencies (blah), but i’m so fucking glad i went. muthafuckin wOo to the fullest! ^__^ my whole day went by super slowly because i had to read a bunch of shit for sociology, so… time just kind of crawled by and i was literally in pajamas all day (even when we went out of the dorm to eat… cause i really don’t give a rat’s ass anymore). so josh called, saying that he wanted to go… and well… i was doubtful and hesitant, but i decided since i was almost done with my 250-page reading (20 more pages to go! whee!) that i would take a break and go to NAF. it felt like it had been so long since i’d gone raving, but it was really only like a two week gap. sad… quite sad. -__-;; heh… and tony! you fuck! -__-;;;

so dude (i say dude soooo much now), at first it was so whatevers… music was… eh, alright. and i was having a decent time. they spun jungle in the main room but i couldn’t dance to it at all for some reason. beat was all off. >__< haha there’s this one guy… every single step he takes is off beat. i don’t see how you could possibly stand dancing like that…? -__-;; muthafuckin funny because he went up to jeff and was like, “dude, check this out” (and jeff is like… the bombest dancer too!) and this dude was trying to show off to jeff and jeff was just like, “naw dude… you need to dance faster.” hahaha… major diss. but funny.

anyway, they spun trance in the main room… a couple of the songs were really good so that got me decently excited… and then later i went into the small room and aaron simpson was up… he was spinning drum’n'bass to start with… then some breaks… and then it started to sound like house, so me and ben went back to the small room (wOo! found another person who likes breaks and jungle! nice!) and later i decided to go back into the small room (okay, sorry, this is getting boring, heh) and damn… i went just at the right time. went back to get seungbum and josh and then guess the fuck what… aaron simpson started spinning “watching you” bai eye… wOo! fucking exciting. i felt like a freak cause i was cheering like a madwoman, but it’s whatevers… i don’t think anyone else knew that song but it’s like my favorite hard trance song so it was wOo… SOOOOO exciting. so we danced, danced, danced, and then like two songs later he spun “infected” bai barthezz… wOo! again i was cheering like an idiot. and then his ending song was “unfinished symphony” bai hybrid so once again i was the only freaking idiot cheering. man, that last song sounds so freaking good when it’s spun live! ahhhhh *drOol… ^__^ that set made me so freaking happy and giddy… wOo… i’m still on a natural high from that. ^__^ ah. yes. screw flave and his house… my new fave local dj is aaron simpson… no doooooubt ^__^ wOo… made my freaking day. i’m so glad i went. relieved so much stress… gave me time to think… wonderful, wonderful. localize is now up there as my favorite rave, along with lucky charms. muthafuckin wOo! ^__^ anyway, i decided since i’m not tired i’m going to finish up my sociology reading, then go to sleep and go to work. -__-;;

and i have come to the conclusion that muthafuck dude… drugs are no good… -__-;;; although i like them (rather, their effects), they fucking freak the shit out of me. tonight josh was all fucking twitching and shiet… dude… USC is going to be my last drop for sure… and honestly i am contemplating about not dropping at that… but it’s most likely i will. i don’t think it will be a problem after that though… i don’t really miss it or want it particularly. hahaha tonight i saw this girl getting a light show and she was all chewing gum but she couldn’t chew it properly cause she was so fucked up… man, people on E look so horrible… god, everything is fucked up… -__-;;

oh yeah and what i did yesterday… went to school, aced my chinese quizzes (bout time shiet), slept a bit, went to work, and went to esther / andrea / carolynn’s new apartment and watched high / drunken people eat a whole bunch of food. so as josh was picking me up from work, his car had major major problems and the breaks were making this hella loud grinding sound… scary. we were all going down a huge hill to the haggett underground parking lot and i thought we were going to die >__< oh well. and in the supermarket ben and josh went crazy and got like four different kinds of milanos… shit, i didn’t even know there were that many kinds. -__-;; ah well… twas nice to see everyone again. whatever. lates.

i’m listening to… — “spiritual trance” bai goa gil [trance], “spaced invader” bai hatiras [d&b], “control” bai puddle of mudd [rock], “married you” bai coco lee [mandarin], “heart goes boom” bai alice dj [cornball music], “warning” bai incubus [rock], “drowning” bai ak1200 [d&b], “fever” bai dragon ash with miho [japanese], “weekends” bai black eyed peas [hip-hop], “rain” bai brainbug [trance], “deepfloors” bai dbj [breaks], “valve sound” bai dillinja [jungle? shit, i don’t know]
i feel… — muthafuckin stressed.

