inside the wonderful world of vee

* song of the moment * - “diamond dust” bai himuro kyosuke [japanese]… umm i think i used this as mai song of the moment before but i’ll use it agian, i guess…
* mood * - good, i suppose???

okay actually this will be a two-day diary entry being that yesterday was actually kind of important, i guess?? well yesterday was senior ball… in the morning i went to dahye’s house @ like 9:30 and we drove to castro valley… dahye got acryllic french tipped nails done… ummm that was so um fun! but i think that they are hella bad for your nails cuz they strip off the first coat of them and stuff. and then we wakled to dahye’s mom’s hair salon and she did our hair… it was weird tho, as we were leaving the nail place we saw danny rising, a guy from mai skool, there too… cuz his dad worked right on that street. hella weird cuz we were like half an hour away from where we lived. hella small world, right? well anyways, dahye’s mom did mai hair first and it was french braided on both sides and pulled into a pony tail that was kinda spiked and stuff… hella kewl… ^_^ i think i should put up mai hair more often cuz people tell mee it looks better, but i am so lajee… -_-;

we had to wait a while tho cuz her mom had customers so we went to 7-11 and got slurpees and kimchi noodle bowls (that weren’t even friggin spicy @ all!!) and yeah watched korean dramas until dahye got her hair done… which i dun even kno how to describe but it looked good… and yea then we had to drive a total opposite direction to pick up stupid joe who friggin can’t drive >P and then we went to mai house to pick up stuff and then back to dahye’s house to get ready (in HALF AN HOUR! which is actually okay for mee hahaha). yeah… so we changed blahblahblah, and mee and joe played video games for a while while we waited for dahye to hurry up…

then we went to fontaine’s house and took pics and ate food (MUAHAHA!) and then we went to skool for the pre-shoot and took pictures there… and i think i looked retarded in the couple pictures but yeah… that’s typikal of vivian… and for the group pictures we had to sit on people’s knees… dang got hella sore thighs from that… i dunno why!!! sucks… un-athletic…

yeah and then the dance was alright i guess… the dj was kinda sucky sometimes but yeah… it’s all good… the guy had like hella fat spikes and looked like a total rocker but then the music he was playing was like zero rock and all sappy stuff or country or BLAH. i’m mad that they never play rock @ those things, but i guess it’s cuz people dun like it that much? but then again that doesn’t really make sense either, since lots of people like rock music. oh yeah there was a hoochie girl standing on stage dancing around like she was on crack too… hella funnie. and then there were two people from mai skool who wore duct-taped suits and dresses… they get scholarships for college outta that shit! man, if i had known about it, i would have done that… even tho i bet mai date would have not wanted to be seen with mee, but still! anyway, we went to the galleria in san francisco. the place was cool cuz the dance floor was on the bottom floor and there were five floors and the top four floors were like doughnuts and yoo could look down on people dancing… kinda cool… and they also had this neon green laser light thing that said different messages… when we first entered the place it was “welcome amador valley high school” but later people could request to have different messages put up. hella tyte ^_^

afterwards, went to dahye’s house and sat around for a while, kinda talked and played scrabble and almost played another game but got lajee and ended up eating instead… eating is always good… and then a lotta people slept over but i had to go home (in trouble) and went to sleep…

today (the next morning) i had to pick up joe from dahye’s house and he went to church with mee… hella boring… after church everyone else went to waterworld but i had to take joe home so we were gonna go eat chinese food but it was closed, and then korean food but it was closed too, so we ended up eating mcdonald’s, blehhhh… then i took him home, stayed @ his house for a little bit, and then went home yup… end of story =P i’m too lajee to type right now, lest yoo cannot tell.

* song of the moment * - “killing time” bai (hed) planet earth [english].
* mood * - frustrated… and it’s too damm hot in livermore.

some words to describe mai thoughts… “pacbell” bai (hed) p.e. :

“with friends like you who really needs it?
your smiling face is misplaced; you’re so deceiving
i can feel my spirit leaving
if i told you how i felt, you would throw it back at me
your wicked mouth would laugh at me
i hear you laughing at me
your eyes could never lie to me
words are all lies to me; it’s all lies to me

why the fuck you fucking with me?
why the fuck you playing with me?
why the fuck you wasting my time?
why the fuck you hiding my sunshine?”

all cuz i’m mad at a certain someone.

it pisses mee off that people misuse the term friendship so much… they call certain people their frendz, and then turn around and totally back stab them. and sometimes they’re so smooth you don’t even notice. yeah, it’s wrong when one of your frendz talks shit about yoo, or lets out one of your secrets, but it’s even worse when someone can call you a frend - maybe even a good frend - and turn around and hella hella hella use yoo. it makes mee mad that people use the term frendship so loosely… frendz are people yoo actually give a fuk about and because yoo give a fuk about them, yoo don’t INTENTIONALLY hurt them to benefit yourself… that’s one of the lowest things that i think someone can do because your “frend” doesn’t even see if coming because he or she actually trusts yoo. frendz are SUPPOSED to trust each other… and they shouldn’t HAVE to worry about being backstabbed bai one of their so-called frendz.
(response from xinlei:)
can i just say something?

boys are dicks.
the world would be a better place if they’d stop fucking with our heads.

wouldn’t you agree…?

anyway. i hope you work things out.

oh i have a thing for you.
remind me.
i’ll forget tomorrow…

it’s may 5th already?? where has the tym gone??