4:55 pm — man, what would i do without music… -__-; dude. when i think back on all but like… two of the people i’ve liked in the past, i think… WHAT THE FUCK. haha yes, i’m random. =) oh well. i have to read a whole textbook tonight. woooooo. heh. ugh… i’m not down for guys who only out to get to know girls better but not guys better. but am i like that too? considering most of my friends HERE are guys, that makes me wonder if i’m like that too. ughhhhhhh. -__-; being friends with guys now is all good and dandy, but in the future… no good… no good, no good. cali kids i miss! i really dooooo (”i like his tight butt!” - “grandma!” - “well i doooooooo!”). freedom here plus cali kids would be terrifico. not that i don’t like you washies. =)

haha duuuude i’ve come to the re-realization… i’m so damn antisocial! like… if i do decide to go out, i’m social… but most of the time i don’t want to go anywhere. don’t know what that makes me. heh.

so there’s this one ambient alice deejay song i’m looking for, dammit. it’s on the cd with “better off alone” and shieeeeet. someone tell me what the fuck it is because i’ve been looking for it everywhere. by the way, i’m hella freaking sick… that or i’m dying of allergies. i don’t know, but i feel like poo and i can’t breath. niiiiiice. perhaps allergies because i have like the worst allergies in the world but isn’t it a little late for allergies? -__-

woo haha i just turned down my boss… i think that’s like one of the first times ever. goddammit, i so have a spine of jelly.

i read some stuff in my sociology book. might as well post it here to show that i learned a little something. anyways, it’s super interesting to me. ^__^ if you guys already knew this, good for you. it was all news to me.

1) “the distinctive feature of a minority group, or subordinate group, is that it occupies an inferior position in terms of prestige, wealth, and power in a society. a minority group is typically excluded from full participation in a society and is the object of discrimination by the majority group. the term “minority” does not refer to the numerical size of a group.”

2) “english common law in 1768 asserted that a husband had the right to ‘physically chastise’ an errant wife provided that the stick was no thicker than his thumb - and thus the ‘rule of thumb’ was born.”

3) “lincoln’s position on emancipation was not surprising because he had already declared himself to be on the side of racism. in 1858, for example, lincoln said, ‘i am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races… i am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and i will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which i believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. and inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together, they must be in the position of superior and inferior, and i as much as any other man am in favor of the superior position being assigned to the white race.’”

then how was slavery abolished, you ask?
4) “lincoln was very candid about this saying at one point, ‘i would save the union. i would save it the shortest way under the constitution. the sooner the national authority can be restored, the nearer the union will be to ‘the union as it was’. if there be those who would not save the union unless they could at the same time save slavery, i do not agree with them. if there be those who would not save the union unless they could at the same time destroy slavery, i do not agree with them. my paramount object in this struggle is to save the union, and is not either to save or destroy slavery. if i could save the union without freeing any slave, i would do it; if i could save it by freeing all the slaves, i would also do that. what i do about slavery and the colored race, i do because i believe it helps save the union. i shall do less whenever i shall believe what i am doing hurts the cause, and i shall do more whenever i shall believe doing more will help the cause.’”

what a muncher of butts.

dude, muthafuckin (my word of the day) hell yeah! we got a muthafuckin acura cl type-s at home! tiziiite! this means i get to drive around the accord… which is not all that exciting, but at least it has a nice system. i dig. =)

12:54 am — dude. work is so fucking depressing. i’m sick of doing all the fucking work. and dude! people are so freaking rude! i was literally mopping around these fuckers feets and they didn’t even get up to leave! dude! we turned off all the lights and left them in the dark and they still didn’t get the fuck up! rude ass muthafuckaz. -__- i need a fucking vacation. i fucking wish usc were this weekend… well sort of. okay, that would be a horribly bad idea actually, but whatever. i just need a break. >__<

and dude guys who fucking talk too much about boring fucking shit do not interest me! >__< but i guess that’s like… pretty easy to figure. -__-; god. i wish i could just start this whole muthafuckin quarter again. start brand fucking new. >__< oh my dear, i’m having regrets. i never have regrets too. ugh… retarded to the max. dude, i haven’t seen anyone all week… and i’ve been doing a shitty job with studying. it’s just all bad. -__-; i just need some time to relax, but i have no opportunities. my schedule is jam-packed with all sorts of poo things like work and school and responsibility. heh.