* song of the moment * - “can you keep a secret?” bai utada hikaru [japanese]. uhhm. yeah. i like her, but i feel so unoriginal listening to her…
* mood * - pretty good.

woo today mai daddy came back from taiwan and bought mee lotsa cds!!! he bought mee elva xiao 3, utada hikaru 2, some japanese mix, some korean mix, yuki (the guy) 1, shunza 3, and jessica (?)’s single… pretty spiff man… i love cd’s!! too bad i haven’t been home all day so i haven’t had any tym to listen to them =(

well today was like hella busy… in the morning i went to joe’s house with dahye to meet up with him and dan… and then we went to oakland’s chinatown [mai first tym being there, mai deprived ass]. uhm yeah it was okay. i felt like we walked in many many circles numerous tymz, but thas okay?? highlights of the oakland trip : 1) free lunch! wahOo; 2) i saw FOUR MR2’s… and took pictures of two of them… so i think people thought i was psycho, but yoo kno what?? wo bu care! ^_^; 3) i saw the hottest korean guy ever!! he was SO hot. he had hella nice hair and dressed nice and *drool, drool, drool. hmmmm yeah.

and later mee and dahye went home early and i dropped her off, went home for like two hours, and jes listened to music the whole tym i was home… @ like 5-ish i met up with sherry @ a scrapbooking store… yes, we’re such big nerds… we were like the only people under 19 in the damm store. but hey, it was the grand opening so they had 25% offa everything so mee and sherry bought hella paper… also they had a raffle where they have #’s taped on the floor and they tell yoo to hop on the number and then they call a number and whoever’s number get’s called gets a prize… so i hopped on one and i was saying like, “#2, #2, #2!!” and then the lady was like “#2!!!” so i was like “WHOOHOOO!!” and people thought i was psycho, i think. this one girl was looking @ mee… verrrrrry funkily. whatever. screw them!

after that we went briefly to tin-win’s house so mee, sherry, jeanette, and tin-win could meet up before we left… but then sherry decided to sleep over tin-win’s house since tin-win’s parents aren’t home and so we stopped bai her house so she could get clothes… hmmm yeah and then we left to go to milpitas square… when we got there we met up with karen and ended up eating @ sheng kee… it was good, i guess. then jeanette left to go to a rave that got broken up [wahaha] which was actually right bai mai house. [side note : wahaha is the name of a botled water company in china… interesting name, eh? =P] but yeah then we went karaoke-ing on el camino… it was alright, mai throat got kinda hoarse and it NEVER gets hoarse either! so that was the only bad thing. =P yeah but after that we went to downtown saratoga to this cute little cafe thing… and it was… cute. lots of asian people in saratoga… and it’s pretty kewl because even tho there’s a lotta asians, they’re not exclusive and a lotta white people hang with them too. rare thing, actually.

but yeah then i decided i should come home. and surprisingly… VERY surprisingly, mai parents weren’t mad @ ALL. they were jes like, “oh, okay”… for EVERYTHING. ALL DAY. i’m so amazed o.O

* song of the moment * - “inside yoo” bai dj mangOo [trance] i still dunno how to classify this kind of music -_-
* mood * - hmm okay.

our skool is suddenly having this wave of stuff for students against violence… i think it happens about every year @ this tym. but maybe i am a pessimist, but i think those things are jes stupid.

yeah, it’s a good idea for a club, i mean, students against violence, sure. but holding dances to raise money… what the hell are yoo raising money for?? raising money to make more pointless flyers that tell people to join your club? obviously the people who JOIN a students against violence club are against violence. but what about the other hundreds of people? how does a club that does nothing but hold dances and voluntary club meetings help anything?

they don’t. i think they are just there to make people feel better… to make people feel safe or SOMETHING. once in a while these people hold rallies too. again, totally voluntary. and the people who go are the people who care. people who don’t care… needless to say, they wouldn’t go. so yur jes gathering a bunch of people… so what? woooo yoo kno other people are against violence. woopie dooda.

i think what really matters is that people know how to treat each other well. and some old ass speaker standing up there - no matter how humorous or how great of a speaker he is - giving friggin statistics or something won’t stop anything and won’t teach anyone anything. it only matters if people they actually kno talk to them one on one about that stuff… and even then, only some people would change. well, for example, people always hear about what alcohol does to a person through rallies and stuff, but do people REALLY give a damm? even after seeing what alcohol can do to a person? no… the people who drink will continue drinking. the only thing that will stop them from drinking - and probably only for a short while - is if something actually happened to them or their close frend(z) as a result of drinking. like in san ramon valley high skool… they had a demonstration where they had people pretend that they were killed in drunk driving accidents and they had real cars shipped in onto srvhs’s football field… they had fake funerals. but it was like totally realistic. so THEN… some people decided that they should stop drinking… but i bet probably only for a short while [for most]. it’s the same thing for everything like that. people can listen to a rally speaker and be like, “ohhhh it’s so sad… poor guy”… or some can sit there and laugh @ his misery. but rarely does anyone actually REALLY change because of skool rally speakers. -_-

after certain skool shootings our skool always has talks with counselors and stuff. and the people in mai classes always seem to be really good @ it… but they’re not always. i mean some of those people wouldn’t actually go up to a person and laugh in his or her face, but if a group of people were there, they would join. like today i went to our skool’s talent show and all those people were jes HELLA dick to this one flag girl chik… just because she is a flag girl and not a peppy cheerleader. it’s jacked up, and they kno it’s wrong, but it’s not like they care. if all their frendz are around and everyone makes fun of her, they jes yell hella loudly “flag girl”… “get off the stage”… laugh loudly… shit like that. it’s really rude. see? attending rallies doesn’t do anything.

the only thing that i think would change people is if they actually talked to a person who actually had thought of shooting up a skool or if they actually witnessed that stuff themelves. but maybe i’m generalizing like a mofo and maybe people do change from that shiet. but from what i’ve seen, it doesn’t seem like it =[
(xinlei’s response:)
amen to that…same with the ‘bang bang you’re dead’ play remember? a lot of those things, they exist to make people have some sense of…security i guess? and…i guess it’s the same with religion too though isn’t it? going to church i mean. theology is interesting and everything, but i don’t know how people can say how one religion is THE religion when there are so many religions and they all say that they are THE religion. but people who are so into their religion seem so much more…content with life. it’s like they have this part of them that’s fulfilled that the rest of us don’t or something. and if that’s what it takes to make someone satisfied with their life, who are we to object unless they’re forcing it upon us. sometimes i wish i could just have that sort of fulfillment, but i think i’m too jaded and cynical.

the thing with those marches and rallies and whatnot…they don’t do anything to push forwad any medical advancements or whatever. like i did this 5 mile breast cancer walk and i was like…how the hell does this help beat breast cancer?? it doesn’t. we just walked and collected sponsorships. but maybe they help make some people feel better about…life? i don’t know. but it’s all about the security of things and maybe some people would rather have candy coated water drops instead of the real thing…like would you choose the blue pill or the red pill. [i forget which is which…] and when you over analyze things everything seems pointless. like why waste so much money doing some sort of antiviolence march, when that money could be spent pushing legislation or something. and then if you think about it more, it’s like…wait, you can’t do anything to stop other people. and as republican as this sounds, gun control doesn’t stop violence. if someone wants to kill someone, they don’t need a frigging gun, they can get a knife a baseball bat a car a bus a bomb…and then everything just seems so pointless. and they waste so much time with this when instead shouldn’t they be teaching…morality…ethics? and even then, you know that there will always be that bad apple, who wiil go against the grain. see when i was little when i thought about heaven, i always thought about that one person who shouldn’t be there, and what if that person had some sort of psychotic episode and was bored with heaven and then burned heaven down…? sigh. i don’t know.

sorry i went off on some really weird tangent there…i think my point was something about security and how it makes people feel better about themselves or about what they’re doing or about…whatever they want to feel better about. and the school bringing these speakers in…yeah we all watch in pity for that man who smoked himself to neardeath or whomever, and it probably won’t affect us when that time comes…but maybe for those people who are more impressionable, it will affect them. i think with the jaded cynicism thing that you & i both have going, we know this won’t affect the way that we make decisions because maybe those decisions have already been made in your head. but there are kids who are impressionable and with those things it will affect them, because they do like those candy coated water drops, and if they need someone to tell them then there you know. [plus the school gets dibs on saying that ‘gee, we tried to educate the kids’…]

shit i had something else to say…i forget dammit. but i hate those nbc ‘the more you know’ commercials…they’re like these 40 second celebrity filled “don’t drink and drive” “don’t smoke” “blah blah blah” ads, and they’re so condescending. wow a CELEBRITY tells me not to smoke so…well, hot diggity, i won’t smoke!

and just something else about impressionable kids…something that pissed me off. they made that matthew shepard movie on MTV awhile ago, and about how those guys killed matthew shepard, and then later kids called MTV and were like “oh my gosh, now i know that hate is soooo bad because matthew shepard was sooooooo cute and those guys were soooo mean, i can’t believe they killed him!”…it’s like, NOW you know that hate is bad? ONLY AFTER AN MTV MOVIE…you realize that killing someone because they’re gay is BAD thing? um…hello? so that’s what i meant about impressionable kids, because there are lots of them out there, my dear.

anyway i need to brush up my knowledge of thoracic cavity dissection.

sorry to have rambled on and on and on…when i get started…i can’t stop. agh.