oh blah. yet another!!! i’m sick of people thinking i’m cute or whatever. when it boils down to it, being CUTE means jack shit dude. it’s just looks… you could be a muthafuckin psycho biznatch. -__-; not to say that i am, but uggggh things are just so whack. all these guys think i’m cute and then later are all disappointed because i’m not the kind of person they thought i was. looks attract a person no more beyond surface level >__< man, if i can help it, i’m never going to like a person i don’t really KNOW ever again dude… only people i’ve been friends with or have gotten to know. no jocking some random hot muthafucka because chances are, he won’t be what i idealize and sometimes you go for it, only to kick yourself in the head later for being so muthafuckin stupid and wastin so much energy on someone that you didn’t even know. -__-; it never works out the fucking way you idealize it. like i mentioned earlier, there are only two people i’ve liked in my whole life who i can actually look back on and say… damn, he’s one fucking great person. i can see why i liked him. all the other people… damn… just… attraction. not even liking. just surface level. it was just a “damn i think that fucker’s hot so hopefully he likes me back” kind of bullshit. at least i know the person i like now i actually REALLY like and it’s not some muthafuckin fuckin i-like-him-because-he’s-hot-like-the-muthafuckin-stove type of deal. okay, bad analogy, but i’m sort of braindead at the moment.

they say i’m jaded
cause they know it’s true
with all those silly people
on the wonder wheel
glisten from the daze
purified and crazed
don’t waste your fucking time
let live, let go
* ORGY - DISSENTION *i walked around my good intentions
and found that there were none
i blame my father for the wasted years
we hardly talked
i never thought i would forget this hatred
then a phone call made me realize
i’m wrong
if i don’t make it known that
i’ve loved you all along
just like sunny days that
we ignore because
we’re all dumb and jaded
and i hope god i figure out
what’s wrong…
* OUR LADY PEACE - 4 A.M.

* songs of the moment * — “spiritual trance” bai goa gil [trance], “spaced invader” bai hatiras [d&b], “control” bai puddle of mudd [rock], “married you” bai coco lee [mandarin], “amazing kiss” bai boa [japanese]
* mood * — blah.

7:26 pm — seems like everyone’s having a hard time these days. stupid life. stupid, stupid. i dyed my hair black today. jet black. i like, but it looks a little weird because i’m so freaking pale now. damn the lack of sun in washington, yo. woo, for a little bit today it was raining and sunny. my faaavorite… fo shizzle. hehheh. i should dress in all black and be gothic now. heh. well, i like how gothic girls dress… and i love their makeup. i really think it looks good >__< i know, i’m a weirdo. but i don’t like their mentality, which is what makes them gothic in the first place. yeah, i’m not like optimistic at all… i’m super pessimistic like them, but i don’t find deathly weird shit good. -__-;; what a bad sentence. you know what i mean. i don’t write poetry about how death is so beautiful and shit. no no no. that does not work for me. anyways, i love the conditioner they give you in packages of hair dye… makes it so silky smoooooth. -__-;

anyways, i failed my economics final this morning. fuck. i need to start going to all of my classes. aigo, aigo, aigo, aigo. fucking up major. so me and eva switched dorms for next fall and we’re living in mcmahon now. she’s actually going to be living in the exact same cluster she’s living in this year. tiziiiite. nice view from the balcony yo. so nice and refreshing wOo! ^__^ and apparently it’s also good for blazing… hehheh.

so man, seriously, ALL of my friends in cali love drum’n'bass. most of them like drum’n'bass the best, even. WHAT THE HELL?! i don’t belong here (here being washington). -__-;

10:52 pm — fuck, i am so fucking fucking fucking fucked for the rest of the fucking quarter. this fucking sucks. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck bye.

* songs of the moment * — “lian shang yi ge ren” bai chris yu [mandarin], “when you say nothing at all” bai allison krauss [country], “you wouldn’t believe” bai 311 [rock], “green court” bai voodoo [trance]
* mood * — dandy, but my contacts are drying out, so it’s making me even more tired than i should be.