* song of the moment * - “get away” bai avant [english]. wooo this song is way good… ^_^ i’ve never heard of them, tho? has anyone else? oh well.
* mood * - pretty good.

today in economics class we were discussing these new skools that they have in boston or something. there’s twenty more coming nationwide, which is the scary part.

anyways… “what the hell is vivian talking about?” yoo ask? there are these new skools in which children (ages five to high skool seniors) attend a skool where they learn nothing. yep, thas right, yoo heard correctly. there ARE teachers there but they don’t teach the children unless the children want to be taught. there are also video games and stuff like that, so if the kid doesn’t wanna learn anything, he or she can just play video games the entire time. these kids don’t learn anything if they don’t want to - not even basic arithmetic. and that is stuff that is actually useful.

it’s ridiculous that anyone could even think of such an idea. yes it is a very good idea to let a child pick what he or she wants to do for a living, but that’s like communism - it sounds good but it doesn’t WORK good. it’s like that saying that those ideas would only work in a world that was perfect… and a world that was perfect wouldn’t even need those ideas.

if a kid is only five, he doesn’t kno what the hell he wants to do for a living. that or it changes everyday… one day he would want to be a firefighter and the next a veterinarian or something. now i see how this idea could work if they started it in like high school but anytime before that is ridiculous. if a kid hasn’t learned ANYTHING, how is he or she gonna kno what he or she even wants to do for a living? the reason we learn so much [useless] stuff like science, math, english, history, foreign languages, etc. is to help us decide what we want to do for a living later. and if yoo dun do any of those things, how would yoo kno? i kno if i hadn’t learned spanish or hadn’t gone to mexico i probably would not have any interest in languages.

so the kids aren’t to blame for going to these kinds of skools because let’s face it, all kids jes want to have fun. and if no one is MAKING them do anything, all they learn is to put everything off and be giant, lazy procrastinators. kids who are in REGULAR skool are already giant procrastinators… and it’s weird to kno how much worse these kids will be off. there ARE kids there that actually learn tho… but they only learn certain things. mai teacher was talking about a segment on 60 minutes or something where she saw a girl who did nothing but read philosophy books all day. yah, thas koo, philosophy is MAD interesting, but what the hell job are yoo gonna get with jes knowing philosophy?! they also showed a 9 year old boy who couldn’t read and then the interviewers asked the parents if they were worried that he couldn’t read and they said no. and the interviewer asked if the parents would be worried if the kid was 12 and still couldn’t read, and the parents said no because their child would learn when he was ready to. what if he was never ready??

the whole idea behind this is that the children wouldn’t have to go to a skool where they would have to conform and only learn what the skool wanted to teach. yeah it is a good idea to give a child the freedom of choosing, but some don’t kno well enough to choose. and i bet half those kids - or maybe even more - will be hella pissed off @ their parents when they grow up because basically, if they were a kid that never wanted to learn anything, they would kno nothing and basically die in the real world.

and another thing - it’s not a public skool. so parents have to pay hella money to have their kids go to that skool. if yoo were to do all that, why not just leave the kid @ home? and with all these other public skools that dun have the funding even to give every child a set of books… and with all these skools with kids that actually WANT to learn, but can’t, there are these rich ass mofos who are spending money on nothing!! if yoo were to spent it on nothing, might as well BUY something and help the economy or something… not waste it on no education when millions of other people would be dying to have that kind of money for a better education. these parents are STUPID, i tell yoo. it’s hard to believe there are people that stupid in the world. i am totally not one for conformity, but i think skool actually is something that is needed… even tho it sucks.

now i’ll say it again - if this idea was only until sophomore, junior, or senior year in high skool, i’m all for it. because bai then the kids kno if they wanna go to college, and they’ll learn stuff that could actually help them in their career. i mean if i were up to mee right now all i’d be learning would be english and other languages… and maybe photo and journalism [out of mai current schedule]. but as for math and science? shoot, fuk that shit. but even in high skool, i dunno if something like that would work because i think about half of the high skool SENIORS now dun even kno what they wanna be… so that would be pointless too.