11:02 pm — i really did nothing today. went to sleep at around 4 am almost, and then got up at 5:45 am to register. pretty cool though! i was in the first registration wave and no one else really seemed to give a fuck about autumn quarter, so i got all the classes i want. well, sort of. i’ve been missing too much class for second year chinese so i never got to sign up on the sign-up sheet that was passed around in class for third year chinese >__<; dammit. missing too much class is no good! i think i missed a lot because we have to do oral presentations and that freaks the fuck out of me so i just don’t go to class a lot of the time (thinking about doing that for tomorrow too, but i think i will try to go >__<). i mean, shit, oral presentations are scary / hard enough in english… but in chinese?! i sound like a freaking idiot. i used to think my chinese was pretty decent, but shit! it sucks ass! i mean, compared to a lot of abc’s it’s good… but really, it sucks. it sucks much ass. how depressing. -__-;; ah, yeah, but as of now i am taking architecture 150 (appreciation of architecture - snl #1266), communications 202 (introduction to communications - snl #2399), asian international studies 210 (rise of asia - snl #7581), and sociology 220 (introduction to sociological methods - snl#7700). well, i actually think i’m going to drop the introduction to sociological methods if i can get into chinese, but yes! those snl numbers are there so you can take a class with me you bitches!!! *you know you waaaaant to* (trying to do that subliminal messaging thing, yes i am!).

aigo dude. my roommate’s eating of chex and cheesy-smelling stuff is making me want to eat. but no, i musn’t, for a diet is in need. so far, so good! well, sort of. well, the days that i don’t work, it’s fine… because i don’t eat hella shit. but when i do work, i eat so much bad sugary stuff and they always buy yummie food for dinner too… so i eat a lot even when i’m not hungry. quite bad. >__<;

so tonight i pretty much have to study like a mad crazy woman. i have an economics midterm tomorrow… which i have read about a half a chapter out of four / five chapters for, and i have to do review questions to make sure i know what the fuck i am doing. after that, i have to work on my chinese oral presentation for tomorrow - provided i even go. we’ll see, eh? -__-;;

i saw the funniest thing this afternoon when i was going downstairs to get some food. in our cafeteria, there’s a bunch of refrigerators with drinks and sandwiches and pasta and stuff… right next to the door. no workers really stand by there. so when i was walking into that room, this guy just finished shoving a whole shitload of sandwiches into his jacket and was like rushing out of there. HAHA. it was so fucking funny. if i had a camera and fast reflexes, i would have taken a picture. rather, i should have tripped him. ho ho ho. >__<;; so funny, though… especially since his jacket was fucking BULGING and it was like… the most obvious thing i’ve ever seen in my life but no one seemed to care. perhaps i should try. no one would even suspect someone who looked like me of doing anything like that… right? >P ah yes yes, stealing is good. no shame in that.

dude! all these people who are so not hot have pictures on their aa pages that make them look sooooo cute or sooooo hot. wow. amazing what pictures can do!! O.o;;; forhizzzzzzzo.

so i never really listened to the lyrics to this 311 song but let me tell you they are damn good. i love lyriks, man. poetry is good enough… but putting it to music?! man, what can be better? ^__^

he was a king til she laid waste
now he cannot fill up the space
now i just see him drifting
while he’s drifting
on bourbon alley, feeling low
just because she let him go
i don’t think he even knows
he’ll ever be fine
and he’s got a head full of ideas
let me tell ya, that you wouldn’t believe
and he’s got a heard made of pure gold
and something else, many tricks up his sleeve
you might think he’s a jester
because he’ll make you laugh until you cry
and what else, you beter come with your best
if you test him, unless you’re read to die
a million people come and go
through a person’s ebb and flow
and faces keep on changing
while they’re changing
a certain few will stay intact
first you love him, then you’re loving him not
all the while he just smiles, giving all that he’s got
do you find it in your heart to say he’s not what you sought?
* 311 - YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE *
1:23 am — hm, fuck, so i was taking a break from studying and somehow i went through a few of the links on my website, http://www.evilmonito.com being one of them. actually, the only one, since it got me thinking. dangit… this right here is what i want to do. -__-; it is interesting in every way. stylish design… interesting articles… ugh. ideally, this would be the type of thing i’d start… but it’s such a problem since i have a hard time dealing with people. eh… i don’t know how to explain. i can talk to people fine if i’m trying to befriend them or something… but be it something serious and i just have major problems. when i was in journalism class in high school (for two years), i never interviewed a single person! believable? yes. i don’t know what’s wrong with me, really. it’s really hard for me to have initiate conversations. -__-; i’ve come to believe that may be because i am a really boring person or SOMETHING, but all i know is, it scares the fuck out of me to call people unless i am really comfortable with them. -__-; such a weirdo, i am. but yeah, now that i think about it… i don’t know what kind of shitty-ass journalist i’d be if i couldn’t even bring myself to make phone calls to interview people. sad, sad, sad. sad sad girl am i. >__< i think i am destined to a future of pointless existence.

* songs of the moment * — “sober” bai tool [rock], “china’s infinity” bai twilo, “all for you” by ku:l [korean], “moreulchyo” bai g.o.d. [korean], “uhmuh nimkeh” bai g.o.d. [korean]
* mood * — ok, ok. moods are fleeting.

chi. why do people write stuff in their journals and feel bad when other people don’t agree with their opinions? if other people don’t agree with you, that’s no reason to take down your opinions because godammit, it’s YOUR journal their reading and it’s YOUR opinions. chi.

haha so yesterday my roommate didn’t come home to sleep. i wonder if she was out doing the funky monkey dance. yes, she has done that before, i believe O.o;; a little… scary >__<; anyways. so i went to work toady and there was this street fair thing going on so it was hella fucking busy… i left at around 9 and we already sold ehhh 300+ cups. and it closes at 1 dude! busy, busy. sucks for jennifer (the girl that was closing). man, my boss really sucks at hiring workers. he always hires people who don’t show up to work and shit. dammit, maybe i should do that, considering he doesn’t fire anyone for not showing up to work! what a punkass dude… ugh. stupidass, rather. and he won’t even hire more workers! stupid… stupid i tell you. -___-; oh well. so much for quitting. -__-; well. i need to find job first, rather. -__-; sora said she’d give me an application to her work, but blah… my voice is so ugly! who would want to have it for telemarketing?! haha. plus… i suck at convincing people. aigo. i just suck.

so afterwork i went to some person’s dorm (eh i forgot name) cause joe said they were drinking there so i just stopped bai for a little bit and started drinking a wine cooler (my first time). i dislike -__-; not very yum, dude. maybe it’s my taste buds, but, i do not like! >__< but dude i barely drank any and my face was all red and hot and stuff. HAHA. that’s so sad. i was joking around about being able to get drunk offa a wine cooler, but i bet i really could. sad. very sad. -__-; eh then i went up to tony’s dorm and we watched “becoming john malcovich” and he had like a little bit left in a vodka bottle so i drank about half of what was left (i don’t know how much it was)… got a little drunk. heh. that movie was hella fucking trippy duuuude!!! like alice in wonderland type of thing. don’t know. i guess i liked it. i guess. i’m not quite sure. it’s interesting, though. =) wOoOo and chol and josh called to know if i wanted to go raving at like midnight… and i said no (no raving til usc, dammit) and chol was pretending like the phone was breaking up and acted like his voice was going in and out and stuff… TRIPPY… trippy i tell you! >__< cheh!! last week too… when i was drunken (hella hella hella) tony came up to me, started speaking a bunch of gibberish, and then ran away. and did it like three times. -__-; messing with drunk people. heh. oooo yea. i got to watch an episode of wayans brothers!!! *sniff. yaaaay. i missed that show so so so so (x100) much >__< much watch season finale of simpsons today, dude. i would want to watch x-files too, but eh. i can’t wait to live in mcmahon next year. tvtvtv. i’m going to self-invite myself to someone’s dorm today and watch simpsons. wheeeee.

so i sit here looking at when this guy wrote my name for me in china… my chinese name… and he drew pictures out of what each character meant. cool? VERY cool. very very very cool. if i could, i’d get a bajillion and study them >__< so cool, so cool. i bet half of you bitches don’t even know what i’m talking about. oh well.

* songs of the moment * — “burning” bai darude [trance], “feel the beat” bai darude [trance], “sandstorm” bai darude [trance]
* mood * — i’m fine.

8:28 pm — so today… well, as far as my classes went… i don’t want to talk about it. at around 2:30 we met up at odegaard and me, amy, ahram, esther, minsoo, lingo, joe, paul, hana, and this other guy who i forgot the name of went to alki beach and just chilled and had like a picnic and stuff for amy’s birthday… blah but then amy got upset and left early… so it ended in a kind of blah note. man, lingo is super funny yo. he was playing guitar and singing the whole time. pretty good singer =) whee. hehe it was so funny because this couple walked by and he made up a song about them… like “walking along the beach, i like your skirt, i also like your glasses, you guys are so cute, can’t you at least say thank you?” hehheh. funny ass. we were cracking up so bad. =) it was so pretty man. relaxing toooooo. =) i love watching the waves actually. pretty therapeutic. heh. never thought of such a thing before! yuk… the water is so dirty though. yukkie yuk yuk. blah.

so i’m thinking again. ohmigod. thinking. wow. =P it’s weird. before when i was in cali (around where we live), i’m not considered rich by any means. i’m not POOR, that’s for sure… but we’re not like just overflowing with money. actually it seems like we don’t have that much money but things always work out. but i guess with my money spending habits and everything, when i come here everyone sees me as someone who gets whatever i want, i guess. -__-; and i don’t mean to make people feel bad when i say, “what? you don’t have like five bucks for this-or-that?” and stuff… but i think i do make some people feel bad even though i don’t mean to ugh. i feel so spoiled! >__< but then i also think, well, the reason i have money to spend is because i’m working… but i don’t know? for some reason it feels like it’s because my parents are giving me everything. yeah… they’re paying for my tuition, but isn’t everyone’s parents paying for their tuition? when i go raving and shit… i pay for that myself, mostly… so… i don’t know. all i know is i’ve gotten a couple of comments from this… blah. like… one was “well… the reason i don’t have that much money to spend is because my parents don’t pay for everything like yours do.” or… “i wish i had that kind of money to spend on all of the things you do.” blah… -__-; makes me wonder. blah. confusing. i mean i never considered myself spoiled but i guess i am? i guess that’s how other people see me? i don’t know? blah? plus… if i’m spoiled, then some of my friends back home must be kings and queens or something O.o; but i don’t know. i probably am. *sigh. -__-;

11:34 pm — dude, i feel kind of cocky saying this, but i’ll say it anyways. don’t think of me as cocky. -__-; blah. i’m like afraid to get to know new guys i meet better because i always have this feeling that they’re going to jock on me now! blah. before i would have thought nothing about it but after so many people telling me how cute they thought i was when they first met me, and how they were interested in me or what not… i can’t help but think there’s more people like that… which is blah. i don’t like having people i’m not interested in interested in me. it’s not good. -__- attention? blah, fuck that kind of attention… it’s trouble. -__-; blahhhh.

sometimes the snow comes down in june
sometimes the sun goes round the moon
i see the passion in your eyes
sometimes it’s all a big surprise
cause there was a time when all i did was wish
you’d tell me this was love
it’s not the way i hoped or how i planned
but somehow it’s enough
and now we’re standing face to face
isn’t this world a crazy place?
just when i thought our chance had passed
you go and save the best for last
all of the nights you came to me
when some silly girl had set you free
you wondered how you’d make it through
i wondered what was wrong with you
cause how could you give your love to someone else
and share your dreams with me
sometimes the very thing you’re looking for
is the one thing you can’t see
* VANESSA WILLIAMS - SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST *

* songs of the moment * — “say it” bai voices of theory [r&b], “send me an angel” bai thrice [trance], “jigsaw” bai j-majik [drum’n'bass], “peurijeum” bai lee junghyun [korean], “keep it up” bai j&r project [trance], “torn” bai natalie imbruglia [pop-rock], “leap of faith” bai michelle branch [pop-rock] <~ i wanna get her cd or something because i think it’d be good =T
* mood * — eh.

9:45 am — so dude me and sherry were talking last night about all sorts of interesting stuff… =T like… soulmates… are they “romantic” soulmates or can they be just friends? someone who i guess in a sense completes you? does everyone meet their soulmates? cause we all know they don’t necessarily end UP with their soulmates (if they exist). blah. and… do you ever wonder if people get married and grow old together and don’t even love each other but just stay together for convenience? or… how many of your friends you are just friends with because you were in the same group together, but if you were to meet them seperately, you would have never been friends with them? O.o? just some interesting questions, i guess. i guess it’s cool for these washington people i’ve been hanging out with though… because i met everyone seperately. hehe. so… to get along with them is not because i was forced to, but because i chose to. and vice versa. hehe. anyways, man… i was thinking… i don’t think my parents (for example) really LOVE each other anymore… that’s pretty fucking sad yo… spending your life with someone just because. -__-; i really hope i end up getting married to someone i can spend the rest of my life with and be truly happy with. man, that’s such a mind-boggling thought, yo… i cannot wait to find a person who i can spend my whole life with and NOT get sick of. someone who i can see everyday and not get tired of. does such a person even exist? sigh. that’s… amazing to me. to have that much love or respect for someone to be able to live a lifestyle like that. ah, yes, i think claire’s mom said… after a while (in marriage), it’s no longer the initial puppy love that existed but more of a respect thing as the reason that you stay together. =T sad, but i guess understandable. maybe that’s why people cheat… because it gets so monotonous. -__- sad. quite. people suck blah.

that makes me think of another question someone mentioned before… i think it was allen [ma]. do people love others because they’re selfish and want the love in return… or is it because they TRULY love the other person? i guess he was saying there are very very few people who would fervently love someone if they knew there were absolutely no chance of being with that person. i don’t know what i think about that, but just thought i’d pose another unanswerable question. but it sort of makes sense. haha then again when i think of someone who likes my homeboy chol then i start thinking in some instances, person a could like person b although person b is a super duper dick to person a… so… i guess that’s not being selfish? do i even make sense at all? oh well.

4:53 pm — so dude… i got my room assignment for next year! i fucking got assigned to MERCER. that’s like… THE WORST… it doesn’t get any worse than fucking ghetto (no fabulous even) mercer. i’d rather live in haggett even, dude! -__- it sucks so bad at mercer. it’s far, it has no food, it’s ghetto. it sucks ass. it’s like a brick prison thing. sucks ass. sucks ASS, i tell you. i refuse to live there! i demand a room change! >__< we didn’t even chooooooose mercer at all. i think it’s because terry and mccarty doesn’t have that many double rooms and we requested a double. shit, oh well, if that’s the case, i want to live in mcmahon man. freaking whackass. -__- damn uw! anyways. me and eva (my roomie for next year) decided that we’re gonna go for mcmahon… because i really like it and they’re remodeling the whole place for next year with new furniture and new cafeteria and everything. so it should be pretty nice =T we did make a promise that we’d make an effort to know anyone on our floor, though, since what is good about terry in the first place was the socializing. if we can get to know everyone in mcmahon too, then it would be the same thing. we’ll see how that works out! heh. =)

man… i don’t know what i’m doing. i’m fucking up in school immensely… sigh. i need to find myself some motivation. blah. usc 6 is going to be my last time dropping. i don’t think i mentioned that in here yet o.O;; actually, i kind of don’t even care for dropping at that, but i feel as though i need a last time cause i feel weird just stopping now. -__-; honestly… hmm, maybe i won’t drop. i feel really stupid… -__-; it may be the e… or it may be just me. but i know something is off. -__-

8:01 pm — this is proof that i spend too much time on the computer. ah, well. so, tony had this idea to delete everyone on his aim buddy list to see who actually im’s him… and say fuck it to all the rest of the people. i actually think it’s a damn good idea dude. there’s so many people on my buddy list i don’t even really talk to but i just keep on there just because. plus, it’ll be easier to sort out which groups i put people in this way. right now, half of my people on my buddy list are “my nikkaz” when they aren’t. =P wOo. should be interesting. watch, by the end of the month i’ll have like five people. -__-;

2:23 am — blah just got back from ballard firehouse with seungbum, chol, [kimchi-]john, josh, ben, and jessica. blah. all trance. we got there at around 11 almost… i was bored out of my mind. oh well. i really do need to take a break. no raving til usc6 foshizzle. shoulda just stayed at home like i had originally planned. blah. oh wells. i did finally get the nice usc6 flyers though… THICK ones… woo =) i really am sooo freaking excited for that night. i cannot wait. ah jea this afternoon i went to help the lambda lil sis sell patbinsoo (shaved ice… baobing) in front of the hub for the asian student thing at uw… it was whatevers. my first lil sis event in a LONG time, that’s for sure… because i am one of only three of the lil sis who have food permits, that’s why. whatever. very little respect the lil sis have from people dude… because people think it’s a bunch of girls who just sit around and do things for the guys (the lambdas). not true. but i guess i don’t really know the REAL point. to establish brother and sister-like relationships? yeah… but i don’t think that such a relationship can REALLY be achieved… well perhaps. but i think only if the people knew each other beforehand. i don’t know if that makes sense. it’s just that… yes… the intentions may be there, but it really depends on what kind of people the bro and sis are and if they really are two people who would get along that well outside of such an organization. don’t know if that makes sense. don’t know if i want you lambda-affiliated family people to respond either. -__-;; so don’t, unless there is a passionate flame burning inside you and you cannot squash it. =P

if you want to, i can save you
i can take you away from here
so lonely inside, so busy out there
and all you wanted was somebody who cares
* MICHELLE BRANCH - ALL YOU WANTED *

* songs of the moment * — “how could an angel break my heart” bai tony braxton [r&b], “adagio for strings” bai william orbit [trance], “godspeed” bai bt [trance]… i lava bt =) i lava i lava i lava =)
* mood * — sorta happy. giddy. =)12:40 am — man, so i’m pretty happy considering i was fucking pissed all morning. haha. wait, i wasn’t even awake in the morning. more like during the early afternoon. =) so, last night i stayed up until 6 am finishing this fatty ass chinese translation i had to do for class (which, by the way, ended up being complete and utter nonsense -__-;). then i went to bed, right… setting my cell phone alarm clock for my 8:30 because i am ghetto fabulous like that and because i have no idea how to use my real alarm clock. sigh. i’m such a ditz sometimes. -__-; but yeah. my alarm clock didn’t go off, but i woke up at around 8:50 and set my alarm clock again for my 10:30 class, and once again my alarm clock didn’t go off! and on my aim away message i told people to call me to wake me up if i wasn’t awake by 7:45, and people called, but the phone didn’t ring! -__- cell phones are evil i tell you! i guess that’s what i get for dropping it so many times. payback, i guess. payback is a bitch, eh? but yeah. i was pissed all early afternoon because i actually planned on going to class and i didn’t end up going because of stupid problems. luckily, i e-mailed my chinese professor and asked her if i could turn in the assignment tomorrow for full credit and she agreed, but crappily, i didn’t go to my economics lecture and i will most likely flunk my quiz tomorrow. sigh. too bad i’ve only taken two quizzes out of five so far. slacker, fo shizzle. i need to pick that shit up before it’s too late, i guess. blah. =T

chol and sky came over for a little bit and then i went off to work. blah. actually, it was alright today because there were barely any customers and the boss wasn’t around. pretty cool yo… most of the time that i work there are no customers. fucking bomb. they must be scared of me. oh well… good!!! =) blah! man! i’m trippin like crazy haha. weird how i like this guy so much. -__-; i know, i know, it’s kind of annoying for me to be talking about it all the time but i’ve been thinking too much about it as of late. -__-; it’s interesting cause he is different from every guy that i have ever liked… and man… he’s so freaking interesting! gah. -__-; sounds appealing in almost every way to me. sigh. oh well. we’ll see what happens out of this. =) i shall leave you with some lyrics. not what i’m feeling at ALL, but it’s a freaking beautiful, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL song. =) download, download, download i say. whatever happened to toni braxton anyways? ah, well, laters.

i heard he sang a lullaby
i heard he sang it from his heart
when i found out, thought i would die
because that lullaby was mine
i heard he sealed it with a kiss
he gently kissed her cherry lips
i find that so hard to believe
because his kiss belonged to me
how could an angel break my heart?
why ddin’t he catch my falling star?
i wish i didn’t wish so hard
maybe i wished our love apart
how could an angel break my heart?
* TONI BRAXTON - HOW COULD AN ANGEL BREAK MY HEART *
(tinwin’s response:)
why hello there, my friend! As I had promised you previously, I would include my own comments to your online forum. I am quite embarassed to admit, however, that I have not much to say at the moment, although I have throughly enjoyed reading what you have had to say here. I find that you to be very interesting and animated in your thoughts and daily accounts on life. May I suggest that perhaps you should consider reporting for a television show or a newspaper as a career option? I feel as if your writing accounts for a promising career in this field. Do forgive me, but my studies are demanding my attention, as I have final examinations this coming week. good day!